Are you expecting?

FourAM

FourAM

Cathlete
My friend got asked this the other day by her dental hygenist! Then when she told she wasn't the girl said "Oh I thought you wer always thinner than me" This was all before the teeth cleaning started so can you imagine the tension in that room.
It sucks because she quit smoking 9 months ago and has gained some weight and is really down about it anyway! So to have someone ask you that really sucks!:mad:

Rachel
 
I learned a long long time ago.....never ask a woman if she's expecting. :eek:
Seriously, that had to be an extremely humiliating moment for your friend.
Tell her to hang in there. To break free from that horrible addiction is worth the extra pounds. She can take the weight off a lot easier with a healthy pair of lungs.:)
 
That is SO RUDE, especially in a professional setting! Argh! I would have asked if the hygenist was happy w/ her lobotomy!! (but I would have waited to ask until after the cleaning, but only because they can do painful things to you during a cleaning...:eek:)

I'm sorry your friend had that experience and good for her that she quit smoking!!
 
I don't discuss anyone's possible pregnancy with them unless they bring it up, or I can see a baby crowning.
 
several months after I quit smoking, someone I know professionally (and hasn't seen me for a while) asked when I was due. to my own surprise, I thought the whole exchange was funny, though I sense he is still embarrassed about it.
 
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That is so terrible and I feel bad for her!! As bad as it is, however, it might turn out to be a good thing. The reason I say, is because about 5 years ago I saw a cousin of mine who I hadn't seen in a couple of years. Anyhow, he's a little older than me and when he saw me he said "wow, you're bigger than I've ever seen you!" (He remembers me when I was much younger and very thin like a toothpick!). I was definitely about 30 pounds overweight for my height/weight -- I knew that. Of course his wife hit him and said that he was being so rude (which it was rude), but it upset me and gave me the determination to try and lose my weight. So 5 years later, I'm about 30 pounds lighter and back to my normal weight. So I'm really glad he was rude to me that day because I never did anything about it until someone said something to me.

Although I know that your friend probably already knew she had gained weight, but maybe (although it was very hurtful to her), this will help her want to get things going to try and lose some of the extra weight. I know I sound weird, but I try to look at the good things that could come out of something that was bad!!
 
Julie, in a way the same thing happened to me when the person asked me when I was due. I was dressed pretty sloppily in a really big shirt, and I think part (or even all) of the reason this woman thought I was still pregnant was because of what I was wearing. I made it a point to look a little more pulled together when I went out after that. I'm not sure I would have bothered if she hadn't said something.

Later on, that same woman and I actually became very good friends when our daughters ended up in school together.
 
FourAM said:
My friend got asked this the other day by her dental hygenist! Then when she told she wasn't the girl said "Oh I thought you wer always thinner than me" This was all before the teeth cleaning started so can you imagine the tension in that room.
It sucks because she quit smoking 9 months ago and has gained some weight and is really down about it anyway! So to have someone ask you that really sucks!:mad:

Rachel
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Oh my goodness! I'm sure the hygenist didn't mean anything by it...but scheesch! That's one of those unfortunate incidents that everyone wishes wouldn't have happened! Ughh! :rolleyes:
 
OH.MY.GOD.!!!!

You NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER EVER EVER ask if or when someone is expecting if you do not know for a fact that they are pregnant!!!! What a dumb move on the hygenist's part! YIKES! I think I'd consider switching dentists after that one! :eek:
 
Yikes, is all I have to say! ITA about never asking that question. I am so paranoid about that that I have made a fool of myself: I once asked a HUGELY pregnant woman I hadn't seen in a while "so what's new with you?" because I just WAS NOT going to assume. She looked at me like I was loony and said "well, I'm pregnant!" Hee.

Conversely, a woman offering me her seat on the subway because she thought I was pregnant was one of the several painful experiences that motivated me to lose weight in the first place, all those years ago.

Sparrow
 
Oh, dear. How awful. I agree that you should never bring up the topic unless the woman brings it up. But I do ride the subway every day, and it is frequently quite obvious that someone is pregnant and that you should offer her your seat. Many women I see are slim and wearing close-fitting stretchy clothes that make the pregnant belly quite obvious. If I had any doubt at all, I'd keep my mouth shut, but so far that hasn't happened. The hygenist sounds like a fool.
 
