I totally agree w/ the above posters: IT ISN'T YOUR FAULT! I know that it can feel like it is something that you have done wrong or lack, but it isn't. It has nothing to do w/ what you look like, what you do, what you don't do, it has to do w/ HIM. Who you are as a person has nothing to do at all with what he did. Like above posters, I also urge you to contact someone close to you whether it be a friend, family member - someone whom you can trust and knows your situation. My prayers are w/ you. Oh! and contact your pastor asap. I will be thinking of you and lifting up prayers all day long for you...
Missy