Who is the breadwinner in your house?

I'm the bread winner in our family. I think it bothers DH, but it doesn't cause any problems. We also keep seperate accounts. It just works easier that way. We split the bills and all but keep our $$ seperate.

Catherine
 
DH defintely makes more money than me right now, but that wasn't always the case. He doesn't care who brings in the most money in our home. Hopefully in a couple more years I will make more money than him. I will be going to school for a while to start my career at 38 years old.


kim
 
I make more $$ than my SO. I work in the medical profession as a Nuclear Medicine technologist and he is a law enforcement officer. He has absolutely no problems with me making more, except that he wishes it were a LOT more so he wouldn't have to work!:7
 
Single Mom here so me ;)

My ex makes a lot more and has NEVER missed a child support payment (and it's been 17 years).
Part of why I changed my will and him as the executor etc
 
Right now it is DH because I am a SAHM to our 2 year old son. However, when I do get back into the social work field, he'll still make more than I do as an attorney. Such is the nature of the career, unfortunately, even though we both have advanced degrees.

oops - forgot to add that neither of us have issue w/ this as we both work just as hard (whether I'm back in my professional career or in the home). Our money is our money, period.

Live with sincerity, love with passion, and dance like you mean it.

Debbie
 
We are a single income family and my husband can be a bit of an ass about it at times. It has been a source of contention if he is foolish enough to go there. }( I am content but he would really enjoy more money coming in. I, however, have always refused to consider it being that I do everything and I believe getting a job would make me miserable because and I also want to get some training before I go out there.

I am a stay at home mother, a term which grossly under simplifies what I do on a daily basis. This morning it was cleaning a part of our broken AC unit which needed to be cleaned so the new motor we are having installed, hopefully very soon because it is as hot as h-e- double toothpicks in my house right now, will not be over toiled by a dirty wheely thingy. I did a very good job and I know the AC guy who told me what I needed to do will be proud of me. :D My husband could have done it as well but he worked until 9 PM last night so I made it my responsibility even if knows more about the workings of the AC unit than I.

My son just turned 9. My oldest graduates next year and my 15 year old is going to be a Sophomore. While I am considering starting to a take a class or two toward a nursing degree I will use when my son is in his late teens and ready to fly the nest, I am not ready to do much more than that now. I need to be an excellent student and I am not compartmentalized in the way some people are. My kids take nearly all my energy and I am the Good Samaritan of Albatross Drive, helping out other moms, especially the working moms, with the conflicts which arise because they can't always be available when they are needed. I have become very popular as an animal sitter, taking care of a bird right now for my sister who is gone all summer and lost her regular bird sitter. Please pray my very predatory cat does not eat her before August. :) Lately I have been very much in demand to dog sit as well. I love dogs and we don't have one. :) My husband is not big on things like that and he wishes that I was less inclined to be helpful but it makes me feel good and I only do it when I really want to, having gotten over saying yes to everyone who asks for a favor. My husband feels I say yes to everyone except him but that is simply not true. I actually put him first quite often when it is appropriate to do so. But he is an adult and I sometimes have to put the children first.

Rich would never pick up any slack for me if I worked. As it is he values his down time and I think that has sometimes been to the detriment of our kids. He is getting better about spending time with the younger two because he has become aware how much they adore outings where devotes himself to them. He believes he is very neat but neat people do not leave dirty clothes on the floor or fail to put the lids on the cansiters, do they?

I used to get very upset by his chauvanistic 'tude but he has a hard time ruffling me these days and regrets making me feel like I am in his servitude. He's not the boss of me. ;) I now insist that I, ME, that's not gramatical but you can see the emphasis which you don't see because I is capitalized anyway, am indeed the boss ;)around the house and he relies on my good graces for all that I do for him and that's quite a lot which he enjoys a great deal. So much in fact I think he should just make peace with the idea that I will be going into the work force in about 8 years. Eight years can seem very long or short depending on your persepctive. Time is whizzing by seemingly so quickly, I know it will be here before I know it.

