Don't Ma'am Me
- Thread starter dlsc
- Start date
kathryn
Cathlete
I think there may be a regional difference. In the south, "ma'am" may be seen strictly as a polite form of address. But we Northerners don't use it as much, so when it is used, it sounds more like an age-related address.
I'm from the North, but now live in an area that seems kind of a North-South mix. Some people have a bit of a southern accent, or use southern vocabulary, while other sound more northern.
As for how the check-out clerk would address someone otherwise. Does s/he have to use any form of address? If s/he's talking directly to someone, that person knows s/he is being addressed, so just a sincere "thank you!" would be fine.
I'm from the North, but now live in an area that seems kind of a North-South mix. Some people have a bit of a southern accent, or use southern vocabulary, while other sound more northern.
As for how the check-out clerk would address someone otherwise. Does s/he have to use any form of address? If s/he's talking directly to someone, that person knows s/he is being addressed, so just a sincere "thank you!" would be fine.
fitchick1716
Cathlete
I agree with the respect thing - I even say "yes ma'am" and "no sir" myself but it is always to my elders. Not people my age or younger than me.
That's what annoys me the most.
That's what annoys me the most.
Funny.. at some of the high end department stores they check for a wedding ring. When I pay they say thanks Miss (Insert last name)...
Also at the grocery store they say mam all the time.. I agree much rather be miss. Even if I am Single FOR LIFE!!! They started when I was 28 - at the time I looked maybe 24.. I still am not use to that!
Also at the grocery store they say mam all the time.. I agree much rather be miss. Even if I am Single FOR LIFE!!! They started when I was 28 - at the time I looked maybe 24.. I still am not use to that!
Bobbi
Cathlete
Please Ma'am Me
Annette, the woman at the drive through at the bank called me Richard because my hair is so short. I thought it was funny. Unless it's because of my chest, then it's just sad.
I think we need more of such speech. Good manners can be sorely lacking. Ma'am makes me feel old, I admit, but hey, I'm no spring chicken. I tend to forget that though. Every now and again someone will call me Miss and it amuses me too. Ha ha!! I always wear my wedding band and I look more Ma'am than miss to be sure.
I am very casual and I think that plays into it. My daughter's boyfriend always called me Ma'am and he had beautiful manners. I could not get him to call me Bobbi. All of the kids my kids have known since they were knee high to a grasshopper, call me Bobbi and I prefer being called Bobbi to Mrs. Freedman any day. Some of them never use any form of address at all. I'm like a peice of furniture, or the non person who drives the car and drops off the teens.
I am often shocked at some of the young ones out in the world who let doors close on the people coming in behind them and use no pleases or thank yous. Older ones too. I am a door holder myself. There was a time when men had a tendancy to hesitate to go through but not so much any longer unless they are older. Older men may hold the door for me even if I could pick them up and use them for biceps curls.
I like yes, pleases and no thank you's and use them always. The other day at Safeway a teenage boy with a wild mop of hair, enormous black pants with chains hanging on them and bare feet was so courteous and cheerful, he charmed me and I was stuck by how appearances may be deceptive. My own kids are wonderful with the thank you, mommies and they are courteous or else. I am disappointed when children have no niceties to offer to anyone. Of course, not everyone is as gregarious as I can be but I dislike being behind a person on line, who doesn't speak or make eye contact at all. Clerks do it too and I walk away thinking they should get a personality. I'm sure there are people behind me who wish I'd shut up so they can get on with it but I feel the need to engage everyone most of the time. I once offered a cashier at Trader Joe's a piece of Altoids gum and the poor dear ended up sort of choking with running eyes because those suckers are curiously strong and I felt dreadful and apologized profusely and had to wait to get outside to chuckle over it. I found out the young guy at the Circle K had worked back to back shifts and he was fried but pleased to have pulled it off and the older lady has allergies that steal her voice so she whispers. I always thank people for working on holidays and I try to get people to smile at me, particularly if they look grouchy. I know I am rambling but if I had a point it would be to say that being courteous and cheerful could turn someone's day around. I know I love walking away from an encounter thinking what a nice person. I am pretty sure I have elicited that at times. Or perhaps, I wonder if she's been toking up? No, ma'am. I'm just really happy to be me and I want you to enjoy me as much as I do. And if you will smile at me, I'll leave. I'm a smile junkie. So, you can call me ma'am but please don't call me "lady'. I prefer woman. I'll shut up now.
Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"
Tell me, what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
Annette, the woman at the drive through at the bank called me Richard because my hair is so short. I thought it was funny. Unless it's because of my chest, then it's just sad.
I think we need more of such speech. Good manners can be sorely lacking. Ma'am makes me feel old, I admit, but hey, I'm no spring chicken. I tend to forget that though. Every now and again someone will call me Miss and it amuses me too. Ha ha!! I always wear my wedding band and I look more Ma'am than miss to be sure.
I am very casual and I think that plays into it. My daughter's boyfriend always called me Ma'am and he had beautiful manners. I could not get him to call me Bobbi. All of the kids my kids have known since they were knee high to a grasshopper, call me Bobbi and I prefer being called Bobbi to Mrs. Freedman any day. Some of them never use any form of address at all. I'm like a peice of furniture, or the non person who drives the car and drops off the teens.I am often shocked at some of the young ones out in the world who let doors close on the people coming in behind them and use no pleases or thank yous. Older ones too. I am a door holder myself. There was a time when men had a tendancy to hesitate to go through but not so much any longer unless they are older.
Older men may hold the door for me even if I could pick them up and use them for biceps curls. I like yes, pleases and no thank you's and use them always. The other day at Safeway a teenage boy with a wild mop of hair, enormous black pants with chains hanging on them and bare feet was so courteous and cheerful, he charmed me and I was stuck by how appearances may be deceptive. My own kids are wonderful with the thank you, mommies and they are courteous or else. I am disappointed when children have no niceties to offer to anyone. Of course, not everyone is as gregarious as I can be but I dislike being behind a person on line, who doesn't speak or make eye contact at all. Clerks do it too and I walk away thinking they should get a personality.
I'm sure there are people behind me who wish I'd shut up so they can get on with it but I feel the need to engage everyone most of the time. I once offered a cashier at Trader Joe's a piece of Altoids gum and the poor dear ended up sort of choking with running eyes because those suckers are curiously strong and I felt dreadful and apologized profusely and had to wait to get outside to chuckle over it. I found out the young guy at the Circle K had worked back to back shifts and he was fried but pleased to have pulled it off and the older lady has allergies that steal her voice so she whispers. I always thank people for working on holidays and I try to get people to smile at me, particularly if they look grouchy. I know I am rambling but if I had a point it would be to say that being courteous and cheerful could turn someone's day around. I know I love walking away from an encounter thinking what a nice person. I am pretty sure I have elicited that at times. Or perhaps, I wonder if she's been toking up? No, ma'am. I'm just really happy to be me and I want you to enjoy me as much as I do. And if you will smile at me, I'll leave. I'm a smile junkie. So, you can call me ma'am but please don't call me "lady'. I prefer woman. I'll shut up now.Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"
Tell me, what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
RE: Please Ma'am Me
>Older men may hold the door for me even if I
>could pick them up and use them for biceps curls.
>
Bobbi, you are so funny!
I am certainly not against good manners or respect for your elders and I'm raising my children to have both. I've just never liked the term, "ma'am." It's not because I feel old when someone uses it; I just plain don't like it. I especially don't want my children to call ME "ma'am," just as I wouldn't want them calling me "madam," which it's short for. I do want them to say, "Yes, Mrs./Mr. So-and-So," or at least "yes" (not "yeah").
Different strokes!
>Older men may hold the door for me even if I
>could pick them up and use them for biceps curls.
>
Bobbi, you are so funny!
I am certainly not against good manners or respect for your elders and I'm raising my children to have both. I've just never liked the term, "ma'am." It's not because I feel old when someone uses it; I just plain don't like it. I especially don't want my children to call ME "ma'am," just as I wouldn't want them calling me "madam," which it's short for. I do want them to say, "Yes, Mrs./Mr. So-and-So," or at least "yes" (not "yeah").
Different strokes!
JeanneMarie
Cathlete
RE: Please Ma'am Me
I've just
>never liked the term, "ma'am." It's not because I feel old
>when someone uses it; I just plain don't like it. I
>especially don't want my children to call ME "ma'am," just as
>I wouldn't want them calling me "madam," which it's short for.
