very personal question...

C

CurlyQ

Cathlete
I'm not pregnant but my husband and I are getting a little anxious lately so I've been doing some research about the birthing process since it is my main fear. Some of the accounts I've read have me scared half to death - women with 4th degree tears and fistulas, some say that sex afterward is completely different/ bad. I know that everyone's experience is different and some women even elect to have c-sections (I'd never choose to do that), I guess my question is, are these women in the minority or is this fairly commonplace with childbirth?

I realize that this is a very personal matter and perhaps I should've ask it elsewhere but everyone here is usually so candid, I figured I'd give it shot.

Thanks in advance.
 
I'll be the first to respond....I felt the same way you did before I had my first. Let me tell you, my son came out so fast (4 1/2 hours from start to finish) and he was pretty big, almost 10 pounds and his head was somewhat wider than average babies so I did have a good tear and couldn't sit normally for 2 weeks. I had a lot of bleeding and burning after he was born. I couldn't walk for a week, it was incredibly painful. Sex didn't really go well after he was born for a VERY long time. I mean LONG time. For a year, we had to do certain positions or whatnot so I wouldn't be in pain or feel discomfort. Then I got pregnant again when my son was 13 or 14 months. My second son came out very fast, too. An hour and a half less than my first and I didn't get any stitches or anything. My sex life is a lot better now. I don't get pain or anything down there anymore after my second was born. It's weird, I know. Good thing my second was smaller. He practically popped out. I really didn't feel him coming out very much which I was happy about. I had no pain when he was coming out. Let's just say my first stretched me down there very well it made the second time around much easier. :) Also, my sons are 2 yrs old and 5 months old and they're a HUGE, HUGE blessings even though I'm about to hang myself today from my 2 yrs old. :) He's at that stage now. x( Everyone is different. No woman is the same. You might not have any problems. It depends on how big or small you are down there. Know what I mean? I wish you a lot of luck and I do recommend getting pregnant!
 
When I was expecting my 4th child, I heard lots and lots of still birth stories. As a result, even though the chances of having a still born child are quite low, I was terrified that my baby would die inside of me.

I guess my point is that while anecdotal evidence may have it's place, I wouldn't make major life decisions based on it. See if you can find statistical evidence on the problems that women experience due to child birth and go from there. Maybe your OB could shed some light on your concerns. And even if your chances of having problems is low, there are no guarantees. We have a beautiful little boy with downs syndrome, concieved at an age when my chances were 1 in 500--I was the 1.

I think that the joy of having children is worth the risks many times over.

As far as my own personal experience, I have had a few minor tears, but that is it. And sex has just gotten better with age (although for the first couple of months post partum, it does not really sound appealing...)

take care
Maggie:)
 
Hi,
Good luck. I too was terrified of labor and pregnancy. I had an easy pregnancy with lots of energy and no morning sickness. When my water broke, i felt so good I didn't realize and exercised. I was induced and after about 3 hours active labor and about 10 minutes of pushing, out came Alexis Rose. I did tear and was uncomfortable for the first few weeks and sex was the last thing on my mind. When i did resume sex at about 8 weeks postpartum, all was healed and was the same as preprego.
 
For me it was the fear of toxemia...my older sister had it during her first pregnancy and so I was so worried that I had my husband checking my blood pressure regularly...needless to say it was always high until I learned to relax and not worry so much. I had a very small tear with the birth of my son, too small to require stitches. I too was a little scared of what would happen...but I would say even if I had more complications with tearing, having my son would be worth the sacrifice. As far as sex, I have known some women say that its better, any issues with that I think can be worked out between the two of you through good communication. I think it varies so much it's hard to get an idea of what things will be like for you. I LOVED being pregnant!! I loved the whole experience, but I was also one of the lucky ones never to have morning sickness, or any of the other complications. Any way...good luck and don't let the worry overwhelm you in your decision to begin the hardest but most fulfilling thing a woman can do.

Lindzebird
 
You are wise to be educating yourself before you get pregnant. However, don't scare yourself! Before I tell you my experience, I must say that your child will be the joy of your life and everything will be worth it!

I wish I had been made aware of anal incontinence before I had my child. I had been living with it for 9 months after my baby was born and wondering why I can't make it to the bathroom! Finally I figured out that I wasn't normal and went to see some doctors. Anyway, be aware that sometimes a result of child birth is urinary and anal incontinence (not being able to hold your pees and poos).

My anal sphincter (aka butt hole!) is very loose and I have very poor muscle tone in that area. The doctors I am seeing are trying to figure out if it is a result of my episiotomy severing the muscle or if it is nerve damage in that region due to childbirth. So, educate yourself on episiotomies. I wish I had not had one, believe me! The statistics show that you are WAY WAY WAY more likely to experience my condition if 1) you are having your first child and 2) if you have an episiotomy (as opposed to experiencing a tear).

