What is the best state of mind/attitude to have?

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beehappy

Active Member
I've been curious about state of mind/attitude lately.

What do you believe the best state of mind is?

Positive - believing that the power of positive thinking will get you through anything?

Reality - believing bad things happen to everyone and you need to figure out how to deal what comes your way?

Or is there another state of mind that works best for you?

Thanks for your thoughts in advance :)
 
My dad has given me some really great advice over the years....here are a few.

Expect the best...accept what comes.

If you want to be happy....be!
 
I think different approaches work for different people, depending on your personality. My nature is to view life as a journey with challenges...there are good things, but bad/hard things are to be expected. On the one hand it is good that I'm not expecting a life without troubles, but it can also make me a bit negative at times. So, for me I try to focus on bringing positivity into my life.

I have two favorite quotes:

1) Come what may, and love it. (this helps the Type A part of me that wishes for control :D)
2) The future is as bright as our faith. (for me, this means faith in God)

And, of course, never underestimate the power of a good sweat to clear the mind of negativity. Cathe has got us covered on that one! ;)
 
beehappy said:
I've been curious about state of mind/attitude lately.

What do you believe the best state of mind is?

Positive - believing that the power of positive thinking will get you through anything?

Reality - believing bad things happen to everyone and you need to figure out how to deal what comes your way?

Or is there another state of mind that works best for you?

Thanks for your thoughts in advance :)
Click to expand...


There is no 1 "best" attitude. We will all have multiple attitudes, depending upon our personality, how our brains are wired and the circumstances in which our lives play out, the extent to which we have control over these or are more at the mercy of societal/economic/political realities.

I do not believe in any god at all, so personally, I cannot put "faith" in anything apart from myself and the people in my life. I hope that there are good people out there in the world, that my path will cross with some of them and that good things will happen through mutual compassion and generosity.

I know, however, that shit happens. I hope that I am strong enough to deal with each and every single individual episode of this that occurs to myself and my family. I strive to be strong, to remain flexible and creative to encounter each new difficulty, because my personal experience of life has been one of continual difficulties and shit raining down.

I do not believe, fatuously, that "everything happens for a reason nor that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." These are just platitudes uttered when people lack internal resources and just accept and resign themselves to rubbish and hardship.

I am a fighter and I will never give up. It's not in me to do so. I know that if bad things happen it is because chance, circumstance, or somebody's screw up made it happen, and I will lick my wounds and then get back into action. What choice is there?

I do not live a life of fairy tales, I do not believe good things will come from keeping a positive attitude and wishing it so; that is naive, in my opinion.

I do know, however, that no matter how bad things get, my family and close friends have my back and I have that safety net to fall back on.

There are 3 sayings I have encountered in my life that help see me through:

1) taken from SJP, aka "Carrie," last episode of SatC: "if you can find someone to love the you that you love, well then, that's just fabulous." (i.e., you can only be yourself)

2) taken from Mark Green, season 8 of ER, words given to his daughter before dying: "Be generous: be generous with your time, your love and yourself."

3) taken from the Beatles, can't remember which album: "the love you give is equal to the love you receive"

Some might call me pessimistic or defeatist: hardly! I'm only defeated when I lose the ability to fight back, and that is never gonna happen.

People's attitudes are going to depend upon their hard-wired experience of life and brain chemistry. No act of will can make this different.

Clare
 
sorry for the ramble.

beehappy said:
Positive - believing that the power of positive thinking will get you through anything?

Reality - believing bad things happen to everyone and you need to figure out how to deal what comes your way?

Or is there another state of mind that works best for you?
Click to expand...

I think for me its a combination of both. I have had hard times in my life, so I don't walk around thinking that I'm immune but rather that I am incredibly lucky because medically speaking I should have stayed dead several times over, but I didn't. So, because of that, I tend to believe that there is a reason that I lived. I don't know what it is, but I do know that I don't take my days for granted. I try to think: even though whatever I'm working on may not be my favorite, I could be dead instead.

I often think 'Well, it could always be worse!' and then I work to improve things. I don't sit on my laurels. I am always working on improving myself. I practice meditation, I study for different certificates and learn new job skills all the time, I take seminars on a wide variety of topics from managerial styles to MS Office (I'm working towards a MOS.) So, in that way I'm quietly optimistic that I will live and that something I'm working on will help me in the future. In that way, I have some confidence that I will be here.

However, on the other hand, I make sure that I do what I need to in order to be ok with today being my last. I tell the people I love that I love them. I have made my peace. I don't put off personal conversations until tomorrow, I have learned how to communicate how I feel right now without waiting to cool off, because I don't know if there will be a tomorrow (for absolute certain.)

I also see to it that I have some fun. Whatever that might be. Today it was seeing a movie. I ate some dim sum. It was yummy. I pet my cat.

So for me the best attitude is one of quiet optimism tempered with daily doses of happy activities.

