should you teach a boy to like boy things?

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Cathlete
My son who is now just over 5 1/2 loves stuffed animals (he has a lot of them and he categorizes them, such as 'Africa' 'Australian' 'Jungle' 'Ocean' etc).
His interests are coloring, drawing and anything to do with animals. He has all kinds of toys (cars, constructions things, games etc) but he only wants to play with animals (stuffed and hard plastic ones).
He needs a lot of encouragement to play a sport, let alone ride a bike.
My mother asked him the other day what he would like to be for Halloween. He said "Funshine Bear". It's one of the Care Bears.
No, he does not play with dolls, or play dress up, but I'm *told* he should like more "boy" things.
I thought, since he has a lot of "boy" things and chooses his markers and stuffed animals, that's his choice.
Apparently I'm wrong.
What do you guys think? Should I make him do things he'd rather not do (such as be a cowboy for Halloween) or let him choose for himself?
 
I think you son is just fine the way he is and forcing him to like "boy" things is only going to create issues. The people who are telling you he should like "boy" things are the ones with the problem.
 
I wouldn't worry. There's nothing wrong with being interested in animals and having stuffed animal! who knows? Maybe he'll be a vet when he grows up - there's nothing wrong with that?

I think you should encourage him with whatever he's interested in. Encouragement is key. If you try to 'discourage' his interest, he'll only get confused and will lead to poor self-esteem. I just finished a self-esteem course for children and the key is - to encourage them in what they are interested in, try not to discourage a natural interest and help develop their interests.

If your friends/family around you think he should be more interested in 'boy' things - then get him some big fierce dinosaur stuffed animals ( my son has a few) - maybe that will placate them.

In the meantime, I think your son sounds very normal and very sweet. so what if he's not interested in cars or trucks? As a kid, I was only interested in cars/trucks and dolls didn't really interest me until I was 10 or so ( according to my mom!)

So don't worry - animals are a great interest! And, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be an animal for halloween - even if it is a care bear animal! Always encourage your child!
 
I think your son is fine. I think interest in animals is a good thing. I'll tell you what, my husband was just like that as a kid. He also liked to read. He didn't have an athletic bone in his body. I'll just say it--he was and is a nerd, but he's the smartest man I know and sensitive with a kind heart. He is also very successful professionally. My MIL nurtured his interests instead of trying to change them. He spent summers at places like the Museum of Natural History and the planetarium. Hey, maybe your son will want to be a veterinarian. HTH

Michele
 
He's just fine. Don't worry. He's still only 5 1/2. Let him choose for himself. I have a boy too...he's 9 now.

He was into the PowerPuff girls for a while when he was around 4 and 5. It's that cartoon with the Super Girls who always save the city. :) He used to (and still does love animals). I never discouraged him from something he was interested in.

http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/games/tools/img/cards/ppg_townsvillians/c.jpg

Now that he's older, he's a complete sports fanatic at age 9. Instead of watching cartoon network, he constanly has on ESPN. He knows everything and anything about sports. :) He loves baseball especially, and is into collecting baseball cards. He such the little boy! Sports, sports, sports! It's all he ever talks about now. He loves playing baseball too and he's so sad when the season is over. He wants to be a professional baseball player when he grows up.

:7 :7 :7
 
When my boys were young - Beanie Babies were huge - so they liked to collect them. They did the same thing as to catagorizing them in their species or countries... I liked the way they treated them and the sensitivity and caring that it brought out in them. Especially now with Animal Planent and channels like that - my boys are very educated in animals and love everything about them. That respect tranfers to their own pets. It amazes me the facts that they have about diffenet animals or their own lizards and such...

Now they still have fond memories and special stuffed animals - but are way into sports and anything boy. Sometimes they wont eat pink things since that is a girl color... hehe... cracks me up sometimes...

At 5 1/2 - enjoy the sweet side of them - cause as they get older and get into more boy things and further in school that sweet side doesnt come through as often....
 
Your son sounds very much like mine -- the stuffed animals, the coloring and drawing, Funshine Bear... Mine just turned 5.

>I thought, since he has a lot of "boy" things
>and chooses his markers and stuffed animals,
>that's his choice. Apparently I'm wrong.

Follow your intuition on this one. Stuffed animals, believe it or not, actually teach kids empathy. I wasn't very keen on buying my boy a Funshine Bear as well. But it seemed to me that he saw himself in the toy, with that bear carrying a stuffed toy and blanket around. I was also surprised that all he wanted to do with the bear was pat it to sleep or nurse it back to health. He tells me he wants to be "an animal expert" when he grows up. That your son has a very logical way of categorizing his stuffed toys tells you a lot about how smart he is.

