I hate to vent here or have someone think I'm just looking for sympathy but I do need to vent. I had to put my eldest dog to sleep back in August. Now, last night my second oldest dog, almost 10 yrs old, broke her rear leg. When the vet examined the x-ray, he found a suspicious shadow below the fracture and now thinks it might be bone cancer. He thinks if it is, we found it extremely early because my dog has not shown any signs of bone cancer and he says that usually a break occurs after they have found the cancer and it's pretty far along. Now my husband will not pay the $4,000 plus to have her leg fixed with screws and plates so the vet is going to splint it and see how that goes. I have to take her in once a week now to have the splint taken off and let the leg "air out" before resplinting the leg. He also said that she can develop some skin issues during this time. So now, me and my husband are fighting over money and the dog and I just don't know what to do about anything anymore. I feel like I'm almost numb inside because I cannot imagine having to possibly put down another dog within 1 year of the other. And now the stress of money and marriage is just too much to handle. I just don't know what to do about everything anymore. I just cannot do everything and now I find out I'm now having more medical issues and I don't think me and my husband can take anymore. I'm sorry if this is so long but I have no real family and no real friends around, I'm all alone with my dogs and I guess I just needed to tell someone and right down some of my feelings so maybe I can deal with them better. I don't expect anyone to respond, because I know everyone has there own problems but thank you to anyone who understands.
Kim
I think you did the best (and one of the hardest) things by just reaching out today, Kim. I don't know you personally, but I'm sure you have friends here. I'm happy to be one, however "virtual" I might be.
Feeling like no one is there to share your burdens can be as bad as the burdens themselves. You're right- you cannot do everything, be everything, know what the right course of action is before stepping on the path...I wish I had definite answers for you. I won't pretend I do, but I did want to extend that you're in my thoughts.
Might the vet's office be open to doing a long-term payment plan over this procedure? $50 a month minimum? I know that's far from ideal, but perhaps it's a compromise everyone can live with? I don't know if maybe you already asked them, but sometimes they are willing to work with people on that stuff...it wouldn't hurt to check.
As to your own health problems, I'm so sorry you have to face that on top of everything else. I had four surgeries in the span of six months when I was twenty-seven. Constant pain. Cancer cells, something unheard of in my family. Lots of time off work, losing the ability to have kids, loads of pay lost at work, exhausted, in horrible pain...I feel for you
so much. I'd had to put my beloved and wonderfully loving kitty to sleep the year before all my surgeries, a pet I'd had half my life, and the lack of comfort from his absence was unbearable at times. He was like a child to me, in many ways. I was single, had no kids, my mother wasn't exactly sympathetic (I don't have a father or siblings), and I had no one else. My friends were generally too young or too busy to understand my health problems. I remember the day of my surgeries, with my mother huffing and puffing about having to drive me to the hospital, and feeling so alone. Money was such a constant worry, insurance hassles were enormous, bosses were a pain in the neck...And it was several years before the horrors seemed to let up overall. I do understand how extraordinarily hopeless and overwhelming and unfair it is, how the burdens simply never seem to let up.
But there is a new dawn beyond the darkness. I don't want to minimize the unhappiness you feel right now- it's warranted and it's real. However, you have to have hope that something better
will come tomorrow. You must have faith in something that says, "Whatever I'm going through right now is somehow meant to make me grow and become a better person, I'm strong enough to handle this, and I'm going to come out of this more than okay." I don't want to "Pollyanna" this, but try to focus on how you want things to go, visualize it, and be a bulldog about getting the best solution. I cannot speak for
anyone else, but during my darkest period of time, my most foolish actions involved passivity, not being proactive. I should have put first things first, prioritized and organized, reaching out to others, and instead I just kind of went into cocoon mode and stayed there. However, I learned from it. Hopefully that darkness of my own life serves some greater purpose today.
You're cared about. You're a strong person, and you will prevail. Continue to reach out. Vent when you need to. If not publicly, then in a journal or something. Don't hold those feelings you have inside. You cannot get the relief or support you need without reaching towards others. Take good care of yourself, Kim. I don't want to sound too forward, and hope I don't, but I'm here if you ever need to talk.
Sincerely,
Liz
