Comfortable In Your Skin

[DirtDiva]

I loved Meowracer's recent post titled: "Cool fitness pics of women..."

It is a great testament to how different our bodies can be sport to sport. I wish we (society) could come to the same realization that most women don't walk around with wash-board abs, and perfect hips and legs. I worry about my girl who is now 15 and completely immersed in the latest clothing trends and what her body looks like in them, despite my subtle ways of steering her away from that pressure. Ahhh youth.... So check this blog on News Week. Wow...I am stoked that finally a major woman's magazine shows a woman's body that isn't a size 2.

http://blog.newsweek.com/blogs/theh...talking-about-glamour-s-plus-sized-model.aspx

 

[spyrosmom]

I'm not quite that tall, but that's about what I look like nekkid. Some days I'm cool with it, others I'm not. Heck, she's cute, and not bad to look at.

However this (comment on the site) -

She's an inch taller than me and 55 pounds heavier. (I'm male.) She's grossly overweight and unhealthy. The only reason she's on a magazine cover is because she has a thin, attractive face.

Pushed my buttons!!! That moronic, juvenile, piece of *%(@ needs to spend the rest of his life in a bed w/ unwashed sheets and only his hand for company


I just wish, like someone else on that site posted, that they would use the "larger" models for something other than "feel good about your body at any size!" More magazines are using "larger" women as clothes models, which is good, but seems as all the high end designers still use stick figures, who they say make the clothes look good. I don't understand that, bc most of the time, they are mismatched, schlumpy, god awful clothes that are hanging off of the sticks. I've managed to get down to a size 10 but I wish back when I was in school, there were more ads with larger females dressed up nice. I was a jeans and T shirt gal bc there wasn't much else. Now I get Fashion Bug and Lane Bryant ads in the mail, and the ladies are all heavier but still dressed niced, put together, and wearing current fashions. THAT would have been nice back in the day.

Oddly enough, after losing weight, I am more concerned than ever about what I weigh, what I eat, and what I look like. The weight/eating is more about health and feeling good, but then the vanity kicks in as well. Its like once you start to feel good, then you start to look better, and want to hold on to it. I know it is terrible, but I see very overweight people now, and I sometimes think "how could you do that??"" It is wrong of me, and a terrible thing to think, but it pops in my head. I've been there, and it sucks, but I feel and look so much better now, that I wonder why people still do it. Then I realize I've been there, and I don't know why I did it either, and it wasn't easy being that weight and looking like that, and taking the criticism and stares from strangers. And that gets me off the holier than thou pretty quickly.

Unfortunately, I think most of the world (myself included) gets way too tied up into other people's business (reality TV anyone?) and feel like we can critcize, make fun of, and mock other people just bc they don't live our way. And we don't think about other people's feelings. So, kudos to the girl in the magazine - she looks good, and poo-poo to the people who have nasty things to say about her. I bet most people would not be sitting there naked in a magazine regardless of size/shape. Lets all just play nice together.

Nan

 

[GMonkey]

Well, it's sure nice of Glamour to throw average sized women a bone by placing her on page 194--she's not on the cover, nor are women that size represented in television and film--unless they are the friend, or the goofy chick, or the pitiful heavy girl the cute boy likes afterall, and for some reason it's a big deal and he's some sort of martyr.

 

[nancy324]

I've mentioned this before, but it keeps happening. I'm looking at a picture of an outfit on a model, and it's an outfit I've purchased or I've seen on someone I know, and I think it doesn't look as good on the model. The models just don't fill out the clothes as nicely as real women do. In an age where more people are buying clothes online without trying them on, I don't see how these shapeless models can possibly be helping sales. I just don't get it.

Not only is it true that real women have curves, in my opinion it's also true that curves have it all over stick figures in terms of attractiveness (and any straight guy will be happy to confirm it for you ).