I hope none of you have dozed off and I thank you for the opportunity to get this off my chest although it's not a vent in the sense that I am upset or aggravated. I am not. Recently, Rich was angry with me and snarled about my needing to get a job and he both hurt my feelings and made me mad. As a result though he realized that taking more time to see a movie, go bowling or out to dinner with the kids makes him as happy as it does them. I think he's learning that making sacrifices for someone you love so much isn't really sacrificing at all. It all fits in and tht's the nice thing about love. It's my favorite perk when it comes to my "job". It's make the drudgery of the classic "housewife" tasks more bearable and allows me to appreciate the moms who work AND drudge because I know that they most likely also do the lion's share of the cooking and cleaning and childrearing as I do and they do it coming home tired to face the demands of children who like all children want to bask in the presense of their parents.

I could really do many things other than this and take great satisfaction, find fulfillment and yes, earn some bread, but no one feels the devotion to my kids that I do and that is both selfish and selfless by turns but it's the only way I know to do it thanks to my own mother. I have to feign being overworked, underpaid and unappreciated because I actually know I'm not and this is a pretty cushy gig, in spite of dirty bathrooms. I didn't always know that though. Well, I am bleeding, having sliced the top of my foot open on that wheely thing despite the fact the AC guy warned me it was very sharp around the edges. I am a clutz, that's for sure. ;) The AC guy is here and he says I did an excellent job cleaning the wheely thingy. Thank you and it's my job, sir. It's what I do. :D

You ask a simple question and get a novel in response but again I appreciate the opportunity to share what it means to be the breadwinner's equal partner. ;) A simple no would never do for me.


Bobbi "Chicks rule!"http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/tiere/animal-smiley-032.gif
Tell me what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/linie/smiley-linie-008.gif
 
Hi. In my house it has always been me. There was even a time my husband was out of work for about four years. He stayed home and took care of the kids while I worked. There has never been any hard feelings about this. We have be married for 11 years this Aug. and everything is great. My husband does currently work, but makes about $10.00 less an hour than me. But this never been an issue for us. As long as we have money to pay the bills, buy toys, and save we are happy.
Melissa
 
My DH is the breadwinner, I run the household and kids and it's OUR money!! We consider ourselves in an equal partnership. He makes the money, so I can stay home and be with the kids. He always says he wouldn't want my job. Mine is 24/7. When he's not working or traveling he likes to be with us. No hobbies, except working out.
Jen
 
DH, as I am SAHM of 4 DS, 3 young ones still at home with special needs and I homeschool them and everything else that normally/and abnormally has to be done to/with/for them, etc. I take care of the house, groceries, meals, laundry, yada yada yada.

DH can't afford my salary and he readily admits I work much harder than he, so there are certainly no "holds" on the money just because I work at home. And our money has been in joint accounts since marriage - it's only fitting as the debts are joint.:p :7

P.S. I worked while he went to college and many years after even with the birth of my now 25 yo. Things are just different now and I am able to be the SAHM I've always wanted to be.:)
 
I am the breadwinner in our family. DH is disabled and received a small check every month. We maintain separate accounts, but we split the bills. This has never been a source of contention for us, it's just the way it evolved in the last 7 years that we've been married. DH has always been very generous as well. In fact, when he cashes his monthly check, he very often place $40 or so in my wallet, "for the house" he states. I do the same for him. In that respect, I don't expect him to pay by credit card bills, in fact, I often don't even like him knowing just how much they are (chagrined).

Amy
 
I don't have an income since I am a SAHM. Therefore, dh is the money maker. I am about 6 classes away from graduating with a teaching degree. But, I only take about 2 classes at a time through a distance learning program. When I do graduate and start working, dh will still be the breadwinner. Teachers don't make as much as they should :(.

Dh may be the breadwinner, but I am in charge of the money! Otherwise, we would be broke.....He is a crazy spender....

Sara
http://www.picturetrail.com/saraburnham1
 
DH makes the money. It's not an issue at all because I do virtually everything else, and happily so. That's our deal. He earns a living and I take care of the house, bills, cooking, laundry, investments, socializing, cars, tenants, appointments etc. I also have good time to work on my writing, which DH encourages me all the time to keep pursuing.

