naughtoj
Cathlete
I'm sorry, but so far these drugs SUCK! I am on Lexapro and initially I thought it may be working but not anymore. The side effects........especially the sexual ones........are HORRIBLE!
I am so frustrated because I don't feel any different!!! I think my coping skills suck, I don't have any friends but have too much anxiety to be any fun around anyway. All the people my age either have kids and don't want to go out or are single and are hitting the bars and don't want to hang around a married woman. I am trying though. I signed up to meet people on a exercise website but after a few emails I don't hear back from them. What's up with THAT?? I am reverting to biting my nails, still don't really want to workout, now can't find a job because I stupidly thought it was better to quit mine and go to nursing school full time. Yeah, Didn't help. In fact, think it made it worse. Now I have no social contact, except for school, and those are two stress filled days and all I do is worry about $$$. And to top it all off, washing my hair is somehow exhausting. If I have to shave too......well, it's the end of the world!! LOL. My eating has gone down the toilet...I never want to eat healthy meals, just peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and Doritos. Actually, today I had Laffy Taffy for lunch!!
I honestly want to drop out of school, become a personal trainer or aerobics instructor and have a child. OMG!! Where is that coming from?? Am I sabotaging myself or am I simply going with my gut instict?? I honestly feel like if the only thing that I am going to do worthwhile in this lifetime is have my wonderful husband's child......well then I better get on it. I don't think I am ever going to find myself. The stupid counselor I am seeing is no help, all she seems to say is, "Ahh... I see". No kidding. I mean, what is she really teaching me??? Oh, other than my family will NEVER CARE ABOUT ME. LOL. Okee dokee, that helps. She keeps talking about "survivor guilt" and tells me that quitting school is not the answer. She says my anxiety will cause me to fail school if I don't keep it in check but I wonder: Maybe all this freaking out is my body's way of telling me that nursing was never right for me to begin with??? Ugggghh. It sure is hard though when you don't know what IS RIGHT FOR YOU!! Now I don't even have a job to fall back on and figure it all out.
I look back and miss my job and my friends (acquaintances, really) at my old job. I miss working out in the AM and only having to think about whether I want to watch "The Biggest Loser" or "FBI Files" after dinner. My mind is always so cluttered with the meaning of life and whether I am doing the right thing and why I am soooo f'd up, you know? I talk to people at school and they all have better jobs than me, they are all seeming to do better. I hear horror stories of school just getting harder and harder, of horrible teachers that humiliate you in front of the class to try and "break you" and I think, "Man, do I really want to go through all this???" Having a child honestly seems easier and more worthwhile right now. I know it would make my family happy. Maybe that is why I want to do it, cuz I know it will make me visible finally.. I don't know (cue the violin, LOL)
Ok, well, maybe this was not about drugs after all, LOL. Maybe I should just sell my house and make a hundred grand and move to Missouri and be a housewife?? Sometimes it doesn't sound so bad, especially when I feel I am flailing about trying to find my way..x(
And you know........I feel like this even after a catastrophic event like Hurricane Katrina. Maybe something like that has to happen to me before I manage to keep it all in perspective?????
I am so frustrated because I don't feel any different!!! I think my coping skills suck, I don't have any friends but have too much anxiety to be any fun around anyway. All the people my age either have kids and don't want to go out or are single and are hitting the bars and don't want to hang around a married woman. I am trying though. I signed up to meet people on a exercise website but after a few emails I don't hear back from them. What's up with THAT?? I am reverting to biting my nails, still don't really want to workout, now can't find a job because I stupidly thought it was better to quit mine and go to nursing school full time. Yeah, Didn't help. In fact, think it made it worse. Now I have no social contact, except for school, and those are two stress filled days and all I do is worry about $$$. And to top it all off, washing my hair is somehow exhausting. If I have to shave too......well, it's the end of the world!! LOL. My eating has gone down the toilet...I never want to eat healthy meals, just peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and Doritos. Actually, today I had Laffy Taffy for lunch!!
I honestly want to drop out of school, become a personal trainer or aerobics instructor and have a child. OMG!! Where is that coming from?? Am I sabotaging myself or am I simply going with my gut instict?? I honestly feel like if the only thing that I am going to do worthwhile in this lifetime is have my wonderful husband's child......well then I better get on it. I don't think I am ever going to find myself. The stupid counselor I am seeing is no help, all she seems to say is, "Ahh... I see". No kidding. I mean, what is she really teaching me??? Oh, other than my family will NEVER CARE ABOUT ME. LOL. Okee dokee, that helps. She keeps talking about "survivor guilt" and tells me that quitting school is not the answer. She says my anxiety will cause me to fail school if I don't keep it in check but I wonder: Maybe all this freaking out is my body's way of telling me that nursing was never right for me to begin with??? Ugggghh. It sure is hard though when you don't know what IS RIGHT FOR YOU!! Now I don't even have a job to fall back on and figure it all out.
I look back and miss my job and my friends (acquaintances, really) at my old job. I miss working out in the AM and only having to think about whether I want to watch "The Biggest Loser" or "FBI Files" after dinner. My mind is always so cluttered with the meaning of life and whether I am doing the right thing and why I am soooo f'd up, you know? I talk to people at school and they all have better jobs than me, they are all seeming to do better. I hear horror stories of school just getting harder and harder, of horrible teachers that humiliate you in front of the class to try and "break you" and I think, "Man, do I really want to go through all this???" Having a child honestly seems easier and more worthwhile right now. I know it would make my family happy. Maybe that is why I want to do it, cuz I know it will make me visible finally.. I don't know (cue the violin, LOL)
Ok, well, maybe this was not about drugs after all, LOL. Maybe I should just sell my house and make a hundred grand and move to Missouri and be a housewife?? Sometimes it doesn't sound so bad, especially when I feel I am flailing about trying to find my way..x(
And you know........I feel like this even after a catastrophic event like Hurricane Katrina. Maybe something like that has to happen to me before I manage to keep it all in perspective?????