Single folk....personal question for ya

[banslug]

Feel free to not answer this question if you think it's too personal.

As a single person (parent or not), do you ever get lonely?

I am hardly ALONE! I have my 2 kids 24/7, my neighborhood is filled with good friends and their kids are over here quite a bit. My parents are a 4 minute drive away, my best friend and her family live right across the street. I participate in a Book Club I started several years ago, my neighborhood hosts a monthly Bunco Night. This weekend I had a SUPER busy few days with tons of people at my house......sis in from N Carolina, Aunt in from Boston, we all did the Relay For Life Friday and Saturday, Bunco Saturday night, etc. And yet I felt lonely.

It was all very emotional for me....my (14th) anniversary would have been June 17, Father's Day was Sunday, the Relay trudged up all kinds of memories-good and bad. And as I was cutting the grass yesterday (when I do some of my best thinking), I realized how lonely I am. Friends are great and very supportive of my situation, but they just DON'T and CAN'T understand (nor would I want them to). I just miss having that special somebody to share all these things with, somebody just to TALK to, or watch a movie with or do NOTHING with.

Do you know what I mean?

Gayle

 

[spyrosmom]

I can't answer or help, but wanted to send some {{{GAYLE}}}

Nan

 

[LauraMax]

Every once in a while I do, but not much. I really love my life (outside of work anyway ). I have my lovable little dogs (who are always happy to see me, don't talk back, don't make me compromise & don't tell me I shouldn't have sugar donuts for dinner when I want), I have the gym & all my friends there, I have my family, I have all my friends outside the gym.

While I do get lonely sometimes, the idea of letting a guy into my life to shake all that up kinda scares the crap out of me.

 

[Vee]

Gayle,

I am not single. I can imagine what missing a special relationship would feel like.

When I lost my dad I was 26. I spent every possible moment with my mum because I did not want her to feel lonely. She told me gently one day to go lead my life. She said she appreciated what I was doing but nothing could replace a special someone. I was already married at that time and it instantly struck me that she was perfectly right. As I grow older my reasons for appreciating a special someone in my life change. It is less about just-romance and more about the spiritual/intellectual/emotional and yes romantic-too connection that is not quite possible in any other relationship.

(((((Gayle))))

It is going to take a really unique and special person to deserve your love. I hope the divine forces are taking note.

 

[Vee]

While I do get lonely sometimes, the idea of letting a guy into my life to shake all that up kinda scares the crap out of me.

Oh Laura! The world is full of single Mr Rights and single Ms Rights. And then there are several single Mr Wrongs and Ms Wrongs. I am always perplexed about why fate does such a lousy job at throwing Wrongs at Rights rather than pairing them up better.

Every relationship needs give and take and riding out some rough times, but when a couple are on the same intellectual wave-length, enjoy each other's personalities, and share the same core values then a bit of shaking up is so worth it.

 

[trixie108]

I have a very different situation than you (never married, no kids). I am personally very independent, and don't like having a lot of people around. Sure I like having someone special to talk to, and hang out with, but at the same time, I HAVE to have my alone time, or I'd go nuts!!

 

[LaughingWater]

It was all very emotional for me....my (14th) anniversary would have been June 17, Father's Day was Sunday, the Relay trudged up all kinds of memories-good and bad.

I'm welling up as I read this. ((hug)) My SIL has been without my brother for a few years now. She's on the go constantly, but I often wonder about her. She once told me, "I'm just biding my time until I can be with him again."

Wishing you continued love and happiness. <3

Okay, emotional moment aside...cutting grass is very zen, isn't it?

 

[TeTe]

Gayle, I think your feelings of loneliness are unique to your very unfortunate situation. I can only imagine the pain that comes with losing a spouse, especially the way you did, as young as you are. So, while I can’t come from a single person’s perspective, or as a widow, I will offer the suggestion that those feelings of loneliness come, not only from missing someone very dear to you, but that you are also still mourning the loss of the future you had planned together. I’m not sure how, when, or if those feelings go away for good, but I think that you are doing a great job of leading a full and interesting life, and that you are being a great mom to your boys.

