Holiday Heartaches. Yes I'm being a Grinch!

janie1234

janie1234

Cathlete
Ugh does anyone else want to just unplug the home phone, throw away the cell phone, and turn off the computer and just wake up lazily on Christmas morning, . . . wear your pajamas till noon, open presents with the kids, bake cookies, and cook a dinner with just your husband, and or significant other, and kids? I mean I can't stand spending a day with the in laws, . . and I can barely stand my own family (with the exception of my parents), . I have a sister and a brother who are so irresponsible that at 38 and 31 they are constantly milking my parents for thousands of dollars. I hate the stress of cooking gigantic meals that makes everyone happy (lumps or no lumps in the mashed potatoes) and I hate how really getting together with family ends up becoming some big ol judgemental thing of, . . well you really need to do this and that, . . and blah, . .blah, . .blah, . .I constantly have the Homer Simpson cartoon bubble brain fart going on in my head when I have to make boring conversation with people who really don't care. I also hate the stupid pressure of buying gifts for people when they have no meaning, . .just because you are supposed to buy gifts. I mean how many pair of slippers can a person own? I hate courtesy gifts. I rather someone just give me a loving hug. It makes me want to grab my kids and my husband and throw them in the car on Christmas and disappear till the next year somewhere in some snow covered mountain cabin with a nice wood burning fire, hot chocolate, . . and a bunch of mystery and classic books to read. Bah, . .humbug!!
 
precisely we are inviting one couple over for a brunch a few days before christmas and i am not dealing with in laws.we work hard for what we have and we tired of trying to make family happy. we would rather donate time,money, and food to those that would appreciate.

kassia
 
DH and I don't live close to any family so it's a no-brainer; plus he's Jewish so Christmas Day is nothing more than a paid holiday. I'll work out on Xmas a.m. and then we're going to see "Sherlock Holmes" in the afternoon.

The only thing I regret is that I've totally lost my Christmas shopping and wrapping skills. I used to love it and did it quite well, and somewhere along the line that all went away.

A-Jock
 
When my sisters and I were little, we told our parents that we wanted to stay home on Christmas and play with our presents. We never went to another relative Christmas after that. Yay!! So we usually woke up in the morning, opened presents and stockings, ate a BIG brunch and then played games, ate and stayed in our pajamas whole the day. What great memories!!!

Not much has changed since we are adults (w/no kidlets). In lieu of exchanging presents we adopt a family instead. So we still get to shop and wrap presents but it isn't so stressful. I don't even decorate anymore. This year it's just immediate family. I'm so happy!
 
DH & I made up our holiday rules shortly after we got married. We visited my relatives who live in another town the week before Xmas because it was my mom's birthday. We told everyone we wanted to spend the holiday at home. And we did. We also made a deal with DH's sister and brother-in-law that our gifts to each other should be to not have to buy gifts for each other.

My advice is to make your own rules and stick with them. I think we're all old enough to not have to give into peer pressure, even when it's our family. If you don't want to buy that many presents, then don't. I'll bet if you brought it up, a lot of your relatives probably feel the same way.
 
I have a small family and with loved ones passing away it has gotten smaller. I just travel with my bottle of wine and have a grand ol' time teaching my niece and nephew things to aggravate their parents ;)
 
Uggg,,,,, you took the words right out of my head and mouth. I despise christmas. Not what it stands for but what it has become. and i have no choice. My family would be mortified if i didn't participate in their completely materialistic circus of gift giving gifts with no meaning whatsoever. go to the inlaws christmas eve to listen to them gossip about everyone in town.
I could cry every time this holiday arrives. And while I'm at it, let me tell you about my workplace. These people are nuts. There is more singing, jingling decorations here than you could imagine. They dress head to toe in anything blinking, jingling (think "Office" from TV). They participate in the "secret santa" freak show that it is. Can you picture a grown woman getting excited over a bird house with let it snow painted on it???? I mean, did she need this?? I didn't participate this year and put the money into needy causes. I actually gave a good bit to two different causes this year.
So, I'm there with you and envious of all of you that can avoid this.

Sigh... why did this holiday have to become this???:(:(
 
Your holidays are as good as you make them. I know it's hard but I would tell them how you feel, maybe in not so many words, but you just want to spend the day at home. Or maybe you could tell them you have H1N1? or the kids aren't feeling up to it?

Stay positive and take Beav's advice and escape with wine ;) Don't let your in law's get under your skin. Lot's of deep breaths, practice your mantra in the bathroom, and enjoy the day.
 
Beavs said:
I have a small family and with loved ones passing away it has gotten smaller. I just travel with my bottle of wine and have a grand ol' time teaching my niece and nephew things to aggravate their parents ;)
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The other fun thing is to buy presents for said niece and nephew that their parents will just LOVE you for. Example: one year DH and I bought his two nieces and nephews pieces of children's band equipment (i.e. drums, tamborine, etc.). Ahhh, good times!

Carrie
 
I posted something in reference to this earlier this week; with the recession and having not nearly as much disposable income as we have in the past, my immediate family is finally realizing that there is way more to Christmas than buying big, flashy, expensive (and allbeit USELESS) gifts for each other. This year, we're concentrating on the holiday itself and being with family, stuffing our gords with things we don't get any other time of year, and just relaxing and having a good time. My mom was stressing about the cooking and what everyone wanted. I reminded her it's her holiday too; she doesn't need to slave to please everyone in the family! If they don't like what she's making then they can bring their own food, end of story!!

