Dating & text messaging

LauraMax

LauraMax

Cathlete
OK, I don't normally post my more personal stuff here, for a couple of reasons:

1) there isn't much of it
2) what there is isn't very exciting
3) b/c I just don't like to, mostly b/c of # 1 & 2 :p

But I think I've gotten to the point where I could use some advice. First, let me point out I am NOT a fan of text messaging. I don't have a plan, & I have an old fashioned phone w/numbers on it, no keyboard. So there's your background.

Well, twice in the last year I've met guys I was interested in. The first was finishing a residency in New Orleans & was then relocating back to NJ (this was a blind date), so we met once or twice when he was home visiting family, went back to NO, & was coming back again in about a month. So he starts texting me like every 10 minutes. I make it very clear I think actually TALKING is a better way to get to know each other & I don't want to text. He ignores me. I'm not kidding you when I tell you I got 80 texts from him betw. Thurs night & Mon morning. I know this b/c that's all my phone will hold & he filled it up. I finally stopped responding, he went nuts, then he never talked to me again.

Recently I met a guy at the gym I really hit it off with. He calls me a couple times, we have plans for lunch Sun. Sat he sends me about 4 texts while I was working out. I called him after the 4th & said look, this is costing me money, I'd really rather just talk on the phone. He says no problem, I'm at lunch right now, I'll call you when I'm done. I never heard from him again.

So what is the deal w/this? I honestly do not want to start a relationship & try to get to know someone through text messaging. I can't use proper spelling & grammar, I never feel like I can get across what I really want to say. If a guy wants to say hey, how are you, what are you up to, why can't he just pick up the phone & call?

Am I destined to be single forever b/c I refuse to do this texting thing? :(
 
Laura, I can't give you any dating advice, but I can say that I agree with you on the texting thing. I use my phone for the occasional emergency phone call and that's it. No texting, no driving and yakking (because it's too distracting for me).

However, I will say that I agree that it does seem impersonal to date via snippets of data. (Good thing your dates don't Twitter...)

Anyway, if these guys don't get the hint (chat, don't text), then obviously they're not paying attention and do you really want to have a relationship with them? Because that never gets better with time!

Hang in there!
 
Lol, Laura! Not laughing at you, but those guys! What goobers! I'm a fan of texting, but not incessant texting. These guys both sound over the top. There is a certain etiquette when it comes to texting as well - i.e. don't overload the other person with texts! Not everyone has unlimited texting, so it's actually very RUDE for that first guy to keep sending you texts like that. It also shows that they both lack some major interpersonal skills. You cannot get to know someone by texting them! That's something for people who are already friends to send a quick note to the other person. I'd be annoyed to and like I said, I love texting - but only in certain conditions.
 
Wow, I can't believe the 2nd guy didn't call you back. What a dumb ass. And I agree with the texting. You cannot get to know someone with only texting as your mode of communication. I use mine when I need to tell my dh something or I'll just send him an I love you text. Other then that, I'll call him.

I think it was rude of both of those guys to do that to you. Period. Like another poster said, not everyone has unlimited texting. I think I would have sent the 1st dude my bill! :eek:
 
I agree about how annoying the texting is!! Hate it. We don't have aplan on ours either. I called & put a block on the phones so we wouldn't be charged extra when we do get them. Maybe if you did that they would get the idea. Doesn't sound like they were to bright anyway.
 
I also do not text -- don't really know how in that if I try, my texts are completely garbled with typos I don't know how to fix. The few people who get them from me must thing I'm such a dork! But, I'm told by people who are younger than I am or who have relatives of that age, that if you want to communicate with people of that age, you will get an instant response from texting where they might not even pick up their phone! Very strange, and I fear for what it all will do to human relations over time -- I really think people of that age are going to have a hard time communicating in any real way. I don't know how old you are, Laura, but maybe try to find a guy who's a few years older???? I dunno......

-Beth
 
Ugh. Men can really be so lazy, can't they? I enjoy an occasional text, like 2 per day, but beyond that, it sucks. If they don't get the hint, or continue to act like that, they aren't the types of guys you want to be with anyway, are they? Think of these experiences as good tactics to weed out the A-holes.

Something else to keep in mind, lots of people, especially men, don't really enjoy speaking on the phone. The fact that they sent so many texts showed that they did want to communicate with you, they just wanted to do it lazily, or find ways to remain disconnected from whatever it was they were doing while they were texting you. Even worse than a person sending you so many texts is someone who is out with you and sending someone else tons of texts. I was training my replacement at the job I was leaving and she sent the whole time sending texts, so I got up and left and wished her good luck. She kept trying to call me to ask me about how to do her new job and I had to explain that we had a training session and she decided to text friends instead. I told her to call her new boss and ask him.
 
OK - well from the dating point of view.. here is what I know/think.... texting is a great way to send some communication without having to answer the phone... if I am at a baseball game with my kids - I dont want to talk on the phone - I would rather text.... if I am at the grocery store, at work, etc - I would rather send/receive a text.... And I would rather be able to text then just having to wait until I an talk on the phone... I dont think it is lazy or whatever - it really just is the way to send a message and let someone answer you when they have time. Even on the guys side - maybe he is out golfing with his buddies - but thinking of you - wanting to communicate - picking up the phone is not as viable of an option - so he sends a quick text... :) MUCH easier than picking up the phone all the time.

I also totally LOVE getting a quick text from someone - letting me know they are thinking about me!! I cant even tell you how many Happy Mothers Day texts I got yesterday - from all kinds of friends... :) Loved um!!!!!!!!

