Daughters scary expirience

L

lesliemarie

Cathlete
I am so upset at what a 14 year old did to my daughter. Yesterday he called her because he has a crush on her but the feelings are NOT mutual. Any he called to say he had something for her and to come and get it. So she went to get it over with and never go to his house again. Well when she got there in the house he had his zipper down and his private part hanging out!!! She came home mortified! and declared she is never going to his house again! well I went to talk to his mother about the incendent and she was mortified that her son did this and appologized to me, later in the evening him and his parents came over with tears in their eyes saying he was sorry for what he did and he knew it was not appropriate to do in front of her. He did it on purpose!! I am so proud of my daughter, she handled the situation real well for her first sexual experience. I never dreamed something like this happening to her this early, I knew it would be a possibility since she is now starting high school this year. I should have prepared myself a little better than this, But I did teach my daughter well. I only fear of what may come before her to handle.
 
Lesliemarie, that is indeed a scary experience for your daughter. It is also, I might add, a criminal act. Although my experience is more along the lines of domestic violence crimes rather that crim. sex conduct crimes, IMHO this 14-year-old is guilty of indecent exposure, regardless of the fact that this took place in his home and regardless of the fact that he is a juvenile.

You and your daughter may want to give serious consideration to filing a police report regarding this matter. It is very possible that this is not the first time this junior freak has done this (given the fact that he lured her over to his home, I have to wonder how skilled he is at preying on young females), and systemic consequences and intervention are what he needs, not teary-eyed apologies. And your daughter needs to know that there are statutory protections for conduct of this kind.

FWIW -

A-Jock
 
I'm so sorry that happened! I agree with A-Jock. The first thing I wondered to myself is if you called the police...because that was a criminal act.

Ugh!!!
 
I am sure that came across their minds and I think that is why they came over to appologize to use about the incedent. My daughter was really scared last night, she thought he might break in to kill her or beat her for telling what he did. She even woke up screaming in the middle of the night.
 
Reminded me of the time when I was 13 spending the night at the home of very, close friends of our family (a husband and wife). I was sleeping on a couch on my stomach with my arm hanging off it and was awakened when this "dear friend" picked up my hand and put it on his "private part". I was petrified and withdraw my hand, rolled on my side to face the back of the couch and pretended to sleep. I layed there wide awake. They brought me home in the morning but I never told anyone what happened. It's something that still makes me sick to my stomach. Report this boy - he is a sex offender. The next girl who shows up on his doorstep might not be able to get away.
 
Lesliemarie,

I assure you, if he gets off (no pun intended) too lightly on this, he will definitely do it again. His behavior was definitely criminal.
 
Hello,

I also agree with A-Jock. You might consider reporting him. Your daughter handled the situation very well but he may well try something else later on.

Good Luck

Kim
 
When I read the story - the first thing that popped into my mind that he IS a sex offender. Everything I"ve read about sex offenders is that they begin thier careers as sex offenders by FIRST - flashing and then progressively working their way up to attacking and raping.

Your daughter did the right thing and she will need some help to help her deal with this. At 14, I don't think I would have known how to deal with it. It can be quite traumatic, despite the fact that pop culture/media/hollywood likes us all to think that 14 is grown up and can deal with sexual issues. It is too bad that her "first" sexual experience as you put it - was so awful. Be ready to really listen to her (I know you will - you seem very caring and loving btw) and help her to understand that what he did is NOT normal - and is NOT the way a man shows his love and attraction to a woman in a normal, healthy way. Love her through this. And, definitely call the police - this boy is a sexual stalker, offender in the making - he needs intervention now! Good luck and God bless and I'm glad you were there for your daughter.

All the best!
 
No offense Leslie, but what was your daughter doing going to his house to pick up the "gift" if she doesn't care for him? What he did was very wrong and he shouldn't get away with it but I don't understand why your daughter bothered wasting her time going over there. Also, if she's 14 yrs old, what was she doing over there by herself? I would not allow my own daughter if I have one to go over to some guy's house alone. I was not allowed to go over to anyone's house alone, male or female at that age.
 
Hey all! Newbie here, though I've visited the site a number of times in the past.

I have to say, as disgusting as the incident was, I don't think it was indecent exposure. Furthermore, "sex offender" is a legal term of art, not a casual derogatory term. Without looking it up, I would guess that an element of the crime of "indecent exposure" is that it occur in public. From the story it sounds like it happened entirely inside the house. But those of you saying such an act does meet all the elements of indecent exposure, please site for me the relevant provision of the criminal code in your state.

And if you contact the cops, my guess is they would say that unless the guy made an actual, physical advance toward the girl, he did not commit any crime. He was just being a creep. (For instance, "assault" at common law, and maybe still under some codified state criminal or civil codes, was putting someone in the immediate apprehension of a "battery" [any unwelcome touching].)
 