As for money, as some of the others have said, it's OUR money, not his. There's value in running a home, and we both believe that contributions don't always have to be financial. And, frankly, DH has no idea about our money!! He gives it to me and I put it where it need to go. He teases me about spending money on my niece and nephew but would not dream of telling me I can't buy what I want. He actually checks with me about buying big stuff only because he has no idea how much is available and in which account. :D

Sparrow

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow - what a ride!’ — Peter Sage
 
We both made roughly the same and always did until recently. We're nurses and the hourly rates are pretty much set in certain areas. Since we both have the same years of nursing experience, we've always been within a dollar or two an hour of each other. Now that I'm salaried and work in corporate America, my yearly raises are significantly higher than when I was in traditional nursing, so in a few years if this trend continues (you never know what will happen!!) I'll be making quite a bit more than hubby, but it won't cause issues. Just about everything has both our names on it, and we like it that way. We're partners - in marriage and in life - so it makes sense for us to share in the finances as well. I know there are several compelling and very valid reasons to separate finances - even in a marriage - but this has always worked for us and I have no reason to believe it won't continue that way. We're both on the same page where money is concerned.

Good question, Marie! It's sparked some interesting conversation!

Carol
:)
 
My DH and I both have approximately the same salaries. My job has more upside potential than DH's, and I expect to be making more than he is in the not-too-distant future. He's thrilled at the idea. Frankly, I'm not sure how I'm going to feel. I think I may have mixed emotions about it. Only time will tell.

-Nancy
 
DH makes more than me, even if I were fulltime, but i work 20 hrs a week so i can be more involved with my 6 yr old, and I am an active volunteer with my Golden, who is a therapy dog.

we have our money together, and it works fairly well, sans a little bickering when the visa comes}( }(
 
Being that we have had some issues over our one income situation, Marie's question has gotten me thinking about why we have issues and what I should do abut that. I find interesting is how these family dynamics develop and it's based on our psychological profiles. Rich and I are extraordinarily compatible intellectually but our backgrounds are night and day different. I am the 12th of 13 kids, stay at home mom, very laid back parents whereas he is an only child with critical, controlling parents and a mother who by her own admission was not a very good one because she is so vain and concerned with how she looks. He was drawn to me in some ways because I am so different from his mother and like my own. I have given him some of the things his mother failed to and he doesn't really want me to be much different than I am, he just wants to suceed and that is very black and white to him and all about financial sucess.

He is very good at his job but he is a secondary manager. He gets frustrated because he puts very big numbers on the books, always the top of the order but he makes less. There's another manager who has the same pay plan as he but doesn't have the same ambitions, is older and has a wife who is the breadwinner and comes from money so this very nice man just doesn't feel driven in the way my husband does.

Rich points this out and we have had discussions about alphas and betas in relationships. There is often a clear cut dominant partner, an alpha and the other managers wife is most definitely that, dominant, but we go back and forth between the two. I may chose our long distance carrier but I consult him for the bigger stuff and vice versa. I decide who's doing what sport or if it's okay to take summer school but if a child wants to go to Germany with German club, we make the decision to gether. We work really well together. When he points out that the other manager's wife's income is huge and they are ahead of the game, I think, yes but you couldn't stand to be married to her! :D And you may be missing that he loves me when I complain but he often tells me he wouldn't want any other woman. ;) His attitude, at times, is that of an alpha who is fully in control and it's not the way it is around here although I started out as an easy going doormat and there's the rub. We actually balance one another out quite nicely and it's the attitude that is out of place. We have a failure to communicate.