Maybe I should qualify and say that my son does not "call" me "ma'am". He is required to tack "ma'am" (and "sir") onto greetings. He is not allowed to say, "Yeah", in answer to a question. He says, "Yes Ma'am". If he were to call me to get my attention, of course he would say "Mom", not "Ma'am". If he were addressing someone whose name he did not know, the proper thing to say would be "Ma'am, can I help you?"
I still don't understand though, why anybody thinks that showing respect with this term makes them feel old.
I've just
>never liked the term, "ma'am." It's not because I feel old
>when someone uses it; I just plain don't like it. I
>especially don't want my children to call ME "ma'am," just as
>I wouldn't want them calling me "madam," which it's short for.
Maybe I should qualify and say that my son does not "call" me "ma'am". He is required to tack "ma'am" (and "sir") onto greetings. He is not allowed to say, "Yeah", in answer to a question. He says, "Yes Ma'am". If he were to call me to get my attention, of course he would say "Mom", not "Ma'am". If he were addressing someone whose name he did not know, the proper thing to say would be "Ma'am, can I help you?"
I still don't understand though, why anybody thinks that showing respect with this term makes them feel old.
Bobbi
Cathlete
RE: Please Ma'am Me
Me too and we never used sirs and ma'ams as kids in Michigan. We used Mr. and Mrs. also, which may be why it does not sit well. My sister Melody insists upon being called Mrs. Mustafa and Aunt Mel and I find that interesting and strange. Here in Tucson, there is an Air Force Base and Sir and Ma'am are far more common. I am going to endeavor not to mind any more. I was tickled pink to be called "dude" once. "Did you just call me dude?" I am considered out there so you can't really go by me. And I'm getting worse. I get compliments on my kids quite often so even though they can be such monsters at home, I know they are getting the courtesy thing and they use their manners. Yay!
I always liked Peppermint Patty from Charlie Brown and the way Marcie called her Sir. I think I may insist on being called Sir heretofore. I like it better than Ma'am. Your Majesty has a nice ring too.
I also find myself in a dilemma over people who wear name tags with their first names on them. I don't feel comfortable calling someone by a first name unless asked. I always invite the cashiers I see frequently to call me Bobbi and when they do, I use their names. I have never given ths much thought to the subject before and I am enjoying myself immensely.
Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"
Tell me, what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
Me too and we never used sirs and ma'ams as kids in Michigan. We used Mr. and Mrs. also, which may be why it does not sit well. My sister Melody insists upon being called Mrs. Mustafa and Aunt Mel and I find that interesting and strange. Here in Tucson, there is an Air Force Base and Sir and Ma'am are far more common. I am going to endeavor not to mind any more. I was tickled pink to be called "dude" once. "Did you just call me dude?" I am considered out there so you can't really go by me. And I'm getting worse. I get compliments on my kids quite often so even though they can be such monsters at home, I know they are getting the courtesy thing and they use their manners. Yay!
I always liked Peppermint Patty from Charlie Brown and the way Marcie called her Sir. I think I may insist on being called Sir heretofore. I like it better than Ma'am.
Your Majesty has a nice ring too. I also find myself in a dilemma over people who wear name tags with their first names on them. I don't feel comfortable calling someone by a first name unless asked. I always invite the cashiers I see frequently to call me Bobbi and when they do, I use their names. I have never given ths much thought to the subject before and I am enjoying myself immensely.
Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"
Tell me, what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
Bobbi
Cathlete
RE: Please Ma'am Me
Let's get Tee shirts that say, "Treat me as you would the queen." and who knows? It could happen. Or we could be beheaded like poor henry the 8ths wife Anne!
Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"
Tell me, what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
Let's get Tee shirts that say, "Treat me as you would the queen." and who knows? It could happen. Or we could be beheaded like poor henry the 8ths wife Anne!
Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"
Tell me, what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
kathryn
Cathlete
RE: Please Ma'am Me
>I am often shocked at some of the young ones out in the world
>who let doors close on the people coming in behind them and
>use no pleases or thank yous. Older ones too.
