What would you do?

[LauraMax]

OK, I got the call for the second interview, which is a week from today (7/13). I've been agonizing over this for the last 4 days. I've made my pros & cons list. Basically it comes down to

*staying in a job I hate so I can live where I love
*taking a job I might love so I can live where I'd hate

Pros to the new job: better working conditions, more room to grow, lower cost of living so long term economic benefits.

Cons: leaving a house & area I've grown to love & think of as home to a place I'd hate & have no life outside of work, moving further away from my family (esp. a frail father who almost kicked the bucket last year), short term financial outlay for relocation.

Will someone please make up my mind for me before I end up w/an ulcer?

 

[kEwL]

Will the new job allow you to spend as many hours posting on this website as your current job?

 

[PinkMom]

Laura -- Try this -- flip a coin. It doesn't matter how the coin flip comes out; the right decision is the one that you hoped for while the coin was in the air. I hope that makes sense. Good luck!

ETA: That's pretty much how I decided to quit practicing law 7 years ago to be a SAHM; I've never regretted that decision.
Kristi

 

[looking good]

Laura,

How far away are you talking about? Can Dad move with you? Sometimes the unknown turn out to be the best things for us. Think of it this way....you hate the job you are in now and the other job maybe better but you don't know of course till you are in it....I am of the opinion to take the risk....you only go around once in life and if it really does not work out you can always find another job and move back if that what you want....but nothing ventured nothing gained.

Good luck....I know it never easy....I done it a few times... 3 to be exact and only 1 I truly regretted.

Therese

 

[L Sass]

Well I voted to take the awesome job because I've read about your current job conditions and how much you hate that scenario.

So the real question is - is there a residency requirement that forces you to live in a particular location and all parts of that location are really that bad - or in your words: crappy? Is there some place that might be more accepatable for you to live maybe a but farther away, but with better surrundings. How far away from Pops are we talking? In fact - how far away will the move have to be? Details please, including more on what makes the new location so bad. We know how bad the current job is, how nice your home is - not to mention all the work and touches you've put into it, and now you've said what the advantages to the potential new job are. So the missing piece is more details on the locale - can I rescind my vote until I have all info?

Good luck on this decision - these kind are never easy.

 

[tsagona]

The awesome job would be my determining factor. You will hopefully find that the "crappy place to live" really isn't as bad as you thought it was going to be. My DH and I have moved tons over the years and to some pretty crappy places as his business is papermills. And honestly, you can find good about just about every place. You have to because if you're going to be happy there you have to find what's going to make that happen. Good luck with your decision. You'll end up doing what's right for you.

Tracy

 

[LauraMax]

It's pretty far. It's more than an hour from where I live now so relocation would be necessary. It is literally in the middle of nowhere. There's an A&P, a Rite Aid, & Hicksville licquor store (made up name but you get the idea). The closest anything is at least 45 minutes away. It'd be about 2.5 hours from my dad, who right now visits me every w/e (I'm about an hour from him now).

No more beauty salons, Bed Bath & Beyond, Short Hills mall, 20 minute train ride to Manhattan, upscale pet store around the corner, restaurants of all varieties, entertainment options including 4 performing arts centers within 5 miles from me.

From that to nothing.

My gut is telling me to stay. I cannot imagine putting the $5000 plus into a move I can't get excited about. But the prospect of staying in this job is making me sick to my stomach.

I think the biggest question is: what's more important, my personal or professional life? That's a toughie for a 42 YO single woman, you know? See Tracey, you had your DH to move w/you. I'd be completely alone.

P.S. Just to add another consideration into the mix, I COULD get excited about relocating further south--closer to my dad & the rest of my family, closer to where I grew up, & closer to CATHE! Plus I wouldn't have to let go of the amenities I have now. What if I take this job & the right place near dad opens up a week later? What if I don't take this job & the right thing doesn't open up for another 5 years?

It's all a roll of the dice, & I'm not much of a gambler.

 

[looking good]

Laura,

Where would you have to relocate to? What the name of the town if you don't mind me asking....you never know what some of us may already know about where you would be moving too. Can't you split the difference....say 1/2 hour from where you are now so that it will not be so bad.

Therese

 

[LauraMax]

I think I just learned about a deal breaker. The closest gym is about 45 minutes away.

 

[L Sass]

Based on the way you described the area, I think you already had/have your mind made up. Doesn't sound like it's the right move for you.

 

[meowracer]

Laura -- Try this -- flip a coin. It doesn't matter how the coin flip comes out; the right decision is the one that you hoped for while the coin was in the air. I hope that makes sense. Good luck!

ETA: That's pretty much how I decided to quit practicing law 7 years ago to be a SAHM; I've never regretted that decision.
Kristi

This is EXACTLY what I do, and tell everybody else to do who is facing some big decision. Great minds think alike!

Laura - got your email and came here to vote! I vote for staying, even though you are not that happy with the job. What you wrote here alone says enough- you really don't want to move and you can never get back the time with your dad if you did move. Who knows - maybe something else will open up near you. The good job would quickly turn to misery if you were not happy with where you were living.

