Anyone Else Not Have Kids By Choice?

I am going to be 36 this October and don't have kids. My husband and I have talked about it, and someday we will probably have children, but we've made it VERY clear to everyone that we have no intentions of having kids right now. No one even asks me when I'm going to have kids because they are very clear on where I stand.

And, the first time someone makes a comment to me that I'm being selfish by not having children, I'll have to pick out by my mood how to respond, but my reply might be, "Well, I might be selfish, but at least I don't go around sticking my nose into other people's business as if it's my own." or "Well, I think it's selfish of YOU to push YOUR agenda on ME. I mean, REALLY, tell me again who the selfish one is here." or "You're right, I AM educated with high moral and ethical standards. So what does it tell YOU that I don't want children?" (because if your friend readily admits how smart you are, then he should see the irony in telling you that have an obligation to society to bear children and raise a family...because you're smart enough to know that kind of life isn't for you. Get it?

Some people can be such shmoes about some things.
 
I don't know what's it's like to be in your shoes but I just wanted to say that I don't think you are a freak. You and your DH made the decision that is right for the both of you and NO ONE has the right to judge you for that. To each his own and you have every right to decide that you would prefer not to have children. I'm sure it's hard to listen to so many people bug you about it but try to let it roll off your back. Maybe eventually they will get the point and give up...

Wendy

6/13/05 Some new pics added!Check out pics of Joey's room in the "nursery" album!

http://www.PictureTrail.com/wendymin
 
Sparrow,

I am in the exact same boat as you. Me and my husband have been married for three years and we really just don't want kids. We have taken a lot of heat for it from our Moms, my sisters, my friends, etc. It seams that a lot of people who have kids take it very personally, like you are saying you don't want to be like them or you don't like their kids. We both love kids, we have 6 nieces & nephews that we love very much. My friend said last week "I just don't get it, you two are such kid people" and I told her we are kid people, but that doesn't necessarily make us "parent people".

I find myself getting snippy and defensive about it when people bother me, which I don't want to, it's just enough already!
 
Hi Sparrow,

I'm 36 and another who's Childfree-by-Choice-and-Loving-It. DH and I have have been married for nearly 8 years and just haven't had a strong desire to have children. We "never say never", but at this point, children just don't appear to be in our plans.

Do what's right for YOU! :) :)
 
Sparrow,

I am NOT child free and love being a mom, but agree with the posts that you should not feel some kind of guilt about your decision. It's terrible that you are being pressured about this personal issue.

As to regrets, we would all do certain things differently I'm sure; that's called LEARNING and shows growth, but you are right to think that regretting having children would be a bad thing because it affects the child.

No Guilt Required!
 
Sparrow,

I am NOT child free and love being a mom, but agree with the posts that you should not feel some kind of guilt about your decision. It's terrible that you are being pressured about this personal issue.

As to regrets, we would all do certain things differently I'm sure; that's called LEARNING and shows growth, but you are right to think that regretting having children would be a bad thing because it affects the child.

No Guilt Required!
 
I am another one that is childless by choice...I did however raise a stepson so I still have/had the mom experience as his mother is not involved in his life. Except for an occasional "hormonal moment," I have no regrets and feel this was right for me (and I'm 49); I was always clear I did not want children.

The interesting thing is that I know at least 9 other friends/coworkers that are childless by choice, so there are a lot of us out there!

Jo
 
>>
>
>I would consider a cat or dog a precious life that you should
>be responsible for forever ( at least the dog or cat's "
>forever" ). A better analogy would be changing the color of
>your walls or buying a sports car, or some inanimate,
>unfeeling thing that you can change your mind on easily.

RIGHT ON Kathyrn!! I'm so glad you said that!!! It's so good to find someone who cares about animals!! It makes me happy!!
Carolyn:) :)
 
Thank you for this thread. I commend anybody who sticks by their decisions and doesn't let 'everybody' dictate your life course, but yourself.

I do have one son and am sooo happy to be a mother, but even when I already have one the pressure was definitely there to have more. My DH and I decided not too and sometimes the pressure does get the best of me and I start to feel guilty that my son won't have a sibling, etc. But, then I shake myself out of it and realize that this is our choice and he'll be just fine.