You know, if there were more of just this plain, old, common courtesy (which, unfortunately, is not that common anymore) around, I think everyone would be in a better mood. It's just a nicer world when people are courteous. But so many people seem to just think of themselves nowdays. Even when people do say "thank you" sometimes (like cashiers), it sounds so forced and ungenuine.
It irks me when I got out of my way to hold a door for some one (like a family with their hands full of kids) and there not any acknowledgement. Not a nod, or a "thank you." I feel like not holding the door for anyone ever again.
The other day, I was looking for some aloe plants, and having a tough time. At the local nursery, they didn't have any, but the woman who was helping me called another branch to see if they had it. When I went to Walmart, I was told that another Walmart (about 10 miles away) might have it. But no offer to call. I asked if the woman would mind calling for me, to save me an unecessary trip. She didn't look to enthusiastic, but got up and went to the phone. I thanked her ahead of time for taking the time to make the call for me. ANd when she was done with the call (they DID have some!), I said "thank you very much" and "I just hope that nobody else gets a suddent urge for an aloe plant before I get there" or something to that effect that made her laugh. I wanted to make sure that she realized the good that can come from helping someone (a thank you, a laugh).
>I am often shocked at some of the young ones out in the world
>who let doors close on the people coming in behind them and
>use no pleases or thank yous. Older ones too.
You know, if there were more of just this plain, old, common courtesy (which, unfortunately, is not that common anymore) around, I think everyone would be in a better mood. It's just a nicer world when people are courteous. But so many people seem to just think of themselves nowdays. Even when people do say "thank you" sometimes (like cashiers), it sounds so forced and ungenuine.
It irks me when I got out of my way to hold a door for some one (like a family with their hands full of kids) and there not any acknowledgement. Not a nod, or a "thank you." I feel like not holding the door for anyone ever again.
The other day, I was looking for some aloe plants, and having a tough time. At the local nursery, they didn't have any, but the woman who was helping me called another branch to see if they had it. When I went to Walmart, I was told that another Walmart (about 10 miles away) might have it. But no offer to call. I asked if the woman would mind calling for me, to save me an unecessary trip. She didn't look to enthusiastic, but got up and went to the phone. I thanked her ahead of time for taking the time to make the call for me. ANd when she was done with the call (they DID have some!), I said "thank you very much" and "I just hope that nobody else gets a suddent urge for an aloe plant before I get there" or something to that effect that made her laugh. I wanted to make sure that she realized the good that can come from helping someone (a thank you, a laugh).
dani21496
Cathlete
I was just called "Ma'am" about an hour ago when I was purchasing something. The girl working there saw me with my 9 yr old son, and I just think she was saying it out of respect. I didn't take it like she meant it to be rude or that she thought I was old. I get told all the time that I look like I'm still in my 20's even though I'm 36.
Someone just last night told me this. I was carded last night too.
Someone just last night told me this. I was carded last night too.
Bobbi
Cathlete
I know, Kathryn, and it stinks but we must be like Gandhi, the change we wish to see in the world. Common courtesy, exactly! My father always said that and he was always kind and loved to joke. I hated it when people didn't respond to him. Doing unto others. It doesn't always come around but sometimes it does. Humor is the best way to teach a lesson like that. My dad is a wonderful example. But, some possess no sense of humor whatsoever and it's just them and I won't condemn them for it but they make shopping less fun that it should be. When I was young, I was shy and I took a lot and never said boo. But I have grown garrulous in my dotage. I love it when I irritate the hell out of someone because I don't fret over long lines and I want a happy face from anyone who is kind enough to wait one me. I inflict myself on everyone. I won't be unkind, ever. I cashiered when I was 21 and a very old man ripped me a new one while his wife apologized for his grumpiness. Methinks, he was a meanie as a young man. I am only ever cruel and mean to these creatures I love the most, my family. And, being that I want everyone to like me and will be kind, I always make up for that silliness and appreciate that they will put up with such behavior, plead PMS or chronically frustrated housewife syndrome and try to not do it to them. But they do it to me. I forgive them. My mom says if you treated your friends the way you treated your family, you'd have no friends. Aren't families grand? Like true friends, they know you for who you truly are and love you still. I'd love it if everyone thought I was wonderful and perfect but I am not and, like the little girl who had a little curl right in the middle of her forehead, when I am good, I am very good and when I am bad, I am horrid. BUT, I am quick to apologize and quick to forgive and I live with folks who aren't so I have a superiority complex right there! LOL! Oh, just get over it! I do!
Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"
Tell me, what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
Common courtesy, exactly! My father always said that and he was always kind and loved to joke. I hated it when people didn't respond to him. Doing unto others. It doesn't always come around but sometimes it does. Humor is the best way to teach a lesson like that. My dad is a wonderful example. But, some possess no sense of humor whatsoever and it's just them and I won't condemn them for it but they make shopping less fun that it should be. When I was young, I was shy and I took a lot and never said boo. But I have grown garrulous in my dotage. I love it when I irritate the hell out of someone because I don't fret over long lines and I want a happy face from anyone who is kind enough to wait one me. I inflict myself on everyone. I won't be unkind, ever. I cashiered when I was 21 and a very old man ripped me a new one while his wife apologized for his grumpiness. Methinks, he was a meanie as a young man. I am only ever cruel and mean to these creatures I love the most, my family. And, being that I want everyone to like me and will be kind, I always make up for that silliness and appreciate that they will put up with such behavior, plead PMS or chronically frustrated housewife syndrome and try to not do it to them. But they do it to me. I forgive them. My mom says if you treated your friends the way you treated your family, you'd have no friends. Aren't families grand? Like true friends, they know you for who you truly are and love you still. I'd love it if everyone thought I was wonderful and perfect but I am not and, like the little girl who had a little curl right in the middle of her forehead, when I am good, I am very good and when I am bad, I am horrid. BUT, I am quick to apologize and quick to forgive and I live with folks who aren't so I have a superiority complex right there! LOL! Oh, just get over it! I do! Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"
Tell me, what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
amyg
Cathlete
I'm with you, Clare. I don't mind being called ma'am. Good thing, too, as my first one was when I was 19!!! I sure gave THAT guy a LOAD of grief, LOL. He didn't even know he said it, his mother had trained him so "well".
I'd always rather that a woman call me sug, hon, etc. From a man, ma'am is okay- better than something affectionate.
I'd always rather that a woman call me sug, hon, etc. From a man, ma'am is okay- better than something affectionate.
A couple weeks ago, I had to show a new intern how to do something at work. She was maybe 1-2 years younger than me. She called me ma'am. I wanted to deck her.
I know it's supposed to be respectful, but it makes me feel old and out of touch when I'm called that. Personally, I'd rather be called "Hey you."
Lunacat
I know it's supposed to be respectful, but it makes me feel old and out of touch when I'm called that. Personally, I'd rather be called "Hey you."
Lunacat
Bobbi
Cathlete
All I can think about now is the enormous number of aloe plants growing in my back yard. Thse suckers are hardy too. Who wants me to send one to them?
Hey you, perhaps she was acknowledging your position of authority? I am quite convinced that it's a title of respect albeit one which means my forty-two years are ever so apparent to everyone. Since I am scrawny, smoked, experienced many sunburns although never worshipped, I need only smile and display my crow's feet, or should we call them crone's feet? And all the silvery hair coming in at my temples since I refuse to dye it anymore. It rocks to be mature. Have to yield the world to the younger ones and hope they don't squander the power and beauty of their youth. My sisters used to call me Boobless and my dad called me Chicken Legs, or sometimes just Legs although I inherited them from him, so Ma'am is actually quite nice.
Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"
Tell me, what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
Hey you, perhaps she was acknowledging your position of authority? I am quite convinced that it's a title of respect albeit one which means my forty-two years are ever so apparent to everyone. Since I am scrawny, smoked, experienced many sunburns although never worshipped, I need only smile and display my crow's feet, or should we call them crone's feet? And all the silvery hair coming in at my temples since I refuse to dye it anymore. It rocks to be mature. Have to yield the world to the younger ones and hope they don't squander the power and beauty of their youth. My sisters used to call me Boobless and my dad called me Chicken Legs, or sometimes just Legs although I inherited them from him, so Ma'am is actually quite nice.
Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"
Tell me, what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
Bobbi
Cathlete
Lol, Amy!
Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"
Tell me, what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"
Tell me, what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver