Can a married woman and a single man be just friends?
- Thread starter jillybean
- Start date
I think you can be friends but the line is a careful one. Have you ever heard of an emmotional affair? It's when you let yourself get closer to another person of the opposite sex emmotionaly. For instance a good way to see if you are tending that way is if something exciting or bad happens, who is the first person you would tell. Personally in my marraige I am not comfortable with either one of us doing things alone with another person with the opposite sex, but that is how I feel for my marraige not other peoples. A marriage is for life and it's easy to feel distant from your spouce, why throw in another wrench that could take an intimacey level away from each other. Remember I'm not talking about sex here. And DH and I have little extra time together anyway do to busy schedules so I would definately feel slighted if he took that precious time away to spend with another woman. Now group outings I'm more comfortable with that. But even that I wouldn't want to happen all the time, once again because we don't have a lot of time to ourselves.
dss62467
Cathlete
RE: Can a married woman and a single man be just friend...
Certainly! One of my best friends is a single guy. He had a crush when the friendship started, but got over it. Of course, it doesn't hurt that even if I was single, I wouldn't be attracted to him.
This is all very dependant on the strength of the relationship between the woman and her husband. If he's at all insecure, then the friendship should be ended. It's best if the friend and the husband get to know each other and become friendly, if not friends.
It also goes the other way - a married man can be friends with single women. Some of my husband's best friends are women. Of course, they are also my friends (they were his first, though).
Certainly! One of my best friends is a single guy. He had a crush when the friendship started, but got over it. Of course, it doesn't hurt that even if I was single, I wouldn't be attracted to him.
This is all very dependant on the strength of the relationship between the woman and her husband. If he's at all insecure, then the friendship should be ended. It's best if the friend and the husband get to know each other and become friendly, if not friends.
It also goes the other way - a married man can be friends with single women. Some of my husband's best friends are women. Of course, they are also my friends (they were his first, though).
kimmie2191
Cathlete
I don't think you can. Eventually one or the other would "push it" so to speak.
Kim
Kim
I would like to say yes, but before I was married I was good friends with a whole group of guys that are still single. After I started dating my husband, they all just kind of disappeared. I still see them ocasionally, but I wouldn't really say we are friends anymore. I'm not sure why this happened. When I do see them, they get along great with my husband, so that's not the reason.
I don't think it is a great idea. I think a spouse should be getting their emotional needs met by their spouse and you can run into trouble when a person of the other sex starts meeting some of your needs. It takes away from what your spouse can do for you. It could also lead to an emotional affair.
Colleen
Colleen
endorphin_junkie
Cathlete
RE: Can a married woman and a single man be just friend...
I have been on both sides of this one and I think that it greatly depends on the level of physical or sexual attraction, how secure the spouse is within him or her self and how the marriage is. As a married woman I had a few single male friends and my husband who was very secure in himself, and kept me very happy had no problem with that, the friendships were not founded on physical attraction (or they're gay) and a great relationship with hubby so nothing in that recipe spelled trouble.
I have been on my own for almost 7 years and have seen the other side, can a single woman and a married man be just friends and I say most of the time. Again (in my experience) it has everything to do with the level of physical attraction and security, I am no threat to the wives of my married male friends but just try telling some of them that. Some of my friends wives become VERY territorial when I am around, rubbing up against their spouses like cat's marking territory or will try to have me break confidence. I can understand their insecurity and have no problem backing off but will absolutely not break confidences. I have had to distance myself from some male friends when trouble in their marriage arose and repeated overt flirtation occurred. I love male companionship but I ain't no homewrecker!!!!
Take Care
Laurie
I have been on both sides of this one and I think that it greatly depends on the level of physical or sexual attraction, how secure the spouse is within him or her self and how the marriage is. As a married woman I had a few single male friends and my husband who was very secure in himself, and kept me very happy had no problem with that, the friendships were not founded on physical attraction (or they're gay) and a great relationship with hubby so nothing in that recipe spelled trouble.
