Salve for a Wounded Heart

endorphin_junkie

endorphin_junkie

Cathlete
After a 7 year dating hiatus I met someone and we started dating in November, it was a bit of an awkward start but over Christmas and New Years we spent lots of time together and had a lot of fun. I took him to some of my favourite places and felt very happy to feel my heart waking up. Ten hours with him felt like 2, we talked and laughed and I felt we were getting comfortable with each other and that it was good. Last Monday I got the dreaded 'maybe we should just be friends' talk and I've been bummed out by it all week. I talked to him tonight and was told 'it's not you, it's me and you deserve better'. I'm so sad and wounded and hate that I opened myself up after so long just to be rejected. I was okay with being alone for so long but now that I got a taste of 'coupling' I yearn for it more than I have in so long. I know that I can be alone, I just don't want to be alone any more.......:(..... The bars are not for me and I'm unsure of on-line dating, at 44 years old I have no idea how a strong, smart, independant woman and mother of 3 teens goes about finding a good man, this heart is wounded but ready to love, I just feel stuck as to how to put myself out there but I gotta get out there!! Any suggestions, feedback, hugs, whatever would be appreciated :)

Take Care
Laurie
 
Here is a big hug for ya!!!!
I kinda have been through those feelings so I can relate. It doesnt get much easier but it cant get much harder either is the way I look at it. I would try online dating. I have heard only great things about it. It has actually worked for 2 of my aunts. Keep being a strong woman!!!

Jade
 
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{LAURIE}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I'm so sorry, Laurie.

I know exactly how you feel, as I had several similar episodes myself. All I can tell you is that you have to kiss a few toads before you meet your prince. I don't think it's a bad thing that you've had a taste of what it's like to share your life, even though it may seem that way now. I think that taste will be good for you in the long run, because now you're motivated to make your life richer. You just have to trust that it will happen, as I know it will.

And don't forget, this entitles you to at least one night of all the chocolate you want, and some of the "real" premium ice cream. ;)

Hugs,
Nancy
 
Maybe this was God's (or whatever YOU like to call it) way of letting you know that your heart is too big and too wonderful to keep to yourself. Risk nothing and you get nothing. Love people and they will break your heart; love people anyway. Life and love are delicious adventures. You deserve the best that both have to offer. I know this isn't much advice about how to meet a man, but I think that just being yourself will get you the most attention. I'll be thinking positive thoughts for you this weekend. Your heart will mend because you ARE strong, smart, independent and a GODDESS who deserves to have the man of her dreams!
Good luck!
Amy
 
Laurie, I just have to add that I think the way for you to go to meet people is online. My DH and I met in an AOL chat room 10 years ago, and we were both pretty good at expressing ourselves in writing, and had wonderful email and chat room conversations. We still have copies of our many of our conversations! You express yourself beautifully in writing, so meeting people online is absolutely perfect for you, in my opinion. I think those online dating services look good too.
Nancy
 
{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}} Laurie... you have so much to offer, your warmth and kindness come out so much on this forum. You will find that special someone.....
 
Laurie.
Hugs to you, Girlfriend!! For myself, I've just started dating again, this time online and it's been good/bad but overall a learning experience as well. So, I understand the dating quandry to be in. The only thing I would say is that good care of yourself-read your favourite book, do your favourite Cathe DVD, call your girlfriends up and lean on them, and pray for GOD's healing in this.
It's obivious you're ready for change but getting from point A to B in relationships, it's a difficult thing. I've been on my own for 13 years since my divorce, and I know how you feel.
Hang in there and take good care of yourself.
 
Oh Laurie - I'm so sorry! I know how much fun you had with him! I'm am happy that you're realizing that your huge, wonderfully warm and loving heart is ready to accept love again. You'll find him again. Anyone as wonderful and gorgeous as you definitely will. I'm going to echo that you should give online dating a shot. I know several services match people's personalities, hopes and dreams so the person you meet is someone who is much like you. Try it, sweetie, what do you have to lose?