His parents had all these expectations of him and all their attention was focused on him and they can still be very difficult in that way. I am always surprised when my mature, intelligent husband turns into a child around his parents but now he tells them what they want to hear and does what he feels is right. In fact, to a certain extent, he always did that. I won't go into that history but to me it can be very crazy and my parents had so many kids and our dynamic was so different, that it's those things that cause him to make issues with my stay at home status which I don't believe he would actually deal with very well at all if I was outside of the house working right now, truth be told. We really have a great life and plenty and that's the perspective of the kid who grew up on a tight budget with lots of love and acceptance as opposed to the one who's parents wanted him in law school to become the lawyer they wanted for a son. How he came to be happily in the car business, sucessful and making good money is another story I won't lay on you but guess who wrote the letters and made the peace between he and his pareants when he decided he didn't want that but feared their disappointment and the fuss, oh the fuss, that would come along with it? :D

We look at the big picture differently. We own our home which we've lived in nearly 15 years. He wants the bigger, better one now, I want to fulfill the desire of my 15 year old to live here until she graduates in three years because she has happy memories and loves this house Rich and I don't love so much any more. I want to stay in the same scool district my kids have all gone through from Kindergarten into high school in and he wants to move to a swishier part of town. He grew up in the same house all his life and I got moved as a kid and hated it.

These differences are minimal compared to how highly suited we really are. I think we both grew up with a certain measure of dysfunction and our real problem is communication and compromise. We are learning though.

I may have to bite the bullet and take that class so he can get a feel for the possibilities of two incomes in our future. He is so confident in my intelligence and ability that he thinks I am silly to be nervous. And yet, he tells me I don't know what it's like "out there" because of my polarized view. :) I know that he may leave his socks on the floor but at work he is organized and completely in charge. He is the only person in the house who is exempt from the pick up after yourself rule and that's because his hours are long and he works six days a week. I am inherently disorganized but that is not a problem in my line of work. I have always thought I would be dreadful as a working mother because I am so "open ended" in my organizational style. When it's just the two of us and I clean my house and can return to find it still clean, it will be a different story.

I'm having my own little discussion here, aren't I? :D

Thank you, Marie, because you have made me realize I need to sit down with my husband and discuss and rework our 5 year plan. :) I need to address the frustrations which make him lash out and say things about being the breadwinner which I don't believe he truly means. If I can equate his feelings of being frustrated underapprecaited to the similar feelings I have when he says such things to me, we can learn not to snipe at one another. "It makes me feel ______ when you say_____. I knw we would have learned this in marriage counseling if I could have gotten him to go, LOL!

Next time I promise to realize I need the help and pose an actual question instead of hijacking a topic and going off on a tangent but it's been most enlightening for me. I do love these boards. They are ever the source of inspiration and information and it's gratifying to accidentally figure out how I can make my marriage work better.
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Bobbi "Chicks rule!"http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/tiere/animal-smiley-032.gif
Tell me what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
 
Bobbi - I know I'd be thrilled if I started a threat that brought someone else enlightenment in her own life. I think it's fabulous that you can share that with us! Thank you!

DH and I both work, but he makes about 3 times what I do. We both decided that I should scale back a bit because he travels a lot and someone needs to be at home with the kids. As I would not be making what he does no matter, it made sense that I was the one to scale. And honestly, I like it that way better - I like being around for the kids. My job is going away in July, and with severence I'll be okay for a few months, so I'm taking off for the summer. We have mainly joint accounts, but we also each have our own. As he's better at managing finances, I give him money each month. But the rest of what I earn goes for food and play. We'd probably do okay without my salary, but with one kid in college and two about to go, we would not have the freedom to do what we wanted, and honestly I'd probably be bored. Does he sometimes remind me that he pays more than I do? Oh yeah - his ex-wife is a piece of work and sometimes those insecurities come out. But, he doesn't mean it. He knows what I do, and he appreciates that the household remains running smoothly (for the most part LOL) when he's gone.
 
I'm single, so there's only one income in my household--mine.

I also want to wish "good luck" to Barbara and Allison on taking their state boards for nursing:)! I'm a Registered Nurse and I can still remember how wonderful it felt to graduate with my BSN degree from the University of Texas, and then to pass the nursing state boards! I hope the two of you will find your nursing career to be rewarding as well as challenging.
 
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