 

[ldy_solana]

i am just deeply offended that b/c she is size 12-14 she is a 'plus sized" model. i am size 12 and have a little loose belly roll. i also had a baby and 2 surgeries within 1 1/2 year and its taken nearly 9 years for it to get where it is now and it could be another 9 years before its flat again,if it can ever be.

i have struggled for years with body image stemmed from abuse and just cruel high school life and bombardment from the magazines. i am really trying to say this is me love it or leave it but the world is obviously still cruel.

she is a woman and a very pretty woman and i wish that is all they would see her as. nancy i am with you i haven't met TO many men that like stick figures. my husband doesn't even turn his head towards a skinnier girl. he likes plump LOL

kassia

 

[JeanneMarie]

I'm all for body acceptance and wanting everyone to be happy in their skin, but why are we concerned about what men think?

If a man likes me as I am, fine. If he doesn't, then that's fine too because I like me just as I am.

I think too many women worry about what men think. For me, I happy with how I look and what I weigh because that is how I want to look, not how my DH wants me to look. Maybe that's just me though!

Also, I think it's funny when I hear someone say that most men don't like skinny women. Uhhh... in my many years of observation, I have determined that men like women, period. I don't think many of them are going to turn a woman away because she isn't exactly the right weight, whether that's on the low end or the high end of the scale.

 

[nancy324]

I'm all for body acceptance and wanting everyone to be happy in their skin, but why are we concerned about what men think?

If a man likes me as I am, fine. If he doesn't, then that's fine too because I like me just as I am.

I think too many women worry about what men think. For me, I happy with how I look and what I weigh because that is how I want to look, not how my DH wants me to look. Maybe that's just me though!

Also, I think it's funny when I hear someone say that most men don't like skinny women. Uhhh... in my many years of observation, I have determined that men like women, period. I don't think many of them are going to turn a woman away because she isn't exactly the right weight, whether that's on the low end or the high end of the scale.

JM,
I disagree that too many women worry about what men think. Unless I'm living in a very sheltered world (which is possible), it seems to me that most women want their bodies to be the way they want them to be for whatever their own personal reasons may be. Sure, you always have your gold diggers who are trying to "catch" a man for all the wrong reasons, but I don't think that describes most women. I think we are much harder on ourselves than any guy could be. We have all kinds of crazy standards for ourselves. And I agree that straight men are pretty easy to please, unless they're trying to prove something to themselves or others.

If most of us just wanted to please men, we'd own one cheap figure-hugging dress and wear it to everything we're invited to. All the women's retail stores would go out of business! If I dress for anyone aside from myself, I would say it's other women. Men never notice anything, but women notice every detail. I openly admit that I do get caught up in what other women think of how I look. I'm not proud of it, but I'd be lying if I said otherwise.

And by the way, in case you were referring to yourself, I don't think of you as "skinny". I think of you as ravishing!

 

[ldy_solana]

I openly admit that I do get caught up in what other women think of how I look. I'm not proud of it, but I'd be lying if I said otherwise.

i admit to this as well,well not worried about looking top for another woman but if they say something criticizing then it seems to hurt my feelings a lot more then if a man says so. if a man makes fun of my belly roll i brush it off and tell them that is why they will be with their hand tonight! when another woman makes fun of me,it hurts and makes me feel ugly. i am not totally sure WHY that is. haven't gone over that in therapy yet. i guess in high school it was mostly girls who would pick on me for not having latest clothes or bothering to do my hair the way they did theirs who knows WHY.

kassia

 

[janie1234]

Men never notice anything, but women notice every detail.

In our house this is so true. I could have a tatoo on my nose and my husband wouldn't notice.

All joking aside, .. DirtDiva thanks for posting this. You know for some reason the older I get the more accepting of my body I become. I have my belly roll, , . . having 2 kids will do that to you. I also read Oxygen magazine and think holy moly these women have abs you can grate cheese on, . . and some of them are mom's. I also realize that this is their job and what they do for a living. They workout, several times a day and have to eat clean all the time.
I sometimes feel sad when I read a post about someone feeling bad and beating themselved up that they ate a cheesburger or missed a workout, . . . .because I feel like the media plants this image in our heads of what we are supposed to look like even though it is unrealistic.
When my mother in law was first diagnoised with lung cancer one of the most interesting things she said to me was that all her life she's been on a diet constantly restricting herself and now in an atempt to extend her life her Dr.'s want her to eat whatever she wants just so she can gain weight, . .cookies, cake, . . .anything, . . . she is 5' 7" and she now weighs 101 lbs.
Gosh in the end to me it is all about being fit and healthy and having fun doing it and I love that I can run, mountain bike, do push ups and get through Cathe workouts all with my belly roll keeping me company.

