Anyone not have children and are okay with it? What motivated your decision and do you think you will regret it later when your older? My husband and I are 32 and 30 and have been married 4 years. We have a horse farm, 3 dogs, cats, ducks and chickens and a large close nit family. We both work full time, me as a physician assistant and he a union sheet metal worker. We are busy and adventurous and are always going on trips etc. We are not sure we want to have children at this point in our lives. I always said that if I decide to have a child I will be like my mom and dad were growning up. Someone would stay home and raise them. My husband worries that when we are older we will have noone to visit us and we will be lonely, etc. I worry that having a child now would greatly affect our lives some for the better some for the worse. Were confused and uncertain. Any advice? I feel rather selfish in that I love my life now, my time, my ability to exercise at the drop of a hat or take a walk outside or go ride my horse. Having a child would greatly impact that.
Not having children
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wendymin72
Cathlete
I am pregnant right now so I obviously do not share your views 
but I wanted to say that deciding to start a family is a big decision and should not be taken lightly. There is nothing wrong with deciding not to have children. I can't help you finalize your decision but just know that it doesn't make you a bad person in any way so please don't feel badly about that.
Have a great work out!
~Wendy~
I smoked my last cigarette on March 17, 2004 at 10:00 pm!
http://www.picturetrail.com/gallery/view?WENDYMIN
http://lilypie.com/days/050519/1/0/1/-5/.png[/img][/url]
but I wanted to say that deciding to start a family is a big decision and should not be taken lightly. There is nothing wrong with deciding not to have children. I can't help you finalize your decision but just know that it doesn't make you a bad person in any way so please don't feel badly about that.Have a great work out!
~Wendy~
I smoked my last cigarette on March 17, 2004 at 10:00 pm!
http://www.picturetrail.com/gallery/view?WENDYMIN
http://lilypie.com/days/050519/1/0/1/-5/.png[/img][/url]
benvonwojo
Cathlete
I do not have and do not wish to have any children. I am 37 yo, reaserch tech in a lab; and my husband is a professor. He is 25 yo older than I am, and we have been married almost 9 years. I hear you about not being able to be free to do things when you want too. We enjoy our life together very much as it is. We travel, spend almost half the year in canada not working, and just love being together alone. No family member (mom, dad, grandparents) have ever pushed us for kids, and I am an only child. Also, my family has a history of auto-immune diseases mysteriously appearing after childbirth. My aunt has already died and my mom has been very sickly ever since I can remember.
My humble advice...If you are not sure you want a kid now, then I would wait. Dont let anyone pressure you into such a big resposibility. Go with your intuition, relax, and enjoy life.
Hope this perspective helps.
My humble advice...If you are not sure you want a kid now, then I would wait. Dont let anyone pressure you into such a big resposibility. Go with your intuition, relax, and enjoy life.
Hope this perspective helps.
CathydsRNA
Cathlete
Hi,
I don't have any kids. My career and perparing for my career is/ was very demanding. Grad school and post-doc years were tough and required about 13-14 hours/day in the lab, including working both days of the weekend most weeks. Then you had to study and/or read literature when you did go home. Women with childeren weren't cut any breaks in terms of getting time off , including running home for an emergency and so on and so many quit and some put off having children until they were established in the careers. I am now well established in my career, and am devoted to it. You can't do this job well unless you give it your all. I am a founder of a biotech and run the science and am involved in other areas of the buisness such as raising money, IP and regulatory. I feel that this is my calling in life. I have a neice and a nephew however, that I am extremely close to and that I get to dote on. I don't regret my decsion not to have kids. Everyone is different and everyone has a different calling in life.
I don't have any kids. My career and perparing for my career is/ was very demanding. Grad school and post-doc years were tough and required about 13-14 hours/day in the lab, including working both days of the weekend most weeks. Then you had to study and/or read literature when you did go home. Women with childeren weren't cut any breaks in terms of getting time off , including running home for an emergency and so on and so many quit and some put off having children until they were established in the careers. I am now well established in my career, and am devoted to it. You can't do this job well unless you give it your all. I am a founder of a biotech and run the science and am involved in other areas of the buisness such as raising money, IP and regulatory. I feel that this is my calling in life. I have a neice and a nephew however, that I am extremely close to and that I get to dote on. I don't regret my decsion not to have kids. Everyone is different and everyone has a different calling in life.
icklemoley
Cathlete
I am 27 and do not want children, and never will. I like my life and ability to do what i like, when i like. Selfish? Sure... but its not hurting anyone. I like my life as it is, and children are something that has ever been in my plan. I do not think you should feel bad about this, and i also think that having kids just to have "someone to come around when you're old" now that is selfish!
