How would you react to this one?

L

lorihart

Cathlete
Get a load of this one...there is always something happening in my lifex(
I had DD when I was 17 by my high school boyfriend.So DH is not her blood father but he as raised her since she was 18 m.I posted before about the adoption process that we are going through now.

Anyway, child support goes into the bank account automatically on the 20th of every month.A measly $250...and everyone knows how much it cost to raise a kid these days.This month I planned on using her money for her gymnastics registration.I go to the bank and there is no money.The account he puts it into is not an account I use anymore, when payments stop I will close the account.I have .36 cents:eek: Thank God its not our account:)
So I wait a few days, still no money and now it is almost a week late.
His wife just had a baby and I figured things maybe tight for them.I didn't want to come across as a BI&CH BUT legally this is not final yet.And Im thinking...he wouldn't have? Why should I suffer if they decided to have a baby and couldn't afford her?
So I wrote him a nice e-mail saying what had happened.And I even said, maybe the bank fooled up our something.But I knew something fishy was going on.
He e-mailed me back and said that he "thought" the adoption would have been legal so he told the bank to stop payments in Aug.x( THE NERVE!!!! Who is he to say how long the govt is going to take making this final, this could take up to 6 m!x( The papers have only just been dropped off.I told him that he had jumped the gun on this one and it is a fortune raising a 9 yr old girl.Between b-day parties and recreational things I have her put in to.Just seems like he was all to excited to get rid of her.And now it is very obvouis why he wanted to do this.
I have a feeling that this is it.No more money for me.B/c he will never be ontime with it now.I don't want to fight with him.He told me to resend the bank account info and he will deposit it.I know that won't happen tomorrow.
But I am going to send it today and if it isn't in there next week he will be getting another e-mail.
What would you have done?
Lori:)
 
Probably close to the same thing. I would have told him up front that he would hear from me when the adoption was final and up to that point his child support payments needed to be made on time.You have laws to protect you and your daughter and so he can't drop the payments on you even though adoption in iminent. Hopefully you won't need to to resort to other actions to get your final payments from him.
 
Thats the thing.I don't have enough nerve to take this any further, if I never see another dime from him.Even though in the end it won't matter b/c he is giving up his rights so I don't have to deal with him ever again if I don't want to.
I know I could have went for more money if I wanted to but I didn't bother b/c I never wanted to be a pest.But now I know to watch out for myself now and not to worry about anyone else.
It just irks me that he made a trip to the bank and cancelled everything without even letting me know for one thing and then, not even knowing how long this was going to take to go through.
Its funny b/c when he started seeing his wife everyone was saying that she was from money and so on.A part of me thought they were trying to make me jealous but I didn't care if she was the queens daughter. Now I know that she can't be from money b/c they wouldn't be going through hard times if she had her mothers support.
I feel bad b/c I know how bad it can be at time when money is tight but like I said...its not my problem that he had another baby.Why should we have to pay for it.
I thought that this was why he was rushing the adoption process and now he confirmed it.
Lori:)
 
Lori,I think its so great your hubby wants to adopt your little girl . It must make her feel good . But if it were me I would feel like I was letting the "Blood' father off the hook . I say he should have to pay that 250 a month til shes 18 !!! or now days even longer (if the child is in school )My x is 16,000.00 in the hole with his support .He's a real looser .But I will continue to "TRY" and get it !! FOR MY KIDS .Its part of my job to look after them !!! Its in my childrens best interest ..If they are grown and its not paid I will still try ..... Your X Like mine ....Are on EASY street !!! Excuse me but THEY helped make these children!!! Dont get me wrong here .... Its just a sensative topic for me !!Hang in there. Good luck
 
You are not doing your daughter or your daughter's father any favors by letting him skate by. She is his financial responsibility at least for now. The mentality you are using is why so many deadbeat Dad's get away with what they do.

Edited to say, you don't want to fight with him but look at it as you're fighting for your daughter.

I would make sure I got the money. It's that damn boundary think again!
 
EXCUSE ME?!x( I never asked for you to tell me if I was stupid or not! That wasn't what this was about. Legally when my Dh adopts my child, my x is not responsible for her finacially and I like it that way.My beef was legally it isn't confirmed yet.And for the SAKE of my daughter I think having a sensible relationship with her father his better then money.Yes I will get my money up to the point where it is legal and he understands that b/c he is being reasonable.
Comments like this are not needed.I don't need your 2 cents worth if this is the kind of reaction you are going to give me.
Lorix(
 
Hi Mary,
Sometimes I feel like I am letting him off but yet, I want for just the 3 of us to do our own little thing.Does that make sense? DH wants to adopt her and when he does she is his, in every shape and form.
We get along fine and that is why I don't want to start fighting with him now.We have been apart for 8 yrs and I haven't fought with him yet.
They may be on easy street now but when he wants to have a relationship with her in the future, she will probably not want any part of it b/c she knows who was there for her.Thats when it will come back and bite him}(
He e-mailed me back and said he will deposit it manually until the adoption is final.But that is b/c I handled it sensibly.If I had flew off the handle I probably wouldn't have gotten another copper out of him and it wouldn't have been worth the legal fees.
Lori:)
 
Lori,

You are twisting my words again. I don't see that I used the word stupid anywhere. You asked for anyone's .02 cents and this one was mine. I usually refrain from anything you post because of your tendency to overreact. Obviously, I should have passed this one up as well.

