Where does it stop?

Thanks for your replies, everyone.

The logical part of my brain knows the sizing thing is all bogus. Last weekend, I tried on size 9 jeans and size 4 jeans and they both fit perfectly. But just like the number on the scale, there's a negative association in my brain to that higher size number.

Maybe I should be like Pinky and just avoid numbers altogether:)
 
I tell ya, Shellers... numbers are the bane of my existence. Especially when I'm tallying my credit card purchases, stretching the grocery budget, figuring out how many miles my car can go for every $2.65 gallon of gas... you get the idea.:) Depresses the hell out of me.

As for sizing, I can get into anywhere from petites size 0 to 4, to a juniors 3 and 5, to a girls L(14) and XL(16). The way I see it, if it fits well, buy it. If the tag bothers me (like those from the girls' department -- hello! I'm approaching my 40s, for cryin' out loud:eek:), I just cut it out. Problem solved.

You look great, Shelley. Focus on the person you see on the mirror, not the number on a silly tag.;-)

Pinky
 
"Focus on the person you see on the mirror, not the number on a silly tag."

Ah, but you see, therein lies the rub. For apparently what I see in the mirror is not what others see.;)
 
Shelley, I think you got great responses here. I really feel your pain, though; I feel very, very similarly. For me it has less to do with the number than it does with that overriding feeling that I should always be doing more, more, more and better, better, better. Somewhere along the way more/better = less weight, smaller numbers. I have to stay very cognizant of what I am doing most of the time to prevent myself from OVERdoing it.

The irony is, I actually look and feel better at a weight that is slightly higher than I would like to be. It's just hard to accept that's where the scale should stay...

Anyway, you do look great and you've accomplished a lot, particularly in inspiring this board. :) So hang in there; this too shall pass!

Marie
 
And I totally agree with the comment about perception of self in the mirror. I often wonder, is there anyone out there who sees herself as other people do?

...the $10,000 question.

Marie
 
>"Focus on the person you see on the mirror, not the number on
>a silly tag."
>
>Ah, but you see, therein lies the rub. For apparently what I
>see in the mirror is not what others see.;)

You got me there, Shelley. But here’s a thought, and I hope it makes sense: The number on a tag is finite. It will always say the same thing. The body and your perceptions towards it are malleable and can be reshaped. The question is, are you willing and open to some kind of reformation?

Shonie and I had a talk about this on our long wait for our flight home from the road trip. (Sorry Shonie, don’t mean to put you on the spot here.) We talked about how it’s hard for us to believe the nice things said about our bodies. I always thought it was just me, and then I heard it from her, too. I mean, look at her. She’s buff, she’s gorgeous. And then Sandy (sorry Sandy, don’t mean to put you on the spot either) told me – very nicely, I might add – that I have some sort of body perception distortion. I knew she was right. Why do you think I’ve loosened up and started eating Snickers and having lots of wine? Not all the time, and you know the pacts I've been making with some ladies.;-) At some point, a girl’s gotta learn how to let go.

Just a thought. Take it or roll me over with the STFU truck.;-)

Pinky
 
Pinky - I'm pretty aware that my perception is skewed. Most of me is willing and open to change that. Sometimes, I'll catch a glimpse in a mirror by accident and not recognize who I see. I'm working on it:)

I would NEVER roll over you with the STFU truck.:)
 
You sure did ask the $10,000 dollar question, more like million dollar question.......I think that is near impossible....

We are our worst critics!

Shelley - i am completely the same way!!! I am down to size 6 and now am in size 4 dresses, so why not size 4 jeans too ;)

I actually feel much better than I did a year ago.......much better than ever....I think....and that is more important than any number :)

Size 4 jeans would be great though

}( }( }( }( that is the devil speaking..........
 
Heck, it's just a number. I'm a four on top and a zero on the bottom. Sometimes I buy my jeans in the "little kids" store.... then I'm a 12 slim. (When people ask my pant size...I love telling them I wear a size 12.... it always freaks them out!!!)

As everyone said.....companies vary so much in sizes I would never get hung up over it. Banana Republic and Ann Klein's zeros are really a size four (unfortunately they don't have smaller sizes so I can't buy their pants at all without having them tailored to fit). Other companies are more true to size like Bebe. I only get upset because I can't buy a nice pair of pants in my size without having them altered. (I also can't buy petites because I'm actually too tall....go figure.)

Robin:9
 
Oh, how timely is this topic:)! I'm working myself back down the scale (more numbers) since I gained a few pounds...but my size 10 Levi's still fit. Okay, they were really tight, but they do fit much better.

When I was in high school I weighed 107# and wore size 10 dresses (I sewed all my dresses, Simplicity or McCall's patterns). Looking back I realize I was an apple back then and carried a lot of my weight up top (but not where it would be more appreciated). Now I'm sitting at 143#, apparently carrying a lot more muscle, finally back to size small clothes (Blair's), but I think a lot of that is vanity sizing. Right now I'd be so delighted to be back to 120-something, but I'm just glad to be out of XL's and Larges:)

But, in the end, Shelley, I'm with you. We're never satisfied with our bodies and no we don't see ourselves as others see us. People at work are always telling me how tiny I'm getting (I've gone down from over 200#) and telling me not to lose anymore...they beg me not to! I try to remember always to thank them for the lovely compliments, but then I tell them my clothes are hiding my spare tire...