Thank you for reminding me that these our MY decisions and for MY life - nobody else's. :)

Thanks,
Marcia
 
I am also childfree by choice. My 3 kids are canine-kids. My Dad even calls them the "granddogs"!

My late grandmother used to always tell me I should have children. When I turned 35, she FINALLY stopped. Then on Murphy Brown, a character on a tv show, had a baby at 40 and she started nagging again! "x(

Another memorable incident occurred years ago, when I was at a conference (not work-related). I mentioned to someone that I was married, and she was surprised since I looked young for my age (I was 27 at the time). After she was finished being surprised at my age, she berated me for not having children yet! She said it was my "duty" to pass on our beliefs to our children, since there are only few of us in the world. I told her I cared about the environment and overpopulation too much to have children.

Anyway, as you can tell by all the responses to this thread, you are not a freak for not wanting children. There are a lot of us out there with you.

FitDoggie


"The reward for work well done is the opportunity to do more.
 
DH and I are proudly in this club, too. We have four canine children whom we adore and my parents even refer to as their grand kids...my sister thinks of her as their Aunt. It's great and right for us.

The hardest part of this is DH's mom who believes it our duty to produce lots of grandkids for her. I even went so far to tell her that my Ob-gyn thinks pregnancy for me would be a risk (female problems)....so it is quite agitating that she is praying so we can reproduce. x(

That aside, DH feels the same and is planning to get a vasectomy as hormonal BC is making my problems worse not better.
 
I have three children and would even like to have another. I used to think that all people should have children, but then I had one and realized that one can have a very full life without children. It is just another path to take in life. If I had my life to live in five different ways I would NOT have children in all of them. I don't regret being a mother but I could also have been happy without them, it would just be a different kind of life. I respect your very well thought out decision not to reproduce.
 
I'm childfree by choice and will be 40 next year. I've never been "driven" to have kids. Altho had I been in the "perfect" relationship with I was younger may have made the decision to. It just never seemed like a right time in my life. Plus we have 4 dogs and that is enough work for me. I know kids are much more work (altho they have their benefits too!!) but the dogs are enough work for me.

Colleen
 
Me! It's a choice that I don't regret. Maybe one day I'll change my mind, but for now I am very happy with this decision.
 
Mom-by-choice here...wish like CRAZY more people like you guys existed! Too many people who reproduce whether they want to or not and the kids pay the price. I am sure all of you would make excellent mothers...you're "thinking ahead and planning for the future" is proof of that!

As for Super Parents pressuring you to start a family...she is just wacky! That is so nuts! Why the hell does she care? Is she willing to buy the diapers and pay for their college? I doubt it!
 
I have been together with DH almost 20 years now and we don't have children, completely by choice. Like a few folks who have posted here, we, rather I, used to get a lot of flack, particulary from my MIL. Now that I am nearing 40 that has seemed to taper off a bit. I just have never really felt that maternal to children. Now, to my 4 legged friends, I feel very maternal, but have never wanted a child myself. DH doesn't care, so there you have it. I think is becoming a bigger trend. I don't think you are a freak and as you can see from the posts here, there are lots of wonderful women who feel the same way. Here is to 0 population growth!
 
Great answers! Here's the perspective of a mother to one, stepmother to 5 & grandmother of 8, You are NOT selfish. The selfish ones are the ones who have children because they think it is the thing to do, & then farm their children out to in-laws, grandparents, & daycare!!!!!!! If a couple wants children, they must be willing to invest time in them - SIGNIFICANT amounts of time. Just as with any major investment, you must be willing to give up something to invest effectively somewhere else. As I told all my kids, once you have children, you don't have a life, you have children & your life is their life. If more people would be intelligent, as you are, we would have a more harmonious world and fewer dysfunctional families! I applaud you!!!! :7
 
Great Thread. Don't let anyone pressure you. You can't give back a child when it gets here. Society is filled with dumb people who follow routine to fit in. Thank God you are taking a stand.If you don't want kids, that is fine!! Live your life you own way. Everyone one else can take a hike. Be strong!!
 
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