Can a married woman and a single man be just friends?

RE: Can a married woman and a single man be just friend...

My very best friend ever is a guy; however, we grew up together as my parents and his parents were best friends when they were teenagers. Our friendship has never been problem for either of our relationships. I have always made it perfectly clear to my boyfriends as well as my husband now that he is my best friend and nothing will ever change that. We don't go running to each other for emotional support as that is what our spouses are for, but we know that each other is there if needed. We tried dating once when we either 16 or 17 and it was terrible. When we kissed, I felt like I was kising my brother. Yuck. Never a chance of that happening again. The only thing we did decide as teenagers that we would be each others backup just in case we never married. We're both married now. He lives Florida and I live in Texas, but we're still best friends.
 
RE: Can a married woman and a single man be just friend...

Some people might be able to, but I cant be "just friends" with any man. I prefer being friends with women because we relate to each other much better.

Men fill a wonderfully different place in my life that is most definately sexual. I too wonder what it would be like with each man that I meet.

Love,

Madonna
 
Hey Hotspur.....

I'm not trying to pick a fight but I was just wondering why guys are considered pigs if we think about sex as much as researchers say we do(and as much as I KNOW we do! LOL!). It IS part of our biology and, after all, they are just thoughts. I think it's being pretty hard on males in general to hold that against us. I feel many women are uncomfortable knowing that fact about their husbands and boyfriends and therefore we get the "pig" label. Just remember, they are just thoughts and as long as they are not acted upon I don't see the reason for the label...
I just wanted your thoughts on that...
T. :)
 
RE: Can a married woman and a single man be just friend...

I to think it would be very easy to cross the line of friendship to something more intimate, especially if one or the other needs a shoulder to cry on. And would you seriously have coffee mornings or a dinner with the single guy - just the two of you - like you would another girlfriend? I know my husband would think that was crossing the line. And what would you talk about? I would feel uncomfortable having a moan about men on a one to one, as us woman sometimes do, and he would be uncomfortable complaining about woman. Conversation would be limited. Having single and married friends go out as a group works alot better, but a one to one - thats dangerous territory. I feel it could only work if you can have a relationship like "Will and Grace":)
 
RE: Hey Hotspur.....

LOL- Sorry. But it's true, a lot of men are pigs. They almost always have a nickname for a woman and their "parts". I know you guys think about the dirty every few minutes. As matter of fact, quite a few women are the same. Men tend to think a lot more though. My husband thinks about the dirty quite a bit and he even ask if I find this or that attractive. Some women I find attractive, some women are ugly. That's a human nature. We look at other people like an art. If someone is beautiful, that is an opinion. Not a fact. Everyone has a different definition of beauty. Men look at women like an art in a way if you know what I mean. Most women look at men, too. Oooh, nice butt, nice pecs, nice eyes, smile, yadda yadda but we do not get aroused as easily as men. Some men are true pigs like male bimbos. Average males are not pigs. I'm not calling men pigs in a bad way. Just a term we use around here if they think about women and sex quite often. If a man is respectful and does not act all horny towards a woman, then he's fine. If he shows the opposite, then he's a pig/pervert. If you cheated on your wife, then you're a pig. I'm not trying to start a fight with you either. This is my opinion on this situation. Don't get me wrong, I like guys but I wouldn't do anything to hurt my husband. Hope this clears it up a bit. If you want to continue this conversation, please do, Trev.
 
Fair enough...

That's cool. You are right. Guys can be insensitive with their references to women's "parts" as you called them. I would never defend that. I don't consider myself a pig though, just because my male mind works the way biology intended it to work. So I just wanted your thoughts on it.
I really appreciate your opinion. Like I alluded to in my first post, I'd never in a million years get an honest opinion on this type of topic from my male friends. It's one reason why I enjoy it here.
Thank you for answering my question!!!
T. :)
 
RE: Can a married woman and a single man be just friend...

Who has the time??? If I am going to invest my free time in a relationship with a man, it will be my husband.
Bobbi
 
RE: Can a married woman and a single man be just friend...

I have friends that are male. I am married and when that is the case i don't think that it is appropriate to hang out alone together, talk on the phone or share my problems with them. My husband has friends from high school and college and work but he has no interest in pursuing more time with them one on one except at a football game with me there too.

My husband is my best friend and confidant and anything that undermines that relationship is out of bounds.

i agree with the last poster. If there is any relationship in the world that is worth nurturing and respecting, it would be the spouse you have.

danna
 
RE: Fair enough...

That's funny....I prefer talking to my male friends because I feel they're more honest than my female friends. Men use their heads and women use their feelings. I'm not a feely-feeling person like a lot of women are. A lot of female friends/aquistances are too whiney for me to talk to about things and problems. You cannot believe how easily they get offended by jokes whereas men just joke back and have fun. I've met quite a few ladies on this forum who are funny and have the same sense of humor as mine. I just feel more men have similiar sense of humor as me which is why I get along with guys easier. Another thing is I don't care about designers clothes, blah blah like other women do. Hope I don't sound like a tomboy. I'm a tomboy at heart but am very feminine at the same time so don't get the wrong idea. Also, another problem is I think women (a lot of them) are very catty and I don't want to waste my time. Like someone stated above, I think it was Endorphine Junkie, whenever I'm around, they mark their territory on their husband/boyfriend. To me, that is childish. I'm not going to go after them. I even got fired from one of my jobs because my "supposedly" friend lied to my boss I didn't do any work which wasn't true (she was the one who slacked off SO MUCH) because her fiance had a little crush on me and she didn't want me around. What a b*tch. He eventually cheated on her with someone else. After that, I don't trust women as much. That's just me. Besides, I'm way too busy with my little ones to care about who I can be friends with, who I can't be friends with.