{{{{HUGS}}}} and if you'd like someone to give Glenn a good swift kick in the arse, let me know - I'm happy to do it!

And yes - Nancy is right - chocolate and ice cream (or your "sin" of choice) is definitely called for now!
 
You all are the best!!

Jade, I took the plunge and put myself up on an on-line dating site....we'll see....

Nancy, sweet Nancy:) I'll pass on the chocolate for now but my new best friend and date for the evening is a 2005 Yellow Tail Shiraz;-) Thanks for your encouragement, I'll get some credits to do some chatting, new territory for me...

Amy, your words made me smile then cry, you are so right Honey and I thank you for sharing with me. You make me believe that I am a GODDESS!!

Janie, thanks for your kind words, my ego is a little deflated and it's nice to hear some positivity!

Tammy and Catherine, a few years ago I wouldn't have put much stock in 'cyber hugs' but now I know that they really do help when I'm down!

Jennifer, I love your adivce and will take you up on it, I guess it's B-Max2 for me tomorrow morning and I may just have to read 'To Kill a Mockingbird' again. It's comforting to know that other strong, independant women are treading into this new territory as well.

Christine, a swift kick, a bonk on the head with the silly putty hammer, you are always there for me and I love it!!! You are right as rain Girl, I've got NOTHING to lose!! My wounded ego loves that you think I'm wonderful and gorgeous, right back atcha Honey!!

I still feel unsure about the on-line thing but that is superceded by the satisfaction of being pro-active in finding what it is I yearn for. Thanks for your support and feedback ladies, it means more than you know!

Take Care
Laurie
 
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{LAURIE}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}},

A friend of mine did online dating starting at the same age as you are now and she met the man of her dreams and got married last year and is very happy. And she was a huge skeptic. I'm sorry that your heart is breaking. Wouldn't it be great if all of us Catheites lived in close proximity (Catheland) so that we could be there to comfort each other in person when we needed it? And we could all work out with you in the morning for a little extra support. One HUGE workout room for all of us. We'd have a blast and your heart would feel better in no time. In fact, just pretend we're all there with you. :) Because we are.

Suz

"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened." - Anatole France

http://www.picturetrail.com/dogs2birds
 
Laurie,
I am so sorry to hear that things did not work out for you and Glen. I know how much you enjoyed having a partner. You are such a special and bright and talented lady and I know that you will get yourself out there and show the world this. I am glad that you are ready to find that someone special and what a very lucky someone that will be. Please never give up and wow, what a great feeling it will be when you do find that person. Hang in there and thanks for sharing with us. I have missed you on the cheetah thread. Oh, and I definitley know that you need some yummy naughty dessert right now, like say, a big fat snickers bar with ice cream and chocolate syrup on in}(

Take care:)
Susan
 
I just want to see you look at this as just what it is...a taste of what else is out there. He's just a drop in the bucket. It doesn't mean he wasn't meaningful, it means he started you back on the path. So...he wasn't THE one from now on. Okay, but your words alone prove that you admit that you want companionship again. You deserve it. You'll find it. Like our fearless leader tells us, embrace the challenge, don't fear it. Oh My Gosh, how cheesy was that??!?!?! But true!
Brandi
 
Oh no, Laurie! ((((HUGS)))) I'm so sorry that it did not work out with Glen. It comes as a bit of a shock, really -- things sounded like they were going so swimmingly.

I do understand just how you're feeling because it is so strikingly similar to the situation I was in last fall. It's a real letdown -- right when you started to believe something good might be possible again. I had been bummed about it for weeks and have finally started to snap out of it (and stop analyzing!) I think it's because I've resolved, in my mind, to be -- like you -- more proactive about finding someone. I've decided that as soon as I reach my weight loss goal, I will take the plunge and try an online dating service. My attitude, too, is that there's nothing to lose. How else can busy professionals meet? Because you're right - the bar scene is not it.

