Am I to friendly?
- Thread starter lorihart
- Start date
dani21496
Cathlete
>I agree that, even if you don't realize it, there are things
>you are inadvertently doing that are being taken as flirting.
>You may be engaging in the same behavior as friends, but for
>some reason (i.e. maybe you are more attractive, making more
>eye contact, etc) you are being targeted. I also have a very
>bubbly personality and genuinely like talking to people, but
>have found when in relationships, I simply have to be more
>reserved around guys (due to having experienced a few very
>uncomfortable situations like yours).
>
>I've realized that, although I have the right to behave any
>way I want, they also have the right to hit on me, and when
>they do, I find it extremely uncomfortable. So, given the
>choice between being more reserved (or talking about my
>fiancee immediately, which sometimes has been no deterrent!)
>or having to say something really forceful when things have
>gone too far, being more reserved with guys is always going to
>be the easier option.
>
>
Ditto!! This is exactly how I feel! I find myself doing the same exact thing. (acting more reserved) But, I'm kinda shy anyway.
>you are inadvertently doing that are being taken as flirting.
>You may be engaging in the same behavior as friends, but for
>some reason (i.e. maybe you are more attractive, making more
>eye contact, etc) you are being targeted. I also have a very
>bubbly personality and genuinely like talking to people, but
>have found when in relationships, I simply have to be more
>reserved around guys (due to having experienced a few very
>uncomfortable situations like yours).
>
>I've realized that, although I have the right to behave any
>way I want, they also have the right to hit on me, and when
>they do, I find it extremely uncomfortable. So, given the
>choice between being more reserved (or talking about my
>fiancee immediately, which sometimes has been no deterrent!)
>or having to say something really forceful when things have
>gone too far, being more reserved with guys is always going to
>be the easier option.
>
>
Ditto!! This is exactly how I feel! I find myself doing the same exact thing. (acting more reserved) But, I'm kinda shy anyway.
bestoutwest
Cathlete
Lori,
Don't worry about it! You are very pretty, and most men it seems think with their "second" brain!! ;-) I'm sure you are JUST being friendly and not leading them in any way. They just think, "hey, this hot chick is talking to me, she must want to have sex with me!!"
I'll tell you a related story, and try not to bore you! A couple of years ago our clinic was being remodeled. For about 2 weeks we had to practice out of a small meeting room adjacent to the clinic. Well, we had to go back and forth to the office several times a day to get charts, supplies, etc. There was one construction worker who I talked to maybe 3 or 4 times. And just small chit-chat, nothing longer than a minute. Well, on his last day on the job, he left a note on my pickup, saying how nice he thought I was and how pretty he thought I was, etc. It really creeped me out. I showed it to my husband that night. He then showed up at the clinic, after the remodel was done, on a Sunday, banging on the side door. I opened it and saw it was him and freaked. He said he was driving by and saw my pickup out front so he thought he would stop by and visit. I cut him off, said I had work to do and shut the door. About another week went by, he showed up again, this time during business hours, to take a tour of the new upstairs with the foreman of the constuction company. He sort-of cornered me that day, said he was working at the airport now as a security guard. I don't know what he expected. I maintained my politeness, but remained uninterested. I spoke to the foreman about him, he said the guy knew I was married and he was living with a woman and her son. So why does he keep buggin me? Well, he sent me an anonymous Valentine's day card....I knew it was from him. That was the last straw! DH was ready to kick his a$$ and I was ready to call the cops and report him as a stalker. I have a friend who is a civil officer. He is a big guy, very intimidating. He went to the airport to have a little chat with him! Said the guy was shaking like a leaf when he was done with him. And I never heard from him again! All this, just from a few very brief, friendly conversations.
Sorry this was so long! Again, don't worry about it, you have done nothing wrong, except being pretty and nice!!;-) Men are just men, can't change that fact!
Oh, someone mentioned about married men being more attractive to single women.....my DH gets hit on way more now that he's married than he says he ever did before! I find it amusing!
