SCOTT PETERSON---GUILTY!!!

[candi]

Yes, AJ, I agree with what you said. But, I'm living proof it can be done. Domestic abuse victims need to have some fear (which believe me, they already do) but not be so fearful they freeze and stay where they are. And, they need to take personal responsibility for the role they play in the relationship. I'm not saying that the victim is to blame for the abuser's behavior, but, staying in the relationship just precipitates the abuser's behavior. I hope that makes sense.

Luckily, my ex-husband was so wrapped up in his drug abuse at the point in which I left...I was able to get out.

Although, I did sleep with a steak knife under my side of the mattress just in case. Bad, bad memories.

 

[trevor]

Candi, I am really sorry you went through that and am glad you were able to summon the courage to leave.
T.

 

[Soosan]

Wow, Candi, I really admire your courage for getting out of the situation and for posting about it here.

A-Jock, I'm sure you've helped countless victims and I admire your courage as well. It takes a special kind of person to deal with such horrific situations day after day.

 

[candi]

Thank you for your kind words. Yes, it took a lot of courage and work for me to finally get out.

As far as being brave for posing it here, I suppose some people could judge me for getting myself in such a bad situation. But, I think it's important to talk about it. I feel no shame. You see, if I tell my story, then maybe just seeing that I was able to get out, will help someone else move on to a better life. The situation made me stronger and confident I can get through anything life throws at me.

DH I am with now is so wonderful, most of the memories only surface once in awhile. He's restored my faith that there are good men out there. I consider myself very, very fortunate.

 

[Aquajock]

Hello again, Candi -

Blaming domestic abuse victims for the abuse is a time-honored tradition in American culture. Only within the past 20 years or so have we started hesitantly to crawl out of the notion that the woman did something to merit the beating, and deserves to be beaten if she returns to the relationship. The very, very sad aspect of that mentality is the number of women who have that opinion of their beaten sisters.

The most gratifying aspect of my work is that I get to focus on the criminality of the abuser and help take the steps necessary to hold him criminally accountable for criminal conduct. Thus my approach - criminal prosecution - comes from a public justice and public safety standpoint. I also have the luxury of working closely with domestic violence advocates who can work directly with victims to help with their own personal safety.

As a matter of public policy we certainly need to understand, and offers means to change, victims' tendency to stay in the abusive relationship. I'm not denying that is indeed a part of what enables abuse to take place. But as a matter of public policy we need to focus far more on the abuser. He's the one throwing the punches, harassing and terrorizing, and sometimes murdering the victim.

A-Jock

 

[candi]

I'm speaking from the perspective of someone being in an abusive relationship and taking personal responsibility for staying in the relationship.

Taking this responsibility gives the abused person a sense of control over his/her situation. At least this is what worked for me. It was when I realized I had some control that I was able to take action.