Well, isn't this fun????

allwildgirl

allwildgirl

Cathlete
I just found out that my ex- (my DD's dad) is dating a girl who is bi-polar with a 3 year old son she lost custody of because she can't manage her illness and he spent the better part of a night at the hospital with her last week because she was having a mental breakdown. And she's 23. He's 42. Does this sound like the kind of person I want around my child? I think not.

Just needed to vent. Thanks.
 
I'd be very upset! He doesn't have any business exposing your DD to someone with serious mental problems. Do you have any recourse?
 
I'm sorry, Shell. What a yucky situation to be in. There's got to be some way to keep your DD away from there as long as that woman's around. (legally, I mean). Although I've never been in this situation, I feel for you. Keep us updated.

Allison
 
Apparently she's very nice and I'm being judgmental because she's bi-polar. I really can't win in this situation.
 
Shelley, believe me, I feel your pain. My DX remarried a few years back and it has been one loooooong Jerry Springer episode since then. Seriously, major issues. I'm sick sometimes leaving my kids there but as far as I know there's really nothing to be done about it except to be vigilant.

My divorce decree has some cheery wording on it that once everything is final that each party can re-marry "as if the other were dead".
 
Nope, you definetely can't win. And what's sad is that I'm sure she IS very nice. But her illness masks her niceness right now. She obviously isn't in a good place since she just had "breakdown" and therefore your ex should not be exposing your daughter to that. I feel bad for this woman's three year old too.

There are so many ways to manage bi polar disorder and other personality/mental disorders. It's a shame she's not utilizing those services and medications.

Allison
 
((Shelley)) Unfortunately I don't think there's anything you can do, other than to train DD to call you the minute things weird out there. That really sucks!
 
Just keep your eyes peeled and don't throw in the towel. And pay close attention to whatever your DD says. Of course I'm not telling you anything you don't know. Good grief, what a stinkin' mess.
 
Oy, Shelley! I agree with Marie. Make sure Sophie can get out of the situation if it gets bad. I hope the poor woman has appropriate meds and takes them. Can you speak try speaking to the woman about your concerns?
 
Shelley, Dearest...

It sounds to me as if you may need to go talk to your attorney on this one...my heart is heavy for you. Been through that saga before and it aint pretty.

As for me, there's no way I'd let my child be under the same roof as that woman.

:eek:
 
I just have to jump in here and say maybe, just maybe, we are being a little hard on "that woman." I certainly understand Shelley's concerns, but I hate to see someone mislabled and abused because she has a mental illness. It is a disease of organic origin. She is ill. Her illness can be controlled. It may be scary, but "that woman" probably needs some support and understanding too. Think how she may feel, losing custody of her child. OK, stepping down off my soapbox and putting on the flame repellant jumpsuit.
 
Shelly,

I'm sorry you're going through this. When my DX and I were splitting up, I got my son a cell phone to carry on him at all times. I know that might be a little extravagant for some people, but the thirty-five dollars a month it costs me is well worth my peace of mind. It gave me the slightest sense of control. He was ten when I got it for him and he's been carrying one ever since. It's nice knowing that if he or my daughter (who is younger than him) needs me for any reason, he can call me from where ever he is, at whatever time. Just a thought...

Jennifer
 
i have to agree with robin. although, i do think sophie should be told to call if there is anything going on that would make her uncomfortable or doesn't seem right.
 
Well having a child who is "bipolar" I know how much stress it can add to a family. I just recently went through a series of panic attacks and was told I was having a heart attack..had a stress test yesterday!! But mind you I have dealt with dd for 1 1/2 years and just had taken a toll on me. I say give your child lots of information about what to watch for. I agree contact is crucial if the girlfriend is having a relapse. It can be a learning experience in a positive way as people are dealing with problems of many kinds in the world. I hope for the best for your daughter and family.
 
Shelley, I just read this. I was wondering what news you were talking about in the other thread. I know this is worrying. I kept wondering what I'd do if I were in your situation. Yes, this other woman may be very nice, but you're number one concern, like you said, is Sophie. I think that I'd just calmly relay my concerns to my ex if I were you. I'd also let him know that it might be in his best interest for Sophie not to visit there for awhile until this woman is back on track and steadily on her meds -- for her sake as well as your daughter's. Also, I'd see if he can tell you why she lost custody of her child. Did she hurt her child? (I know that's the worst-case scenario, and I don't want to imply that she's a violent person, but it's a question worth asking.) I also agree with the cellphone idea or a pager for Sophie.
 
I agree completely that the woman in question should not be looked down upon for her illness, but the safety of children must come first. Having a family member with the diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia, I know way more than I ever wanted to about mental illness and all the attendant hardships. My niece and nephews have never been left alone in the company of their uncle, even when he's doing well. ;)
 
I'm in no way judging this girl. I've never met her. Thanks for all your advice and concern. I'm going to be doing a lot more reading up on bi-polar disorder. I don't think Sophie has even met her yet, but I'll be sure to be very aware of everything she tells me once she does.

Thanks.
 
Shelly-
Where is Nancy when we need her? It would be interesting to know her professional opinion.

I agree with keeping Sophie informed if she will be in the presence of this woman ( but never alone with her) is a good idea. And if she had a mobile phone it might give you some comfort.

(((hugs))) and of course this is a good place to vent safely.


[font color=purple][font size +1]Judy "Likes2bfit"

***Look wise say nothing and grunt. Speech was given to conceal thought

William Osler [/font]
 
I don't think anyone is "looking down" on "that woman", I think everyone is just concerned about Shelley's DD's well-being.

I am really sorry to hear this, Shelley! That is very difficult!

My Mom is bi-polar and she actually lost custody when my parents were divorced when I was 9 (my parents remarried when I was in my 20s but that's a different story). I remember how hard it was for me as a child to deal with her because of the constant mood swings and episodes. I don't think any child should be subjected to that!!! Now my Mom is in her 60s, I am in my 40s, she still doesn't think she is bi-polar and doesn't take medication, and I still have a hard time dealing with her mood swings, you never know what to expect and it still gets to me, although I know it is her disease.

I guess there are varying degrees of the severeness of the disorder. What you are mentioning sounds pretty severe.

Can you talk to your X about that? I mean, he should have his child's best interest in mind and shouldn't jeopardize her emotional AND (maybe) physical well-being for the new girlfriend. Maybe when Sophie comes to visit him his girlfriend shouldn't be around. If she has lost custody of her child because of her illness, why would it be okay to subject another child to that?

((((Shelley)))))
 
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