I know I haven’t done much in the way of helping, but I just want you to know that it seems what you are feeling, especially at these milestones and dates, is very normal, though, I am sure painful. (((Hugs to you))))

 

[JanetP1507]

I have a very different situation than you (never married, no kids). I am personally very independent, and don't like having a lot of people around. Sure I like having someone special to talk to, and hang out with, but at the same time, I HAVE to have my alone time, or I'd go nuts!!

I'm exactly the same way! I don't get lonely often, I've been living alone for 20 years so I'm used to it, I don't think I could stand having someone else around all the time! Plus I think I'd be very hard to live with-having lived alone for so long I'm very set in my ways. I love being able to do what I want when I want, cleaning and doing laundry when I feel like it, have complete control over the remote and getting up and going to bed when I'm good and ready. When I do get lonely I call/e-mail/IM one of my friends.

That being said...I do understand when certain days suddenly bring up unhappy emotions as I did lose the love of my life to a drunk driver nearly 10 years ago. I sometimes feel like Lori's SIL - that I'm just biding my time now until I can be with him again. But...life must go on in the meantime and I know that's what he would want for me too.

 

[banslug]

These forums never cease to amaze me. Thank you to each of you for your response.

It's just such a new thing to me, for me to REALIZE that this feeling is loneliness. Does that make sense? I don't think I SAW that until this weekend.

My best friend tells me quite often that she's jealous of me for the free time I have for my hobbies (working out, scrap-booking, card-making, reading, playing in general), and that she wishes she had the ability to do all she wants to do without having to be concerned about someone else. That's all well and good, but she simply just doesn't understand because she doesn't HAVE to.

I've always been a very independent person, always. But I still feel like I'm missing something. And don't get me wrong, I LOVE MY LIFE and all that I have. But this past school year, as PTA President on top of all the other roles, I realized that I think I keep myself so busy to avoid having that lonely feeling. I don't mean to have this sound like a whoa-is-me story. Please don't take it that way.

THANKS!

Gayle

 

[lioness]

Gayle,

First of all, I think you are a very strong and cool woman!! I think we go through times when we have realizations about ourselves that come out of nowhere.

I am 47 and have never been married. Every once in a while I feel lonely or long for someone but the feeling doesn't last long. I have a fantastic life and I'm very close to my 3 sisters (one of which is a twin) so I always have someone to talk to. I'm very independent and enjoy my freedom.

I think it may be more difficult for you because you once had someone special. For me, I can't miss what I haven't had.

I think you should examine and embrace these feelings as they will carry you onto the next phase of your life. These feelings will lead you to a better Gayle!

 

[marnold]

Gayle, I don't have any pearls of wisdom for you, but I have a bunch of hugs and kishies for you. Plus as an added bonus, as many furry baby kisses as you can stand.

 

[upnorthchick]

Gayle,

I don't have any words of wisdom for you but I wanted to post to tell you that your OP touched me. I was single for many, many years and I was lonely sometimes. I had tons of friends and there was always something to do but yes, I still got lonely. However, it probably wasn't the same kind of lonely you are feeling now because I wasn't missing someone that I loved so much.

((hugs)) to you!!

Lisa

 

[aproudfit]

Gayle -

I have been divorced for 9 years - have two great boys like you , and have a great group of friends around. Most of the time I am pretty content and am super busy with my boys and their sports - but there are times when I do feel that same lonliness. It is usually the small things - having someone to cuddle on the couch with to watch a movie- or help around the house - or just having someone to shower with love. I do really miss not cooking for another adult too... From the outside everyone thinks I have this great dynamic life - but it is lonely at times for sure...

So {{{ hugs }}} to you... I'm right there with ya....

