Remember "Deep Thoughts" by Jack Handy?

pixiesis

pixiesis

Cathlete
I love "Deep Thoughts" and have all the books. A few of my faves:

As we were driving, we saw a sign that said "Watch for Rocks." Marta said it should read "Watch for Pretty Rocks." I told her she should write in her suggestion to the highway department, but she started saying it was a joke - just to get out of writing a simple letter! And I thought I was lazy!

Love is not something that you can put chains on and throw into a lake. That's called Houdini. Love is liking someone a lot.

Anyone else remember any?

Amy
 
Oh I loved Jack Handy! Here's a few:

"One thing about my Aunt Nadie: She was gruff on the outside, but if you ever needed something, like a spanking or a scolding, she'd give it to you."

"I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people."

"If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have to say."

Fun thread Amy! :)
 
Jack Handy is my hero

Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing?


Sorry, just had to respond to this. You knew I would, right Amy? :)
 
Hilarious additions folks! Thought it might pique your interest C! Here's another one:

I remember the first time I ever saw a shooting star I said, "What the hell is that?" But nowadays when I see one I just say, "What is that?" I leave off the "hell" part. Maybe when I'm old I'll just say, "Whazzit?"

Amy
 
"I guess we were kinda poor when we were kids, but we didn't know it. That's because my dad always refused to let us look at the family's financial records."
 
Thanks for the link Melissa! Here's another fun one:

When you're going up the stairs and you take a step, kick the other leg up high behind you to keep people from following too close.
 
My all time favorite...it still make me "horse laugh"

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
 
DH sent this one in for your thread:

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
 
Oh those are good Melissa!! Here's a few more I found:

When I pick up a handful of sand at the beach and let it dribble through my fingers, I think, Man, this is not a very good vacation.

I wish my name was Todd, because then I could say, "Yes, my name's Todd. Todd Blankenship." Oh, also I wish my last name was Blankenship.

I don't think God put me on this planet to judge others. I think he put me on this planet to gather specimens and take them back to my home planet.

If you go through a lot of hammers each month, I don't think it necessarily means you're a hard worker. It may just mean that you have a lot to learn about proper hammer maintenance.

If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.

I think my favorite monster movie is Gone With the Wind, because it has that ear monster and that big-dress monster.
 
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
 
marnold said:
My all time favorite...it still make me "horse laugh"

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
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OMG! This is my favorite, too. My DH and I will still occasionally quote from various "Deep Thoughts." Another of our favorites:

“If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.”


I don't think my DDs understand why my DH and I sometimes will respond to something by saying, "because, hey, free dummy."
 
pixiesis said:
Hilarious additions folks! Thought it might pique your interest C! Here's another one:

I remember the first time I ever saw a shooting star I said, "What the hell is that?" But nowadays when I see one I just say, "What is that?" I leave off the "hell" part. Maybe when I'm old I'll just say, "Whazzit?"

Amy
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OMG..these are all funny, this one made me spit out my tea!! Thanks!
 
marnold said:
My all time favorite...it still make me "horse laugh"

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
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And this made tea come out my NOSE!!! :eek:
 
Thanks for the much needed laugh today girls!!!!:D Too funny!

It just made me think of Al Frankin - with all the recent media about him - I wonder if he thinks he good enough and smart enough now?? *lol* I don't think I will ever be able to take him seriously......... I always think of him with the geek glasses and big yellow sweaters. *lol*

Angie
 
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angie_nrs said:
It just made me think of Al Frankin - with all the recent media about him - I wonder if he thinks he good enough and smart enough now?? *lol* I don't think I will ever be able to take him seriously......... I always think of him with the geek glasses and big yellow sweaters. *lol*

Angie
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Angie,
I had those exact thoughts earlier! LOL!!!!! Did you see the episode where he "counsels" Michael Jordan? ABSOLUTELY HYSTERICAL! Was that character named Stuart Smalley?

I agree -- thanks for the laughs!

ETA: Here's a funny article -- "Stuart Smalley Saves the Senate" -- http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/01/07/business/marketwatch/main4703363.shtml
Kristi
 
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marnold said:
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
Click to expand...
LOL!
(I think it made me 'horse laugh' as well...if I'm understanding what a 'horse laugh' is!)
 
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