 

[Katerchen]

JM,
If I dress for anyone aside from myself, I would say it's other women. Men never notice anything, but women notice every detail. I openly admit that I do get caught up in what other women think of how I look. I'm not proud of it, but I'd be lying if I said otherwise.

Do YOU care about what other women dress like? I dress for myself and nobody else. I could care less what the lady next to me is wearing. I simply do not care. Maybe nobody else cares either, we only THINK everyone cares about how we look.

 

[JeanneMarie]

JM,
I disagree that too many women worry about what men think. Unless I'm living in a very sheltered world (which is possible), it seems to me that most women want their bodies to be the way they want them to be for whatever their own personal reasons may be. Sure, you always have your gold diggers who are trying to "catch" a man for all the wrong reasons, but I don't think that describes most women. I think we are much harder on ourselves than any guy could be. We have all kinds of crazy standards for ourselves. And I agree that straight men are pretty easy to please, unless they're trying to prove something to themselves or others.

If most of us just wanted to please men, we'd own one cheap figure-hugging dress and wear it to everything we're invited to. All the women's retail stores would go out of business! If I dress for anyone aside from myself, I would say it's other women. Men never notice anything, but women notice every detail. I openly admit that I do get caught up in what other women think of how I look. I'm not proud of it, but I'd be lying if I said otherwise.

And by the way, in case you were referring to yourself, I don't think of you as "skinny". I think of you as ravishing!

Thanks for your thoughts, Nancy! I agree with you that women are harder on each other than men ever are. I guess I was referring to comments where women say something to the effect of, "I am fine with my size. DH likes me this size." I just don't think anybody ought to be a certain way (size) because someone else likes them that way.

Yet, what you said is very true. Women do notice other women. I notice other women's clothing because I love pretty outfits. I really don't pay a lot of attention to someone's weight or size though.

You are so kind. Thank you for the "ravishing" compliment! (((Hug)))

 

[nancy324]

Do YOU care about what other women dress like? I dress for myself and nobody else. I could care less what the lady next to me is wearing. I simply do not care. Maybe nobody else cares either, we only THINK everyone cares about how we look.

Care? Not so much. But I definitely notice. And if I don't know the person, and I see that she knows how to dress herself well and in good taste, my first impression will probably be that she's well-educated and successful at what she does, and who knows what else. Of course, I may later find that I was quite wrong, but first impressions do matter. Of course, if it's someone I already know, then appearances are a lot less meaningful.

Sorry to get so far off topic, DirtDiva!

 

[janie1234]

Do YOU care about what other women dress like? I dress for myself and nobody else. I could care less what the lady next to me is wearing. I simply do not care. Maybe nobody else cares either, we only THINK everyone cares about how we look.

Well, . . . I'm gonna go ahead and say that I notice and care what other women/people dress like. If a woman is walking down the street wearing a skin tight white, see through tank top with no bra and a short black mini skirt that shows off her butt crack, . . .well I don't know if there are many people out there that truly would not notice but if I were with my children I would highly care. I knew a guy who would wear lycra biker shorts with a thick gold chain and pink muscle man tank top and he had a handle bar mustache with a mullet (and no he was not fit) but I can't help but notice that. People look at other people, . .and size is really not the issue. You don't have to be skinny to have good,decent, or respectable taste in clothing.

 

[DirtDiva]

Unfortunately, I think most of the world (myself included) gets way too tied up into other people's business (reality TV anyone?) and feel like we can criticize, make fun of, and mock other people just bc they don't live our way. And we don't think about other people's feelings. So, kudos to the girl in the magazine - she looks good, and poo-poo to the people who have nasty things to say about her. I bet most people would not be sitting there naked in a magazine regardless of size/shape. Lets all just play nice together.