I have been on my own for almost 7 years and have seen the other side, can a single woman and a married man be just friends and I say most of the time. Again (in my experience) it has everything to do with the level of physical attraction and security, I am no threat to the wives of my married male friends but just try telling some of them that. Some of my friends wives become VERY territorial when I am around, rubbing up against their spouses like cat's marking territory or will try to have me break confidence. I can understand their insecurity and have no problem backing off but will absolutely not break confidences. I have had to distance myself from some male friends when trouble in their marriage arose and repeated overt flirtation occurred. I love male companionship but I ain't no homewrecker!!!!
Take Care
Laurie
Aquajock
Cathlete
A nice, definitive mealy-mouthed answer is: it depends. On the married woman, and the quality of her relationship in the marriage. On the single guy, and his ability to maintain boundaries. On the motivations of each of those individuals within the friendship. It helps if the single guy is gay.
I also believe there are many, many physically chaste but emotionally and romantically charged "friendships" out there, both in person and in cyberspace.
It may be possible, but IMHO it's fairly rare that a heterosexual man and woman can sustain a truly platonic friendship over the long haul. The functioning genitalia of at least one of the parties almost always kicks in. I think a lot of people flatter themselves that they are having chaste friendships, and a lot of spouses of those who are conducting these friendships are kidding themselves about these friendships . . . and some are truly valid.
I dunno. Maybe I've been reading police reports too long.
A-Jock
I also believe there are many, many physically chaste but emotionally and romantically charged "friendships" out there, both in person and in cyberspace.
It may be possible, but IMHO it's fairly rare that a heterosexual man and woman can sustain a truly platonic friendship over the long haul. The functioning genitalia of at least one of the parties almost always kicks in. I think a lot of people flatter themselves that they are having chaste friendships, and a lot of spouses of those who are conducting these friendships are kidding themselves about these friendships . . . and some are truly valid.
I dunno. Maybe I've been reading police reports too long.
A-Jock
T
trevor
Guest
How interesting this thread is!! LOL!!
I think A-Jock pretty much hit the nail on the head with her response.
Here's the bottom line ladies from a relatively normal guy here(no comments on that please!! LOL!!)
1. The first thing any normal heterosexual male(married or otherwise) thinks about when he sees ANY woman is -- "I wonder what it would be like to have sex with her?" And it happens even with women we see all the time! EVERY time we see them! We cannot help it, it's in our biological wiring, and if I am a pig for stating it then so be it. It's the absolute truth. Sorry! LOL! We think about sex every 5 mins.! Hell I have thought about it twice since starting this post.
2. Women make better friends than men do. Simple fact. They listen better and most have a softer side that men prefer talking to, even if the guys don't admit it. Male friends come with too much macho B.S. and spend most of their time BSing each other. With women, you feel like you can have a serious talk about more emotional, real life issues other than who's got the biggest truck, wallet, etc.
3. I think men and women can be friends but like A-Jock stated, I think in most cases eventually the biology kicks in for either both parties, or at least one of them---most likely the guy. Not ALL cases.
Since I am being honest and trying to add to this thread I'll admit something -- I was once accused of being on this site because I was looking to hook up with women, which is completely false. However, part of the reason I come here other than fitness is that I find you ladies very easy to "talk" with and I enjoy the back and forth banter with women---for reasons I stated above. I can get a different perspective from you all than I would get on a male-dominated site. But having said that, I have also been attracted to some of you whose pictures I have seen. I hope that doesn't make any of you feel uncomfortable. I certainly respect my marriage and would never do anything to mess up. But these are all sort of the "uncomfortable truths" you get when dealing with guys. I hope I haven't made any of you lose faith in men!! LOL!! I am just telling it like it is, good or bad.
Gosh I cannot wait for the reaming I am about to get.......LOL!! And I hope I worded everything the way I meant it to be worded...
GOOOOO 24!!
Trevor
I think A-Jock pretty much hit the nail on the head with her response.
Here's the bottom line ladies from a relatively normal guy here(no comments on that please!! LOL!!)
1. The first thing any normal heterosexual male(married or otherwise) thinks about when he sees ANY woman is -- "I wonder what it would be like to have sex with her?" And it happens even with women we see all the time! EVERY time we see them! We cannot help it, it's in our biological wiring, and if I am a pig for stating it then so be it. It's the absolute truth. Sorry! LOL! We think about sex every 5 mins.! Hell I have thought about it twice since starting this post.