 

[NY25]

I do sometimes, although mostly when I'm watching certain commercials or movies - they kind of make you feel like everyone has this huge circle of friends with whom they're having fabulous times - except for me. I used to have that, so I do sometimes miss that. But like others, I've been living alone for 20+ years - I don't know if I could live with someone else at this point. I'm used to being alone. It is nice to know there are others out there like me. I read an article recently written by a woman who lives in NY and is married, but she and her husband keep separate apartments near each other. Talk about the best of both worlds.
Anyway, I'm single, no kids, no prospects and not a lot of close friends with whom I entertain, (people my age have coupled and had kids, so they're off doing their own thing and everyone lives very spread out) so yes. But like the others said, I can't really miss what I've never had, so I think I'm generally okay (weekends can sometimes be lonely).

 

[banslug]

- have two great boys like you , and have a great group of friends around. Most of the time I am pretty content and am super busy with my boys and their sports - but there are times when I do feel that same lonliness. It is usually the small things - having someone to cuddle on the couch with to watch a movie- or help around the house - or just having someone to shower with love. I do really miss not cooking for another adult too... From the outside everyone thinks I have this great dynamic life - but it is lonely at times for sure...

Anne, you said EXACTLY what I'm trying to say, but much easier and in less words! LOL

 

[Davidj]

Single -- and I get involved with many projects

I am single (DNKs), and at first I was lonely, but as the years go by I have been getting used to spending my time alone. On the positive side, I do a lot of writing, and spending time alone is necessary to get creative ideas into one's head. On the negative side, getting used to being alone one may lose the incentive to get out and meet people (probably not a good thing).

So what I do is that I have gotten involved with charity projects over the last couple of years. This coming Saturday I am helping to coordinate a fairly large food drive for our church. A colleague and I have leafleted some 500 houses (good walk aerobics!!) and have met many people, in our church and outside of church.
-- David

 

[kathryn]

I have a very different situation than you (never married, no kids). I am personally very independent, and don't like having a lot of people around. Sure I like having someone special to talk to, and hang out with, but at the same time, I HAVE to have my alone time, or I'd go nuts!!

Same here

But I think everyone, single or married, has times when they are lonely. Some of the times I felt the most lonely was when I was with other people.

 

[toughYrun]

Same here

But I think everyone, single or married, has times when they are lonely. Some of the times I felt the most lonely was when I was with other people.

Kathryn is exactly right! This is my second marriage and I experienced the feelings you are having in the time between this marriage and the first. But being remarried has not swept those feelings away forever......DH and I are not always in tune with one another and during those times I feel as lonely as I did when I was single.

Of course my experience is nothing like yours (I was divorced, not widowed) and I am in no way trying to minimize your feelings. Just pointing out that I too sometimes wish my situation was different. Hugs to you. I hope that the future brings you the companionship you long for.

P.S. I must have missed something because I thought you had a special guy in your life.

 

[banslug]

Thanks again for all your input.

David, I always love to hear the man's point of view. So THANKS for sharing. My best friend and her family live across the street and the 3 adults (me, her and her DH) chat quite a bit and I LOVE listening to his opinion because it gives me some insight into what the opposite sex might be thinking.

Diane, I was dating somebody, but I broke it off a few months ago. After a frank discussion, I learned HE thought our next step should be moving in together. No Can Do, on my part, not without an engagement, which neither of us was ready for. During that same discussion, I realized he and I just don't match. He's very unsupportive when it came to anything emotional...when I'd talk about my mom's cancer or my general life concerns, he's nod and then change the subject. Just didn't work out. And part of this recent realization of mine comes from that outcome. I had a very 'spiritual, meaningful and emotional' relationship that ended about 2 years ago for some selfish (on both our parts) reasons (not because we didn't love each other), and I missed that connection with him during this most recent relationship.

Anyway, I don't want to bore you guys. I just want to thank you all again for the continued support. Just sometimes, it all gets overwhelming and I want to be a kid again, without any cares or worries in the world!

Gayle