Nan

Geez...this to me is so profound! I don't know when it became acceptable to be purposely rude to complete strangers, especially on television! Is it me or are there a ton of shows based on insults, such as the late night shows and comedies, etc. I can't understand what's to be gained by being so critical.

i am just deeply offended that b/c she is size 12-14 she is a 'plus sized" model. i am size 12 and have a little loose belly roll. i also had a baby and 2 surgeries within 1 1/2 year and its taken nearly 9 years for it to get where it is now and it could be another 9 years before its flat again,if it can ever be.

kassia

I gained an astonishing 110 pounds with my first pregnancy! My concerned doc ran the tests, but couldn't find anything out of the ordinary. I'm 5'9" and was 130 and stopped weighing when the scale tipped 240. Took me a year and a half, but it came off only to repeat all over again with my daughter. I know its immensely hard, but keep doing what you are doing! I never went back down to 130 and I'm hovering around 147 right now, but I'm muscular and happy for the most part with my body. I have a slight belly too when I sit like that, and I don't know many people in general who don't.

I'm all for body acceptance and wanting everyone to be happy in their skin, but why are we concerned about what men think?

I just LOVE this attitude! And I am trying SO hard to adopt it, but dang its hard because I want my husband to LUST after me.

In our house this is so true. I could have a tatoo on my nose and my husband wouldn't notice.

I have my belly roll, , . . having 2 kids will do that to you. I also read Oxygen magazine and think holy moly these women have abs you can grate cheese on, . . and some of them are mom's.

Ha...I got a bar bell in my navel a few years back and it took a while before he figured THAT one out! And don't you ever wonder if those women on Oxygen had a little help from the photo-shop department? After seeing what they can do and reading that everything we see is doctored in some way, I'm started to get a healthy dose of nahhh!

... but first impressions do matter. Of course, if it's someone I already know, then appearances are a lot less meaningful.

Sorry to get so far off topic, DirtDiva!

Nancy, you can go off topic as much as you want! And I agree, first impressions can stick, but there have been many times I shudder at my own fashion blunders when I've seen myself in a full-length mirror at someone else's house. Why is that anyway, you think everything looks great and then your out and ackkk! I'm the last person to walk into any party feeling confident with what I'm wearing. If its not technical clothing for cycling or snow sports, I'm lost! When I shop, I look at the manikins and that as far as my fashion IQ manifests itself, or I completely enlist the help of someone who works there, telling them this is where I'm going and this is my size, now what do I do? I wish I had that ability, I really do, when you can pull something together and just look great!

 

[meowracer]

DIRT DIVA - How long have I known you, and how much stuff have we shared? See, this is why we need to meet up for that ride! I had no idea you had the barbell belly ring, or that you gained that during your pregnancies. I gained 55lbs. That alone nearly did me in. I started at 125 lbs. so made it to 160. Nice to have boobs for once, though

I think this is an awesome thread. I had seen that pic that somebody posted on FB. I would have preferred her naked as opposed to that tiny little thread cutting her across the middle but totally agree, she looks beautiful and very happy. People need to get a life if all they have time to do is criticize and be ugly. Our bodies do amazing things - we need to be proud of our many shapes and sizes. I am not always good at this for myself when I look in the mirror on a bad day, but such is life. Oh, and a lusting husband...they exist? Really? Well, yeah they do and then they turn into the ex that I ride bikes with

 

[DirtDiva]

DIRT DIVA - How long have I known you, and how much stuff have we shared? See, this is why we need to meet up for that ride! I had no idea you had the barbell belly ring, or that you gained that during your pregnancies. I gained 55lbs. That alone nearly did me in. I started at 125 lbs. so made it to 160. Nice to have boobs for once, though

I think this is an awesome thread. I had seen that pic that somebody posted on FB. I would have preferred her naked as opposed to that tiny little thread cutting her across the middle but totally agree, she looks beautiful and very happy. People need to get a life if all they have time to do is criticize and be ugly. Our bodies do amazing things - we need to be proud of our many shapes and sizes. I am not always good at this for myself when I look in the mirror on a bad day, but such is life. Oh, and a lusting husband...they exist? Really? Well, yeah they do and then they turn into the ex that I ride bikes with

OMG!!! I had to put a popsicle down for this one!

