Anyone Felt Like This?

workout

workout

Cathlete
Hello Fellow Cathletes, I want to start out saying that I admire all of the girls (and guys) on this forum. I do not post that often but I’ve been inspired by so many of you; learned so much and know and feel that this is the best and most intelligent forum around. So I am approaching all of you like a Best Friend and just putting my heart out to all of you. I am 55 years old, married 32 years, no kids, parents are no longer alive (miss them very much); one sister in California (miss her too) – just a little bit about me. Been working out to Cathe for a very long time – she is the best trainer out there, no doubt!! Anyway, lately I’ve been feeling so unmotivated with life in general. It feels like there is no purpose for me on this planet and no reason to pursue anything - no goals. Sometimes I feel that eating healthy, counting my calories and working out is all a waste of time because life can throw you a huge wrench with an awful disease, getting old (as I am) or some other issue that can stop you from doing all of these things. It’s like I’ve lost interest in everything that I use to enjoy, even though I continue to exercise because I know that if I stop doing that, I will just feel worse. Also, the thought that in just 20 years I will be 75 years old is frightening me lately as I do not have kids to look after me when I’m really old – as I took care of my parents until the very end. So what I am asking is how do I get my “groove” back? How do I feel “happy” again? I know that so many of you have been through much more challenging situations in your lives and I honestly respect you and feel inspired by you for getting through it by posting on this Forum. I just don’t know where to go that can truly understand this lack of interest or this feeling of apathy. Anyway, thank you for reading this and as always I really appreciate everybody here – everyone is so supportive, inspiring and very smart.
 
You are not alone

I completely understand how you feel. I am only 36 years old. However, I am single, and I don't anticipate having any children. The thought of approaching my golden years without a spouse and children does seem daunting. I too have struggled with apathy, depression, and feeling not entirely worthwhile.

One of the reasons we exercise is to help ourselves cope with depression. I began exercising about eight years ago because Dr. Oz said on his TV show that 30 minutes of exercise per day was more effective or equally as effective as taking antidepressants over a one year period. The consequence of that statement was that I began to exercise to help alleviate depression. I wanted to avoid the weight gain and the symptoms and the side effects of antidepressants. Also, I did not want to be dependent on a drug that might become unavailable to me depending on my financial situation.

So, what I'm saying is continue to maintain or keep exercise in your daily habits.

Some of the ways that I cope with feelings of worthlessness is through attending meet ups of different types on topics that I like. Some of the ones that is a discussion group that talks about Ted talks. One of the other groups that I attend is a sci-fi book club. Can you tell that I'm geeky?

The other thing that I wanted to mention if you don't already practice yoga, is a book called yoga for depression by Amy Weintraub, you can buy it on Amazon. It talks about or rather Amy talks about how yoga has helped her cope with her own depression. There is another book that I picked up at the library called how I stayed alive when my brain was trying to kill me. It is by Susan Rose Blauner.

The other thing to keep in mind, is that some of our hormonal variations and shifts that happen with our age can induce the feelings of worthlessness or apathy. It can just be your hormones talking. The other thing that can cause these kinds of apathetic feelings are vitamin deficiencies. I would suggest seeing your normal doctor to check to see if you have a vitamin D deficiency or are suffering from adrenal fatigue of some sort or thyroid deficiency. Any or all of those things can cause feelings of apathy and tiredness.

The reason I mention these things that are about depression is that an apathy or a lack of zest for things that we have historically found to be joyful is the primary symptom of depression. I also want to suggest that you might seek out a good therapist to help you cope with these feelings. There are many therapists who are in the final few years of their doctorate that have to be supervised by another therapist while they are working and are as basically a therapy intern. I have heard that these can be very helpful therapist. My grandmother was a social worker and a licensed clinical psychologist, so I benefited from her education. But now, that she is no longer with us ( she passed away sometime ago) I will be looking for a new therapist.

One of the other things that I'd like to do to help myself feel better about whether not I have value, is to think back on all of the people that I have helped over my lifetime. It's like a gratitude list that somebody else might include me in.

Hugs! We always have value. These thoughts in our mind are only thoughts. Thoughts are temporary. They are not forever. It only feels like it's forever.
 
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Workout, you have a lot going on and I know that when I'm feeling overwhelmed by life/fear/stress/adversity, there are four things that help me:

1) First and foremost, seeking treatment from a trusted therapist or your spiritual leader/preacher/pastor/etc. I have found that the best way to select a therapist that is right for me is by getting recommendations from trusted sources (like my medical doctor or close friends who have also participated in therapy). When my life gets bumpy, talking to a qualified therapist helps me with coping mechanisms and also helps me to clear my head of unnecessary thoughts.