Now some of my extended family on the other hand...I am not looking forward to spending the holiday with them AT ALL. My one aunt is so negative; she focuses on your insecurities and brings them out just because she is miserable with her own life. There has not been a holiday that's gone by without me reverting to tears because of something hurtful she said. Her favorite is 1 of 2 topics: either 1) me being 28 and still living at home and 2) the fact that even with a degree from a good school, I'm still not making a lot of $$ and she will make fun of me for getting the $10K paycut I got due to the recession. I'm lucky if only 1 of these gets brought up but it's usually both. I also told my mom to relay the message that I don't want gifts from any of my extended family this year since times are hard now and also, I always wind up returning the things they get me because they are what I like to call filler gifts: stuff that fills the place of a gift and required little to no thought. What is the point? They took this as a slap in the face and blamed me for being cheap and "what's the point of Christmas then if you're not giving gifts?!" The last part alone made steam come out of my ears...

Christmas day is my favorite though; I hang out with my parents all day, my boyfriend comes over and we all just relax, cook, and enjoy each other's company. No frills, no stress....that is truly what the holiday is about. I'm so sick and tired of this day being a show off of who outdoes who, everything having to be perfect, etc. Why create more stress than there needs to be?!
 
carres1973 said:
The other fun thing is to buy presents for said niece and nephew that their parents will just LOVE you for. Example: one year DH and I bought his two nieces and nephews pieces of children's band equipment (i.e. drums, tamborine, etc.). Ahhh, good times!

Carrie
Click to expand...

Actually, I was thinking a guitar and amp :p
 
Beavs said:
Actually, I was thinking a guitar and amp :p
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I did a hamster and easy bake oven one year to my neices... LOL... oh the looks I got from their parents.... hehe...

My sister in law got me one year - the year prior her daughter got this totally obnoxious camera that said "SMILE" "Say CHEESE" over and over... I laughed and laughed - until I got the same thing from her the next year - and I didnt even get her the original one.... lol..

Grin and Bear it with LOTS o' wine.... that's my plan!
 
I love giving and getting small thoughtful gifts with meaning. Our neighbor collects egg cups so I've been on the antique shop gift hunt for the perfect egg cup for her. She is the most awesome neighbor ever AND she makes a killer great red wine. I bought my father in law a book on the history of the US Cost Guard during WWII since her served back then. My husband is getting a LA dodger hat and some basket ball tickets for him and my son. I mean I don't think gifts need to be expensive they just need to be thoughtful without the obligation. My husbands family are hard core Christians and when I say hard core I mean hard core. They think I'm the spawn of satan. My parents and family are the very loud, very large (I mean well over 30 people in a room) and the gossipy type, . .you know it, . . the kind that points to your mid section and says "Have you gained weight?" "Good greif what happened to your skin." It is like torture. I guess I'll have to fake a bad stomach and practice my yoga breathing in the bathroom.
 
janie1234 - I share the same sentiment. I dread going over to the inlaws and dealing with DH's family... One week away and I'm already stressing. We normally go out of town on vacation for Thanksgiving just to have one less ordeal to go through, we're thinking we should do Christmas, too. :-D
 
lioness said:
When my sisters and I were little, we told our parents that we wanted to stay home on Christmas and play with our presents. We never went to another relative Christmas after that. Yay!! So we usually woke up in the morning, opened presents and stockings, ate a BIG brunch and then played games, ate and stayed in our pajamas whole the day. What great memories!!!

Not much has changed since we are adults (w/no kidlets). In lieu of exchanging presents we adopt a family instead. So we still get to shop and wrap presents but it isn't so stressful. I don't even decorate anymore. This year it's just immediate family. I'm so happy!
Click to expand...

Jane what a lovely, perfect, and beautiful picture of happiness you have just painted into my head. Thank you. All you need to add is snow. :) and hot chocolate and sugar cookies.

What a great idea to adopt a family. It makes for the true spirit of giving and Christmas.
 
You aren't a grinch! I'm sorry the holidays are so awful for you!!! :(
Moving away from both our families has saved us from all the drama. In our 22 years together, we've maybe spent 5 of them with extended family.
This year, like many others, there is no money, and I wasn't even going to decorate. My middle daughter did decorate when she got home from college, but we aren't putting up a tree. I'm going to do some baking and we'll enjoy a nice 4 day weekend together with some movies, games, and lots of food!
I love the idea of claiming H1N1!!! :p
For years, we used the kids as an excuse...they want to be home for Christmas and then it just became expected that we would NOT be travelling for the holidays. Even if we were close to family, I don't think we would put ourselves through it. You should NOT have to endure mean spiritedness and I think you would totally be within your rights to not attend. Unfortunately we don't get to pick our family, only our friends, but you can certainly pick how much time you spend with them!
 
janie1234 said:
Jane what a lovely, perfect, and beautiful picture of happiness you have just painted into my head. Thank you. All you need to add is snow. :) and hot chocolate and sugar cookies.

What a great idea to adopt a family. It makes for the true spirit of giving and Christmas.
Click to expand...

Thank you Janie!!

I have such wonderful memories of Christmas. Being the only male, one of the Christmas presents from my dad was to do all the dishes for us on Christmas day. We sure tried to dirty as many dishes as we could.

As we got older we really got into stocking stuffers. We had to put all the stockings on the dining room table and most of the stuff wouldn't even fit in the stockings. I remember the first year my dad shared his Christmas bonus (from work) with us. My sister opened an envelope and then elbowed me to open a matching envelope that I had. Inside was $200! Every year after that my dad always shared his Christmas bonuses with us.

And yes, since I grew up in Illinois we had snow (many times) and LOTS of cookies!!!
 
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