I was married to an amazing man, and we are still friends. (No longer married though). When I was down, or sad, or mad at the world, whatever, he was there for me. He would hold me, try to make me laugh, inspire me, just listen, whatever. One day, he made poster things out of that connected dot matrix paper -so they were really long - and hung then all over, floor to ceiling, b/c he knew I had had a really bad day at work. Unfortunately, there were other problems we had and we didn't stay together but to this day, when I need somebody, I go to him if I can. I am remarried and he basically sucks when it comes to comforting me. He just won't do it - it scares him or something. Says he doesn't know what to do. I basically get ignored. If it is something particularly bad that goes on for a few days (like when my dear cat passed away), he will finally say something like "Look, I just don't know what to do." Telling him, though, does no good. You would think just holding me when I am in bed, crying, would be obvious, but it isn't. He faces the other way, per usual, and goes to sleep. I guess the only consolation I have is that I know he loves me and is just so uncomfortable that he doesn't know what to do. My dad wasn't the best at showing emotion, but my word, he is a sap compared to my husband now.
I say all of this to say...even though my first husband was amazing at this part of our lives, we didn't work out for other reasons. DH now blows at any sort of emotional anything (I hope that your SO is able to provide you at least some emotional support and physical closeness) but we are good together in other ways. I miss the affection and sharing of emotions, but like I said, it works in other ways. Just weigh what is most important to you. My life now is very comfortable - we do good for ourselves, we are both very independent, he travels during the week and on weekends, he does his own thing. It gets lonely, but I'm not going anywhere b/c it is still good and we are very strong in some parts of our lives together. You just don't want to look back and miss having somebody support you emotionally. Have you talked to him about it, and told him what you need? Would he consider counseling? I wish you the best. Just talk to him and make yourself vulnerable, tell him exactly step by step what you need. If he just can't do it, then you will know that and weigh your options. The ironic thing is that I sucked at it with my first husband. He was the one missing out. I told him that I wanted to learn and he taught me what he needed and really helped me open up with myself, and also to be there for him.
