Help, my neighbor wants to convert me! (a bit long)

Govtgirl

Govtgirl

Cathlete
I just met him, how do I not offend him? Plus, he's a pastor!

Here's the thing: My husband and I have been in our neighborhood almost 5 years, and only have met one or 2 neighbors (we're in a college town, so about 1/3 of them are students so they rotate in and out). Well, I started working on a garden, and now that I'm outside for hours at a time, I'm meeting people.

Which is wonderful, except this guy stops by, introduces himself, then within 60 seconds asks if I've accepted Christ as my savior. Well, no I actually haven't thank-you-very-much, but I mumbled something because I got sooooo uncomfortable. Then he says he's a pastor, wants me and my husband to come over for dinner, asks which church we go to (we don't) etc etc, and I don't know how to politely tell him I'm not interested in religion, his or anyone's.

I'm afraid if I say "no thanks" he's going to think I'm incredibly rude, or a witch or Satan-worshipper (I'm not! I'm not!!! :) )or he will double his efforts to convert me. He seemed like a nice guy (he looks the part; think of a 1940's movie with the "kindly pastor" and he's it!!) but it was funny, he showed himself to be a hypocrite right off the bat. He made a derogatory comment about my next door neighbor Ted. Now, 6 months ago I wasn't sure about Ted, but I realized I let the other few neighbors cloud my judgement. I had never had the opportunity to talk to him, it was all hearsay, and I'm ashamed of myself for that.

As it turns out, Ted has been trying to get his badly out of shape yard looking nicer, he's really making an effort. I saw him outside, and we started talking, and now we've been talking over the fence about gardening, TV etc. He seems like a really nice guy. He even let me borrow his weeder! So it grates me even more that this pastor made a snide remark, as though he assumed I was one the same page as him.

In any case, I have my own beliefs which don't include going to church, and I think that pastor asking me about my religion and Christ and all when it was the very first time I met him was a bit rude. I guess I'll just tell him that I have other beleifs and hope he takes it well, but yeeeesh......I just wanted to plant my azaelas!! Now look what happened!
 
I had a "bad" situation a few years ago. The pastor at my dad's church (southern Baptist) told me that if I didn't tell my boyfriend of 6 or 7 years at the time, to move out of the house immediately, I had better be careful driving home because it had just started raining. I had gone to his office to basically talk with him and make sure "I was right with God." I was raised Catholic so I wasn't sure. Anyway, he said he could pray with me but basically that it would do no good if I went home where my b/f was. I was shocked and left his office crying ( was 32 at the time I think). My mom was MAJORLY ticked off about the whole incident and does not care for him. I'm still with b/f and found another church.

It seems that a lot of the time, people who you think would be the "perfect" individual are SOOOO not. I feel your pain. Btw, the pastor comes to my "house of sin" every couple of months and if we're not home, he leaves his card. He caught b/f in the yard one day about to cut the grass and talked with hime for awhile. It was too funny because b/f just happened to have on his iPod with Amazing Grace playing.

Kim
 
Ooo, that's tough. I respect others' beliefs, so I'm usually very gentle when approached. In the beginning anyway. I enjoy discussing religion, and I actually tired out 2 Jehovah's Witnesses who made the mistake of knocking on my door one lazy Saturday morning. :p (They finally left after an hour.)

However, if I were in your shoes and trying to both maintain the peace and plant a garden, I'd be polite but firmly consistent. "I have my beliefs, and I'm not interested in your Church. Thank you for the invitation though. I appreciate it." Then I'd try to change the subject. Hopefully in time he'll grow tired of bugging you.

If he won't take a polite "No thank you" for an answer, you could do what I did in Catholic school: Ask "why?" Ask him how his religion explains the tough stuff in life. "Why?" "How do you know?" That gets old fast. ;)

Kim, I can't believe the pastor said that to you! I like to think I'd be mature about that incident had it happened to me or my daughter, but I fear I would have failed and instead gone over to his office and ripped him a new one.
 
>>>>>>but it was funny, he showed himself to be a hypocrite right off the bat. He made a derogatory comment about my next door neighbor Ted.


Speaking as a Christian, this sentence above would have upset me and I would have called him on it. Christians are sometimes the worst offenders, as I'm sure you know.

I said something one time in front of a Christian friend and she tactfully told me that I was being judgmental, and I didn't even realize I was doing it! I was so glad she said something. Maybe you were put in his life to do something similar.

In the pastor's defense, he is doing what he is compelled/called to do - share the Gospel. But, he really needs to do it in a tactful, non-pushy manner, and I don't think he's doing that. (I went to a conference and the speaker said it took him 15 years to "convert" his friend. But, his friend never shut the door on him because he was never pushy.)

Anyway, you sound like you have a very good heart, but you can tell him politely, thank you, but no thank you, I'm not interested.
 
Thank you for sharing this.

I became a Christian when I was 24. I was always uncomfortable and totally turned off with people who would evangelize me in an aggressive fashion like this guy seemed to do with you.

What really attracted me to Jesus were the people who confessed their faith in Him and really lived it out before my eyes. It's not that they never spoke of their faith to me, but they did so in a natural way--like it came up in the course of everyday conversation.

It's funny because I go to a bible teaching church where evangelism of the type you described is really encouraged and I am not comfortable with doing it (so I don't). As a result, I feel a certain amount of judgement from my church. I prefer to live my life for Christ and let the conversations about Him with others who don't believe in Him come up naturally--"always being ready to give a defense for the hope that lies within."

Anyway--all that is a long-winded way of saying I found your post encouraging, because perhaps very direct and aggressive evangelism is not always the best way to share our faith in Christ with others.

