"Don't lose too much weight"

jnka825

jnka825

Cathlete
If I hear this one more time, I am going to scream. Before having my two boys I was out of shape and weighed around 170. I am 5'9 and although that is not extremely overweight for my height, I felt uncomfortable and was not happy with my body. After having my second baby I found Cathe, and have been working out regularly since then. I started eating clean and the weight has continued to come off. I went from 206 after having baby #2 to now I am 146.

My problem is people at work are making comments. They'll start by asking, "Did you lose weight?" And when I say yes, some say, "Well, don't lose anymore" or "Don't lose too much weight." I am not quite sure how to take this. I get defensive. I don't have an eating disorder or anything. I am eating clean and workout 5-6 times a week. Instead of eating carbs (which was a staple in my diet before) I eat more lean protein and good fats and fruits and veggies (finally, I hated them for the longest time). I am healthier now in my 30's than I ever was in my 20's. Why are people like this? Just had to vent! Sorry!

Kristin
 
Try not to worry about it. I think it's in some people's nature to comment on changes they see in other people, especially if they perceive them as "too fast" or the person looks "really different". Pretty soon they will get used to how you look now and they'll forget you were ever heavier. (Of course, then you'll get comments like "you naturally thin people don't know what it's like to be heavy" or "you're so lucky you don't have a weight problem", but just smile and let it slide off.) I've been heavy and not heavy so I've been on the receiving end of lots of interesting comments. :) It's not you, it's them, and who knows what's behind their perceptions.

Stebby
 
I hear this alot and just really think people don't know what else to say. I don't think they intentionally mean to sound so harsh. A girlfriend of mine said to me "you're the smallest I've ever seen you, are you sure you're healthy?!" I was caught off gaurd by the comment, but I assured her I was very healthy and she let it go.

The people I generally hear it from are over weight themselves and its much easier for them to say "don't lose any more weight" than "maybe I should lose some weight, how'd you do it?"

Congratulations on your accomplishments! :)
 
Same thing happened to me. About five years ago I was running about 25 miles/week, lifting at least twice a week and eating super clean. I never felt better and friends/family kept asking if I was eating and did I have a problem. Since having my 3rd baby two years ago I haven't quite gotten that discipline back. Working on it. Just let it go in one ear and out the other. To have the energy to work out you have to fuel your body. You know if you're getting enough fuel!
 
Definitely something to brush off. My mother has been giving me that same comment. My mom is tiny and I've always taken after my father as far as size. You know, that lovely label of being 'bigger boned'....I hate that phrase. So now my mother likes to tell I don't need to lose any more weight and that I need to just accept that I'm bigger boned. To which I just reply that at this point "I'm not trying to lose weight (I started at 200 and am now 150 at 5'7") but that I'm building muscle and definition. The weight loss from the muscle is just an added bonus. In the meantime maybe I can borrow that cute shirt??"

I also agree that sometimes people don't know how to handle the changes they see in a friend. Especially if they are perhaps a little envious of the changes. People, in general, like things to stay the same because they are comfortable for them. But now you've kicked that extra weight and it's YOUR turn to be comfortable!

Shelby
 
jnka,
I have said things like that to people, and really did think I was complimenting them while being caring at the same time. As a former anorexic, I'm always afraid of encouraging anorexia in others the way it was encouraged in me. No matter how much weight I lost, my mother always thought I looked "great!". These people are saying you look perfect the way you are, maybe time to slow down the weight loss. I think it's nice to have people notice changes because it means they're paying attention. And socially, it's acceptable to mention obvious changes in appearance, unless they're negative ones. So the fact that people are saying it means they think they are being positive. They sound like nice, normal people to me.
 
I kind of think it might be intended as a compliment. Once, I got that comment from a family member who knows of my lifetime of weight loss struggles, and it actually made me feel good that someone thought I looked perfect. Honestly, I wish I were in a place someone could say that to me now! :p
 
I understand that it's usually said with the best intentions, but I can relate to how you're feeling. I began to lose weight, because I felt criticised for being overweight.. and every small amount I lost I go 'you have to be careful', 'don't get too thin', and i just thought..'what would make you happy?'

Now, people say 'don't overdo the weights! Don't get any more muscular' and I've just learned to ignore it. I know nobody means any harm, and I've finally learned not to care even if people ARE criticising me. Exercise makes me feel so good about myself.. not so much to do with size/appearance, but to do with the power I feel from it..inside and outside. So now, when my Mum says, as she frequently does 'don't get any more muscle'... I just say 'I won't' and go back to my Sts workouts :) :D
 
Don't be defensive. Just be gracious. They may be genuinely concerned. There is a lot of attention given to eating disorders, especially anorexia, and people who have not be dedicated to the proposition that fitness, health, and a healthy body weight is important may not know just how much muscle weighs in comparison to someone who is skinny fat.