2) As you and RapidBreath already both noted, keep exercising. But do it in a way that feels as good as possible. Instead of following a strict rotation or seeking for a specific health/fitness goal, consider shifting your focus to moving your body in ways that feel good and sound appealing to you. I have gone for weeks at a time just asking myself "what do I want to do today?" and then I go with that. It's not precision training, but fitness (and life) are a journey.

3) Stay connected with your real life (aka non-Internet) friends and loved ones. Have date nights with your husband, go out to dinner with friends, see a movie with a friend, have friends over for a game of cards (or whatever). When I'm feeling down, this is usually the LAST thing I want to do, but I have learned that having face time with the people who mean the most to me truly lifts my soul.

4) Find a way to serve or help someone else. It doesn't have to be anything big. Even small things like holding doors open for people coming in behind you, or saying hi to someone can help. Donate food to a food bank. Consider volunteering with a local charity that has meaning for you. Help a neighbor with her yardwork. Take chicken soup to a sick friend. You get the idea. Knowing that I can do something to lift someone else gives me meaning and purpose when I am feeling down.

Hugs to you! I hope you find the peace you are seeking.
 
OK, now I'm down. 20 years goes by so fast - so I will be 69 real fast! EVERYBODY fears getting old and all of the aches, pains and diseases it brings. It has nothing to do with having children or not. Let's be honest, isn't that why we obsessively work out? Be honest again, doesn't it work? My mom was an old lady at 50. I look and feel a lot younger by comparison. Switch to yoga a while and feel the difference in flexibility and balance it brings. It also gives off different endorphins to promote a more peaceful feeling. Hang in there, there are many, many, many of us feeling the same way!


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You mention not having any goals -- why not set some? Make a "bucket list" and start checking them off and then make another list! You said something about life can take you out, but also think that life may NOT take you out (at least for a long while)! The hardest step is the first one. I know apathy feels like walking in quicksand, but take that first step. Get outside and make sure you're getting enough vitamin D. Hope, hope, hope you're feeling better. Keep us posted.
 
Not much to add to the spot-on advice you've received! And as for the yoga - I started Ultimate Yogi because when I read about how aging affects your body (I'm 42) it seemed yoga would be the best way to deal with it.

And have to say I agree with what you said about this forum. There are some others I visit and won't get involved with. Discussions get so snarky it's unbelievable. This is the only place I'll post or get involved with at all.
 
Just because people "have kids" does not mean the kids will be around to help. lovely if they are, but even the best parenting can produce less than optimum results. people move away and live their own lives, so not sure anyone should count on that ideal.... you may be imagining a future that would never have happened.

I agree with others and think yoga might be good. for me it helped with strength and flexibility in a different way than Cathe, and also is a social outlet. I chose not to try to learn it from a DVD but attend a class instead. I tried at home but failed miserably.... not intuitive for me. it proved to be a bright spot 2 hours a week at a class. I tried several different classes, met very nice people for interaction away from being a couple all the time.

Do you and your husband do any activities together? do you share interests? I'm always surprised people married for decades who don't share interests. my DH and I hike and bike together, and we both use cathe workouts, just different ones. we learned to mountain bike when I was over 60. we like to travel to new places, new scenery, hike and bike in new places. I have no idea( nor is it my business) but travel does not have to be 4 star hotels with costs out of sight to see some new and wonderful places.

sometimes you have to take the first step and try something new even if you feel silly and inept.. just do it anyway!
 
I'm 57 and very similar situation. You've gotten some great advice on this forum-everything I've tried and would recommend.
One thing not mentioned is, try living more in the present. Its easy to worry about the future and let that dominate your thoughts. Just live for today and enjoy it. Enjoy the little things like singing birds, a pretty sunrise, a great restaurant, chatting with a good friend, snuggling with your DH. Be thankful for this day and count your blessings everyday. It will change your attitude quickly!
Beth
 
Like you, I've been married a long time and we are childfree by choice. I don't regret not having kids, being relatively unencumbered is wonderful, and there is no guarantee that children will be there during for you. All that said, what you're feeling is normal, but I highly recommend that you see a therapist if you don't start feeling better soon. A psychologist with whom I work told me that a lot of women suffer from depression/anxiety during menopause. In addition, guided meditation---even 5 minutes a day---helps me keep things in perspective (iTUNES has some Deepok Chopra albums that are great).
Do you have any pets? While my husband is a wonderful friend/companion, nothing makes me happier than being with my two beautiful golden retrievers. Love on four paws---they give you a purpose because they depend on you. Plus they give you unconditional love and will make you laugh with their antics.
 