Markers and art materials are very good for helping kids develop their fine motor skills. I have absolutely no qualms about letting a child sit down for a while and draw or paint. Quiet time is always good.:)

He will eventually pick up his "boy" toys. My son has a lot of cars and trucks, but there are times when all he wants is to play with clay or the water from the garden hose.

I got my boy into gymnastics and swimming this summer. We picked these activities since he loves to jump around, and he loves water. He wants to continue swimming for the rest of the year. He says we should reserve gymnastics for summers only. That is his choice.

Sometimes he says he wants to learn a martial art. He says that when he watches me kickbox. I feel he's wavering on this. So I don't push. I just wait for him to be sure about this. After all, he just turned 5.

What does the child like? How can you use this as a segueway to a sport that he might enjoy? These are the questions I ask myself.

Do you bike? Maybe if your son sees you riding a bike, he might want to try it out. Sometimes that's all it takes.

Pinky
 
I don't think animals are "girl" or "boy" specific.
Maybe he'll grow up to be a vet, or a famous animal specialist.

If he were dressing up Barbie dolls (unless it was to undress them!), I'd be a bit concerned, mainly because of what other kids would think.

And what are "boy" things anyway? Guns? Trucks?

I'd much rather have men in the world who grew up playing with stuffed animals than those who grew up playing with toy guns!

I'd let him do what he wants for Halloween (making him be a cowboy seems like an overreaction, like 'you're a boy, and you should want to be a cowboy". Do all boys even want that?). Again, if he wanted to dress up as a fairy princess, I'd be a bit concerned (because of what others would say...if he were 18 and wanted to do it, he'd be old enough to understand the consequences and the possible risk of being teased or whatever). And what's wrong with a young boy dressing up as a lion or another animal (as I assume he might choose on his own)? I've seen that plenty of times.

Who had "told" you that he should like more "boy' things? Maybe some macho guy who's a bit insecure about his own masculinity?

There's no "should" that applies to everyone. Your son is his own person, and he'll be just fine the way he is, IMO.
 
I really don't have anything to add, but I wanted to say I am touched by the thoughtful, smart, and loving posts here. My admiration for all you ladies is high, but it just went a notch higher. Thank you for restoring a little bit of my faith in the human race. (maudlin I know, but people's intolerance gets to me sometimes.)
 
I think children should be encouraged to be who they are, even if who they are does not fit the preconceived gender-specific mold some folks want to place them in. It's been my observation (and bear in mind I do understand this observation does not apply to all) that people who are the most uncomfortable with girls and boys not playing with gender-specific toys or not exhibiting what they perceive as gender-specific behaviors are uncomfortable with a great many things in their own lives, and are very narrow-minded and rigid individuals in most things.

I don't have a son, but I see from other responses on here that people who do have a son agree with what I would tell you - your son is fine. I applaud you for letting him be who he is and I wish more parents felt that way and weren't threatened by their childrens' choices of playthings and/or by their interests.

My daughter played with trucks and trains and "boy" things until she was 13. She's still not a prissy type of girl, but she does do her nails and wear a little makeup and care what her hair and clothes look like. Now that she's in high school she cares very much what her hair and clothes look like - LOL!! I've never tried to force her into a gender-specific mold. I've let her like what she likes. She's got a million stuffed animals but also collects Lord of The Rings sword replicas. She plays Game Cube games that involve skateboarding but also draws intricate pictures of bunny rabbits and flowers and butterflies. I guess my point is that she is NICOLE - she is who she is and she has unique and varied interests, just as we each do.

My SIL, who is one of the most narrow-minded people I know, used to see Nik playing with a truck or a toy train, or dressed in shorts with her knees skinned, or covered in the mud she was just outside playing in, and ask her "When are you going to be a girl?" As you can imagine, I was furious. I used to say, "Last time I looked she still was!" and that would shut her up for that day anyway. She used to buy Nik dolls for every Christmas and birthday until one day my husband had a long, serious talk with her and told her Nik didn't like dolls (which we had told her for years!!) and to please stop trying to force our daughter to be who she was not, and if she couldn't respect that, then don't bother buying her a gift at all.

Carol
:)
 
If he has access to all kinds of toys including "boy things" and chooses his animals, markers, etc. over that I see nothing wrong with it. He should be allowed to play with what he enjoys. No type of toy should be "off limits" and by the same token, nothing should be FORCED on him either, IMO. He will like so many kinds of toys through the years and he is still so young yet. I wouldn't listen to whomever told you that. I think it's just silly.

JMO. :)
 
My husband was that kind of boy and he is now a very loving and family oriented husband.

I agree that FORCING a child to like or do certain things only create issues or aggravates precisely what you want to stop or avoid.
 