It is not personal in a bad way. Promise. Besides, even if it is think of comments as gifts, you can choose to accept them or graciously decline.;)
 
It's hard to know for sure what people mean by the things they say! I tend to stick my foot in my mouth quite often with no intention of being rude or making someone uncomfortable. It just comes out wrong sometimes.

Recently, my mother said I looked too skinny and my brother, before I could even open my mouth, said, "No she's not, she's healthy!" That made me feel so good that he knew what it was all about! Of course, my mom ALWAYS says that when I start losing weight! At least I didn't have to defend myself for once!

Brush it off and if you have to comment, just tell them you're eating healthier and staying away from processed foods! Who knows, maybe that will get them thinking a little bit!
 
Travisli said:
I hear this alot and just really think people don't know what else to say. I don't think they intentionally mean to sound so harsh. A girlfriend of mine said to me "you're the smallest I've ever seen you, are you sure you're healthy?!" I was caught off gaurd by the comment, but I assured her I was very healthy and she let it go.

The people I generally hear it from are over weight themselves and its much easier for them to say "don't lose any more weight" than "maybe I should lose some weight, how'd you do it?"

Congratulations on your accomplishments! :)
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I think you're right. I am maybe being oversensitive. It just makes me feel defensive. I told one lady today that I actually eat more now than before. Before I would skip breakfast, eat something with chips for lunch ;) and then have a huge dinner and binge on chips (Doritos) when I got home from work. now I eat regular three meals plus two to three healthy snacks a day. I just went on and on and it was all because what I was really trying to get across is that I am healthy, this is a good change, without being overt about it.

Thanks for the congratulations.

Kristin
 
hula_girl said:
I also agree that sometimes people don't know how to handle the changes they see in a friend. Especially if they are perhaps a little envious of the changes. People, in general, like things to stay the same because they are comfortable for them. But now you've kicked that extra weight and it's YOUR turn to be comfortable!

Shelby
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Thanks. For the first time in my adult life I am comfortable in my body and feel better than ever. It is amazing what making changes in your diet and working out will do for you.
 
Zozo said:
I understand that it's usually said with the best intentions, but I can relate to how you're feeling. I began to lose weight, because I felt criticised for being overweight.. and every small amount I lost I go 'you have to be careful', 'don't get too thin', and i just thought..'what would make you happy?'

Now, people say 'don't overdo the weights! Don't get any more muscular' and I've just learned to ignore it. I know nobody means any harm, and I've finally learned not to care even if people ARE criticising me. Exercise makes me feel so good about myself.. not so much to do with size/appearance, but to do with the power I feel from it..inside and outside. So now, when my Mum says, as she frequently does 'don't get any more muscle'... I just say 'I won't' and go back to my Sts workouts :) :D
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My dad is like this with the weight work. I asked for heavier weights for my upcoming b-day and he said "How does Jeff feel about you lifting that?" Jeff is my husband. I was like, what does that matter? He is so old-school, lol.

Kristin
 
RapidBreath said:
Don't be defensive. Just be gracious. They may be genuinely concerned. There is a lot of attention given to eating disorders, especially anorexia, and people who have not be dedicated to the proposition that fitness, health, and a healthy body weight is important may not know just how much muscle weighs in comparison to someone who is skinny fat.

It is not personal in a bad way. Promise. Besides, even if it is think of comments as gifts, you can choose to accept them or graciously decline.;)
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You're right. I am being a bit too defensive. I think lifting the weight is really what helped with my weight loss. I was always afraid to lift heavy until I encountered Cather dvds, and you guys on the forum. I think there is a big difference between skinny and fit, and I feel fit :)

Kristin
 
The average American is now so fat that a healthy weight person appears thinner than they really are. You should just say something like that and be done with it!
 
Hee hee. I thought of Zozo this morning at the gym. A lady came up to me and said, "You have lost A LOT of weight! How did you do it?" (I'm now down 17.5 lbs and people are starting to notice I look different.) I told her, and she said, "You aren't going to lose any more, are you?"
Me: "About another 12-13, I think."
Her: "Oh no. I don't think you need to lose any more than 5, maybe not even that."
Me (here's where I thought of Zozo's response to her mom): "OK, you know, you're probably right. Thank you so much."

Stebby :)
 
Honestly, I would be sick of hearing it too. Congrats on your accomplishments! Not too many people would have the discipline and the ambition to do that. In some part, it might be some jealousy or an avenue to have them feel better about themselves.
Take the high road and consider it compliment.
 
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