Is an R.S.V.P. too much to ask?

DeborahG

DeborahG

Cathlete
Can I vent? I'm so frustrated. I gave out 24 invitations to a joint b-day party I'm having for my 2 daughters a week and a half ago. I requested an R.S.V.P. and provided a phone # and an e-mail address. Only 2 PEOPLE have responded so far. I have to let the party place know a head count by Saturday (so they know how to staff it and how much to charge me). The same thing happened to me last year, and I had to start calling people a few days before the party to see if they were coming.

Why won't people R.S.V.P. when you put it in the invitation? I am sure at least some of the parents are aware that a head-count is often needed for kids' parties. I guess it's too much to ask of people anymore. Maybe I'm being unfair, but I think it's discourteous to either "just show up" or to not show up without letting the person know.

O.K. Just had to get that out. I'll move on now!

Deborah
 
NO NO NO - you are NOT being unfair.

The same thing happens to me all of the time. If it is just a small casual gathering, no big deal, but when you spend money "per head" or just want to get an idea so you have enough food, or if it is a small child's party - enough loot bags, etc., you have to know who is coming! And every time I ask for an RSVP and NEVER get any, it frustrates me to no end.

I always make it a point to do it when I am asked. What has happened to common courtesy these days??
 
ITA!!! It is so rude not to RSVP! I don't understand people! Especially parents who, at some point or another, will be in the same position. You are definitely not being unfair! There was a time when you would have at least gotten half to respond, which is considered good!
 
I know exactly what you mean. It makes me so mad. I had the same thing happen just last week for DH's surprise party. It's like you have to go back and personally ask people again if they're coming. I had 4 freaking people finally let me know they'd be there only after I contacted them again. Come on. What ever happened to basic etiquette 101? Even if you are not 100% certain - b/c we all know things happen - at least say that much. People forget how much goes into planning. You don't want to over do the food, but then you don't want to run out either.

Vent on Deborah!

Heather
 
I assume you gave a "respond by" date? When is the last day? I know I have a tendency to wait until the respond date gets close. But I DO respond in time.

A response is definitely NOT too much to ask, and you have every right to be fuming at how inconsiderate people are.
 
Your frustration is justified!! Seems people just don't have good manners anymore. Kind of like the lost art of Thankyou notes!! :(
Hope the party goes well
 
Why don't people say "thank you" when you hold the door open for them?

Why don't drivers give the little thanks wave to others who let them in a lane?
I'm so tired about hearing how distracted people are. It seems common courtesy is in short supply these days. I'd take your daughters and two friends out for a great time and skip the venue. When the non RSVPing nitwits show and don't see you there you can teach them a lesson. :p

I'm clearly snarky this morning and need my tea! ;)
 
Last edited:
Did you give a "respond by" date?

I'm with Beavs. If there isn't the headcount that responded, cancel the damn thing and use the money to take the girls out to something really nice. Then the people who just show up will learn. Hey, you couldn't notify them it had been cancelled - they didn't RSVP in the first place.

I agree Beavs, people nowadays are generally rude idiots.
 
I have been through this many times. I end up calling at least 80 pct of the invitees and most people say they are coming. It is like they are waiting for that follow - up call so they don't have to make any effort...:mad:
 
I hear ya! We regularly plan gatherings at our home or elsewhere and almost Nobody rsvps! It is so frustrating!!!!! :mad: I'm not sure why we continue to do it :confused:
 
Well, I'm glad to see that maybe I'm not being unreasonable. And I must be as snarky as Beavs, because I actually considered just cancelling the party and letting the too-busy-and-self-absorbed people who didn't R.S.V.P. just show up anyway (especially seeing that I don't have contact info. for most of them). But my daughters would be heart-broken (mostly b/c they are having a "bring-an-item-for-homeless-pets-rather-than-a-gift" party, and they can't wait to go to the Humane Society shelter with bags full of loot for the poor doggies and kitties.)

On the bright side, incidents like this make me even more resolved to raise my kids to be considerate people with manners!

Have a great day,
Deborah
 
DeborahG said:
But my daughters would be heart-broken (mostly b/c they are having a "bring-an-item-for-homeless-pets-rather-than-a-gift" party, and they can't wait to go to the Humane Society shelter with bags full of loot for the poor doggies and kitties.)

