Well, the situation is a little complicated this year, but it really drives home the reason why I WISH they could just take it outside, so I'll share: My DH's dad died earlier this year, from a massive heart attack. He was in his early 50s. He didn't smoke (at least, not on purpose), he was REALLY active (bicycling, golfing, kayaking, hiking, and he coached football and basketball for the local CYO), and he looked remarkably fit...but he lived with a smoker. For, like 30+ years.
The cause of death was heart disease, which I don't doubt was related to the years and years of secondhand smoke. Anyway, because she has just lost her husband, I'm not going to add to her hassles...this year.
But I told DH that in the future, we're either staying in a hotel or we're not going. At least, the dogs and me aren't. His family does do a little emotional blackmail - warning: massive family venting below. Skip the paragraph below if you want to avoid the frustration!
His Mom literally cried the first time he told her I was driving up separately so I could leave early, and she cried again when he suggested we stay in a hotel. Huge family arguments involving statements like, "Your mom is NOT a toxic person!" erupted. His sister (the one with the baby daughter who is currently enjoying a 2-pack-per-day habit courtesy of her parents and grandmother) called up and yelled at him for half an hour. In short, it is almost impossible to explain my issue with the cigarette smoke without everyone taking it personally.
My MIL has always had cats, and they all die of cancer at relatively young ages. It's incredibly sad when this happens and everyone comes over to comfort her (cigarettes blazing) and they all wonder why this keeps happening!
So anyway, yeah: they should totally be making the connection by now. They have to know, on some level, that they are poisoning the atmosphere of their homes...but as someone observed, living in denial is part of the addictive nature of cigarettes. I was flabbergasted the first time we went to visit and someone was holding my 6-month-old niece WHILE SMOKING. I spoke up on that occasion ("Hey, is that a good idea? I thought you guys were smoking outside because of the baby?") and they responded that they WERE smoking outside...except when it was raining. Or chilly, or if they were on the phone, or if it was inconvenient. Total denial.
Anyway, there doesn't seem to be a way to avoid it without actually stopping all visitation - and my DH is really close to the rest of his fam. This year is probably not the time to initiate this discussion/argument (although - HELLO - the cigarettes just killed my father-in-law, people!). But I told my DH that this is the last holiday I want to spend in the house, unless the indoor smoking stops (fat chance!).