Enjoy your life, and live it as you see fit.
I find having a dog a bind enough.
Enjoy your life, and live it as you see fit.
I find having a dog a bind enough.
I think it is far more selfish to have children when you don't really want them. Nothing wrong at all with liking your life as it is now. I have an 8 year old and yes, he is the joy of my life and I am so glad that I have him. I am a freak here at work because I chose to only have one child. I love being able to devote every second to him and him only when I'm not at this job. Some of the women at my office have babies I swear simply to compete to see who can have the most kids and still manage the job, keep their figure, etc. It's a big damn competition around here. Honestly, the people like me who have only one child are considered more selfish and freakish than people who choose not to have kids. (My husband and I are blamed for being selfish because we didn't give our child a sibling). Moral of the story - please yourself and don't worry about the judgement from others. You can't please them anyway.
dss62467
Cathlete
My husband and I felt the exact same way (well, all except the staying-at-home thing). We got married when I was 30, he was 31. We were in the mindset of not really knowing if we wanted to have kids. I liked the freedom and the expendable income. Plus...I never felt comfortable around kids and secretly thought I'd be a lousy mom. But then...when I was 32, I just got this feeling that if we never had a child, we'd regret it. So I went off the pill in January with the attitude that "we're not trying. We're just not NOT trying". After a few months of not getting pregnant, I started getting worried that I actually couldn't get pregnant. Then I started trying. In October of that year, I decided that I wasn't ready afterall to have kids and thought we should just wait. Then the next day I found out I was pregnant. Huh! Go figure....
After having our daughter, all I could think of was, "what the heck were we thinking when we thought we didn't want to have kids?" She has added so much to our life, and taken so little. So what if we can't go partying all night? So what if we have absolutely no extra money?
That said, I totally don't think there's anything wrong with NOT wanting to have children. We were happy when it was just the 2 of us (actually, there were 5 of us because we had the dog and 2 cats). We had a lot of fun just hanging out together.
There is one thing I'm sure of. If you don't have children, you may regret it when you're older. But...you can always adopt later in life too. If you DO have children, you'll never regret it.
BTW - I found out that even though I'm still not one of those people that oohs and ahhhs over babies and HAS to hold them, I'm great with my daughter and am an excellent mother. I never was one for making stupid sounds and faces at her when she was an infant, though. And I'm not so good at playing with dolls anymore either.
After having our daughter, all I could think of was, "what the heck were we thinking when we thought we didn't want to have kids?" She has added so much to our life, and taken so little. So what if we can't go partying all night? So what if we have absolutely no extra money?
That said, I totally don't think there's anything wrong with NOT wanting to have children. We were happy when it was just the 2 of us (actually, there were 5 of us because we had the dog and 2 cats). We had a lot of fun just hanging out together.
There is one thing I'm sure of. If you don't have children, you may regret it when you're older. But...you can always adopt later in life too. If you DO have children, you'll never regret it.
BTW - I found out that even though I'm still not one of those people that oohs and ahhhs over babies and HAS to hold them, I'm great with my daughter and am an excellent mother. I never was one for making stupid sounds and faces at her when she was an infant, though. And I'm not so good at playing with dolls anymore either.
dss62467
Cathlete
That whole theory of not wanting children as being "selfish" has always boggled me. How can it be selfish? To whom are you denying something except yourself? I think it's more selfish to have a child just for the sake of having one, even though your heart might not be totally into it. Maybe your parents are bothered by the fact that you're not giving them grandchildren, but if they pressure you into it - THEY'RE the ones being selfish.
dss62467
Cathlete
Wow - I seem to have an opinion on everyone's comments today. I, too, am only having one child and am definitely in the minority around here. I have only one girlfriend who has an only and she is not planning to have more. She seems to get more comments about it than I do. Or maybe it's just that I'm more secure with my decision than she is. But she had a horrible time postnatal. She hemorraged and had to spend quite a while in the hospital. Then she spiralled into severe depression that took about 3 years to regulate with the help of a great doctor and medication.
