Way O/T, but need some feedback...

I am constantly amazed at the hatred that some people have in them! I odn't even know what to say, except that I know how hard it is to just dismiss this as someone's "bad upbringing" or to try to feel compassion for them. It's hard, even when you know that the majority of humans are basically good (and I'm not too sure of that, but let's give them the benefit of the doubt) to run into that rotten small percentage that isn't. There is no excuse for some people, and if the world were perfect, they would disappear from the face of the Earth! [Maybe they could hang out together on some other formerly unpopulated planet].

Your confusion is understandable as well. Who could understand this?

Hugs to you!
 
Hey Annette....................

Don't even think about it! I'm not white and in my head when I first become acquainted with people here I somehow in my mind picture them as white I guess cause I don't picture anything else, so what's that about? :) I rarely ever picture a person in a "color" unless somehow it comes up that they are!?
I had a recent comical experience with a friend here who is in a challenge with me at FVF and in several comments that we've made over the weeks/months I kept thinking, "I think she's black?" But I couldn't ask her that, how ignorant would that be? But finally in a recent email to me she gives me this hair care link to products primarily used by African Americans so I thought, "I'm just going to ask her!" So I did, and she found it humorous too, because as she said, "not like I could give you the "secret" handshake over the computer!" :) But until then I had no clue she was African-American, and it didn't matter of course, but it's just funny how you don't assign a race, size, etc. initially.
Although, I will admit that I picture all of you as buff! Everyone of you have these majorly cut muscles and look like fitness models, just my own image and I then assign different hair colors to distinguish you in my mind from one another. How odd I am, I just realized how incredibly odd that is!

So don't feel sad/bad about your observation, I think most of us have our own little "quirks" but regardless of what we think initially, it's nice to know that when we find out we can accept what we see without a problem and even laugh at ourselves for our original thought. :)

Donna


Fitness~ It's a journey, not a race!
 
I am sorry that this happened to you. I know it's hard when somebody judged you by the color of your skin without even knowing you. But it is especially harder when they STILL judged you by the color of your skin even AFTER 'knowing' you. It bothered you a lot since you probably considered her a 'friend' after all these correspondence... and the help you had given her. And after ALL that, you are just a N*****... the bottom line is you are never good enough because of your color. Not a friend, not a mentor. And the time you've put to help her so far meant NOTHING. I can't believe there are people who are still in the 'stone-age' and could not get over the color of somebody's skin... no matter how motivating, good, kind, inspiring, kind-hearted (I still remember about you sending the dumbells to a teenage girl in the forum...), eloquent the person is. And I want to add you are all those and much more. I'll have you as a friend before I do her eventhough she is white (which meant NOTHING to me!)...


I don't have any good advise... just not waste any more time on her or thinking about it. That kind of mentality is probably will never change.

Haslina
 
Donna,

My stomach actually is in knots right now, and yes my jaw dropped.

I am Asian and also am no stranger to racial insults, but I am just dumbfounded by this.

I know you feel even more betrayed because your intentions were so pure and helpful that this feels like a slap in the face and a punch in the stomach.

I think it's easy to say "don't let this woman have power over you" for those who have never experienced racial hatred. It honestly cuts to your very core.

I just wanted to write that I totally understand your feelings about not having closure because you never met this person face-to-face.
 
Oh my gosh, that is so sad, I'm so sorry to hear that you had to experience anything like that. I just get so angry when I hear that people are still like that today. I know that anger isn't the way to handle it, but it's the first emotion that I have when I hear that kind of story. I fell horribly for you and hope that you never have to deal with that again. You seem like a great person and that is just so sad that it had to happen to you.
You did a great job on your weightloss and you shouldnt' let someone like that bring you down. I know it's probably easier said than done though. Take care.
 
It's shocking to realize there are still people like that in this world.

Yes, my mouth fell open when I read that.



jodi
 
Oh Donna, {{{{{hugs}}}}} to you, sweet-pea. I just want to affirm something here. You took the initiative and had the courage to take charge and change your life! You struggled through the workouts and educated yourself on nutrition. You are a winner and such an inspiration to everyone. You've changed more lives than you will ever know! This person loses as she no longer has you in her corner cheering her on and encouraging to succeed to changing her life in a healthy and positive way. When I read your story and saw your pictures, I called the family up to share with them as well. We are in awe and inspired by you. It bugs me as well at how insensitive and ignorant people can be. You just keep on keeping on. You are kind, generous, thoughtful, loving and just down right fun! Now repeat after me, "I am beautiful, I am strong, I AM WOMAN!"
Take care,
Vickie
 
Hello Donna,

I too, am a lurker, who's read your success story, a good number of your posts and have been inspired by you often (especially when I try I-Max).

I'm sure you realize that this is her problem, not yours! There is one one race, the human race. People use so many reasons to divide themselves (skin color, sex, ethnicity, religion, etc.) due to fear. When one lets fear determine their actions they lead a very limited life.

Please keep on your path. You have inspired more people than you realize.

Troy
 
I have cried twice while on the Cathe forums, once when I read that you had cut your hair as an ode to A-Jock. And now. I'd love to say 'just shrug it off,' but I dont' know how you feel right now, so I'm not going to offer up advice just know how much you are loved by your husband, your friends, and so many of the women and men you have met through this and other forums. You are beautiful and others' ignorance will never make you ugly.
 