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Wow, such amazing suggestions, ideas, opinions, etc. from this group - truly awesome

Rapidbreath - thank you for the great advice. I use to attend MeetUps and stopped so I am going to look into that and start that back up again. I love the Ted Talks - I believe they are Youtube also.

Lisa La Machine - I am going to find out about therapy. My employer has an EAP (Employee Assistance Program which offers these types of services. It may be a good idea to talk to someone about these "unnecessary thoughts" and enjoy life more.

Tmg4612 - You are so right - working out does feel sooooooo good and reading your comments brought up a comment someone else made, she said: Whatever you do in your 50s will show up in your 60s and so on, meaning that if I continue to exercise, eat right and learn to be positive my more mature future will be much better.

Exercise-Lover - you mention having goals - I realized that I don't have any short-term, mid-term or long-term goals. Definitely going to work on this - no goals, no purpose.

jcm - it seems that you and almost all of the others Cathletes that responded to my post suggest Yoga - I have Cathe's yoga tapes, need to incorporate these in my weekly workouts.

Traildoggie - I like your point that even though couples have kids it doesn't mean that their kids will take care of them later in life, I guess I was thinking since I did it with my parents, I just assumed (silly me) that the children would do the same - but you're right, no guarantee that will happen.

bethJ - Living in the present - so important. I'm thinking too much about when I get old and missing out this moment. Good point!

Swimmer - I have a kitty that she is my pride and joy. When I'm petting her, it just feels great. She is 18 years old so I learned that she is also "aging gracefully" with me (lol). I've never thought of guided meditation - something new to look into.

Thank you all for taking the time to respond - you have no idea how much this has helped by reading these responses. While I read each response, I was feeling like something was lifting - can't explain it - but it felt good because there is something I can do to get out of this mood. Thanks you so much - love you all!!!
 
Just a quick note of support ... I've been in a similar place even though I'm older than you. I turn 61 soon. For the past few months I found that I don't have the drive to do 5 - 6 day a week 60 to 90 min workouts and I've been in a funk wondering what happened to my motivation. Am I old? Am I depressed? Am I just needing a break and to trust that if I go easy on my workouts my drive will come back?
Cathe's monthly rotations have been a part of my life since 2002 and prior to that I did Fit Primes and prior to that the Firm workouts. I started with VHS tapes!
Title 9 and fitness for women didn't happen until I left High School. It was in college that I discovered the world of fitness via dance and although I was never a real dancer - I loved the discipline in the studio and the routine of daily classes and with time I loved the feeling a fit body gave me. But now I feel lost at 60 and I don't know how to adjust to not having the energy to workout the same way I have for the past 35 years. I can't quit but I can't go on the same way I did before. Do I push or do I adjust? Who am I now? I hate the word "senior" but I guess that's what I am although I did have a child at 43 who in now 17 and starting his senior year of High School so I'll be in the work force for years to come. DH and I suffered horrible losses during the recession. Our home and all of our savings are gone and we are starting all over. I won't be easing up in my Sun Set Years until I'm a 102 years old! Then I can retire!:eek:
In some ways I'm finding growing older to be a spiritual journey as well as a physical one. Each stage of existence has had it's trials and rites of passage. Puberty? Menopause! Maybe in order to move on we have to go deep into our selves and be honest as to why we do what we do and ask ourselves if past choices still ring true to who we are inside or are we doing things for the images of what we think we should be? Does any of this make any sense?
You gave me some good things to think about. The women who are drawn to working out with Cathe are very special and you are one of them. :cool:
Cocob1
 
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I agreed with all of the above, except maybe yoga :p Only because yoga and I don't get along well. I'm not the quiet type.

But joking aside, I understand. I'm 36 and was just at the doc earlier this week for the same thing. I would say my issues started maybe a 1 1/2 - 2 years ago. I went to the doc last fall and my iron reserves were almost non existent. I think I posted about it, but it wasn't my actual iron counts, it was the behind the scenes iron stores. It's supposed to be 50 and up, mine was like 8. So we fixed that and I felt better for sometime, but then the proverbial storm came back. Exhausted, would just like to sit in bed and talk to the dog, cranky, don't want to do anything, don't want to talk to anyone, not excited about Christmas and Halloween, which are my favorite holidays.

So, I bought a new car a year ago. That helped for a couple weeks. Got a new tattoo a year and half ago, that helped for a couple of days. Got a new tattoo a month or so ago, that helped a couple of days. And then schlepped my butt back to the doc this week. He is doing blood work first, to make sure there is no underlying medical cause. Lots of things can present as depression. I did the blood draw yesterday, and go back next week for results. He's looking for diabetes, iron, liver, kidneys, cortisol, and something else I can't think of right now, and also did a chest xray.