Leslie, Hotspur's comments were indeed offensive (intentionally so), not to mention excessively judgmental for both you and your daughter. The 14-year-old crowd isn't exactly a hotbed of sound, seasoned judgment. And 14-year-olds, especially female 14-year-olds, innocently think that if they tell someone face to face to leave them alone, the Someone will do so. The pervs of the world (and I think this boy is a budding perv) thrive on contact with people like your daughter, and will say anything to create a context for contact.

Just in passing, when I was 14 I was not only allowed to go to friends' houses without parental chaperonage, I was also allowed to babysit. And I don't think I was exactly unique in that regard.

Don't blame yourself, or your daughter, for what happened in this situation. She was manipulated. I stand by my advice earlier that this incident needs to be reported to the police.

A-Jock
 
Leslie, I say again, you need to make a police report regarding this, REGARDLESS of whether charges ensue. Forget about whether the statutory definition is exactly met.

A-Jock
 
>Leslie, I say again, you need to make a police report
>regarding this, REGARDLESS of whether charges ensue. Forget
>about whether the statutory definition is exactly met.
>
>A-Jock
>

Uh-oh, sounds like you're admitting this wasn't really indecent exposure.

And I think the definition of the kind of conduct suggested by A-Jock is "wasting the time of the police." So, Leslie, not only would you be reporting a non-existent "crime," but as as soon as the cops left they'd be laughing about the whole thing. They may let you file a report, just to throw you a bone.

By the way, I don't know why you're criticizing Hotspur, A-jock. It sounds like you agreed with about everything she said. And both Hotspur and A-jock seem to be suggesting that you, Leslie, were at fault for letting your daughter go over there by herself.
 
I didn't let her go by herself, when she told me what she was doing I made my 13 year old son go with her intending on him going in with her, I didn't my son took a friend with him that talked him into staying outside with him and letting my daughter go in by herlsef. He has never pulled a stunt like this before, he has been to our house before because he was friends with my son. He was annoying but I would have never guessed him doing something like this. I am sorry I should have said more clearly on the relationship with my kids and this boy. He is not allowed at our house nor is my kids allowed to go over to his house nor answer his calls when and if he calls. My daughter says she is ok but I keep making sure because she is a pretty sheltered young lady with good morals and high standards she set for herself. And the only reason she went was because he kept calling her all summer and she refused and she wanted to get him off her back, she is not the kind to be mean or rude, she is a very sweet and smart young lady.
 
I work in this field. I will tell you from my professional experience, this is how the sex offender starts out. Unfortuneatly the cops probably wouldn't do anything about it, but in another 10 years he will have victimized a woman far worse and will probably end up with more serious charges facing him.
 
At least she can call and file a complaint if nothing else. If he tries this again, the complaint will be on file!
 
Wow!! I can't believe some of the posts I'm reading right now.

Hotspur - I'm just shaking my head at your comments...way out of line. x( x(

Leslie - you and your daughter are absolutely NOT AT FAULT. This kid sounds like a sex offender in the making. Contact the police. This might not be the first time (or last time) he's done something like this. They would want to know.

I hope you and your daughter are able to get past this soon. Take care.
 
Leslie, I am so sorry your daughter experienced this! Keep the lines of communication open, which it sounds like you are doing.

As for the legalities, I admit that I am not a legal eagle. I do agree that you should consider a report. In Missouri, this boy could be charged with the crime of sexual misconduct for exposing his genitals. If found guilty, he would be a juvenile sexual offender and be required to register as a juvenile sex offender unless he was tried as an adult. I agree that if it is not significant now, it may be down the road. I know too well the sexual experiences these young ladies are faced with today based on my work in the family planning clinic. As the mother of a future teen daughter, I'd be all over this.
 
(((( Lesliemarie )))))) You and your daughter did NOTHING wrong. My daughter is 13. She goes to her friends' houses by herself all the time, as long as I know where she's going. Please don't take the blame for this on yourself. You did nothing out of the oridinary. I agree completely with A-Jock and others who feel you should tell the police. They will not laugh at you. And if they do, they won't be laughing when one day they arrest this same 14 year old boy for rape. He obviously has problems, and if you can help prevent something else happening in the future by filing a police report, that's good. Nik (my daughter) hangs out with both boys and girls her own age and a few years older, and this is NOT normal behavior. If one of the kids in our neighborhood did this same thing to her or any other child, I'd be down the street at our neighbor's house (who is a cop) so fast you'd see the smoke trail. Statues or not ... code violations or not ... it is NOT appropriate behavior, and you better believe I'd be telling the cops about it.

You're a good mom so I don't have to tell you this, but right now your daughter needs your support, and she needs to see you standing up for what is right in this case. It will give her back the sense of control this boy took from her, and it will teach her the "right" thing to do in a case like this. You may want to take her with you to make the police report. I think it will help empower her against anything that might happen in the future.

Carol
:)
 
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