 

[wgilchrist]

Jobs are just not secure enough to move your whole life for. Don't leave your family and everything you truly love.
Thats my vote.
Sorry your current job sucks.

 

[jnka825]

I vote to stay where you are now. You seem to really love it there and you know professional happiness is not as important as personal happiness. There are plenty of people who hate their job. Stay where you are and keeping looking for a new job in the area you are in now.

 

[nicolegadino]

Option 3

Hi Laura -

What about a 3rd option? Keep looking for another company. Making a move like this needs to be a positive action, something you can look forward too. You have already set your mind up to hate wherever you move too, and that is not going to go away once you move.

Take a deep breath, and jump headfirst back into the job search. It is easier to find a job when you already have one (trust me, I am in the same boat). Stick it out at the crappy job until the right job comes along.

 

[LauraMax]

Based on the way you described the area, I think you already had/have your mind made up. Doesn't sound like it's the right move for you.

I think you're right. And I think I came here b/c I needed the reassurance, which I got, so thanks guys!

No gym. How could I live someplace that has no gym?

Yep, it came down to personal vs. professional. Personal has to win. I'll keep my eye out for that dream job in Glassboro.

 

[kathryn]

Can't you split the difference....say 1/2 hour from where you are now so that it will not be so bad.

That's what I was thinking.
If this place is truly in the middle of "Hicksville," the commuting traffic might not be that bad. And if you can figure out the logistics, maybe you can then be within 15-20 minutes of a gym, as well as being closer to your dad and to where you now live.

 

[Ly10up]

Hi Laura -

What about a 3rd option? Keep looking for another company. Making a move like this needs to be a positive action, something you can look forward too. You have already set your mind up to hate wherever you move too, and that is not going to go away once you move.

Take a deep breath, and jump headfirst back into the job search. It is easier to find a job when you already have one (trust me, I am in the same boat). Stick it out at the crappy job until the right job comes along.

I agree!! You have to go with your gut. After a billion years as a recruiter I've yet to see a situation work out when someone went against that inside gut feeling. Find the situation that is right for you. The one that makes and you look forward to the change. I made a change last year after 16 years with the same company and was thrilled to say 'see ya', and never looked back. (That was after an offer with another firm I had to turn down....it just didn't feel like right. No regrets!)
Good luck!

 

[sparrow13]

Laura, it doesn't sound so much like you want to go as you feel like you should go, because who passes up a great job? From what I've learned about you on the boards you're a social person who enjoys the conveniences/fine things of life AND you are concerned about your dad. Even the greatest job will get old fast under the new circumstances you've described and you may then end up working a job you resent in a place that bores you to tears. I vote to stay. When circumstances are right another job will come up!

 

[LauraMax]

Laura, it doesn't sound so much like you want to go as you feel like you should go, because who passes up a great job? From what I've learned about you on the boards you're a social person who enjoys the conveniences/fine things of life AND you are concerned about your dad. Even the greatest job will get old fast under the new circumstances you've described and you may then end up working a job you resent in a place that bores you to tears. I vote to stay. When circumstances are right another job will come up!

That's about it in a nutshell. I'm just not willing to give up everything I have, but I'm so afraid of future regrets......

I've talked to my dad about this quite a bit too, & while I haven't heard the words "I don't want you to take the job" come out of his mouth, I'm hearing them between the lines.

 

[NancyAZ]

Laura, it doesn't sound so much like you want to go as you feel like you should go, because who passes up a great job? From what I've learned about you on the boards you're a social person who enjoys the conveniences/fine things of life AND you are concerned about your dad. Even the greatest job will get old fast under the new circumstances you've described and you may then end up working a job you resent in a place that bores you to tears. I vote to stay. When circumstances are right another job will come up!

I retired at the end of September last year. I had a job I loved working with people I enjoyed being around (for the most part!). I had pretty much built the position from the ground up and created what are now institutional programs for the agency from scratch. However, in an effort to cut personnel costs the city offered a retirement incentive package that I just couldn't realistically turn down. Between the time the offer was made and the time it came for me to leave, which was about 9 months, I had really come to accept the whole retirement thing -- sort of. But I fully expected that I was going to be ready right away for another job and was halfway looking around. One opened up with a different city right before I retired (but still in the same area) that sounded like it was tailor-made for me. I had other people who learned about it sending the information to me and encouraging me to apply, telling me I would be crazy not to as they knew I would be perfect for it.

I was shocked at the sick feeling I kept getting in the pit of my stomach whenever I thought about the job and going back into a position with deadlines, responsibility for events resting on my shoulders, etc. And yet I felt guilty for not wanting to just jump at the chance for this perfect job that everyone thought I was crazy not to apply for. But when I did that "gut check" I knew it wasn't right for me at that time and I passed on it.

Not only am I glad I didn't because I'm still not ready to go back to work at this time, the position was eliminated anyway with the budget cuts.

The point of my long, self-involved story is that looking beyond the natural apprehension about the unknown, you have to listen to what your body is saying whenever you think about the new job and all it will entail. When you have a choice and it's not something that you absolutely have to do, you're better off going with your instincts.

On the flip side, though, I am wondering why you applied for the new job in a place that you clearly don't want to live?