This was an old post that was brought back up. My ex-husband now has a restraining order against him, and I carry mace on me at all times. lol He gained all of his weight back and was over 300 lbs last I knew. He got kicked off of his fighting team for causing conflict on the team. He had to completely give up combat fighting, because the rich married woman (he talked her into leaving her husband) lady that he is trying to scam out of her money won't let him participate in it anymore.
He' started being verbally/emotionally/mentally abusive towards me as soon as he had me trapped in marriage, but he escalated to physical violence (and something I still can't talk about) when I refused to stay with him after he cheated. He also took off with the money (including my premarital funds) and everything of value plus anything of sentimental value to me, in an attempt to force me to stay with him. He was so spiteful that he actually took 1 DVD from each of my Cathe sets! The police kept me as safe as they could, but It got bad. My son (disabled adult) and I were bopping back and forth from different people's houses in order to stay alive. That's why I was missing from the forum for so long. I had to extend the restraining order, because my ex was still a danger, and it was making it unsafe to "settle" anywhere. I couldn't move out of state, because my mom was going through chemo. I've only been back to working out for about 3 months now - completely starting over.
My ex was a horrible man, and I had hoped that the combat fighting would give him a release for his anger issues, but I was ignorant, like most abused women - hoping the marriage could be salvaged. He's a monster.
I'm writing this, because if anybody reading this is in a similar situation... you can't fix other people, abusers do not get better - it gets worse, and there is a fulfilling happy life waiting for you to create it. You're stronger than you think - swallow your pride and tell family (and friends, if you're allowed to have any - I wasn't) what is happening, get the police to help, and if you have to... get a restraining/protective order and get out of your situation. Do not make the mistake of hiding what is going on and thinking your time and effort will fix it - I wasted 21 years of my life thinking that. I know... TMI (too much info -overshare), and I apologize if it makes anybody uncomfortable, but I believe everything happens for a reason, and when this old post came up... I couldn't help thinking that the reason could be that there's somebody out there that needs to hear this.
My ex has made bad decisions that will eventually catch up with him. He leaves a trail of destruction everywhere he goes. My son and I, though... our story has changed to a happier chapter. We don't have much money, but we have enough to scrape by, and it turns out that we don't need any more than that. I have grown into a woman that takes nothing for granted, and I literally take the time to "smell the roses" and appreciate the wonderful things in life (a child's laughter, a purring cat, the sound of the birds in the morning...). My "open wounds" have healed (recovery was rough), but I'll be honest... I have "scars", but they are reminders of my strength. I have more friends now than I count - strong women that picked me up, brushed me off, and reminded me that I have value. I'm a hugger now! lol Not sure if that's good or bad, but life's too short to not let people know how much I care about them. I've filled my son's and my life with music (one of his disabilities is blindness, so TV bores him), and we enjoy free outdoor concerts with our friends, his quarterly dance parties with his special needs group, and we are a member of a dance club where we've been accepted as family. We've joined the 50+ Activity Center (my son was accepted as an "honorary member"), where I met my first friend (whom I met in the embarrassing event of my breaking down in the middle of class lol) and where I learned to play pickleball and first started dancing (line-dance lessons there). Freedom did not come easily, but it has led to an amazing life full of joy and stability and a peace that I'd forgotten existed. If anyone needs to know this... the escape that you've thought about... it's possible, and the end result is well worth the life that you can rebuilt, different, but better than you ever dreamed.