I was glorious "up there" and I really think breastfeeding had much to do with weight loss. I know what its like to be a size 22 and all the sizes down to 6-8 and I emphasize with the hard work it takes to get there. Ya my barbell, talk about feeling truly invisible! Truth, its a tiny thing, but come-on now, you'd think he would have noticed, my riding buddies noticed before he did! And as far as that lusting husband...I don't think lust lasts forever, but it sure would be nice if it would *pop* up every now and then and say "Hi!"

 

[meowracer]

DD - just sent you an email. Ha on the popsicle! I love popsicles and those Skinny Cow fudgesicles. Not exactly squeaky clean but better than lots of options Anyway, certainly the lust can't be present 100% of the time, but yeah, nice if it would come calling every now and again! I know for me, it would go far in keeping me an honest woman...

ETA: now some popsicles can be downright healthy - love those! Then again, I also have to have those red, white and blue rocket shaped ones - at least one box in the summer. Oh yum - high fructose corn syrup and all. And those Scribblers are downright pornographic but Halle likes them and is too young to see anything but a crayon, thankfully! One day, I'll eat one and take a pic of what they look like when I eat the outer layer off, which is how we eat them. Oy.

 

[DirtDiva]

DD - just sent you an email. Ha on the popsicle! I love popsicles and those Skinny Cow fudgesicles. Not exactly squeaky clean but better than lots of options Anyway, certainly the lust can't be present 100% of the time, but yeah, nice if it would come calling every now and again! I know for me, it would go far in keeping me an honest woman...

ETA: now some popsicles can be downright healthy - love those! Then again, I also have to have those red, white and blue rocket shaped ones - at least one box in the summer. Oh yum - high fructose corn syrup and all. And those Scribblers are downright pornographic but Halle likes them and is too young to see anything but a crayon, thankfully! One day, I'll eat one and take a pic of what they look like when I eat the outer layer off, which is how we eat them. Oy.

I am reading that email right now! And how did you know THAT was the popsicle I was eating?! I love anything made by Skinny Cow, and you have to try Edy's Fruit Bars in Lemonaide...I give those a good Minnesota "oofta" rating.

 

[ldy_solana]

Thanks for your thoughts, Nancy! I agree with you that women are harder on each other than men ever are. I guess I was referring to comments where women say something to the effect of, "I am fine with my size. DH likes me this size." I just don't think anybody ought to be a certain way (size) because someone else likes them that way.

jeanne i think i only mention that dh likes me for me is b/c it makes me feel better then he loves me know when i have gained weight and my body changed just as much as when he first met me and i didn't have the belly roll etc. i wouldn't say i stay this way for HIM its just i beat myself up to look perfect and he says i shouldn't kill myself to look a certain way b/c i am beautiful in his eyes.

its very hard to explain myself b/c not many have gone through what i have gone through when i started to go through puberty(something traumatic) so it had an effect on how i see myself for many years and how i wonder how others see me. its nobody's fault and its something i have to work through but i do roll with something when i am accepted for how i am b/c it says "you don't have to be society's perfect for somebody's love". that is all where i am coming from when i say dh likes me the way i am i don't stay this way for HIM or anybody else. if i had my way i would be paris hilton thin trying to via for everybody's acceptence.

it just doesn't help well ppl refer to sizes like me as 'plus size' or i have ppl making fun of my belly roll and i try to laugh it off but its hurtful b/c if that is all somebody sees of me then its like they can't get past how i look to know me. for some ppl this is no big deal but anybody that has body image issues this is huge.

kassia

 

[LauraMax]

Happy in my skin? Uh uh. Even my skin makes me unhappy, forget about what's inside it!

I don't worry about my appearance for men either, I worry about it b/c I've set an absurd & unrealistic standard for myself. I could live up to it when I was younger. The problem for me has been accepting a more mature body, which I guess comes along w/a more mature metabolism, not to mention gravity. I've been working very hard trying to accept it. Frankly, seeing Cathe on my TV every morning doesn't help. How DOES she do it?

I also have to confess I on occasion judge women by their attire. Esp. in the gym. I often have an "OMG, what was she thinking" or "does she have funhouse mirrors at home" moment.