I, on the other hand, had a relatively easy delivery and recovery. I had mild depression, brought on by thyroid problems. But we seriously cannot afford another child. Ours has been in daycare/preschool for coming up on 5 years. At over $8,000 a year - we have been stretched to the limit of our income. We are pretty far in debt on our credit cards and cannot fathom going through another 5 years just stacking the debt up higher. I also want to be able to send her to a good college. We've been saving since she was 8 weeks old, and I'm still scared we won't have enough!
Financial considerations aside...I don't feel that I would be as good of a mother to multiple children as I am to one. (Which is kind of a funny comment if you go down and read my original response to the original question. I also didn't think I'd be a good mom to one). But I don't want to have to share myself with my daughter. I like being able to give her my total attention. She also says she doesn't want to be a sister. I'm not sure if she understands what that really means, but she likes being an only. I'm also going to be 38 in 3 months. I don't want to start over when I'm entering middle age!
She's smart, friendly and sociable. She shares better than most of the kids I see with siblings.
Anyone who tries to give me that obnoxious "oh...a child needs a brother or sister" is usually just met with my "you're an idiot" look. I don't even get into that argument. I will sometimes give my reasons, but unless they're a friend I don't bother. Actually, a friend wouldn't even say something like that. They might ask if I'm planning another, but wouldn't try to convince me. I have decided that if someone who I don't know well tries to inflict their opinion on me, I'm going to tell them that I'm not able to have another and choke back tears. I'm a pretty good liar/actor.
I may decide when I'm older that I'd like another child around. But if that happens, I'll probably adopt a child that's at least 4 or take in a foster child. I don't ever want to be pregnant again, and I didn't especially enjoy the infant/toddler stage. Not compared to preschool. Having a preschooler is way more fun!
I, on the other hand, had a relatively easy delivery and recovery. I had mild depression, brought on by thyroid problems. But we seriously cannot afford another child. Ours has been in daycare/preschool for coming up on 5 years. At over $8,000 a year - we have been stretched to the limit of our income. We are pretty far in debt on our credit cards and cannot fathom going through another 5 years just stacking the debt up higher. I also want to be able to send her to a good college. We've been saving since she was 8 weeks old, and I'm still scared we won't have enough!
Financial considerations aside...I don't feel that I would be as good of a mother to multiple children as I am to one. (Which is kind of a funny comment if you go down and read my original response to the original question. I also didn't think I'd be a good mom to one). But I don't want to have to share myself with my daughter. I like being able to give her my total attention. She also says she doesn't want to be a sister. I'm not sure if she understands what that really means, but she likes being an only. I'm also going to be 38 in 3 months. I don't want to start over when I'm entering middle age!
She's smart, friendly and sociable. She shares better than most of the kids I see with siblings.
Anyone who tries to give me that obnoxious "oh...a child needs a brother or sister" is usually just met with my "you're an idiot" look. I don't even get into that argument. I will sometimes give my reasons, but unless they're a friend I don't bother. Actually, a friend wouldn't even say something like that. They might ask if I'm planning another, but wouldn't try to convince me. I have decided that if someone who I don't know well tries to inflict their opinion on me, I'm going to tell them that I'm not able to have another and choke back tears. I'm a pretty good liar/actor.
I may decide when I'm older that I'd like another child around. But if that happens, I'll probably adopt a child that's at least 4 or take in a foster child. I don't ever want to be pregnant again, and I didn't especially enjoy the infant/toddler stage. Not compared to preschool. Having a preschooler is way more fun!
Aquajock
Cathlete
I too am childless by choice, and my husband and I are very comfortable with that. I have never regretted not having children. My husband and I each have jobs that mean a great deal to us, and we value our marriage as it is. Children would have changed that unalterably, and we both know we simply do not want to be parents.
Regarding being "old and alone", all I can say is that having children is no insurance policy against old-age loneliness. Many children grow up to be absolute scumbags, across the socioeconomic spectrum, and I've been in enough nursing homes and seen elderly residents who haven't been visited by their adult children in years to know parenthood is no guarantee against solitude, voluntary or otherwise.
YOu are not selfish for loving your life. You ARE, however, wise to examine your feelings about it and NOT bring children into your life hoping with your fingers crossed that your feelings will change.
A-Jock
Regarding being "old and alone", all I can say is that having children is no insurance policy against old-age loneliness. Many children grow up to be absolute scumbags, across the socioeconomic spectrum, and I've been in enough nursing homes and seen elderly residents who haven't been visited by their adult children in years to know parenthood is no guarantee against solitude, voluntary or otherwise.
YOu are not selfish for loving your life. You ARE, however, wise to examine your feelings about it and NOT bring children into your life hoping with your fingers crossed that your feelings will change.
A-Jock
Hubby and I have 2 grown sons 18 in a few months he will be 19 and one will be 22 next month. I don't think it is selfish not to want kids. I think it is selfish to have them and not take care of them, but I don't mean the mother shouldn't work if she wants too, I mean getting a nanny to take care of them, or sending them to bording school so that they are out of sight out of mind.....
I believe if you don't want kids or think you don't, then you shouldn't have them. And!!! I think these mothers that are having kids late in life like in their 50's and 60's I think that is kind of selfish if down the road you can't even play with them... just my opinion.... Rhonda:7
I believe if you don't want kids or think you don't, then you shouldn't have them. And!!! I think these mothers that are having kids late in life like in their 50's and 60's I think that is kind of selfish if down the road you can't even play with them... just my opinion.... Rhonda:7
Hi there,
DH and I are both 35 years old, and we are child free by choice. We both have very fulfilling careers, personal lives, and marriage - like you, several pets, busy, adventurous, and loving to travel.
We never sat down and decided firmly that we'd *never* have kids, rather, it's more of an issue that we revisit from time to time to see where we feel. At this point, neither of us has a strong desire to have children (IMO, something like that should be a STRONG desire). Who knows, in five years our minds could change, but whatever happens we will not regret our decision.
Choosing to not have children is NOT selfish. It's a very important personal decision to made between you and your husband.
Regarding the "old and alone" worry, I believe that has more to do with your interactions and relationships with people in general, than whether or not you have children to visit you.
DH and I are both 35 years old, and we are child free by choice. We both have very fulfilling careers, personal lives, and marriage - like you, several pets, busy, adventurous, and loving to travel.
We never sat down and decided firmly that we'd *never* have kids, rather, it's more of an issue that we revisit from time to time to see where we feel. At this point, neither of us has a strong desire to have children (IMO, something like that should be a STRONG desire). Who knows, in five years our minds could change, but whatever happens we will not regret our decision.
Choosing to not have children is NOT selfish. It's a very important personal decision to made between you and your husband.
Regarding the "old and alone" worry, I believe that has more to do with your interactions and relationships with people in general, than whether or not you have children to visit you.
I had never really wanted kids. In fact, one of the reasons I divorced my ex-husband it that after years of pressure from his parents for us to have kids, he actually had the nerve to start pressurign me as well, and I had made it absolutely clear before we even got engaged that I didn't want kids.
Having said that, I just lost a pregnancy in January. When I found out I was pregnant, I was terrified but within just a few days, that terror turned to hope and excitement. It just wasn't meant to be though, and now I'm pretty much back to the point where I don't want to have kids. There's just too much pain involved (in the process of getting pregnant, risking loss, worrying about your kids, fretting over them, etc.)
It would be selfish of me to have children when I would not be able to provide everything they would need whether it's emotional, financial or physical. It would also be selfish of me to have children because that's what I'm 'expected' to do. My loss in January also made me feel like maybe I'm not supposed to have kids.
I also enjoy the freedom that comes with only being responsible for myself! If I mess up my life, that's Ok. If I were to mess up someone else's life, I'd never forgive myself.
Having said that, I just lost a pregnancy in January. When I found out I was pregnant, I was terrified but within just a few days, that terror turned to hope and excitement. It just wasn't meant to be though, and now I'm pretty much back to the point where I don't want to have kids. There's just too much pain involved (in the process of getting pregnant, risking loss, worrying about your kids, fretting over them, etc.)
