where do people get off?!

dr.mel_PT

dr.mel_PT

Cathlete
I work PT for an agency that sends me to liquor stores in the area to promote alcohol. Tonight, the store owner turned to me and had the cajones to say "You look a little fatter than the last time I saw you." I was like "Excuse me?!" and he goes "Yeah: your stomach and thighs look a little fat." Then I guess he noticed how taken back I was and threw in "Maybe not, maybe not." WHAT?! Who says that?! It took so much composure on my part not to punch him in the face. I just didn't know what to say!

It came at such a bad time (not that any time would have been good), mainly because I have been eating REALLY well the past few weeks and I'm super-motivated because I just received STS this week. This just puts a damper on my motivation.

People seriously have 0 tact. Why would you even say something like that esp to a woman?!?! You don't know the background of the person you're talking to; if he'd known I had an eating disorder in the past I bet he would've censored himself! Then again, people are buttholes so maybe not.

I was proud of my reaction, however, so I guess there is a silver lining. In the past, I would have gone to one of 2 extremes; I either would have gone to Stop & Shop on the way home, bought all the sugary junk I could find, and glom it as soon as I got home, OR I would starve myself despite my stomach growling. Tonight was the first time I was able to sit back, curse him out in my head, and move on with my life. I'm not letting some dumb rude comment thwart all my healthy eating and workouts. Why should I let what people say get to me? Do I care about this person? Do I value their opinion? Are they an important part of my life? The answer to all of the above is NO, so I'm not taking it to heart.
 
Good for you! I think you should really be proud of yourself for your reaction!

He sounds like a clueless wonder... like he has no filter from his brain to his mouth.
 
Unbelievable! Even as a friend, I wouldn't just come out say anything like THAT! People have some nerve! I remember when it was rude to ask a woman if she were pregnant or how far along she was! Now, anyone will say anything!
 
The right lines never come to us on the spur of the moment, but you could say to him, next time you see him, "Wow, you look like more of a jerk than the last time I saw you," or there's always, "hey, I may be a little heavier than I was but I'll lose it, but you, you will always be a jerk."

The man really isn't worth wasting any more though on. He's less than nothing.

Clare
 
maddiesmum said:
The right lines never come to us on the spur of the moment, but you could say to him, next time you see him, "Wow, you look like more of a jerk than the last time I saw you," or there's always, "hey, I may be a little heavier than I was but I'll lose it, but you, you will always be a jerk."

The man really isn't worth wasting any more though on. He's less than nothing.

Clare
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LOL.....perfect :p
 
I find it helpful to address such rude behavior by turning the focus on the offender.
Here is an example of a conversation between Large Random Ingornant Dude and me.

LRID: You need to get some sun. You're so pale!
Me: You need to get to the gym....and lay off the beef jerky (said while smiling the friendliest of smiles)
 
Unbelievable!! I just read an article this morning in a local paper on anorexia in which I learned about these websites that encourage people to be super thin and even give support and advice on how to hide their not eating and other things. I had never heard of these sites before and then later this afternoon I was on YouTube and on the side bar where they show suggested videos there was a Thinspiration site which I watched, and it was so disturbing and sick. There were literally hundreds of similar videos showing excessively thin young girls, and at the end they say hang in there girls you can be like this to....can't believe the obsession with thinness that our society has come to ....and for some random jerk to think he is entitled to comment on your weight is so offensive to you but to all woman in general,


sorry for this rant but seeing your post after finding out about this "Thinspiration" movement really makes my blood boil and also makes me very very concerned for young girls growing up with this type of pressure...
 
Just tyring to be the devils advocate here but it could have been a cultural response. I know where I'm from people don't hesitate to tell me if I look fat, . . . . they don't think it is a big deal. I remember once when all of my Dad's family came to visit and were all hanging out in the kitchen one of my Uncle's told me that I was fat, . . I got so mad I threw a plate into the sink crushing it, . .my Dad was mortified. I've come to accept it as more of ignorance than anything else. Try to pay it no mind.
 
janie1234 said:
Just tyring to be the devils advocate here but it could have been a cultural response. I know where I'm from people don't hesitate to tell me if I look fat, . . . . they don't think it is a big deal. I remember once when all of my Dad's family came to visit and were all hanging out in the kitchen one of my Uncle's told me that I was fat, . . I got so mad I threw a plate into the sink crushing it, . .my Dad was mortified. I've come to accept it as more of ignorance than anything else. Try to pay it no mind.
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A great cultural response that comment would be a big ol' middle finger!
 
what a jerk!!! i have someone like that at work. then one day i told her(b/c she likes to brag) that if she was all that then the guys would be chasing her over the her chasing the guys ;)

kassia
 
Hmm...perhaps he's been sampling so much of his own product he's lost all perspective on appropriate behavior.
Definitely out of line.

I had a less hurtful, but still WTF moment at lunch the other day. Someone I didn't know was in our department lunch/seminar/storage/meeting room :p where I usually join several colleagues for lunch. Before she left, she took a look at my lunch and said "That's some lunch you've got there, yep,some lunch" in a "wow, that's really weird"" tone of voice.

I was taken aback, and gave her a mildy nasty look, not saying a thing in reply because 1) whose business is it what I'm eating? (my usual lunch buddies are curious and ask about things, and maybe they'd sometimes mention if it looks weird, but not in quite the way she did) 2) she talks this way to a stranger? and 3) my lunch really wasn't that odd-looking (a raw corn/red pepper tortilla wrapped around some mixed veggies and dehydrated a bit).

Also reminds me of a student I have who has ADD and some "other problems" that he says he "usually doesn't tell people about because they get freaked out":confused:, and who basically says whatever comes to mind, at the moment it comes to mind (but his questions are more like "have you ever spoken to a real French person?", "do you know the answer?"--to a French exercise in his 1st-year book....I'm the teacher...)
 
Beavs said:
A great cultural response that comment would be a big ol' middle finger!
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I prefer the "bras d'honneur": hit near inner elbow while forearm goes up with hand in fist (used in France, Italy and I'm sure other European countries).

A Romanian version of the finger a friend of mine once showed me (thumb between first and second fingers---kind of like a "got your nose" gesture---waggled around) doesn't have quite the same 'oomph'!
 
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