Cheshire Cat
Cathlete
I miscarried about 2 weeks ago. As I mentioned in earlier posts I felt very poorly throughout the short duration of my pregnancy - constantly feeling sick, extremely tired and no desire to do all the normal things I used to do. Then on 'that' Friday I got to work and felt very, very well. I thought "hooray" I'm passing through the bad part. I can begin to enjoy my pregnancy as you all advised. The smile was permanently fixed on my face and I wanted to share my joy with the whole world! By 7pm that night my whole world fell apart. You know on those TV shows where an expectant mother (who is about to lose) suddenly drops to her knees and screams out in pain and you think the producers have exaggerated that one a bit, well now I know...someone carefully researched miscarriage. It was the worst pain I'd ever known and there was no warning that this was going to happen - I guess earlier that day was the calm before the storm... and then the flood gates opened. I knew it must surely be all over. And it was terrifying. And it was lonely. It was very lonely. My doctor told me there was nothing that could be done and he advised I went straight to bed and that he'd call the next morning. My internal scan 2 days later revealed I had lost the baby and all my hopes were snatched away. Despite everything tho, I had clung onto the notion the doctor had suggested that I could have lost a twin. All that weekend before the scan I knew the baby had gone but stupidly I hoped and hoped I really had lost a twin and that it's little brother or sister had survived. I played over in my mind the scenario of telling everyone I was still carrying. I even went to the hospital the mornnig of my scan overflowing with hope. My husband and I were absolutely devastated when they confirmed I had lost it. I fell into his arms and we both wept.