So, though most women seem to say that they have returned to normal "down there," I would most definitely say that I do not know whose popo (not to mention butt!) I have now, but it ain't mine!
 
Curly Q

I would not read any birth stories before getting pregnant. Birth is a messy process with an end to a beautiful beginning. My labors with my first two were very fast. I worked out thru out my pregnancies and healed very quickly. My recovery time with my first was a bit longer than it was with my daughter, but neither time was bad and my beautiful children are definitely worth it. I was working out within 2 weeks postpartum after my second. I'm sure I could have done the same after my first, but I wasn't as much of a workout "guru" back then. I had some initial discomfort when I was getting out of our SUV and into the house with my son, but don't really remember anything like that with my daughter. If you are very afraid of the birthing process, get an epidural. Afterwards, there are pain medications they can put you on if you need them. I had a natural delivery with my second (epidural with my first) and didn't use any pain meds after with either.

As far as sex after baby, I think there are 2 things to remember. First, your life changes so much after having a baby. You go into "mommy-mode" and are not as into sex for awhile. You will be tired, and if you're nursing, you will be dry. So I think lack of interest, and being more dry, together, can make sex less enjoyable (even a little painful - think 1st time). What I found was to be sure to use lube and to make sure that there is plenty of foreplay so that you are interested--not just your husband--and within a few months, it felt just as it had before. My interest level wasn't quite the same, so maybe it wasn't as frequent, but sex for us has gotten better with age. It was definitely as frequent or more so up until I hit my 3rd trimester with this pregnancy, so you can get it back if you really want to. I did not feel "stretched" out or anything like that and my husband has said that he notices no difference there either.

Take care and good luck with your decisions. Maybe now is a good time to balance your reading out with some books about babies after birth.

Stacey
 
3 kids, the last one was 9lb 13 oz and one of them with a very big head, I am not very big "down there", very small frame....had some episiotomies (sp?) and even with all of that, the delivery was easier every time (7 hrs, 3 hrs, 4 hrs), had a healing up time afterwards (a few months) and sex has been fine....but make sure you do your kegels, now, within hours after birth, and forever after!

I think the major problems you are describing are not very common but if something is different or bad for you for sex afterwards I would harrass the dr, be very specific and very persistent to get it fixed.

I am all for being informed but found that when I read too many birth stories I got a little too worried and worked up....kind of like, I don't like to watch the news anymore either, it is too negative and "look what can happen to you! What if it does? Wouldn't it be horrible?" not what I want to fill my brain with.

HTH
Jen
 
Thanks for all the replies. I know it was kind of a silly question but its not really something you want to ask a friend face to face, so I appreciate your candid answers. I truly can not wait to have a child, and I know that anything that happens physically will be over-ridden by being a mother.
 
Hi CurlyQ! I have not suffered a major perineal trauma as you are describing. My labors and deliveries have been (relatively) easy. I started to tear (urethral) with my first, so the doc did an episiotomy. This time, I tore at the episiotomy site and had three stitches. I was sore… I felt like my perineum was HUGE… but the nurses kept telling me my bottom looked great (a good thing to hear after delivery :)… no bruising… no swelling with my first… minimal swelling with my second. I have experienced a lack of control with urination… not incontinence… but if my bladder is really full sometimes I can’t completely stop the flow of urine once I get started… but this was resolved with Kegels after my first… and hopefully will be resolved this time (it has already improved). Jen is absolutely correct… Kegels are necessary everyday for life!!! As Stacey described, our sex life changed due to “mommy mode”, fatigue (initially), and lack of lubrication until I stopped nursing… but our sex life did return to normal (hopefully, it will this time too).

You asked “are these women in the minority or is this fairly commonplace with childbirth?” According to the 2000 National Hospital Discharge Survey as reported in Obstetrics and Gynecology 8/2002, “23% of [obstetrical] repairs were for 3rd or 4th degree lacerations”. The frequency will vary based on the population studied, so keep that in mind when (and if) you research this. You can find the National Hospital Discharge Survey at the CDc site, and You may be able to find specific information on your state’s Health Department website.

Best of luck to you!
 
I have given birth to 10 babies - all natural child births - the first four of which I had an episiotomy - the last six, I did not have to have one. I lived through it all and, yes, some were more painful than others. They were all unique and different.

I am amazed that some women have incontinence in the rectal area - I have never experienced incontinence with the bladder or the other. My babies were all between 8# and 10#'s.

Since I have worked out since my first baby 30 years ago - I feel that has helped me immensely. My pelvic floor muscle are very strong.

Curly Q, do not stress about having a baby - most of the time the things I stressed about never even happened. All of my labors were more than worth it! The end result being a wonderful baby.

My youngest is 3 years old - so I was 45 when I had him - and all went well. Not to say I didn't think about it while I was pregnant - I mean who looks forward to pain? But when you hold that baby in your arms you do forget until you become pregnant again. Ha Ha!!!

Let us know how it all turns out - I mean your decision.

Cherl
 
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