Listen to your body, you know what's not right. If your nutrition/eating is right and you are not, then see the doc. It may be medical in nature and if it is, you need to get fixed. If it's not, then it very well may be depression and you need to get that fixed. (I'm not trying to say depression isn't a medical issue, it is, but I didn't know how else to word it.)

I understand where you're at. You're not alone. Take care of yourself.

Nan
 
Well, I'm not much of a contributor to this forum anymore, but I feel compelled to post here. This might be going in a slightly different direction than the original post, but here are my thoughts.

I've been forced to make a lot of changes to my workout schedule, and my lifestyle too. #1, I have arthritis in my wrists, so I can't lift like I used to, not if I want to be able to keep working to pay the bills, too! And #2, I've been dealing with chronic fatigue for quite a while - not debilitating, but it does affect my lifestyle and my attitude.

So I reassessed a lot of things. I've changed my workouts dramatically, even to cutting back on the more intense stuff and adding in an extra day of yoga - I'm now at three times a week there. Instead of coming home and diving into a big workout, and then waiting to eat until like, 8 p.m., I eat first and do a relaxing yoga session. It's awesome. I sleep better, I feel better, life is good again.

I've made other changes, but I don't want to focus all on ME here. The point is, we always talk about needing to listen to our bodies. Cathe always tells us that. I finally, truly did. Yes, I will lose some muscle mass, and probably a little cardio capacity. But WOW, do I feel so much better!

I'm not just terribly old - I'll be 46 next month. But I've finally acknowledged that I'm just no good at the really intense fitness and stuff, and accepted that - actually embraced it. I haven't felt this good in years, and it's only been like, oh, a month or two since I've started making my changes.

So for those of you who are having problems, whether it be physical or mental - I encourage you to be totally, completely honest with yourself, and assess where you are. It wasn't easy for me. I didn't like it when I first thought about giving up my hard, fun workouts, or the routine that had worked for me for years. But I'm having even more fun now, and every change has been totally worth it.
 
I am 53 and can relate to not being able to do the hard workouts anymore. I tried to do IMAX2 a couple of weeks ago and couldn't do it. I had to skip all of the blasts and just step in place until the next step routine.

My ob/gyn told me a couple of years ago that our heart changes as we age. He suggested not doing intense cardio.

For me, yoga is the way to go. I feel like I still get a good cardiovascular workout with some of the Ultimate Yogi practices. Being flexible and relaxed is more important to me now. I'm trying to get back into weights but just can't seem to find the motivation.
 
Workout,
You have mentioned the very essence of human existence! We work hard to maintain our physical health and we tend to ignore our spiritual health. I am in my late 50´s and also know that the next 20 years will fly by and as you say, we never know what the future may hold. My 2 cents worth: I found spiritual life and health when I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior. The Bible verse that was shared with me many years ago that changed my life is "For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength." (First Corinthians chapter one, verse 25) This refers to how we humans look at Jesus and think that it is nonsense...and it is to our finite minds. But God is so much more. I humbly suggest that you read the Bible (I would start with the New Testament). And God bless you in your search.
 
Hello Ladies, wow, this forum is awesome!!!

Cocob1 - I truly understand where you are coming from and you brought up an important point about this time in my life being a spiritual journey and having to look deep into ourselves as to what we do next - something to definitely think about.

Nan - you are right, I've bought new exercise DVDs, even bought new makeup and you do feel better for a little while then it's back!! Did some bloodwork to see if there are any deficiencies, should get results soon. I did notice that sugar does put me in a very down mood, hmmm.

Shannon - I too was wondering if I am working out too intensely for my age. I'm 55 years old so like everything in life, I do need to reassess my workouts and maybe need to tone it down just a bit. I tried a yoga class (as suggested by many of my Cathlete friends and enjoyed it very much). It's going to be very hard to "tone it down" as I love intense workouts but a joyful life is much more important.

Melagras - I tried Yoga and loved it. I believe I need to tone down the intense workouts but Yoga is definitely going to be a part of my workouts from now on.

Lala1 - thank you for your spiritual advice, I truly appreciate. Sometimes when our spiritual side is not being fulfilled (like me), we can definitely start to feel sad. Thank you.

There are so many things to look into as far as my life is concerned and the universe sometimes whispers to us and we need to listen. I am so grateful to be part of this forum - can't believe the support, advice, suggestions from so many wonderful women. Thanks again.
 
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