Asking DH for a separation

A

anonymous

Member
Yes, you all know me now but I am posting anon for him, not you all, my friends.

I am asking him for a separation tonight. If he can't be honest to me about anything in this world, then I am done. He needs to know what it is like to not have a great wife and mother to his kids like I am. I don't want to go into why and what sick thing he did now, but I need to vent. I know you all understand and I love you all for doing so. Please pray for me. Pray for my kids. Pray that when I tell him tonight, everything will be "okay". I am so, so worried and stressed right now. And I truly hate my life for the most part and my self-esteem is shot to he##. I am done. Just done. Done with him and his crap. Will I ever trust again? Will I ever learn to like, let alone, love myself??

Thank you again.
 
Good for you. I know you can do this, and we are all here for you! Stand firm and don't let him talk you out of it.

It will take time to heal the wounds from this relationship. You may want to see a therapist to help you in the healing process. With time, you will be able to get past this, regain your self-esteem, and learn to trust again.

((((HUGS)))) Hang in there!
 
Hello Anon,

From what I've read, it sounds like you're making the right choice. I for one think you are doing a courageous thing here. You are a true hero for your children. Just please be safe.

Carolyn
 
I'm so proud of you! If you are afraid to speak with him because you may be abused, then it's OK not to give him an explanation at all. Just move out and be done with it. It would probably be easier that way. Have someone help you move. Once that is done, you can finely heal, and be the person you were meant to be. All these worries will be behind you and you then can work on your children's happiness and yours and get back to a healthy family.

Remember the hot lines people have given you if you need it or want it. Please be safe and let us know how things go.

Lots of prayers and hugs your way.

Janie

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The idea is to die young as late as possible.
 
I truly feel for you and applaud you for your courage in getting out of this situation. Please make sure you have someone who can either be there or know to get help if necessary.
 
I'm sending tons of hugs and prayers your way. I can only imagine how tough talking to him is going to be for you. I really think you are doing the right thing though, for you and your kids. I agree with the other posters though - be safe!
 
I'm so proud of you too! And we're all here behind you, just remember that! I agree that it would be a great idea to find someone to talk to during this time. Having an objective third party is immensely helpful. You WILL find someone to love, and who will love you in return and who won't hurt you and make you feel like dirt. Nobody deserves that!
 
My heart goes out to you. I know you must be going through an emotional rollercoaster right now with lots of mixed feelings. I think you are doing the right thing. You deserve so much more than this jerk.
 
<<Please pray for me. Pray for my kids. Pray that when I tell him tonight, everything will be "okay".>>

Anon - If you think there may be possibility that it won't be okay, wouldn't it be safer to leave first, and then tell him? Or have someone else with there with you for safety?

Sending you lots, and lots, and lots, and lots of positive vibes.

P.S. Please get the puppy out, too.
 
I agree. I thought the same thing. Maybe have someone in the house watching the kids or have them somewhere else??? Please take care of yourself and know that there are people praying for you. And that there *are* really wonderful men out there. Focus on yourself & kids for now.
 
I agree with Gayle. Is there some way that you can get the kids and the dog out, and have someone you know and trust very close by in case you need them when you tell him? I don't want to scare you, but I want you to be safe.

I've so glad that you've decided to take this very brave and positive step. My good thoughts are with you. PLEASE let us know that you and your family are okay.

Many (((hugs)))),
 
Good luck Anon!

I would be prepared for him to be angry, and for him to blame you and try to make everything your fault. That's what men like him do. Please don't fall into that trap! Be strong and hold fast to yourself. Remember everything that you've been through.

And please, PLEASE, don't let him use the kids as leverage or to threaten you. He will try. He has nothing to stand on.

Please check in out here if you need strength or a shoulder to cry on later.
We're all with you.
 
Sending you big hugs - you and your lil ones are in my thoughts and prayers.

You be strong for YOU and your babies.
 
Good for you! You're a brave woman, and you're doing the right thing. It will be hard, but you are strong enough to bear it and overcome any obstacles. I think it takes a lot of guts and yes, self-esteem, to do this. You think enough of yourself and your kids to make a better life!
 
Sending you hugs and prays. The right thing is always the hardest thing to do and you are doing the right thing. Take care and be safe.
 
>Anon - If you think there may be possibility that it won't be
>okay, wouldn't it be safer to leave first, and then tell him?
>Or have someone else with there with you for safety?
>

You have made a good decision and I send many positive thoughts to you in hopes everything will be okay. But, if there's a possibility of it not being okay and he becomes angry, I agree with the previous poster to leave first with your kids and puppy, then call him. Please be careful for your and your children's safety. Will be thinking of you.
linda
 
I only wish I lived closer to you so I could offer you a safe haven -- a place to go where you could feel safe. Do you have somewhere you could go? It might be better, as the other postes have said, to just leave and explain later.

We are all here for you!!!! This is my first post to you, but I've read them all and I'm there with you! :)

Charlene
 
One of the dumbest, yet truest thing I ever heard was "you never know someone until you divorce them"...was wondering if we'd hear from you again after we reamed you last time for staying in a bad marriage. First, see if you can get the kids out, they shouldn't have to suffer through it - its horrible. Second, don't get into it with him - don't negotiate, argue, or explain yourself - you don't need to hear his stupid mouth - if need be, you may need to funnel everything through an attorney - that's probably best...if you end up selling your house, living in a small apartment, working more hours - guess what, you will be happier because you will have peace. There is nothing better than that. We went from being affluent to above the poverty line - because my mom wasn't well educated and their weren't alot of opportunities for women in the 70's...life was VERY hard! BUT, it was better than living in a house with a bad marriage. I know. I was a child in that house.

Will you trust again? Maybe not! Not an issue right now with kids to raise.....kids HATE when their moms date! That's just soemthing I've observed over the years...so relish the freedom, the peace and learn to love being with yourself.
Good luck honey, this has been coming for a long time.
 
(((((((Anonymous)))))))
It's a big step and I'm so glad you are taking it! Yes, you will find someone wonderful who will stay wonderful 24/7 and not be Jekell/Hyde on you. Please think if it would be safer if you left with your kids and then told him why you left--over the phone, from a safe place where he can't find you (no caller id, no credit card trail). If you are that frightened of what he'll do, GET OUT FIRST and keep yourself and children safe (puppy too). He wouldn't be the first man who crossed the line into physical abuse after his wife told him she's leaving. (He could throw you out and keep the kids.) OTOH, be prepared if he pleads with you to stay, any crocodile tears he sheds and promises he makes are worthless too. There are places that can help you and have excellent staff to support you. I hope you find one. Keep us posted if you can. We are all thinking of you and wishing you the best. Take care and stay safe--

Jonahnah
Chocolate IS the answer, regardless of the question.
 
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