With all due respect, I don't know why you ask for opinions anyway because it appears that all you really want is validation.
 
Well, Im sorry you feel this way b/c I had no idea that I tend to over react. I find that the forums are like this b/c you can't really tell what a persons tone of voice is when posting what they post.You may know how I am going to react but alot of the times I feel the same way about your post b/c you are very blunt and out with it.When I saw you had responded, i thought "Uh oh"
But I did take offense to the sentence that was regarding my mentality and this is why deadbeat dads get away with things, b/c of people like me. I think deadbeat days get away with things b/c that is their personality not b/c of the mothers that don't fight.Im sure Mary as fought for her money, had nothing to do with her mentality just the fact that she is dealing with a idiot.
Lori
 
Hi Lori,

I am glad that things worked out for you. You may have also jumped the gun with your post. Sounds like your ex is reasonable; he has been paying child support and easily agreed to correct the current situation.

jordan
 
(snip)
> I feel bad b/c I know how bad it can be at time when money is
>tight but like I said...its not my problem that he had another
>baby.Why should we have to pay for it.
> I thought that this was why he was rushing the adoption
>process and now he confirmed it.
> Lori:)

In these situations, I always think of what is best for the children involved. I am so happy that your DH felt the same way. He has obviously put the welfare of your daughter first, even though she was not his responsibility.

jordan
 
(snip)
>
>With all due respect, I don't know why you ask for opinions
>anyway because it appears that all you really want is
>validation.
>

I think this is a good point in general. There are times when arguments break out over individual opinions that were solicited. Maybe everyone should give this some thought before posting very personal/emotional threads. Also, we should all remember that all posts are just personal opinions, observations, and experiences. As long as someone is respectful when posting, their response is just that, theirs. Everyone does not have to agree.

jordan
 
> Well, Im sorry you feel this way b/c I had no idea that I
>tend to over react. I find that the forums are like this b/c
>you can't really tell what a persons tone of voice is when
>posting what they post.You may know how I am going to react
>but alot of the times I feel the same way about your post b/c
>you are very blunt and out with it.When I saw you had
>responded, i thought "Uh oh"
> (snip)

This is a good example of why people should ask for clarification before reacting. Tone is not always carried well via the internet.
Avoid arguments by asking or ignoring.

jordan
 
Lori,I understand your spot your in .I guess with my kids I have always No Matter what the fight was with thier dad ,well number one I dont discuss support issues with my kids although they arent stupid ...I have ALWAYS no matter what have let my kids have thier relationship with thier dad. He screws it up all by himself . And now that they are older my kids know who cares and has taken care of them ..me and my hubby ..thier step dad .... Me and my X actually get along ...I just fight with the STATE !!! to get on it !!! They suck too !!! LOL.Oh and I too know .... WE gotta Know how to handle our X's LOL Sounds like you do !!! Gotta use child phycolligie(Spelling no idea LOL) on them . All these cases are differant ,know one really knows unless they walk in your shoes ..everyone take three deep breaths ...hugs now ..ok good all is good .we need a X support group LOL Hang in there Lori !
 
IMO your daughter's father needs to do right by her until the very end...you should fight for the child support. Don't let it go just because your (wonderful)DH is going to adopt her...

JMHO.:)
 
Lori,

How old is your daughter? That is too bad about your x. My best friend goes through a similar situation. Her x never has the money when he is supposed too...blah, blah, blah. I always tell her she would be better off without him. Fortunately for you, your dh is in your daughters life. That is all that matters. Good luck with your situation and I really feel for ya!

By the way...I looked at your picture trail and was wondering if your hair is naturally curly. Mine is and I have a love/hate relationship with it!

Sara B
 
I know, a part of me would like for me to make him pay right till the end, but there is a bigger part of me that whats him to have no rights to her whatsoever and let us move on with out lives.It would be nice to know that if anything happens to me, DH is responsible for her and my X would never get her.That in itself enough for me.
Lori:)
 
Hi sarah,
She is 9 .Seems like she is 1/2 grown up.Ive never had trouble getting money out of him but he just ticked me off today when I found out what he did.

My hair is curly.i wore it straight for a few days but I know its just not me.I look like osmeone threw a bucket of water over my head:+ Im use to bigger hair I guess, not flat hair. I like it both ways.I use to have a love hate relationship but I learned how to manage it so its not that bad anymore.
Lori:)
 
I do like my hair as well, but sometimes it would be nice to be able to brush it! How did you get yours straight? I have never been able to do that! I always ended up looking frizzy..like Tiny Turner. I never blow dry my hair. I wash and condition, comb, use gel, style, and spray with hairspray. It is pretty simple!

Sara B
 
I know EXACTLY what you mean.Somedays I would give anything to just comb my hair and run to the mall.I use to be a hairstylist and I would giggle inside when people would come in and get perms b/c they thought their hair was going to be easier to manage.
I bought a hair straightener.Do you own one? I would look like Tina to if I just dried it and brushed it.It would be horrible.But the straightener is the cats meow!:) You should get one.It took me about 35 min to straighten mine.
When I leave it curly I just put gel in it and let it dry on its own for about 30 min and then I flick it with the dryer.
Lori:)
 
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