It would be selfish of me to have children when I would not be able to provide everything they would need whether it's emotional, financial or physical. It would also be selfish of me to have children because that's what I'm 'expected' to do. My loss in January also made me feel like maybe I'm not supposed to have kids.
I also enjoy the freedom that comes with only being responsible for myself! If I mess up my life, that's Ok. If I were to mess up someone else's life, I'd never forgive myself.
I decided in my teens I wasn't going to have kids, and now that I'm in part of the life with a solid relation ship, I'm actually taking shots to turn off my reproductive system so I'm positive I can't have kids, or pms or periods any more. And no I don't regret my decision, my sister has kids, my two of my good friends and they are cute but I really have no desire to actually have one. The dogs and cat are all the kids I want, and I take to them much better then a human child.
One thing I noticed from standing on the outside, is once you have a child your relationship changes with your husband as well, as your not the only person in his life, and you also have to share him. And some men don't like sharing you with the baby. So you really need to talk to your husband and really see why or why not have a baby. Loneliness shouldn't play a part in it. As children leave, and sometimes no matter how good you were of a parent they don't come back. I seen this many times when I was in college and when I taught classes their, a lot of very kind people helped their kids out, and their kids didn't want anything to do with them besides the money. Now if this changed sometime down the road I don't know, I hope for the parents sake it did, but from seeing my own sister and the way she is, I would have to say they don't all come back.
But this decision has got to be entirely yours and your husbands. Do talk about it, do try to find friends with kids and spend time around them. Do ask people who are parents what they go threw on a given day. The things they had to give up or change, I'm sure you'll get a lot of feedback from this forum if you asked. As in general you will be giving up or changing a lot. Especally the first 17 years, as you have to either find someone to watch the kid if you ever want to go away on a weekend alone, or you got to take the kid with you. And second thing you said you wanted someone to stay home with the child, like your parents, are you ready to give up your job etc? Or is your husband ready to give up his? Or are the two of willing to work seperate shifts so someone is always home with the child but you never really get to see each other expect for weekends? My parents did that when I was growing up, I'm really glad that they did, as I have a super good relationship with both my father and mother. But I also know how hard it was on them. At least now that I have my own life, and can look back on things, like that and thank them for it.
But you also have really got to decide which life do you want more, the one you have now, or the one that would have a child in it, and you'll be droping everything for them.
I made my decision a long time ago, and I was very lucky to find a man, who had made that decision for himself as well. And we are very happy to be able to be with each other when ever we want, and it's always just the two of us.
I really hope you find your answer and good luck no matter what decision you make.
Kit
One thing I noticed from standing on the outside, is once you have a child your relationship changes with your husband as well, as your not the only person in his life, and you also have to share him. And some men don't like sharing you with the baby. So you really need to talk to your husband and really see why or why not have a baby. Loneliness shouldn't play a part in it. As children leave, and sometimes no matter how good you were of a parent they don't come back. I seen this many times when I was in college and when I taught classes their, a lot of very kind people helped their kids out, and their kids didn't want anything to do with them besides the money. Now if this changed sometime down the road I don't know, I hope for the parents sake it did, but from seeing my own sister and the way she is, I would have to say they don't all come back.
But this decision has got to be entirely yours and your husbands. Do talk about it, do try to find friends with kids and spend time around them. Do ask people who are parents what they go threw on a given day. The things they had to give up or change, I'm sure you'll get a lot of feedback from this forum if you asked. As in general you will be giving up or changing a lot. Especally the first 17 years, as you have to either find someone to watch the kid if you ever want to go away on a weekend alone, or you got to take the kid with you. And second thing you said you wanted someone to stay home with the child, like your parents, are you ready to give up your job etc? Or is your husband ready to give up his? Or are the two of willing to work seperate shifts so someone is always home with the child but you never really get to see each other expect for weekends? My parents did that when I was growing up, I'm really glad that they did, as I have a super good relationship with both my father and mother. But I also know how hard it was on them. At least now that I have my own life, and can look back on things, like that and thank them for it.
But you also have really got to decide which life do you want more, the one you have now, or the one that would have a child in it, and you'll be droping everything for them.
I made my decision a long time ago, and I was very lucky to find a man, who had made that decision for himself as well. And we are very happy to be able to be with each other when ever we want, and it's always just the two of us.
I really hope you find your answer and good luck no matter what decision you make.