Anyway, one thing that I am absolutely certain of - it *is* him, not you. What a fool he turned out to be! I suppose, in a way, you might consider yourself lucky that you found out now before you got even more deeply involved. And I have to agree w/ Christine - any guy who's worth his weight would rush to snap up a brilliant, strong, kind, and fun hottie like you! :)

Keep your chin up ~ we can survive this dating thing together!
Cathy :)
 
Oh Laurie....I am with Cathy, this seems like a shock to me. I am sending a http://www.digitalmediatree.com/library/image/12/hug.gif[/img]

I have no answers as to why this happened. I guess you need to put yourself out there and open up to find out if he is the right guy. You would probably be upset if you hadn't tried. Glen has no idea what he is missing out on. Shame on him...

My sister met a great guy online. I was very skeptical at first, but now with all she has been thru I know he has been a rock of support for her. They are getting married in May...so it can work as others have said.

I am just so sorry... x( You are such a beautiful and caring person and I know in my heart there is someone out there for you.....:)
 
Goodmorning Laurie, I just saw your post and haven't had any time to read all of the above repies, but wanted to send you a hug. Yesterday I spent the day visiting a friend who just got married last year. She is 45, had spent most of her adult life praying for the right man and finally found him. I pray that will happen for you too.
 
Hi Laurie, your post made me so sad. I'm sorry it didn't work out. I do agree with everyone that even though it doesn't feel like it now, this happened for a reason--to show you that you are ready to love again. I wanted to tell you that my father met a woman through a dating service in NY. It wasn't online because he is still living in the Dark Ages and doesn't own a computer. Can you even imagine? Anyway, at 65 years old he met his soul mate. My parents had just gotten divorced (a much needed thing that should have happened oh, 40 years ago--but I digress...). So he met this woman who truly "gets" him. I honestly thought he'd be alone forever because he is such a difficult person to live with. Think untreated OCD to the nth degree. This woman came into his life and he has never been happier. They got married over a year ago. On their wedding night I told her how happy I was that she was marrying him and that I couldn't have dreamed up a better match for him. So, long winded story short, it's never too late, and sometimes "unconventional" ways of meeting people can work (though nowadays online dating and dating services are the norm). Good luck to you. You are so eloquent in your post and seem like a wonderful person. There is some awesome guy out there who will share his life with you. I know it!!
--Jennifer :)
P.S. My therapist once said to me, "Through crisis comes opportunity." I think that that is a great way to look at situations that are painful. Take care!
 
Suz, you are too cute! I really like the imagery of my Cathe friends with me working out (and working through) together. This community definitely lightens the load.

Susan, thanks. I guess a little bright side here is that my bruised heart has distracted me from my hearty appetite and I've been very good. I will take your advice and NEVER give up!!

Brandi, I love cheesy!!! You are right, it's just a taste, a drop in the bucket and has set me on a path that I avoided for too long. I do love a challenge and am trying to embrace it. I won't fear the path and will tread it confidently!

Cathy, it was going swimmingly and his attitude blind sided me. Right up until the end we were having fun, I'm such a hopeless romantic, when I see a couple in a car laughing together I am happy for them but yearn for it too, I really liked being the couple in the car sharing a laugh.

Carole, I agree, if I hadn't pursued him I'd always have wondered. I'm glad your sister found her rock, we love a happy ending! Thanks for your kind words:)

Take Care
Laurie
 
Hi Laurie,

I'm sorry things didn't work out with Glenn. The whole thing seems to me that he knows how special you are. I'm remembering his first bout of cold feet and then how he rethought that. And now, it turns out that he's rethinking again! So, it *is* him and not you. Of this I am quite sure.

Hey, remember that quote:

"For a long time is seemed to me that life was about to begin -- real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. This perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one.
Happiness is a journey, not a destination."-- Father Alfred D'Souza


None of us has any way of knowing whether or not you will find a great guy but my wish for you is that you have the time of your life while looking and waiting.

We love you Laurie!! Hang in there!
 
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