Yeah, I've been asked this a number of times, and it SUCKS. (Note: I've NEVER been pregnant!) The last time I was asked, I had just lost 30lbs. I had just come out of a WW meeting and I was feeling pretty darned happy with myself for hitting the 30lb-loss mark. I walked into the dry cleaners to pick up some of DH's clothes, and the woman behind the counter asked me when I was due. I was completely crushed and embarassed.

About a week later, I was at the snack bar at work, limping after I'd just ridden a horse the day before (I'd tweaked my knee during the ride). The snack bar cashier asked why I was limping, and I told her that I'd been horseback riding two days before. She then replied, "I didn't realize that horseback riding was okay when you were pregnant?" I just said, "Well, I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat." This was in front of the whole line at the snack bar, so I know a lot of people overheard this. Talk about a one-two punch. :(

MC
 
FourAM said:
My friend got asked this the other day by her dental hygenist! Then when she told she wasn't the girl said "Oh I thought you wer always thinner than me" This was all before the teeth cleaning started so can you imagine the tension in that room.
It sucks because she quit smoking 9 months ago and has gained some weight and is really down about it anyway! So to have someone ask you that really sucks!:mad:

Rachel
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How rude!!!:mad: You'd think they'd teach them a little tact in dental hygiene school! I've stuck my foot in my mouth before, but not THAT badly! One thing I know never to ask a woman is if she's pregnant! I remember when my Mon quit smoking! She gained so much weight at first. She had to work hard to get it off! There are so many reasons a woman has that look and the LAST one is pregnancy!! I hate that assumption!

As a matter of fact, there are men out there who look just as pregnant! Why doesn't anyone make comments to them about THEIR huge bellies!

Okay, I'm starting to fume and the steam is really rising from my ears! Time to breathe and calm down!

Give her my support! She'll get the weight off. It's just an adjustment! And, I'm sure she still looks great!
 
I'm another one who never, ever assumes, even if it's pretty obvious. I make sure the expecting mother mentions it first.

I'm tall and thin, but I've worn cute, fashionable tops that have that maternity-look to them. I'm sure you've seen them in the stores ~ the cute peasant ones that have a high waist and flow away from the body a bit.

I've found myself hesitating in front of the mirror..."Do I look like I'm 4 months along?" I never got big anywhere but my belly with my pregnancies, and even then I was never huge (at 9 months, I looked like I was a healthy 6 months along), so I couldn't totally blame anyone for wondering.

I'm so glad no one has asked me though. Ugh.
 
I've been asked this before so I know how hurtful it can be. :( I carry most of my 15 lbs of extra weight in my belly. If I'm not mindful of my posture I can easily look 4-5 months pregnant. I also have to be careful of the shirts I wear. If I wear those flowy baby-doll tops I do look like I'm expecting.
 
syzygy314 said:
How rude!!!:mad: You'd think they'd teach them a little tact in dental hygiene school! I've stuck my foot in my mouth before, but not THAT badly! One thing I know never to ask a woman is if she's pregnant! I remember when my Mon quit smoking! She gained so much weight at first. She had to work hard to get it off! There are so many reasons a woman has that look and the LAST one is pregnancy!! I hate that assumption!

As a matter of fact, there are men out there who look just as pregnant! Why doesn't anyone make comments to them about THEIR huge bellies!

Okay, I'm starting to fume and the steam is really rising from my ears! Time to breathe and calm down!

Give her my support! She'll get the weight off. It's just an adjustment! And, I'm sure she still looks great!
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One of my former male bosses had been working so much that he'd really let himself go. He came back to the office after a checkup and said that the first thing his new doctor said to him was, "So, when are you due?" It was a good wakeup call for him. Thankfully, he also had a sense of humor.
 
Ouch. I've made this comment to a non-pregnant lady at the grocery store once (she had a newborn with her),...but I was really young (like 14 or so). I will never do that again!

Another hurtfull situtation was this past summer, right after my miscarriage, ...when I had several people ask me when I was due. I had just announced my pregnancy around week 12 and sadly miscarried around 14 weeks (by that time I had gained close to 15-lbs). After my D&C I had about 15-lbs to lose and was devistated by my loss PLUS the fact I still looked pregnant. It wasn't THEIR fault that they asked me....but it was ackward and hurtful neverthless.

So, IMHO, it's always best not to bring it up at all. *gulp*
 
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