I have been mauling over, if I should even say any more because I don't want to be all doom and gloom.
However, having had my bi-polar Mom around until I was 9 and then after I was 13 or 14, I know what a toll this disease can take on a child, pre-teen or not, teen or even adult.
It is not so much any physical abuse that worries me, physical abuse towards someone else is very rare with this disorder, although it happens. Whereas my Mom would slap me around sometimes when she had one of her episodes, physical abuse is something that is very obvious and a child can talk about or put their finger on. They can call on a cell phone or talk about it.
The fact that you heard that she is VERY nice, is not surprising. My Mom, when she had/has her manic "episodes" or even when she is "normal" is the nicest person in the world, compassionate, funny, understanding, supportive, she would give anyone the shirt of her back.
It is the depressive or down phase that's the problem (in conjunction with the person being soooo nice otherwise and all over sudden WHAM), it can change at the drop of a pin, and you don't know what hits you. As a child and even sometimes now, I think I did something wrong, it is ME who caused it. If it is a somewhat sensitive child, it will be effecting them, if the GF becomes a permanent "fixture".
It is the mental and emotional toll that sometimes you don't even realize until the damage is done. Even at this point, he!! will freeze over before I leave my kids alone with my Mom when she comes to visit. I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place, because after all, she is my mother and I do love her, I want her to be part of her grandkids' life, but my children are my first priority. Knowing about her disorder and what it did to me as a child, I will NOT subject my kids to that.
It is somehow like with alcoholics, people around people with that disorder become somewhat of an enabler, because we just don't understand it. People with bipolar disorder are just so lovable otherwise, the down phase doesn't fit the picture, you keep thinking, well, it can't be, something must have triggered this and then the finger gets pointed at someone else. The child is difficult, it's the situation, there is a lot of stress ......, I guess you get the picture.
Oh, before I forget, bipolar disorder cannot always be controled with medication. Some people respond to medication well, some don't. The fact that she lost custody and that she ended up in the hospital again ....., I don't know, do you know if she is on medication?
This is an open forum and I don't want to discuss any more details than what I have already said, but you are welcome to email me directly.
As I said, I don't want to be all doom and gloom, but this is something that really strikes a nerve with me. If I overstepped my boundaries, I do apologize!!!!
