Opinions needed on sister situation!!!!

R

RWattier

Cathlete
My sister wants to come live with my husband and I for three months over the summer, which is great! I would love to have her come stay with us. She will have three months off between college semesters.

Problem: She is allergic to cats. We have a cat and a dog.

I told her via email we would be happy to have her, it would be fun, but she has to make nice with the animals....and she replied back that "wouldn't I give my MIL the cat while she was there??"

I see how I am going to be put in an awkward situation. My sister needs a place to stay instead of having to go home for three months, and if I don't give the cat to MIL - then I choose the cat over sister. But in all honesty, I am totally attached to the cat and just overheard my MIL saying how she was glad she didn't have anymore dumb animals in the house - although she LOVES our cat, I am not sure she would be thrilled by this idea either, and I don't want to impose........any suggestions without being labeled the "bad sister"????? She does have the option of going home for the summer,. but I think she wants to stay with us in a bigger city and have more job options...
 
The way I see it, if someone is inviting themselves to your home, then they have to accept the fact that they get what they get. This doesn't sound like some sort of emergency situation for her, she would just rather not live at home. And, your poor cat would probably freak out if he/she were to uprooted.

I don't think that you're being a bad sister. I think your sister is asking too much.
 
I agree. Only family would have the audacity to invite themselves to stay and then make you feel bad for not disrupting your entire life for them.
 
I don't think you're going to get out of this without any bad feelings; either your sister is going to feel bad for your electing to have your pets remain in your house (and impose her bad on you) or you'll feel bad for giving in to a veiled demand from your sister. It's a tough choice.

However, IMHO your sister is being very impertinent to set demands on how she is going to be a guest in YOUR house, and your MIL is perfectly reasonable not to want animals in her house anymore. If you're okay with having your cat boarded at a for-profit animal boarding service (if such a service exists in your area), you can okay your sister staying with you and your DH as long as she pays the entire cost of the boarding. If not, well . . . your sister has other choices in this, and she can make them: either adapt to a living situation with a cat, or look elsewhere. That's part of growing up.

That being said, I don't envy you.

A-Jock
 
IMO, this is a no-brainer. Your sister need to find a way to live peaceably with your cat, or go stay somewhere else. I think it's pretty selfish of her to suggest that you him/her away for 3 months. That's a REALLY long time.

ETA: Think how bad your kitty would feel for that time...
 
Aren't there allergy meds she could take? Or maybe there's some way to just make sure the cat stays out of wherever her room is?

It's your kitty's home too. She shouldn't have to be displaced for a guest.
 
I agree with Laura. she could keep her room closed and take allergy meds. It's not fair to you or your MIL. I would tell her just to deal with it.
Good Luck!
Jen
 
Thank you - I agree I probably won't get out of this without feeling guilty for keeping cat or whatever.

Wonder if the air purifiers work?? We have a nice sized unfinished basement that the cat could roam. . . allergy shots are out since she is petrified of shots but I wonder about allergy meds, I will look into that......

Thanks for opinions on all sides......I would love for her to stay with us - - I would love for us to bond and for me to be able to help her out, but I just cannot impose the cat on MIL....
 
I agree w/ everyone here. I say your sister either deals with the cat (through allergy meds or plain ol' sucking it up) or she finds another option. Don't feel guilty - she's expecting too much.

Cathy :)
 
Please, try not to feel guilty about this. There are probably plenty of things that people SHOULD feel guilty about, but not changing your life, home, routine because someone wants a place to crash is certainly not one of them.

I've been a long term guest before, and, because I was so grateful, it was ME who went out of the way for THEM. I didn't expect any more favors than the one I got of having a roof over my head and dear friends to greet me every day. Buying groceries, cleaning, babysitting...I did it all! And I was never made to feel as if I was in the way, because I made a point of not being!

Hang in there...this will be a good life-lesson for your sister. :)
 
I also agree with everyone else. I wouldn't consider relocating one of my children, I mean pets for a guest. She may have to get over her fear of needles for five minutes to get to spend the summer with her sis.

I have issues with people that come to my house and act really put out that I have dogs and a cat. My animals like to greet people that come into their home, I do not allow them to jump on people and they do not like. Some people still don't even want the dog to come and sit by their feet or look at them. Our guests need to remember who is the guest!

Monica
 
>I vote for telling Sis to put up with the cat or don't come.
>Period.


Ditto.

Or maybe SHE can stay with MIL?;-)

(3 months is a long time for a cat to be boarded---they really like their own home environment).
 
Besides, I don't think just getting the cat out of the house will solve her allergy problem. You'd have to get rid of all the cat hair as well, no?

A friend of mine was allergic to her friend's cat. Even though the friend put this cat in a separate room during her visits, she STILL had to take allergy meds because of the cat's "residue."
 
I have to agree with everyone else. I love my sister, she is my best friend. But this is my house, my life, my babies. I understand she has allergies, but couldn't she take something for that? I have a few more choice words on this, but I reserve them for my family! :p

I would never ask to stay with someone and then ask them to rearrange their life for MONTHS to accomodate me. JMO

ETA, oh, yeah... don't feel guilty. I know that you will feel guilt either way, but it is really easy to want to please family and let them step all over us.

Missy
 
Just emphasing what everyone else is saying. My first thought was if she didn't like your baby, would she ask you to have the baby stay with your MIL? Pets are family, and to uproot a cat for 3 months would be cruel. Cats don't understand that it's temporary and that it's so your sister can stay.

I would simply tell your sister that you would absolutely love to have her stay with you, but your household includes a cat and a dog. Period. End of sentence. Leave it up to her to decide whether or not she can deal with your feline.
 
Thank you for the responses :) It gives me a bit of peace of mind about saying the cat stays. Of course I will still feel a bit guilty, but I am not going to impose on MIL to take the cat for three months.

My sis is a great great person and luckily she got the more blunt gene in the family. LOL - My mom had mentioned that my sis might want to stay and so it was mentioned in broad terms a few months ago as a possibility....so it wasn't a big suprise to have my sis email me about it....

Its so hard - I would love her to stay, but I guess the choice will be hers bc the animals stay. Including our BIG dog - - )
 
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