On the bright side, incidents like this make me even more resolved to raise my kids to be considerate people with manners!

Have a great day,
Deborah
Click to expand...

Deborah - You're raising some fabulous girls. This made my day. :)
 
Grrr! I hear ya!

My kids are one year and two days apart, so I always celebrated their birthday's together. I remember in elementary school sending out invitations to the kids in their classes and come party day NO ONE CAME except maybe one or two. I hired a clown who face painted and did balloons and had a huge cake and food. I had to send my kids out around the neighborhood to bring their friends over. I did that for like two years and NEVER again. Once I even politely said, No presents, just come enjoy the day with the kids. I still get worked up about it.
 
You are not unreasonable at all!! People are rude. My cousin told me that my sister and I were the only two people who bothered to RSVP for her graduation party. My nephew went to a friend's party at a bowling alley - 15 kids had RSVPed "yes" yet my nephew was the only one to show up!! Meanwhile the mom had tables, pizza, games, all of which cost money. And, a friend was complaining to me about the fact that parents seem to think it's OK to bring all their kids to a birthday party - when only one is actually invited I mean - and expect them to be fed and entertained. Jeesh. Rude rude rude.
 
Could perhaps folks be assuming that RSVP meant Regrets Only? And by not responding they are saying that they are coming? Dunno - I'm likely stretching here. :)

I am shocked at the stories of no-shows, especially for the younger kids parties. Who doesn't want to come to a birthday party at that age??????? I honestly would think that the invites never made it home, if they were sent into school with the kids.

BTW, I love the idea for gifts for your party - I might float that by my kids this year (we just got a puppy so they are very into animal kindness right now).
 
I definitely think there's rudeness/laziness rampant now. I don't have a kid myself but I've been hearing the stories about my nieces and nephew (8, 7, 3) and it's just amazing. The thing that really astounds me is how patient my sister is just so kids? can have some fun. I wonder how much is age related though? My sister says people her age (~30yrs) -- if she sends them an evite, she'll get a response but not a card. And for the bday card invites, its the much older people who return the phone call. My sister was pretty smart the second year...one of those days where all the parents come in she got pictures of all of them and got all their contact info but I'm sitting here in the back going, man, should she have to go through all this effort???

And Beavs, I ALWAYS wave to the person who lets me in the lane (in LA its rare, but I do because its rare), but I will ALWAYS wave to you. :)
 
Deborah, I too love your theme. Shows you guys have big hearts. :) My girls would love to attend your party!

Barb, I'm so sorry that happened to you and your kids. Our parties involve family only, so I haven't had rude no-shows in that setting, but my daughters have been blown off by "friends" before. It hurts Mom just as much, doesn't it?

I suspect people just don't fear the consequences of their rude behavior nowadays. Maybe there was a time when your manners said a lot about who you were, and this made a big difference in your social circle. Now, with the circles being so wide and varied (and expectations being lower), I don't think people feel the same pressure to be nice.
 
LaughingWater said:
I suspect people just don't fear the consequences of their rude behavior nowadays. Maybe there was a time when your manners said a lot about who you were, and this made a big difference in your social circle. Now, with the circles being so wide and varied (and expectations being lower), I don't think people feel the same pressure to be nice.
Click to expand...

I also think people see manners and politeness as out-dated concepts practiced by the old-fashioned among us. I'd put privacy, honor, and self-respect in that category as well.
 
HATE IT!!!

I am not going to be much help here though. This is what I tend to think.

I know it stinks but even if they RSVP doesn't mean they will show.

My sister had a pool party for her daughter and she had several RSVP's and NOT 1 showed up.

You could have your children call personally or just hope for the best.

You know with the economy people are not spending what they use to and are embarrassed. 2 Parents working they probably do not know what their schedule is, and if they only have the weekend off they are trying to get family time in grocery shopping, laundry etc.

How about siblings I always have mentioned that parents are welcome to stay and if they have younger siblings they are welcome to stay as well. And honestly if parents don't know each other, alot of people are not just dropping their kids off and leaving anymore.

Good Luck let us know how it turns out.
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.

Our Newsletter

Get awesome content delivered straight to your inbox.

Top