One of the platitudes that I have found to be helpful is 'This too shall pass'. Why? because it helps both in good times and in bad. Good times will pass, so enjoy them fully, be fully present, don't let your Monkey mind divert your attention to something that is not happening right now. Bad times will also pass, so either your time on Earth will end (thus ending that hardship) or you will discover a way to alter your predicament.

Now, I'm not without knowledge of the horrors of this world. I am literally scarred from stem to stern from abuse (sexual/physical at an early age), a car accident (damaged my neck), and burns (over most of my body to the point that the doctors sent me home to die. I healed. I don't look burnt, but I still have nerve damage that hurts me 25 years later.) I would not wish any of what has happened to me on anyone. Not even the perpetrators. Abuse does not make you stronger. It made me doubt the value of life. When I did die, I discovered that I wanted to live. Why? I don't know. But, I did. There it was, a desire to live.

I still struggle with self confidence and weight gain (gah! genetics!!!). I am not ready to be in a physical relationship and I get what I call 'Dementors' like in Harry Potter, where I feel as though my will to live is sucked out. But, underneath it all there is still an inner core of me that fights to live. I live with my folks, my older brother, I work for my Dad, I would be homeless without their kindness. I struggle with feelings of worthlessness because I'm not slim, I have never dated, and I'm not financially independent at the age of 35. But, I still choose to live.

Life can be a very heavy thing, but the alternative (for me) is to let it eat me alive from the inside out. I choose to fight.

Every morning that I am successful and I do my Cathe workouts is a victory.
Every morning that I have the ability to walk is a victory.
Every morning that I have food to eat and air to breathe is a victory.

So, I tend to think of everything that way. For me, having a good time, and smiling is my way of spitting in the eye of injustice and stabbing evil right in its very dark heart.

Maybe you don't believe in evil, but I have seen it.
 
I think a lot depends on how you are wired and even how you were raised to cope. I know people who remain positive regardless of what's going on. Sadly I am not one of those people. I've struggled with mild depression most of my life. I'm generally okay, but then something or things will occur that others could handle, and down into the dark hole I go (like I am now). I've had overwhelming urges to end it all, but have never acted on them. I just keep trying to push through and know that this will pass. I've started seeing a therapist recently so I really hope that helps me. I guess I'd call myself a realist but I wish I was an optimist.
 
NY25, I'm glad you decided to see a therapist. I've been thinking about you.

RapidBreath, ramble all you want. That is why we are here.
 
I have suffered from depression all my life and I have seen counselor a since I was 8 years old. I have to say it works. It has taken many years of trial a error, but I have been able to manage for the most part, I thought when my real mom past two years ago that was it, I couldn't see me coming back from it this time. But I HAD to I couldn't stand crying all the time.

My state of mind about let's say people, is I hope I can trust them I hope for the best yet I know they are human I know I can't expect to much from humans for anything really. As far as life in general I realize things can go to crap by simple words being uttered like " I'm leaving u for another' or ur spouse can die at any minute that life is uncontrollable, life can be hard but that's why I take each day as it comes, one day at a time. I wake up and I really am thankful my husband is still here he never has hit me like I have witnessed in my past life. Or I have a house to live in I am not homeless, I try to always find things to calm me down and do this enjoyable. Yoga, jogging lifting weights. I know how hard life can be and I do think something may be around the corner lurking but I know it's life and without the rain we can not appreciate the sun shine.

Counseling takes a lot if time. So remember it isn't something that happens overnight but they in time can give your feelings legitimacy, and show you ways to react to situations or life. It takes practice really to think positive. I try to not wish I looked like someone else, I try not to want what isn't mine , I try to be genuinely happy for those who seem more successful. I try to lift others up more then myself. Sounds crazy but it makes me feel good yet humbles me.
I also read the book purpose driven life and that sure helped put things into perspective for me!!
I do wish u luck !!! I am praying for you.
 
Wow Ladies, all of you have just given me the best feeling. I am in tears, but good tears, as to all of these comments. While reading these comments, my heart got full of goodness, kindness and yes, love for all of you Cathletes and everyone around me. I have been down on myself lately for so many silly reasons but reading these comments has just made me realize how fortunate I am to be alive; I had a pulmonary embolism about 6 years ago and I should be dead but like someone mentioned, I don't know why I am alive but I am. All the good things that I have in my life just came across my mind while reading this thread. Anyways, I just want to say thank you all for sharing your feelings about this and yes, you are all awesome ladies and so happy to have read this. Love you all.

Margarita
 
I do not believe, fatuously, that "everything happens for a reason nor that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." These are just platitudes uttered when people lack internal resources and just accept and resign themselves to rubbish and hardship.


Maddiesmum...
I agree with this...I have a friend who was hit by a drunk driver last year and is now q quadriplegic...she had a Priest recently come up to her (she had never met him) and he said to her, "God works in mysterious ways" She told me if she could have uncurled her middle finger...she would have. God didn't that to her, it was the guy who decided to drive drunk. In spiteof all this, I would say she has a realistic attitude.
 
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