BTW, I'm 5' tall, if that puts things in perspective. And I have a large bone structure. And I don't see myself as so tiny, never have. I see myself as being as tall or big as everyone else...
 
Shelley, I just want to say that I am in the same boat as you. I have a really hard time seeing what everyone else does. I'm a size 4 sometimes a 2. I used to be a 16. Rationally I understand that I have lost a lot of weight and that I am in a small size. My problem is that I seem to only be able to focus on the negatives. I look in the mirror and focus on my stomach. It's not where I want it to be. But, when will it ever be? I bet if I lost another size I'd still feel this way. I know I have major body image issues. Years of therapy didn't help a bit. It's a daily struggle for me. My husband is very understanding and good about putting up with me. I just get so tired sometimes. KWIM? The hyperfocus is exhausting. I don't know how to get over this. Years ago I thought time would do it. Well, I'm married with a child now and I'm no different. I still feel the way I did at 16. I fear that one day I'll be old and gray and regret how much time and energy I wasted thinking about myself and my body. How come knowing that I can't get out of this way of thinking? So, I guess the only way to change it is to take that hyperfocus and channel it differently. Oh, but how does one do that? I'm sorry you are going through this, but am glad you posted. I know it makes me feel better to know that I am not alone in this struggle. Thank you! Oh and you really do look FABULOUS!!!
--Jennifer
 
"I fear that one day I'll be old and gray and regret how much time and energy I wasted thinking about myself and my body"

I feel the same way. It's so sad that we waste so much of our lives worrying about this. I've struggled with eating disorders for my entire life and I always clearly remember something I read in a book about eating disorders. It said something like a certain woman's headstone should have read, "She wanted to be thin". Because that was her whole life's focus. Not devoted daughter, mother, sister, friend, etc. - her whole life revolved around food/body image. I'm not sure if I explained that well or not, but it really hit a nerve.

Erica
 
Erica, what you said is exactly my current mindset. I decided I want to be remembered for what I did and what I contributed, not for my looks or my body fat percentage. I just got back some photos of me and my son at the state fair. I looked grungy and sweaty in the photos, but then I thought I also looked damn good. Because I was smiling so much while riding a mechanical whale with my boy. I finally saw how I look like when I'm really alive, laughing and happy, and I want to have that look all the time, which has nothing to do with body image.

Shelley, I'll always have this difficulty seeing myself the way other people see me, and getting through this is a process. I just started the process. Feel free to join me.

Off the soapbox now...

Pinky
 
This topic is so interesting and yet so sad. I have lived my life always trying to be prettier and always have make-up on and always wanting to be thinner and thinking that I will finally be truly happy if only I was thinner. It is very sad to me to think that way because I have 3 beautiful children and a beautiful house and husband. Shame on me for making my looks such a focus when most of the world is in crisis mode. I really think we all need to start loving ourselves unconditonally whether we are a size 4 or 14. Anwyay, didn't mean to go on and on but Shelley you really are an amazing person and I always enjoy your posts and would never have guessed that you too have these insecurities like a lot of us. You always seem to have you stuff together. BTW, how is gilbert?


Susan
 
Susan,

Amen. I have the same thoughts as you do. Why do I obsess over these things when there are so many more important things in the world? I mean, isn't it just another form of self-absorbtion to be so mirco-focused on body fat and size? Yet there are many of us, including me, who do obsess over the numbers. It's so tough to NOT do it though. As Shelley said, what the brain logically knows and what we feel are two different things. I know my loved ones can't understand why I worry about looking fat. They keep telling me, are you crazy? YES, lol. I try to tell them that I can't trust what I see in the mirror, whether good or bad, because my body image is so screwed up. Sigh. Where does it stop, indeed.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking fitness and health AT ALL. Of course not. They are so important. But as some point I have to wonder: isn't the stress and worry over it doing more damage to me than carrying around a couple of extra pounds? And why - given that most of us here do the "right" thing by exercising, eating right, etc. - do we spend so much time scolding ourselves? We're *doing* it! We should be able to relax and enjoy our success, but I think many of us don't. I can't help but wonder if it would be worthwhile to start a challenge/thread here where we can celebrate our achievements in moderation and going easier on ourselves. We could call it the "I didn't beat myself up" check-in. :p

Sparrow
 
Good points everyone.

I guess <sigh> I'm very size oriented and yes sizes did get smaller. I keep a pair of small jeans - gosh 12 years or so old just as a reality of what the old sizes were and my FIRST suit (back in the day I wore suits to work - ha! - been corporate casual for over 10 years now) just to ground me!

But yes I have to admit it I don't buy if it's more than 4 petite, 3/5 jr or 2 but I don't get as distraught as before if they don't fit.

Re not liking our body - I guess that isn't as important to me either but now that I"m on my 4th week of a comeback it is nice to feel my body getting tighter!
 
My .02--the number can be important, but at the same time I realize it is pretty arbitrary. I have a size 10 pants bought way back that fit and now I wear a 6 or 4 and if I can fit in a 4 I feel great!!! But what I think you said Shelley, about what we see in the mirror not being what others see is so true. I see someone who looks fine, others make comments about me being thin and I NEVER will see myself as thin or skinny. But, I am happy where I am right now (as long as I can keep those 2 lbs off). Now doesn't that seem ridiculous, to obsess over 2 lbs????!!!! My DH always says that we women are harder on ourselves and on each other than men are. For what it's worth!
 
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