Kit
nancy324
Cathlete
Well, as an attorney, I see the women attorneys who have kids, and, frankly, their lives are very rough. In fact, most of them wind up leaving the law or trying to find part-time jobs, but the part-time jobs are never really part-time. (And, even though my DH and I both have professional careers, I could not imagine us making it in NYC without my salary. It just wouldn't be viable).
I never really made the decision not to have children. I just wasn't mature enough when I was young, and when I was finally mature enough to commit and be in a good marriage, I felt I was too old to have kids. I don't regret anything. I don't think I could have changed any of it. It just took me a long time to grow up. I really wouldn't change a thing even if I could because I like the person that I've finally become and I love my life now.
I never really made the decision not to have children. I just wasn't mature enough when I was young, and when I was finally mature enough to commit and be in a good marriage, I felt I was too old to have kids. I don't regret anything. I don't think I could have changed any of it. It just took me a long time to grow up. I really wouldn't change a thing even if I could because I like the person that I've finally become and I love my life now.
Isn't it funny how different everyone's experience is with parenthood. My son is 8 and has literally costed us nothing but food (and he's a very light eater). My husband and I worked separate shifts (just because that's how our jobs were before we had a child) so we never had to pay daycare. I worked days, hubbie worked nights. We got all of my nephews hand-me-downs and have bought very few clothes for our son (some of course, but not much). My nephews clothes were in very good condition so I didn't think I was shorting my son by not buying brand new clothes, etc. So I have never understood how kids cost money, except for college which we are putting away some each month, but I'm sure not enough.
Also, I was going to have the second child when my son got easier around 3 or 4 you know? Duh, how dumb I was! I learned very quickly that kids only get harder and more time consuming (if done correctly) as they get older. I think the colic and infant stage was far easier than an 8 year old and tons of homework and bible study once per week and a soccer game on Saturdays and the PTA meetings and the required 20 minutes reading each day on top of regular homework, etc.. Boy the baby part was by far the easiest to me and my son didn't sleep through the night until he was 1. I wish somebody had told me it only got harder. But then I wouldn't have believed it then. . . . . .
Also, I was going to have the second child when my son got easier around 3 or 4 you know? Duh, how dumb I was! I learned very quickly that kids only get harder and more time consuming (if done correctly) as they get older. I think the colic and infant stage was far easier than an 8 year old and tons of homework and bible study once per week and a soccer game on Saturdays and the PTA meetings and the required 20 minutes reading each day on top of regular homework, etc.. Boy the baby part was by far the easiest to me and my son didn't sleep through the night until he was 1. I wish somebody had told me it only got harder. But then I wouldn't have believed it then. . . . . .
I'm 37 & I will admit I have some regrets. I wanted children desperately when I was younger. I got married at 30 to the man who will always be the love of my life & we started thinking about a family right away. Problem was, even though (or maybe because?) we had great passion, we fought constantly & never got to the point where we were ready to make the huge commitment of a child.
Anyway, we divorced a few years later & I moved back home. I have a very full life w/great friends, family nearby and a job I truly love. I have no desire to get married again (after that last experience I realized I'm just not wired for it), but I definitely feel like there's something missing. I think in the next few years I'd be able to do it on my own (financially anyway), but the very idea is just too scary & I don't know if I'm willing to give up a lifestyle I'm comfortable with and that is already very fulfilling for a child.
I often wonder what would've happened if we'd just gone ahead & had that kid. It makes me sad.
Wow, I can't believe I just admitted all that. I don't think I've ever even admitted it to myself until now.
Anyway, we divorced a few years later & I moved back home. I have a very full life w/great friends, family nearby and a job I truly love. I have no desire to get married again (after that last experience I realized I'm just not wired for it), but I definitely feel like there's something missing. I think in the next few years I'd be able to do it on my own (financially anyway), but the very idea is just too scary & I don't know if I'm willing to give up a lifestyle I'm comfortable with and that is already very fulfilling for a child.
I often wonder what would've happened if we'd just gone ahead & had that kid. It makes me sad.
Wow, I can't believe I just admitted all that. I don't think I've ever even admitted it to myself until now.