2. Women make better friends than men do. Simple fact. They listen better and most have a softer side that men prefer talking to, even if the guys don't admit it. Male friends come with too much macho B.S. and spend most of their time BSing each other. With women, you feel like you can have a serious talk about more emotional, real life issues other than who's got the biggest truck, wallet, etc.
3. I think men and women can be friends but like A-Jock stated, I think in most cases eventually the biology kicks in for either both parties, or at least one of them---most likely the guy. Not ALL cases.
Since I am being honest and trying to add to this thread I'll admit something -- I was once accused of being on this site because I was looking to hook up with women, which is completely false. However, part of the reason I come here other than fitness is that I find you ladies very easy to "talk" with and I enjoy the back and forth banter with women---for reasons I stated above. I can get a different perspective from you all than I would get on a male-dominated site. But having said that, I have also been attracted to some of you whose pictures I have seen. I hope that doesn't make any of you feel uncomfortable. I certainly respect my marriage and would never do anything to mess up. But these are all sort of the "uncomfortable truths" you get when dealing with guys. I hope I haven't made any of you lose faith in men!! LOL!! I am just telling it like it is, good or bad.
Gosh I cannot wait for the reaming I am about to get.......LOL!! And I hope I worded everything the way I meant it to be worded...
GOOOOO 24!!
Trevor
I'd have to say the number of such successful friendships (successful in the eyes of all parties involved) must be infinitesimally small. I'm sure it's possible, but I'd worry that there'd always be the threat, or the perception of a threat, hanging over everyone's head that if the husband doesn't make the woman perfectly happy all the time, there is someone else waiting in the wings. I'd feel the same way if the situation were reversed. I'm with A.J., though. A gay man and a married woman might have more chance of success. Just my 2 cents.
Shari
Shari
H
Hotspur
Guest
Actually, a married woman is not that much better to be friends with because quite a few married women get involved emotionally or whatnot. I don't think it matters if you're married or single. There's attraction there 99% of the time, period. Sure, there's some people who are just platonic friends. I have a single male friend whom I think is not bad looking but I'm not attracted to him at all nor is he to me but we've been friends for soooo long and we confide everything to each other we wouldn't do to our SO sometimes. It's just a good place to vent sometimes. Yes, it's true men are pigs and they think about sex every few minutes like Trevor says. Gay men are sometimes easier to be friends with. I had a gay friend who was jealous of me because I was more "feminine" than he was. OKAY.....Most of my friends are male. I can't deal with a lot of women. My husband is not too crazy about my having male friends because he thinks they all want to have sex with me. Not true. Women know other women better than a guy knowing women. Men know other men better than us women know them. We know what women are thinking and men know what men are thinking. Just the way it is. We are attracted to the opposite sex no matter what. It's human nature. A lot of you gals find nice looking men attractive even though you're married. Just because you find others attractive doesn't make you a bad person. Married but you're not dead. I find a lot of guys attractive and find some of my male friends attractive but I don't get involved. We just talk, banter, flirt sometimes as a joke, etc....I know a lot of you gals have done it. My point is it doesn't matter if the woman is married and the guy is single....One of you or both of you will be attracted to each other and if you let that willpower go, there's a problem. I know some of you think what it's like to kiss him, etc. Big deal. You're not going to hell. Just my .02
starlight6
Cathlete
Have to say yes, sometimes. I've had very close friends who were male...closer to me than DH. On the other hand, we have female friends who are closer to him.
Not being totally stupid, I know feelings can & do arise. As long as nobody even considers acting on them, so what?
I've never worried about DH & he's never worried about me. We don't seem to care if our friends are male, female, gay, or straight. They're just our friends! Takes complete trust though.
Ruth
Not being totally stupid, I know feelings can & do arise. As long as nobody even considers acting on them, so what?
I've never worried about DH & he's never worried about me. We don't seem to care if our friends are male, female, gay, or straight. They're just our friends! Takes complete trust though.
Ruth
starlight6
Cathlete
Trevor's great...wouldn't be the same here without him.