Don't worry about it! You are very pretty, and most men it seems think with their "second" brain!! ;-) I'm sure you are JUST being friendly and not leading them in any way. They just think, "hey, this hot chick is talking to me, she must want to have sex with me!!"
I'll tell you a related story, and try not to bore you! A couple of years ago our clinic was being remodeled. For about 2 weeks we had to practice out of a small meeting room adjacent to the clinic. Well, we had to go back and forth to the office several times a day to get charts, supplies, etc. There was one construction worker who I talked to maybe 3 or 4 times. And just small chit-chat, nothing longer than a minute. Well, on his last day on the job, he left a note on my pickup, saying how nice he thought I was and how pretty he thought I was, etc. It really creeped me out. I showed it to my husband that night. He then showed up at the clinic, after the remodel was done, on a Sunday, banging on the side door. I opened it and saw it was him and freaked. He said he was driving by and saw my pickup out front so he thought he would stop by and visit. I cut him off, said I had work to do and shut the door. About another week went by, he showed up again, this time during business hours, to take a tour of the new upstairs with the foreman of the constuction company. He sort-of cornered me that day, said he was working at the airport now as a security guard. I don't know what he expected. I maintained my politeness, but remained uninterested. I spoke to the foreman about him, he said the guy knew I was married and he was living with a woman and her son. So why does he keep buggin me? Well, he sent me an anonymous Valentine's day card....I knew it was from him. That was the last straw! DH was ready to kick his a$$ and I was ready to call the cops and report him as a stalker. I have a friend who is a civil officer. He is a big guy, very intimidating. He went to the airport to have a little chat with him! Said the guy was shaking like a leaf when he was done with him. And I never heard from him again! All this, just from a few very brief, friendly conversations.
Sorry this was so long! Again, don't worry about it, you have done nothing wrong, except being pretty and nice!!;-) Men are just men, can't change that fact!
Oh, someone mentioned about married men being more attractive to single women.....my DH gets hit on way more now that he's married than he says he ever did before! I find it amusing!
Thanks for your story.This is sort of where I come from...but I don't think anyone as ever went that far before.I had a mailman once who totally freaked me out.He had a child enrolled in the same day care that I did.On the way out one afternoon (you have to sign your child in and out) he said "Oh, are we suppose to sign them in and out"? I said "yeah" and I left.From that moment on,he gave me the creeps.One evening he followed me home but I lost him somewhere along the way.One night we were out and DH caught him nudging a friend,looking at me and licking his lips.DH played hockey with this guy (on different teams)so he picked a fight with him one night.That still didn't matter to him so DH told one of his friends (who is also a mailman about him) DH's friend went to work and told him that he was creeping me out and to give it up.He hasn't bothered me since.
But my in-laws own a gas station here and the girl on the cash asked my MIL if she could check this guy in b/c he gives her the creeps.She said that he comes in every night near closing time and says "how are you tonight,sexy?" Anyway, it was the same guy that was creeping me out.Im not sure how far he will go if he gets really taken up with someone but he seems really strange.
Thanks again for your story! I think sometimes, married men who are unhappy are looking for a married women who is in the same situation that way..that can have an affair and no one would find out.Just my guess.But I am happy so they would never get that vibe from me.
Lori
But my in-laws own a gas station here and the girl on the cash asked my MIL if she could check this guy in b/c he gives her the creeps.She said that he comes in every night near closing time and says "how are you tonight,sexy?" Anyway, it was the same guy that was creeping me out.Im not sure how far he will go if he gets really taken up with someone but he seems really strange.
Thanks again for your story! I think sometimes, married men who are unhappy are looking for a married women who is in the same situation that way..that can have an affair and no one would find out.Just my guess.But I am happy so they would never get that vibe from me.