I'd just be direct with him about your beliefs and see what happens.

Maggie:)
 
The times this has happened to me I've found it useful to say something general about preferring not to discuss religion at all rather than get into a discussion about what I believe and why. It usually takes a few tries, but if I'm firm and continue to say "I'm sorry, I really prefer not to discuss my religious beliefs" a number of times (and sometimes in different ways, but sticking with the same message), eventually people will give up.

The couple of times I have actually discussed details of my beliefs and why I believe them, it just seems to add fuel to the fire; some people look at it as a challenge to change my mind, or prove me wrong. If I don't give them anything to work with they have no choice but to relent eventually.

I hope that makes sense. Good luck!
 
I'd tell him I'm too old to have imaginary friends. See, this is why I don't get into religious belief conversations. My husband would just tell him he's an idiot. I have a teeny weeny bit more tact than him. Just tell him you are comfortable in your beliefs and that you don't want to feel pressured by anyone else's, although you would like to maintain neighborly friendship. If he can't accept that, then he needs to look real hard at practicing what he's preaching.

As I don't hold to traditional Christian beliefs, a lot of people seem to think I dance naked in the moonlight with satan (more imaginary friends, there)and have no morals/ethics. They think if they push and push I will move to their side of the road, when all it will ever do is push me further away.

Nan
 
I would have told him "I am a child of the Universe" and believe that Krishna, Jesus and Buddha basically all have the same message, so I have made room in my heart for all of them.:)
 
I grew up in a strict Catholic upbringing, strayed in college and became a born again Christian in 2002. You can't be afraid to be polite and say "No thank you." A lot of Christians feel it is their calling to share with others their love with Christ, some people just don't realize that they are being a little overly agressive. With that said you shouldn't even care about what he thinks of you. Your resentment towards him will grow if you just don't tell him from the begining that you are just not interested. That and you'll start to do the avoiding game where you'll just have to put the azaelas on hold for fear of conversation. Think of it the same way you would if you were car shopping, with someone who was an overly agressive car sales man, you would just say "no thank you." Oh and to add what another poster said about being judgemental, we're all judgemental and we're all imperfect, pastor or not we all make mistakes that we are and are not aware of. Your fear of being rude just means that you are a kind person, but unless you want to hear what he has to say everytime you are gardening I suggest you put your foot down as soon as possible. Otherwise he'll mistake your silence for encouragement and curiosity. Good luck.
 
I am a homeschooler, so you can imagine that many of my peers are deeply rooted in their faith and, additionally, assume that I am on the same page. I have my faith, it is alot like what Tneah described:) . I am sorta the hippy crunchy homeschooler.

Anyway, letting people know I wasn't Christian felt like coming out of the closet. With practice, it became much easier to say things like, I am not Christian or interested in going to a Christian church, but thank you for the invitation. Or No thanks, I'm not Christian. Or, I am not Christian and prefer not to use faith based educational materials.

I found I often was guilty of having reverse prejudice, assuming they would think less of me, and as it turns out, anyone who I didn't bond with/rejected me based on my faith was always someone I wouldn't choose to spend time with anyway.

My point is, if you aren't feeling defensive, it might be easier to just say no thanks. Then you can tell him that you and the neighbor with the messy yard are going to smoke some weed and have some beers and have an orgy after you watch porn together. That might keep him away....}(
 
It only takes one encounter with Those Types and they avoid me like the plague. If they greet you with rudeness what consideration do you think they deserve?
 
Thanks, it's nice to know that I'm not alone in my beliefs. I can't tell you how much I appreciate those of you that are Christian understanding too. If he comes around again, I will just say that I'm not comfortable talking about it. I hope he just lets it go. My husband would probably haul off and tell him he's an idiot too, btw!! :)

Jody, it's so funny you said it was like coming out of the closet by admitting you're not Christian! That's what it feels like! What's getting worse, is that this sort of thing has seeped into work.

Everyone at work assumes everyone else is Christian. On the "National Day of Payer" they were like "aren't you coming down to pray?" They got all bent out of shape when somebody arranged a "National Day of Reason" to be held at the same time. And the guy in the next cube said something like "Evolution.....yeah, right." I guess I'm a coward, I don't say I agree with him, but I don't contradict either. He's on the fast-track to be my next supervisor, so I feel like I need to keep my mouth zipped. x(
 
Speaking as a Christian here also I'd just be honest with him. I have some Christian friends that I actually am really amazed at how they reach people all the time for Christ in an open manner. Although not in such a 'put them on the spot' way like that. Usually they just invite them to church functions or to dinner etc over time and are open about their faith. I probably wouldn't out right make someone uncomfortable like that either especially on just meeting someone, but in getting to know people would bring up some topics in converstation and also live my life in a way that may show God in my life.

I also know that Christians are not "perfect" people and sometimes make mistakes like anyone else. And like was mentioned may not realize it sometimes if they say something amiss at times.. He also could've not meant it in the way you think? (like we sometimes get frustrated with neighbors that play loud music all night and may comment on that but it doesn't mean we "hate" them or anything like that.) He is probably well meaning but I'd just be honest with him. I definetly wouldn't assume anything about you if I thought you didn't want to jump on an invitation to church etc. I'd still be your friend and a good neighbor there for you in any way. Even if your beliefs were far from mine.
 
"it's so funny you said it was like coming out of the closet by admitting you're not Christian! That's what it feels like!"
well these are just serious topics so they can make people uncomfortable. I have been in the same situation reversed of feeling uncomfortable around others of different beliefs and out of the closet once I share where my point of view is. That is just part of life IMO.
 
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