Now I do beleive in some eddicate - DO NOT blast someone with a ton of texts. 80 in a few days is too much - esp if you are not answering them back. It really should be a 1 : 1 or 2 ratio on the texting... I just finished a 3 mo stint on match.com - and communication via text is very prominant and normal part of dating life these days.
 
aproudfit said:
OK - well from the dating point of view.. here is what I know/think.... texting is a great way to send some communication without having to answer the phone... if I am at a baseball game with my kids - I dont want to talk on the phone - I would rather text.... if I am at the grocery store, at work, etc - I would rather send/receive a text.... And I would rather be able to text then just having to wait until I an talk on the phone... I dont think it is lazy or whatever - it really just is the way to send a message and let someone answer you when they have time.
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I think that's fine, but my issue is we've JUST MET and if he's interested, he will find 15 freakin minutes out of his day to call & say what's up. A couple of texts is fine--all texts & no phone calls is not. :mad:

Actually Anne, you kind of inadvertantly pointed out what's bugging me so much about this. He doesn't think I'm worth the time to set aside a few minutes for a phone call!
 
Laura, I think you're right on this one. Texts are for short messages, not getting to know you conversations. My texts are limited to "love you" or "plz stop for milk" If I need to carry on a conversation, I call. That's what those buttons with numbers are for on the phone!

Nan
 
I would feel exactly as you do, Laura. I think texting is a way for people to keep somebody brand new strung along without putting in the effort of an actual connection. It is a big red flag that these people aren't interested enough to talk for 15 minutes. When I'm interested in somebody, I CAN'T WAIT to hear their voice on the phone, or see them in person, or whatever. If they don't want to, especially when you are adamantly against the texting, then it's a pretty clear indicator of where they stand. A few texts here and there are fine and harmless, even though I don't partake in them myself :).

I mean, truly, I hate talking on the phone, too, but for the people that are important to me, I do it; I make the time. I do not text. At all. My SO does not either. And I want to punch in the face all the people I try to have a conversation with who do nothing but sit and text other people. How in the world is this ok??? These dudes that you met would probably be doing that all of the time, as well, if texting is such a huge part of their lives.

Good riddance. It's just a shiny and new way for rude men to express their rudeness and they have no business dating a real woman.
 
Beavs said:
I contacted my wireless provided and had texting and internet shut off. It was a waste of $$
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I had them disable text messaging and internet on the day I got my phone. When I see people going at it with their thumbs on their phones I just start LOL!! They look crazed or something. :eek:
 
Beavs said:
I contacted my wireless provided and had texting and internet shut off. It was a waste of $$
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I did the same thing!

I didn't even realize I had texting capabilities on my phone until one of my employees texted me to say she wasn't coming into work.

Totally unacceptable to text your boss...:mad: And I made that clear to her the following day!:eek:
 
I don't get the text thing either. My brother had a 6 month relationship with someone that obviously didn't last. It was what I was calling a textship. Everytime they got into an arguement or needed to "talk" they would text each other. I would keep making fun of him saying that it must be so hard to have a conversation face to face huh? It seems like it is the new "in" thing. I think cell phones are a wonderful modern invention, but I use mine fo emergencies only and I couldn't even tell you how to text. I'm just a big fat square about it. I just prefer to talk to people face to face.
 
I would love to be able to do that! Unfortunately there are times I might need a text--"meeting moved to library," "boss running late," yadda yadda yadda. But those are texts I don't mind getting.

Perhaps I should consider myself lucky no one has sexted me yet!

Oh wait, perhaps I should consider myself unlucky........

Eh, forget it. :p
 
Liann said:
It also shows that they both lack some major interpersonal skills.
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I suspect this is becoming a serious problem with a lot of people.

I've noticed that moms I meet up with in person have some difficulty talking face-to-face yet have no trouble emailing paragraphs of conversation.

I, however, am fluent in both. :eek:

The point made about really getting excited to talk to someone you like is a good one too. When DH and I were dating, we couldn't wait to call or see each other. Texting might have been cute, but it wouldn't have replaced traditional communication.

Hang in there, Laura. There are normal guys out there, I promise.
 
I am a texter. I admit I enjoy it and do it often BUT I would never rely on it as the main form of communication if I were trying to get to know a new guy better. That's tacky IMO. A text here or there is fine but I think it's much better to pick up the phone and call in this situation.
 
I dont like to talk on the phone ..so I do text ... not that I dont care about the phone and actually TALKING to someone .. I do if it is important .. or has bearing on my day/life/relationships .... but just to chat .. NOT ME (mainly b/c I stay on phone all day at work) .. but my VBF is a totally gabaholic ... can not quit talking .. now she is texting .. but it saves me time b/c if I get on the phone w/her it takes FOREVER to get off of the phone .. she keeps on and on .. she knows I dont like long drawn out talks about nothing .. so she now texts me about little snip its throughout her day/night ..

NOW a relationship . . a quick text is fine .. but yup .. I would have to have face to face talks or on the phone .. b/c texting is a form of communication that does not allow you to "feel" out what the person is thinking or feeling .. 80 text .. OMG that is insane .. he has issues .. you are better off .. the other dude .. HIS LOSS ..

I have another VBF that is ADDICTED to texting .. and yes all her male "friends" text her .. and sexting her ... I dont get it .. kinda dirty and sleezy but she thinks it is hillarious . she takes them w/a grain of salt and just thinks it funny .. ??? .. I dunno .. I dont get it!!! I think texting and sexting is out of control .. (dont even get me started about twitter .. wth???) .. and I do think it is like "chat rooms" were when they first came about .. a way of flirting .. being anonymous ... and pushing the envelope w/out putting your feelings out there ... :confused:
 
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