Mckmain
Cathlete
We don't have any children and are fine with it. I do have dogs, cats and chickens! For me I was never really sure if I wanted any kids so I kept putting it off and then when I hit 40 I decided it wouldn't happen! My DH told me he would be happy either way. About regrets....sure, regrets can happen in many areas of your life, not just without having kids. I used a diaphragm for 20 years and never got pregnant....I thought I might be sterile!!..
I am finding myself completely agreeing with A-Jocks post, that is just how I feel.
I have nieces and nephews and are close to some of them. I think being the youngest of 4 girls and watching my sisters raise their kids was kind of a curse for me. I realized what you needed to give up for children, to raise them the right way IMO. Sometimes I do feel selfish but I don't let it get me down.
After reading all these posts it is really nice to know there are others out there that share my same views. I have good friends that are childless and nowadays I don't get the constant crap about not having kids like I did years ago. Mostly from my In-laws and that can be cruel. When I once had a lady chasing around her 5 kids and looking at me in shock saying "You don't have any kids?"...I felt like saying "And you had THAT many?"....
I think it is a choice you have to be in agreement with as far as your DH or even SO. I personally never get on anyones case if they have 0,1,2 or more kids. It is there choice completely.......Carole
I am finding myself completely agreeing with A-Jocks post, that is just how I feel.
I have nieces and nephews and are close to some of them. I think being the youngest of 4 girls and watching my sisters raise their kids was kind of a curse for me. I realized what you needed to give up for children, to raise them the right way IMO. Sometimes I do feel selfish but I don't let it get me down.
After reading all these posts it is really nice to know there are others out there that share my same views. I have good friends that are childless and nowadays I don't get the constant crap about not having kids like I did years ago. Mostly from my In-laws and that can be cruel. When I once had a lady chasing around her 5 kids and looking at me in shock saying "You don't have any kids?"...I felt like saying "And you had THAT many?"....
I think it is a choice you have to be in agreement with as far as your DH or even SO. I personally never get on anyones case if they have 0,1,2 or more kids. It is there choice completely....
...Carole
dss62467
Cathlete
Wow! My daughter costs a fortune. We don't get hand-me-downs because her next oldest female cousin is 7 years older. I do get really good deals on her clothes (I got her entire fall wardrobe brand-new from eBay), but it still adds up. Actually, I probably would still buy her new clothes anyway. Hand-me-downs always turned me off, except for grubbies. It different for boys too, I think.
I'm curious about this homework thing being difficult for you. Are you doing it with him? Obviously, my daughter is only 4 and doesn't have homework, so I'm not clued in to this part yet. When I had homework to do, I did it by myself. My parents weren't involved. I was kind of expecting to just tell her to do her homework and not let her relax until it's done. Of course, I'd help her if she needed it...but she's so incredibly smart - she won't. ha ha.
I am planning to join the PTA (which will be a hoot, because I'm very shy in those kinds of situations). And hopefully dd will be taking gymnastics, dance, Tae Kwon Do or something athletic. When she's a little older, I'm thinking singing lessons. She LOVES to sing.
I'm curious about this homework thing being difficult for you. Are you doing it with him? Obviously, my daughter is only 4 and doesn't have homework, so I'm not clued in to this part yet. When I had homework to do, I did it by myself. My parents weren't involved. I was kind of expecting to just tell her to do her homework and not let her relax until it's done. Of course, I'd help her if she needed it...but she's so incredibly smart - she won't. ha ha.
I am planning to join the PTA (which will be a hoot, because I'm very shy in those kinds of situations). And hopefully dd will be taking gymnastics, dance, Tae Kwon Do or something athletic. When she's a little older, I'm thinking singing lessons. She LOVES to sing.
candi
Cathlete
IMHO, it's so much more unselfish to consciously CHOOSE not to have children than to selfishly bring children into this world without a second thought of the consequences.
As far as children keeping you company as you get older. I see my mother maybe once a month and my daughter and granddaughter maybe twice a month. My mother doesn't sit around waiting for her children to visit, she has her own life as does my daughter and her family. IMHO, this is so much more healthy.
As far as children keeping you company as you get older. I see my mother maybe once a month and my daughter and granddaughter maybe twice a month. My mother doesn't sit around waiting for her children to visit, she has her own life as does my daughter and her family. IMHO, this is so much more healthy.