New widow

linlos

linlos

Cathlete
Hi!
I haven't been on cathe.com for a long time. My DH was diagnosed with cancer, and I had been caring for him. He's my Best friend and the love of my life.... but after fighting cancer so bravely... on July 5 he went home to Heaven.

I am so very sad and broken-hearted. I am trying to get back into working out as I know that will be helpful for many reasons. I have been doing some workouts, but unable to be very consistent.

I am just wondering if there are any other widows on this site. How do you deal with it? The loneliness and the hurt? I'd love to hear from you and happy for any advice you may have.

Thanks, Linda
 
Thank you Kathryn! I always enjoy your posts. You are very motivating for healthy eating . I appreciate you!

Linda
 
Linda,

So sorry for your loss.

Not a widow, but I know the pain of losing someone you love.

It's a void for sure. Try to stay busy, and keep your family and friends close by. Always remember that emotions change, and you won't be feeling like this forever. I promise.

Welcome back to the forum.

Janie
 
Hi Linda,

First of all, BIG BIG HUGS to you.

I'm not a widow. In fact, I've never been married. And I'm sure there are others on the forum who will be able to offer more support in this area than I. But I am an only child in a small, very close family who has experienced the loss of almost everyone in that family. It's just my mom and I now, and I dread the day I don't have her more than you can imagine (well, I'm sure you CAN imagine).

Still, if it's ok, can I ask a few questions? Do you have children or family members who are taking care of you through this? Anyone you can cry with, talk about memories with, etc? Or perhaps a grief support group?

If it's not too painful, what was your husband's name? And how long were you two married? You obviously loved him very much, as I'm sure he did you.

Are there moments in the day or night that are worse than others for you? Or are they all equally as excruciating?

And finally, I notice from your profile you live in California. Me, too! I'm in Southern California (Pasadena). Are you anywhere nearby? Maybe all the nearby Cathletes need to take you dinner one night...and give you a big hug (maybe not RIGHT after we stuff you with food).

I'm not sure what, if anything, I can say to make you feel better. But I'll go to bed tonight sending a prayer that your sleep will be peaceful. That your morning will be easier. And that the minutes when it doesn't hurt to breathe come closer and closer together. Until they become hours, days, weeks and, finally, a life free of this pain.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

:) Elizabeth
 
Linda I am so very sorry for your loss. I am not a widow but I remember there is a woman on the VF boards who has gone thru the same loss as you have. videofitness.com It would be good if you could connect with her there. She still does post.
 
Linda,

I am so sorry for your loss. My husband died of colon cancer in 2002. He was my best friend and high school sweetheart. I stayed busy by exercising and keeping close to my family. My three kids was my inspiration and motivation to keep myself strong and healthy. Find something that you enjoy doing and do it as often as possible. Take one day at a time.

Gwen
 
((HUGS))
I'm so sorry for your loss Linda. My prayers for strength, encouragement & peace. Exercise is the best mood lifter ever! It actually helps with the grief along the journey. My sister is fighting stage 4 as I type this. After my work outs during my stretches I know it's the Lord who releases all the emotion while I'm stretching and it feels GREAT!! Your husband sounds like he was the light of your life. What special memories you have to visit and reflect on. Are you on FB? Would love to connect with you. Enjoy your Wednesday :) God bless you HUGE!!
 
Oh, Linda. My heart is just breaking for you. I am a widow also. September 25th was the 6 year mark that my husband passed away from leukemia; he was 32. Our boys were 3 and 6 at the time, and THEY are what made me cope each day. I had no choice but to get up everyday, and live, simply because my kids were here.

There is just SO MUCH that I could share with you, but this post would get so very long. I'm willing to chat, thru PM, email or even on the phone, if you want to talk more. I'll PM you my contact info.

It's hard. You're realizing that. I'm not going to sugar coat it. It's been 6 years and although I'm 'fine' the majority of the time (again, because I have the kids and you just "keep on truckin'"), there are times throughout the year that hit me like a ton of bricks. For instance....RIGHT NOW. Our younger son just turned 10 on the 17th and our older son will be 13 THIS FRIDAY. It hurts, in a really REALLY bad way, to know that DH is not here to share this with them. 13 is HUGE and my boys won't be able to get that BDay hug from their daddy. I'm sad, and I'm fighting some of those emotions these last few days. I'm an emotional mess right this very second! HECK! I was crying (quietly, mind you) last night at a Scout meeting for my younger DS when a leader said something about how a boy "steps up" when his dad makes him. (paraphrased) The holidays are coming, and that is also a biggie for me.

But this has taught me so many lessons, and I've been trying to teach those to my kids. You only live once. You HAVE to use it wisely. You HAVE to DO something with your life. Find what you LOVE, ENJOY, are PASSIONATE about, and DO IT! Appreciate ALL that you have NOW. And remember all those times you had with your DH. NOBODY and NO CANCER can take those memories away from you.

What I do to cope. #1.....Workout. A few short weeks after DH was diagnosed, I bought a treadmill and returned to my fitness that I had put on hold. #2.....I surround myself with the memories, and share those with the kids....our scrapbooks have helped. #3.....I TALK about it when I need to. At first I kept it inside and just kind of put my head down and moved forward. But I needed help (and still do, quite frankly) in a lot of ways. We had no life insurance, so money has been SOOOOO tight these past 6 years. ASK FOR HELP or a call, or a shoulder to cry on, etc.

Please, Linda. KNOW you are not alone. KNOW that you CAN get thru this, but also KNOW that all your feelings are NORMAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last thing (I hope, lol). This whole experience rocked my world! It rocked my faith in my religion. It changed ME from my toes to the tippy top of my head. I am NOT the same person anymore. But I've learned I am so much stronger than I EVER thought I was....and so are you.
 
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WOW! I am so touched by the warm and caring responses!! You don't even know me, but extend your love and hugs to me. Thank you sooo very much.

I can't tell you how grateful I am.
Elizabeth, thanks for the questions... Bob was the love of my life... we were married 3 days shy of 38 years when he went to Heaven. We dated 3 yrs... so 41 years together. He's such an awesome guy!

I have great friends in CA and my 2 grown daughters are in AZ (we have a 2nd home there). So, that is another dilemma. :)

I live in Alta Loma. That would be great to get together sometime, Elizabeth.

To those of you who are also widows, my love and prayers go out to you.... what a tough journey to be on. I have never felt such pain. I truly empathize with you and pray God will strengthen and grow us daily.

Hugs, Linda
 
I am so sorry for your loss. I think coming to the boards is great place to find support, and if you are thinking about getting back into exercise...even better. Hugs to you!!
 
I don't have much advice to give you but I commend you for coming here for support and for taking time to take care of yourself. My mom has been widowed for 8 years now and it is still tough. You will find so much love and support on this forum and we are always here to listen. Big cyber hugs to you
 
I have no advice to give, but wanted to send HUGS!!!! and happy vibes your way!

We're all here if you need to talk, vent, cry, laugh, whatever....

Nan
 
Linda, I feel like a jerk. I posted my response and this morning I went over it in my head and I just feel badly. Sort of like I gushed about ME when it's not about ME right now. Does that make sense? Please forgive me (everybody), if my response above seems self-centered. I was going to delete it, but chose not to. Sorry.

HUGS TO YOU, LINDA!
 
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