Lori
As the above post makes clear - it is definitely a scary world sometimes. This is why I really think that husband's/boyfriends are the best ally in these situations. Lori, I know you don't want to bother him with this type of thing but sometimes it is better to. If the guy in question has bothered you more than once even after you have made it clear you are unavailable/uninterested then it sounds suspicious. You never know who can turn out to be dangerous. It is NOT your fault for sure that some men cannot take a hint. Be safe.
Yeah the above post guy was really creepy.And of course I told DH about him and he "sort of" fised the problem.No one else is that creepy though.I don't feel like telling DH about my former co-worker b/c I don't think he is really serious about it and I know that when I tell him to back off he will.Then he will probably say he was just joking and then I will feel like an idiot}( But then again...whats so strange about that! For the most part my former co-workers e-mails are very every day life stuff and nothing out of the ordinary but when I least expect it he will through stupis comments in there.I think he just thinks that people want him and he thinks that if he admits that he as feelings for me then I am going to do the same in return.I think its a big trick if you ask me....
Lori
But then again...whats so strange about that! For the most part my former co-workers e-mails are very every day life stuff and nothing out of the ordinary but when I least expect it he will through stupis comments in there.I think he just thinks that people want him and he thinks that if he admits that he as feelings for me then I am going to do the same in return.I think its a big trick if you ask me....Lori
Bobbi
Cathlete
It's a double edged sword, being friendly and vivacious. I can be and I recall being quite shocked one day, at the grocery store of all places, to discover that some young guy, who obviously thought he was the bomb, to perceive me the wrong way. I was feeling like a million bucks, smiling and letting it shine, but not giving off any vibe of that nature because I am not flirtatious, just extroverted and feeling good. It took about two seconds to let him know that I was a person and not one to be approached as if I was on the make or might be flattered by such attention, wedding ring or no. Find me attractive, that's lovely but do not approach me as if I am in the market to be disrespected in the produce department of Albertsons. It was as shocking to me as the time I was IM'd by some strange man coming to Arizona on business who was fishing for women to hook up with and believe me looks have little to do with it. I am not a spring chicken by any means nor a raving beauty but sometimes you wouldn't know that because because youth and even prettienss have nothing to do with being a hottie. The people I find the most attrative are rarely gorgeous and often friendly and vivacity is powerful, no matter how you look. Beside pretty people are often vain which is un-pretty to the dicerning eye. LOL! We put out vibes but flirting can dangerous, whether you think you are flirting or not. And sometimes you look as if you are when you think you aren't, especially if you are very extroverted.
I know of two couples who had a horrible experience because one of each, the husband of one and the wife of the other, had that sort of vibe going. Extroverted, charming, perhaps flirtatios people who got carried away because the woman got the idea the man was available based on his flirtatious ways and made herself available to him. And even though he was in love with his wife, which blows my mind, they ended up alone and the woman made an inappropriate move, one thing led to another and he had relations with that woman and it all started so innocently, two charming people, enjoying the other's, uh, friendliness. Gossip is such fun! Lori, your's is a different situation but situations such as you describe can go wrong and it's always best to err on the side of caution. Get yourself a way of letting all men know that you are not flirting and if that means toning down on being funny and charming, it's well worth it. You're married, after all. Some men are pigs. Women too. As for our hapless couple, her husband walked up on them and got an eyeful and it ruined the guy's marriage to a nice woman and he blamed the woman but I'd look at the harmless flirtation or friendliness or out-goingness, because if he hadn't looked available, who knows? You might look available and not even know it. And you know what? I know these people somewhat and the woman is a little like you, in personality. Not that you are a tramp or anything, like she is! I'm nice and I'm friendly but I will use my wit to let any man who dares come on to me walk away figuratively castrated and completely aware that women are not objects to be used for personal gratification of any type. It's fun too.
Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"
Tell me, what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
I know of two couples who had a horrible experience because one of each, the husband of one and the wife of the other, had that sort of vibe going. Extroverted, charming, perhaps flirtatios people who got carried away because the woman got the idea the man was available based on his flirtatious ways and made herself available to him. And even though he was in love with his wife, which blows my mind, they ended up alone and the woman made an inappropriate move, one thing led to another and he had relations with that woman and it all started so innocently, two charming people, enjoying the other's, uh, friendliness. Gossip is such fun! Lori, your's is a different situation but situations such as you describe can go wrong and it's always best to err on the side of caution. Get yourself a way of letting all men know that you are not flirting and if that means toning down on being funny and charming, it's well worth it. You're married, after all. Some men are pigs. Women too. As for our hapless couple, her husband walked up on them and got an eyeful and it ruined the guy's marriage to a nice woman and he blamed the woman but I'd look at the harmless flirtation or friendliness or out-goingness, because if he hadn't looked available, who knows? You might look available and not even know it. And you know what? I know these people somewhat and the woman is a little like you, in personality. Not that you are a tramp or anything, like she is! I'm nice and I'm friendly but I will use my wit to let any man who dares come on to me walk away figuratively castrated and completely aware that women are not objects to be used for personal gratification of any type. It's fun too.
Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"
Tell me, what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
I second Christine and Candi. You are pretty and charming also, and definitely have charisma.
One thing I have noticed is that, like you said, when one is funny and make others laugh, that attracts the oppositte sex. In fact, that is a strategy many men use to attract women, being funny.
Someone (I think futurefitnessdynamo) mentioned about the eye contact. I make eye contact with everybody! OH my God!
Ah, also: Most guys think that very fit women are very good at sex! LOL...we probably are, but what I'm saying is that that may be another motivator for they approaching you!
Sometimes it is just prejudice because of the natural appearance of the person.
One thing I have noticed is that, like you said, when one is funny and make others laugh, that attracts the oppositte sex. In fact, that is a strategy many men use to attract women, being funny.
Someone (I think futurefitnessdynamo) mentioned about the eye contact. I make eye contact with everybody! OH my God!
Ah, also: Most guys think that very fit women are very good at sex! LOL...we probably are, but what I'm saying is that that may be another motivator for they approaching you!
Sometimes it is just prejudice because of the natural appearance of the person.
kathryn
Cathlete
She said that he comes in every night near
>closing time and says "how are you tonight,sexy?" Anyway, it
>was the same guy that was creeping me out.Im not sure how far
>he will go if he gets really taken up with someone but he
>seems really strange.
Some guys just need a jolt in the 'nads with a stun gun!
Kind of scary that he's a mailman, because these are guys who can pretty much walk around unseen or unnoticed.
Lorihart,
As for being "too friendly," I would have no idea unless I saw the situation what kind of vibe you're giving off without knowing it, or what these guys are misinterpreting.
Maybe they saw too many of those "sexy stewardess" movies at the drive-in when they were young, and are generalizing lascivious sexual behavior to anyone who works in the airline industry (and whatever their job is, they might think they can be like pilots, and have some kind of image of pilots as free-wheeling, "love 'em or leave 'em" babe magnets. LOL!
I recently saw a statistic that 3/5 married men have affairs.Sad.
>closing time and says "how are you tonight,sexy?" Anyway, it
>was the same guy that was creeping me out.Im not sure how far
>he will go if he gets really taken up with someone but he
>seems really strange.
Some guys just need a jolt in the 'nads with a stun gun!
Kind of scary that he's a mailman, because these are guys who can pretty much walk around unseen or unnoticed.
Lorihart,
As for being "too friendly," I would have no idea unless I saw the situation what kind of vibe you're giving off without knowing it, or what these guys are misinterpreting.
Maybe they saw too many of those "sexy stewardess" movies at the drive-in when they were young, and are generalizing lascivious sexual behavior to anyone who works in the airline industry (and whatever their job is, they might think they can be like pilots, and have some kind of image of pilots as free-wheeling, "love 'em or leave 'em" babe magnets. LOL!
I recently saw a statistic that 3/5 married men have affairs.Sad.