And you should feel insulted on a new level! How horrendous! That is absolutely disgusting. I am horrified. Gettingfit, gosh, I am so sorry that you had to go through this. Geesh, I'm just completely grossed out by that. I can totally relate to your feeling of lack of closure. It's something you will get past, in your own time. But... gees. No words.
Take good care.
Kathy
 
I couldn't believe what I've read.

I don't post often although I've being in the forum for over a year now. So I've read you story... which is very inspiring... I have thought of how hard you've work to accomplish all that you have.

I can't believe that people, in this stage and age is still prejudice. I don't make friends by skin color I make friends with people... for what and who they are...that’s what is important!

I would feel the same way you do. Hold you head up and be proud, everyone here is proud to know you.
 
Donna,
I am horrified and appalled at what I just read. My chest got tight! I am so sorry someone treated you like that. Though I understand you sentiments as far as not being able to have closure to the situation, please don't dwell on that one person, but focus on all of the rest of us in the fitness community that love and admire you. Think of all the people's lives you've touched and inspired with your amazing success story! You took a risk by offering to help someone and it is their loss that they are so narrow minded. I am so sorry you were subjected to this senseless insult - there is no excuse for that kind of behavior. We all support you Donna.
 
I know I'm replying to a thread where everything has been said, but I had to add my 2 cents! I was appalled when I read your post! I can't believe someone would be so ignorant. Truly, it is her loss, you were obviously a great mentor to her and she will loose out because of it.

Hopefully this won't make you think twice in the future about being a mentor. I know you could probably really help people! At least here at Cathe people only care about your race as much as they might care about your hair color. Its fun to get to know people and know things about them but it doesn't negatively influence the way we think about people.
 
Donna,

As another that has come to this thread late. All I can say is that the other ladies are correct. Don't give this woman another thought, harping on the situation just gives her the power over you. We all know that you're wonderful and as another member of your fanclub know that her ignorance is nothing more than her loss.

(((Donna)))
 
Donna, wow 73 responses so far, there isn't much that can be said, this is just so incredibly sad and shocking. The only thing I can add is that I don't agree with the concept that you were wasting your time all these months. There is a reason for everything and as painful as it must have been for you (I can't even imagine) I would pray that God would have a plan in possibly convicting this woman's heart. You've shown her love and selflessness (which has been demonstrated by you many times in the past) and shared a part of your life with her whether she appreciates it now or not. Hopefully she will come to realize this in the future and have a change of heart and you may be instrumental in bringing about this change.

I've always been inspired by the story of Joan of Arc when the king betrayed her and she basically said "it's okay that you are doing this to me, God needs for you to go through this so He can make you into the man He wants you to be". I don't know if I could ever be this strong, but I encourage you to view this experience as an incredible act of kindness and hopefully forgiveness on your part and pray that this woman might somehow realize what she is missing out on in life.

Hugs!!!!

Briee
 
Unbelievable. Simply unbelievable. Her ignorance just boggles the mind. Robin said it well. Her exchange speaks volumes only about herself and says absolutely nothing about you.

As is evidenced by the many warm and loving responses so many of us know what a special, warm, kind and thoughful person you are.

Hugs,
Hedy
 
Oh Donna,

I am sooooo sorry that you were treated so badly by this person. But please let this go. You are so much better than that. Just the things you say here make me think that you are a lover of people, so you probably know that MOST people are not like that. We have to believe that don't we? Some of the things that people say and believe used to REALLY bother me(well o.k. they still do), but do you know what someone said to me once. This particular person said that if I am bothered by the beliefs or thoughts or even actions of others and I dwell on that or think badly of them, does that really make me any better than them. I don't think this is making sense, let me say it this way, ok, if I hate racist people (which I actually kind of do but, anyway) than dosen't that kind of make me prejudiced towards those people in a way, and dosen't that make me like them or at least no better than them. Of course I am speaking in terms of beliefs and hypotheticals here, not in terms of personal insults, which I believe you have suffered here. Sorry about that! You deserve so much better than that. But Donna plllllleeeease don't let this person get to you. Let me just say, thank you soooooo much for being a friend to her. She was so lucky to know you.

Kristie :)
 
Donna,
I can not believe the arrogance and ingnorance of this person after you helped her so much. But as others have said do not let her get to you. I know first hand from your caring, thoughtful posts on your challenge what a good, nice person you are. Obviously this person only can see the outside of people and not the inside goodness. I know this probably will not make you feel much better but I hope you can find it in yourself to forgive and forget.

Phyllis
 
Donna, I have also been called the 'n' word. I can usually ignore it, because I know the person using it is only trying to make me feel bad, and I refuse to give them the satisfaction. Don't let that woman have this effect on you. That word does not in any way define who you are. You are above all of this.

Also, to a lot of you who responded to Donna, it made me feel really good to read the posts from people who grew up hearing those ugly words, but are making a point of teaching their children that this is wrong. Yes!! All of you are making a big difference in breaking an ugly cycle. I can only pray that if I have children some day, they will not have to deal with ignorant prejudice against them based on the color of their skin.

Donna, stay strong. You are amazing. Don't let this small minded person get you down. You have way too much going for you. :)
 
Hi Donna, and everyone:

at this late stage in the discussion, all there remains for me to say, beyond expresssing sadness at the depths of discrimination and prejudice, of hatred towards others that we human beings are ceaselessly capable of expressing, is to remind us all of a simple and powerful line uttered by the actor Hector Elizondo in the film "The Princess Diaries":

"you know, no-one can make you feel inferior without your consent"

I am sure that you, Donna, do not consent, and herein lies your strength.

In solidarity against all discrimination,

Clare
 
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