Why are we so "mean" to our own?

[claridge]

Woman are soooooooo judgemental about other woman (me included)
The second after I think some poor woman would feel more comfortable in a bigger size pant, or wonder how can she eat SO much junk (if Im out for lunch) - I really want to SLAP myself for being so mean.

The same thing tends to happen if your sitting down with a group of woman. We may all be chatting about life in general, but we are ALSO "people spotting", especially at the woman who go past, and not always silent remarks but comment to each other about it, AND who are "we" to judge right!?

And I know that when I walk past a group of woman, they take a 'GOOD" look at me as well.

Its mean and horrible but WOMAN DO IT!

This is not a "man" thing. They dont give a hootin nanny about the guy walking past in a bad suit. or the fact he can eat 3 burgers in one sitting.

Whats up with our "sister hood" ladies?

Marion

x(

 

[Maximus]

RE: Why are we so

It's true, we all do it. And be honest--the more attractive the woman, the harder you're looking for something wrong w/her. We're so CATTY! While we should be kind to each other, b/c there really is a sisterhood, & I hate to say it's us (women) against them (men) but in many instances it really is. Especially in the workplace.

OK Marion, let's you & I make a pact that from now on we'll look upon other women w/kindness, we'll be supportive & sisterly, we'll try to help no matter what, we'll smile & say hello to women who are giving us the once-over, & we'll be in general nice instead of mean.

Anyone else?

 

[Pedmom]

RE: Why are we so

I agree. But I think it's partly society to blame (aka men in media). We are all supposed to be these ultra-thin, beautiful perfect women that are shown in magazines and movies. I think it makes us more competitive with each other.

Pretty sad.
jill

 

[dss62467]

RE: Why are we so

I don't do that. I'm too cool for that.



(that's a lie, by the way)

 

[Pedmom]

RE: Why are we so

 

[lesliew]

RE: Why are we so

I truly think it's a competitive thing. I don't think men are pushing us to be a certain way. Most men I know wouldn't give a rats butt if we looked like Cathe, or if we had more feminine curves. In fact, most men prefer women to have some curves. I think we are by nature constantly sizing each other up and finding fault in each other so we can feel better about ourselves! The women who don't do that probably have a better self-esteem, or more important things to think about! I know myself, there are some days when what another woman looks like really bothers me, and other days when I don't give it a second thought!

One issue that does bother me, and I blame this on the media, is the issue of aging. The media does feed into the "you're only beautiful if you're young" idea. It's everywhere! Even our beloved fitness instructors are succumbing to the idea that they can't age gracefully and naturally because no one would be interested in them anymore.

 

[lorihart]

RE: Why are we so

This is so true and everyone knows it.My DH noticed it before I did.We are all very judgemental about others and the minute we think someone looks better then us, our guard goes up.And then we want to know what they do to look so good.I think we size each other up alot more then men size us up.(and thats a mouthful)Prehaps we should be more like men.They don't notice anything.
The women in this town are very catty.They don't give any other women a chance until you force them to get to know you.Then when your back is turned they are still talking about you.
Lori

 

[mogambo]

RE: Why are we so

I find I do it more when I'm feeling either bored (nothing better to think about like mentioned above) or insecure ("my life is not the way I like it, but at least I'm not fat and not wearing a tube top or a thong sticking out of my lowriders along with 3 rolls of blubber, so I must be ok after all").

When I'm feeling good about life, I tend to just feel rather relaxed and non-judgmental about everyone, including myself. When I'm anxious or stressed, I get a lot of comfort out of how superior my taste is, how flat my abs are, etc. Silly, and yes, maybe we should try not to do it, but if that's the worst thing I do when I'm stressed, I can live with that too.

 

[tinamb]

RE: Why are we so

I agree with LeslieW I also think that it is a competitive thing because my husband admits to looking at other guys and judging then.

So I know that us as women judge a lot harsher than men do but I do think that there are men out there that judge other men.

