My DH's secret Myspace account

That sounds pretty hypocritical to me!! So he can have one but you can't? And cheating on the Cathe forum??? I would definitely say he has some insecurities!!
 
Clarissa,

Seriously, please come up with a plan to leave ASAP. I know you're stressed about money, custody, etc., but those things shouldn't keep you in this situation forever. The myspace thing is just another example of how he is not a decent person/husband. We don't need any more examples-we're convinced! Aren't you?

You and your children are suffering daily and that is what is important. In the future, what will matter most is whether or not you and your children leave and have a chance at peace and happiness. You already know that peace and happiness aren't possible with this man. Take stock of your fears and what's at stake, and be strong. Do whatever you need to do to give your kids the chance to have a happy childhood. Believe me, they will remember the abuse, but it's not too late to give them something else to remember about their childhoods.
 
>So if having a myspace account makes one 'slutty' what does
>that make him?

DING DING DING DING DING!!!! We have a winner!

Clarissa, I would be STRONGLY suspicious that he is physically cheating on you, in addition to the "virtual" cheating he is doing on MySpace.
 
>Okay, I reread your earlier posts under your other name, and
>dearie, you have an AWFUL marriage to a CRAPPY husband and
>father who is abusive, nasty, controlling and scary. Myspace
>accounts are the least of it! You don't need to "deal" with
>this any longer and neither do your children.

I agree, Clarissa.

The Myspace thing is bad enough (and a reason to be upset and perhaps jealous, but even more a sign of his controlling nature), but coupled with the posts you made as "anonymous," this is really a situation you need to get out of NOW, as many posters there suggested. Don't let your lack of self-confidence keep you and your children trapped in this environment. Look what you've done for yourself already: had a sucessful career, lost weight and got in rockin' shape, and become a personal trainer. Do this for yourself (and your children) as well.
 
>Clarissa,
>
>Seriously, please come up with a plan to leave ASAP. I know
>you're stressed about money, custody, etc., but those things
>shouldn't keep you in this situation forever. The myspace
>thing is just another example of how he is not a decent
>person/husband. We don't need any more examples-we're
>convinced! Aren't you?
>
>You and your children are suffering daily and that is what is
>important. In the future, what will matter most is whether or
>not you and your children leave and have a chance at peace and
>happiness. You already know that peace and happiness aren't
>possible with this man. Take stock of your fears and what's
>at stake, and be strong. Do whatever you need to do to give
>your kids the chance to have a happy childhood. Believe me,
>they will remember the abuse, but it's not too late to give
>them something else to remember about their childhoods.
>
>

Well put, Amy.
 
Okay, maybe I am just totally out of it but how do you guys know that "anonymous" was Clarissa? I admit I am only on intermittently so I may be totally missing something.

Clarissa, I sent you a pm and I am so sorry for this betrayal.

ETA I just read her post about being anon! Nevermind!!!

Missy
 
She said so. It was a "p.s." in an earlier post of hers up the thread.

Jonahnah
Chocolate IS the answer, regardless of the question.
 
Clarissa,

{{{HUGS}}} to you. I'm so sorry you are going through this. You have gotten some great advice. You an intelligent and beautiful woman and you deserve the best that life can offer. You are the only person that can change your life. You don't want to wake up in 20 years and have regrets. Please talk to someone that can help you.
 
You don't
>want to wake up in 20 years and have regrets.

Amen to that. I have taken some seriously terrifying steps in the past few months to make myself happier because I knew that if I didn't, I would regret it. I am much happier now and am so glad I made the leap. Your happinness (and your children's) is the most important thing.

Allison

http://www.picturetrail.com/allisonj90
 
Clarissa,

I remember you as "anon", and my advice is the same now that I know who you really are--LEAVE. Easier said than done, I know. But I did it, my former husband was abusive, in fact he called my a slut all the time, and then would proceed to knock me around the room, not saying your DH is like that, but the way he talks to you is exactly the same as the way my former husband did...believe me, its only a matter of time before it esculates. It starts with jealousy, and calling names, accusations, and then they will eventually start to cheat on you-mine did all the time, with people I actually knew, it was horrific.
Get out with your babies, and let the universe take care of the rest, you will be okay I promise. I was terrified to leave, but finally had enough pain and did it.
I wish I lived near you, I was helped so graciously by others when I finally left, I would love to help you, but can only offer words of support in whatever you choose to do.
And do not hesitate to call 911 if you EVER feel unsafe around him, please. (((HUGS))) your way, and lots of strength vibes too.
 