Great advice on here so far. I definitely agree that your son is doing just fine and he will gravitate towards the toys he wants to play with regardless. I think pushing him to like "boy" things is going to create a problem, including issues such with self-esteem. I think encouragement is the best way to go at this stage - foster what is already there. On a side note, my son is obsessed with any toy that has wheels & loves to roll them on tables. Has little interest in much else, and that is all his doing. Kids are kind of kooky sometimes, huh? :)

"you miss 100% of the shots you never take"

Debbie
 
Don't worry.

Your son sounds exactly like a boy his age should be. I raised two sons. The youngest is turning 18 this year. When they were 3 & 5, their easter baskets had My Little Pony toys. They loved everything with the wonderful innocence of not having it be labeled a boy or girl toy. My boys loved the Care Bears too.

For Halloween, I would let him be what he wants and enjoy the holiday. If it bothers you, you might suggest some other ideas in a casual conversation. Maybe, he can't think of another idea. Also, ask what his friends are going to be. I use to costume brainstorm with my kids. The possibilities are endless.

OH, just as an fyi, my boys turned out fine. The older one is studying to be a mechanical engineer and the other is a senior in HS. There are no gender identity issues. :)
 
I also say that you son is normal and let him do what he wants.

Now I'm going to tell you something that my 17 yo son would kill me for if he knew I was telling ya'll. He did go through a stage where he played with Barbie and Ken dolls. My niece got him into playing with them. He even wanted to buy a Ken doll with his birthday money one year. We went to Toys R Us and he picked it out. But there was no way he would pay for it. He gave me the money and I paid for it. He used to pretend Barbie was going to the drive-in with GI Joe in GI Joe's jeep. One day I was cleaning his room, and I found Barbie and GI Joe together in a sleeping bag. lol

He ended up being very much into peewee football and played for 4 years. And now is into race cars and motorcycles (and girls of course). Do not worry.
 
Susan ~ Just like everyone else said - your son is fine. My son was Winnie-the-Pooh when he was 5 or was that four. Anyway, that's what he picked so that's what he was for Halloween. He still has way too many animals to fit on his bed. He used to set them up on his rug and play with them. It was so cute.

I got scolded once from our old pediatrician when my dd was 1. The doc and I were talking about her development and she was playing with a truck and I said to her, "That's a boy toy." He said there's no such thing as a "boy" toy versus a "girl" toy. I've always think of that now when my kids are playing with the various toys.

I've really enjoyed reading everyone's posts, BTW. It's so tough being a parent. I know that I'm always worried I'm making a wrong decision about something.

Dallas
 
Dallas,

You're going to make a wrong decision, probably more than one. Every parent has. Every parent will.

As your children get older, you can reason your decisions out to them. When you make the mistake at least the kids will know how it was derived. They'll know you were trying for the best.

My twins are 17, boy and girl. My daughter never ceases to surprise me with the information she "overshares" with us. We communicate well. They don't always like our decisions, we will discuss them sometimes at great length.

You are doing a great job!

Dave
 
I actually get the opposite reaction. People comment that my daughter Sarah (almost 10)is too much like a tomboy. "Sarah needs to play w/ more dolls/barbies/makeup". No,thank you. I don't need my daughter trying to go to high school looking like Tammy Fae Baker when she gets older.LOL. I don't want her to be like some of these little girls that are too shy to even say Hi to other kids, but yet I don't want her coming to me saying she wants to wear tighty whities now instead of finding nemo chonnies (underwear). Forget getting her in a dress. That only happens once a year and that is at Christmas.To me, she is just creative,friendly and interested in EVERYTHING. Kids are very special. For your son to even think about categorizing the animals like that is very smart.The other posters are right. It should be his choice. Who knows, he may become an artist that only draws animals.:)
 
I agree about encouraging his interests. This fascination with animals could lead to any of a number of wonderful, fulfilling careers someday. And there are so many ways available to fuel his interests these days.

I teach fifth grade, and I was surprised to find that my students are absolutely enchanted with Panda Cam, a camera constantly trained on the panda cub recently born at the San Diego Zoo. We popped on to take a look at it and ended up forming a Panda Cam Team, which takes extensive notes on what mother and baby are doing at different times during the day, and several of them are checking it at home, without prompting, in the evenings. One student even tuned in at 2:00 A.M. to see what the pandas do at night and found them quite active (I do not encourage this. :) ) We've also had several students check panda books out in the library. It's . . . panda - monium! :( Sorry. Groan. I know. I just couldn't help it.

I believe you should encourage him by helping him by finding books about animals, watching animal shows on television, etc. And as you begin to encourage his interest, more and more related activities will pop up. What a rewarding interest! I think it's terrific that your son loves animals! And I think it's even more wonderful that your son has found a driving force in his life so young. My students who have a deep and abiding interest in something, anything, are always my best, most passionate, most interested and interesting students!

Shari
 
"I think you son is just fine the way he is and forcing him to like "boy" things is only going to create issues. The people who are telling you he should like "boy" things are the ones with the problem."

I second Shelley.
 
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