From my experience (I grew up with A LOT Of guys and family consist mostly guys) they act macho around each other and BS a lot because they don't want to be called queer. Although I question a cousin of mine..... :)
 
RE: Can a married woman and a single man be just friend...

No. ;)

**Melanie**
Justin born 1/17/04
Jory born 4/9/94

" Take care of your body like it will last a lifetime. Take care of your soul like it will last for eternity"
 
RE: Can a married woman and a single man be just friend...

I use to say so.. but time has shown no it really isn't possible.

I've found most times there is something missing in the relationship with the spouse, some spark that is there with the single man.

If you can say in your heart it is purely platonic and that you would feel comfortable with your spouse meeting with you and your friend maybe it's possible.

But I have to say no I really don't think so. There is always something else going on at some level.

THe other big change I've found (ok it took to my 40s) is that I have many wonderful woman friends. When I was in my 20s/30s I was just too competitive with them and missed out on so much. It's sad how many women don't like other women :(
 
RE: Can a married woman and a single man be just friend...

>>>Who has the time??? If I am going to invest my free time in a relationship with a man, it will be my husband.<<<

I absolutely agree!!!

But, I've been with my DH since we were 17 (now 38) so he is my absolute best friend. He's the first person I think of to share anything that happens in my day.

Of course I have girlfriends with whom I "DH vent and commiserate" but, DH is the only person I want to spend time with (my kids running a close second).
 
RE: Can a married woman and a single man be just friend...

I would say, absolutely. Being married, true blue and capable of friendship with anyone of any sex, even while attracted, is possible. That goes for married men and single women as well. One of my husband's deepest friendships is with a very intelligent and attrative woman. I know they agreed at one point, that sex would not be good for their friendship. My husband's ex live-in love, was one of my very closest friends after they had broken up and we got together. Anything is possible. It's up to the indivduals to establish boundaries that are not crossed. I know there's only one man I am going to have sex with because I vowed to forsake all others and that's vow is sacred. I think though, if I were uncertain about feelings which arose about a single male friend, I'd back off quickly from the friendship rather than take a chance on it. And this is all very theoretical on my part since I have no sigle male friends. My close female friends are squeezed in after my family and that's trickly enough! I also know my husband would be jealous and suspicous if I did have a single male friend so I doubt I'll be getting any anytime soon. I have few opportunities to develop relationships with single men. I would trust myself to have one though! LOL!.
Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"

Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

- Mary Oliver
 
RE: Can a married woman and a single man be just friend...

I love reading this stuff! Trevor's post particularly for adding male perspective. I'm not married but have always found it difficult to maintain male friendships, I told a female friend that purely platonic male-female friendships couldn't exist. No matter how good your initial intentions are, how long you've known each other, what relationships you have, how well you were brought up. To a man, a female friend is " A woman he hasn't slept with YET " which is a lot better than being " A Woman Too Ugly to Sleep with " which could be the only condition for a truly platonic friendship. Vice versa.
 
RE: Can a married woman and a single man be just friend...

Hard question, and this may sound really shallow, but hey ho...

Yes you can be friends, however!!! only if you're not visually attracted to him!

Shallow, Yep. But it is my truth.
 
RE: Can a married woman and a single man be just friend...

My response would be, no.

Trevor you hit the nail right on the head. I appreciate reading what an honest man and an honest person here writes. The friendliest thing I can do to a single man is leave him alone and ignore him. Not only single, but married men also.

I would be lying if I claimed to be naive enough to think I could be friends with a man other than in a very guarded, supervised context, such as my husband's buddy who occasionally comes over. Saying otherwise would be denying my nature and I know what that is.

A little bit of sweet talk- hey-- once my college girlfriend and I decided to name what it was about a man that could attract us. We started with physical characteristics, i.e. "He has to be tall," etc, then as we remembered exceptions in our own lives (No! he can be average height! Oh yeah, he can be overweight!) and "narrowed it down," we concluded that a smile was all it took!!! A particular kind of smile.

That's all it took! So, according to *our* (unscientific) conclusion, the answer is yes, they can be friends, as long as the man NEVER smiles! LOL
 
I think the answer is "it depends". You have to know your own boundaries, and you have to be able to stay within them, just like in all interpersonal relationships. It all comes down to personal responsibility and accountability. Just my humble opinion, of course.

Carol
:)
 
I have lots of male friends.
My husband has lots of women friends.

Always a risk, but neither one of us would change a thing.

We have been married almost 14 years and so far, so good.
The first movie we saw together was "When Harry Met Sally".
Go figure.
 
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