 

[jdoll]

RE: Why are we so

Ok Maximus. i'll go along with you, but ONLY on Tuesdays and Thursdays:* . just kidding. Marion is right. it is pathetic, but it's true. I was raised this way.....women(most) talk about EVERYBODY. i personally only have two true female friends(in real life) and have always preferred working in places where men were the majority b/c i can't stand the constant gossiping and bickering and toe-stomping. it's exhausting and life is tiring enough!

jes

 

[R_A_C_H]

RE: Why are we so

I read somewhere that we don't dress for men. We actually dress to look good for other women. I think it's true because most of the time, men don't notice the details.

 

[fab40]

RE: Why are we so

So true RACH. My father told me that same thing when I was in high school. It wasn't until recently I realized how right he is.

 

[Carla K]

RE: Why are we so

I know what you mean. I agree with what the other ladies had to say. I am doing my best to not be judgmental, but as soon as I notice a woman trying to pick me apart, I get very defensive.

I wish woman would quit all the cattiness.

I will agree and do my part to cut it out.

 

[jordan]

RE: Why are we so

I want in on that pact.

jordan

 

[WannaBeStrong]

RE: Why are we so

You ladies are so right on! WHY OH WHY ARE WE LIKE THIS!!!???

(Of course, it is worse when you know one of the "sisters" was sleeping with your husband; but that is another topic for another day.)

 

[claridge]

RE: Why are we so

OKAY!!! THATS ONE SISTER THAT DESERVES THE EVIL EYE FROM US ALL..........................

For all the others, we SHOULD have a " lets be kind day"

Other all, who eles but ourselves know how hard it is being a woman with husbands, children, jobs, PMS and all the other duties of cooking and cleaning we seem to undertake more than 50% of the time.

We should "embrace" our sisters - not "berate" them

Marion

 

[lesliemarie]

RE: Why are we so

That is so true. I read in the paper here not to long ago and they talked about women are the meanest. In work places it is women that will call in sick more often than a man will when there are confrontations at work. And women tend to be more critical to each other. I have caught my self doing it when I see someone wearing some clothes that are way to small and tight, I have to tell myself " Hey you are no beauty queen yourself, so chill out" and then I go on with my agenda trying not to be so judgemental or critical. For one thing I am not perfect myself, I am not without flaws.

 

[candi]

RE: Why are we so

I'm guilty. Especially when I see women that are huge. I wonder, "How can they be comfortable in their own skin?". I just can't understand it.

 

[Aquajock]

RE: Why are we so

I agree with everyone here: women's hatred and competitiveness with each other is far more destructive to women than male sexism is. And it goes far beyond social judgmentalism about body size and looks. Women judge their beaten and/or raped sisters, usually, with the attitude that somehow they deserved what they got. I see it every day in my own work on prosecuting domestic abusers, about 95% of whom are men beating women.

I think this discussion demands another dimension: how does women's competitiveness with women affect mothers' attitudes and behaviors toward their own daughters?

IMHO, quite a lot - and something that almost all mothers, including the mothers of daughters here on this forum, would deny to the death.

A-Jock

 

[Bobbi]

RE: Why are we so

You know what I hate? When perfectly fabulous women pick themselves to pieces and I think that the, let's call her the inner witch, comes out since we are so conditioned to be self-critical that it can spill over to others. I may suck but.... And think about, have you ever had a negative reaction to someone because you thought they were thinking negatively about you only to find out they have no idea you exist? I want to be like my husband. He was getting dressed on Sunday and checking himself out in the mirror and liking what he saw. That scenario with me has me starting at my worst flaw and working my way to the okay stuff but never really appreciating it because, well, I started with my flaws. I am not particularly critical of most women I know, with the exception of pop culture icons and they are fair game since they are not "real" But, what do I know? I'm a Desperate Housewife minus the makeup and glamour and the really juicy problems. And the desperation!
Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"

Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

- Mary Oliver