Clarissa,

You mentioned that your DH was in Iraq. If you are a military spouse, you should know that the military offers programs that help abused (emotionally and/or physically) people get out of those relationships. You may want to look into that if you can.

Carolyn
 
Dear Clarissa,

I don't have any new advice to add to what everyone else has already said, but just wanted to send you {{{HUGS}}}! You are so sweet and well-loved on the forums, and I hope you know how many friends you have here!

Please think about getting yourself and your precious kids out of this situation; try to contact someone to talk to. You have so much going for you, and this relationship is just not worth it! You're an amazing person, and you don't need someone making you feel as if you're not!
 
{{{{{Clarissa}}}}}

I don't have anything to add -- you've had lots of great advice. It's time you started taking some of it ;-) . I like Carolyn's suggestion to see what sort of help you can get from the military -- it seems a good place to start.
 
Clarissa, I posted earlier, but wanted to add that if you are thinking of leaving, even though it is a big step, when you are ready, you will just know it and you will be so much happier. My ex was so sweet, gentle, kind, and tons of fun. We had a great relationship until something changed and to this day, I do not know what it was. He started drinking, not coming home, lying through his teeth - blatant lies - and to add to it, I was pregnant. Things just got worse throughout the pregnancy and he was soon gone and has since given up his rights, but I digress. My point is, it took a lot to make me see that I needed out and when I was finished, that was it - I was DONE. I had no regrets, knew I had done everything humanly possible, and then some, to make it work. And you know what?? When he was gone, I was so much happier. I no longer felt lonely or down. I was free, and happy, and proud of myself, and even though I was a single mom to an infant, I was stronger. Being with people like that can make you feel worse than being alone. Just be sure that you keep yourself and your kids safe. Hold your head up high, grip your strength with those muscles of yours and don't let go. Emotional abuse is wrong, and probably causes deeper scars than physical abuse. Do not allow yourself to be put down my him - like somebody here said about her dad - make the decision now that you will not let him do that to you anymore. You are your own person - put a smile on even if you don't feel it. And remember, your kids have incredible abilities to feed off of what you feel, and to see what you think they don't. If nothing else, don't put them through that - get out for them, if that is what you need to do. Hugs to you...Shana
 
Oh, Clarissa! I just saw your post and I am sending so very many {{{{{hugs}}}}} to you and your kids.

You have gotten some great advice. Please, please protect yourself and your kids. You're young and smart and driven and beautiful -- you deserve the best life you can have, and you aren't going to get it with this man who belittles and scares you. x(

Please find the strength to get away from him.

My good thoughts are with you.
 
Clarissa-

You are beautiful first of all. I read all the responses, agree with
majority if not all. I put myself in your position. Arrh I would be
so pis***d at Jim!!! I know this is also shocking to you. My advice
is perhaps marriage counseling. I don't know you but can you live
with resentment? I think I may be a raving witch for awhile. Not
healthy for anyone including your husband. I know you love your
husband so perhaps forgiveness will come. Don't blame yourself.
It will take time to get over him not being truthful. I am getting
worked up just thinking how I would feel. Rage, sadness, etc.
It also sounds like your not insanely jealous which is good.
I am thinking of you and know all the support you have here.
I am sorry. How would your husband feel if you had done this?
 
>PS - Yes,I was anon if you haven't figured it out... :(
>Thanks a million again,
>Clarissa


I just went back and read all the anon posts and I agree with all the others who say you should leave. :( I know it's hard to leave even though he's all you've known for so long. As far as finances go, things will work themselves out. Your kids will be okay and they will get to stay with you. They will be happier in the end as well.

It will be hard at first but think of it like cutting cancer out of your body. I have been through something very similar in the past. It was so hard to leave, but so worth it. It will hurt at first, but then you will be happy and healed when it's all over. You deserve so much better than this.
 
clarrissa,

sending many, many ((((hugs)))) to you and your children. i truly feel for you in your current situation. i hope and pray you find a way out.
 
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