Speaking of marriage....

Bobbie,
I agree with you. Hopefully, I'll have my DH a long time but if something were to happen, I don't think I would ever marry again or live with someone again. I'm glad my daughters are not rushing into marriage. My 22 DD lives by herself and has a great job. My other one is still in college. This is a great topic.

Joanne
 
My hubby is my second hubby. I love him to pieces, but he is my last man. If, God forbid, anything were to happen to him, I would not remarry. I might find myself a cute little boy toy, but he would NOT be living with me. No way. Never again.

My hubby is my male counterpart in life. If I were a man, I'd BE him. If he were a woman, he's BE me. We're perfect together and no other man would ever measure up to that. Not ever.
 
I kid you not, Dutchie. Unmarried couples, and ESPECIALLY gay couples, have none of the extensive rights of spouses. Unmarrried straight couples, of course, have a choice. But just as obviously, gay couples do not! It's nutty.
 
I too think I'd never remarry. It's such a gamble - you really, really don't know what you are in for. You can make good educated guesses but in the end it's a huge gamble. IMO a dog is a safer gamble.

BUT statistically people with happy marriages are more likely to remarry and remarry quickly should a partner die. I've walked my dad through the negative side of this though - he remarried fairly quickly and it's ruined an otherwise happy retirement.

I honestly can't see finding what I have now ever again.

Trish
 
Oh - and one more thing - I appreciated Bill's post and I wonder if marriage affects us in such a huge way why do we spend so little time investing in learning about it. It seems people are so reticent to take a marriage course or seminar unless they're already having huge problems and it's almost too late. We invest more time in learning about everything else and so little time on learning marriage skills and yet statistically it has the most profound effect on our lives.

Trish
 
Trish,

My answer to your question is that, maybe because DH and I married in our forties, and had lived together for three years and already came to agreement on many things before marriage, I don't feel I need a marriage course or seminar. When something is bothering either of us, we discuss whatever that is and come to an agreement. We work at the same place, although in different areas. We eat lunch together every day and talk when we do. When we get home at night we share what went on that day. If something is bothering me that I haven't mentioned because even though it's bothering me I think it's trivial, he can tell and will ask me if I'm okay. I do the same with him.

Every marriage is different so I don't know how you can really learn about "marriage". One person's expectations of marriage can be so different than the other person's expectations. That's why communication and groundrules and really knowing one another are so important BEFORE you get married.

Then once you are married, I think the key element is to nurture the relationship. To me that means making your partner the most important thing in your life. It means giving that person your respect. It means being willing to be unselfish but it DOES NOT mean being selfless.

I don't need someone telling me in a seminar what they think. I need to communicate every day with my partner to know what he thinks and he needs.

Anyway, this is MHO. Again, other people probably have differing views.

P.S. I can't see having a relationship with another man the way I have with DH but I also can't say whether I would or wouldn't remarry because after my first marriage I was certain I wouldn't, and I did. I just cannot see anyone else measuring up to DH. He would be a tough act to follow. That's for sure!
 
That thing Bill posted is total B%LL S&*T

I'm a single mom and #2 is TOTALLY wrong.. I'm so much closer to my kids than any one I know. I actually think the single mom thing with a smaller family plays a lot into it.

That was Such total garbage....

Ok deep breath.

I'm like Dutchie, marriage isn't for me.. have many friends who are.. but just not for me...

What a diverse group we are :) this is cool
 
I hope I can respectfully disagree with you. It's obvious you and your DH invest lots of time and energy into your relationship. Lunch and dinner together every day!!! What a luxury. That's great. BUT I think we can always learn from others. Yes every marriage is different but so is every parent/child relationship, friendship, business partnership, etc. and I believe we can always learn something from others. For those who are married it has a tremendous impact on all parts of our life from our health to our financial status. There's always something to learn even if it's "No that doesn't work for us" - it at least makes you think through what does work for you. So often we cruise through life getting busy with everything else and take our most important relationship for granted. I'm certainly not saying you need to take a marriage seminar but I think we should really be open to learning all we can and investing time in this one area that affects us so profoundly. That's all I was saying. Have a great day - and enjoy lunch with DH!

Trish
 
Trish,

Of course you can respectfully disagree with me!

You asked the question and I was just explaining my situation and why I wouldn't attend a seminar or read a book.

Lunch was very enjoyable, thank you LOL!

Have a great weekend.

:)

P.S. In my prior marriage I read all kinds of books, attended a seminar, attended Al-anon meetings and also went through counseling to no avail. My ex-husband had addictions and was also abusive. I finally realized I didn't want to live in his world anymore. He liked himself the way he was and did not see a reason to change.
Our relationship was last on his list.
 
>That thing Bill posted is total B%LL S&*T
>
>I'm a single mom and #2 is TOTALLY wrong.. I'm so much closer
>to my kids than any one I know. I actually think the single
>mom thing with a smaller family plays a lot into it.
>
>That was Such total garbage....


When I was a single mom, my son and I bonded more than ever. We are still very close.
 
I'm with Aquajock - no way do I think I could find another person out there as perfect for me as my hubby is. We are soulmates and no one could ever be that again. If marriage can't work between us, I can't imagine it working with someone else, so no, I wouldn't get remarried.

:)

Lisa
 
I love my husband dearly. I don't like to think about "what if".

But, I would never get married again. I got married because we wanted children.

I do know a couple that are not married, have 2 boys. They are very committed, you would never know they weren't married. They just choose not to go through marriage.
 
I've never really thought about this before. Sometimes when I see single people out, I think "Oh, they must be having fun!" You know...single girls, dancing up a storm, no one cares what time they get home. I have fun when I go out to and I rarely go out without DH and when I do got out without him, I wish I were home with him instead.
Maybe the reason I envy these single young girls is b/c I never really had that life.I had a child at a young age and met my DH after I broke up with her father.So I never packed up my things,,left my parents house to go to college and wasted their hard earned money on boos and partying.
I think I sort of went off there a bit....:) If anything ever happened to DH I think I would find it hard to marry again b/c I have such a good hubby. Sure he pisses me off but he never gets bad at me. If ever anything is going wrong with my day, he always makes it better.When I beat up the car, he never said anything.If we got divorsed I don't know if I would remarry. I have never thought about that.
With that being said I don't like being alone. I like being around people.So I don't think I could the rest of my life alone.
Lori:)
 
That thing Bill posted is total B%LL S&*T

Maggie Gallagher conducted a clinical study, and published her results. In your case maybe #2 would not apply, I'm happy for you. However on the whole it applies to most in that situation.

Because it doesn't apply in your situation doesn't make it "total B%LL S&*T" it means you're putting more into your family than most can, or are willing to in the same situation.

The same type of study has been done by many, with the same conclusion Maggie Gallagher came up with.
 
Lori - I was a partyer (partier?) from about 18 - 26. It gets old. I don't really miss it very much, but it's more because I'm an adult now. Still, it is fun to go out once in a while.
 
We party enough (for my liking, I like my sleep) but I just missed those years. I don't really mean MISSED as in boo hoo but MISSED as in "where did that go? It was right here a minute ago and now its gone?" My life skipped right through that phase.While my firends moved to collage I was home breast feeding.
When we go out I see people who are trying to pick up and no I don't want that life either. I am so glad that I know what I am getting and I am not out making a name for myself.
I just missed the single girl fun,going out and partying (not sleeping around or anything) Therefore I will never know what I really missed, now will I? But my life turned out GREAT considering the route I could have taken but my choices were much smarter
Lori:)
 
Count me in as another one who would not marry again if something happened to hubby...please God forbid.

I could be perfectly happy single. The 3 kiddos would need me too much. Besdies, marry another man...another one to wash his undesi, cook for, clean up for..etc...no thanks!

Another thing is, I am a very private person. It took alot for me to open myself up to hubby, to let him get close enough for me to love him. I keep my feelings very guarded.

Last thing, my mom had been married and divorced 6, yes 6, times. She makes me sick! A man is not all that!
 
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