Need to vent a little.....

mbmundt

mbmundt

Cathlete
I just need to vent a little. My husband has never put his health first. He'll find every excuse under the sun not to take care of himself. Yet he complains because he gets out of breath easy and overall doesn't feel well.

I decided I wanted to do the 3 Day Refresh by Beachbody and asked him to do it with me. He agreed with hesitation. So often he'll spend money on something to help him feel better and he won't be consist with it or he'll start and because he's not feeling a change within a short period of time he gives up. He expects change immediately and we all know that doesn't happen. Things take time.

I love him and want him around for a long time, I wish he would put himself and his health first. I've been with him for 19 years and he never has. He's one that always says "I don't have time". I keep telling him it's not about having time it's about making time for what's important.

Can anyone else relate?
 
Oh dear yes! My husband is a builder and says he gets all the physical activity he needs through his work. I've seen him work and yes, it is physical but C'MON!! He doesn't eat right because he seems to think he still has the metabolism of an 18 year old. He's 50. He often tells me I overdo my exercise because I'll have DOMS which he mistakes for injuries that need rest. I'm tired a lot so he tells me I workout too hard cuz I get all sweaty....it's no use. I've read countless articles, research etc to try to prove my point as to WHY exercise is good and it makes me feel good. Whatever...I don't need man sweat stinking up my workout room.
 
Sounds like my husband. He strongly believes that his body does not react like other peoples to exercise because he consistently gets nauseous when he exercises. Yet he did Body Beast for 9 months a few years ago until a back injury stopped him. Now he starts exercising for a few days and quits. His isn't a time issue. He knows he has the time, but he hates doing it and it makes him nauseous. We even bought bikes that we used a lot a few years ago but now we only ride a few times a year because he doesn't have the endurance and it makes him nauseous. It upsets me because I do believe exercise is the miracle "drug" that can cure the majority of lifestyle induced problems and I cannot get him to do it. He believes that exercise will do good things for others but is adamant that he is somehow different and exercise cannot help him. He also eats horrible and is a food pusher. I love the man but I am at a loss.
 
Oh my goodness, I have a husband that was in great shape - he started with Cathe workout DVDs, then he did P90X, and other programs. He was feeling great and even told me that he likes to exercise. Well, he has fallen off the wagon - he has gained 30 pounds in the last 2-3 years, eats horrible, comes home and has dinner then he sits in the couch to watch TV. I ask him why doesn't he go back to exercising and, of course, the excuse of all time "I don't have time now, I get home from work late" - getting him at 6:00 is not late. We have a full gym in the basement, so he doesn't even have to leave the house. Whatever, he has a million excuses not to get back to something he enjoyed. I've given up, I don't bring it up because he knows what he has to do. I'm even a certified personal trainer so I can definitely help him but doesn't want it. He is responsible for his own health and I can't force to make that a priority.
 
OMG.... I'm so glad I'm not alone in this boat. Workout.. I'm a certified personal trainer as well and my DH doesn't want my help. It seems to be much easier to complain about how he feels like crap. I have pretty much given up. Every once in a while I suggest something but majority of the time he doesn't listen. I can tell him certain things about health and fitness and even though I have research or articles to back me up he won't listen to me. For the most part, I have given up and until he decides on his own that its important.

So nice to know that other Cathlete's can relate. ;)
 
I SO agree with everything said here. I have a full gym also, there really isn't anything you can't do from rebounders to kettlebells, full rack of dumbells, barbells, mace, full static and cable machines, etc. My husband never has time either, but he wears out quickly, breaths so heavily and I cannot ride with him now because its way too slow. To those that mountainbike, you will understand that slow riding is a loss of momentum and leads to crashing (so please don't think I'm heartless). I don't have anymore sympathy left and I'm not going to lose my physicality because he wants to relax and watch television. My philosophy on this is "you will make time when you get sick" that's all I say now. Then I'm out the door.
 
I'm with Dirt Diva, and well, with all of you really!

This is the age when the natural arrogance and over self-confidence that men grow up with does them a terrific disservice.

My husband still thinks that secretly, he's still 32 and is slim and fit and healthy and has the metabolism of a cheetah and "will exercise when he retires and has time." In reality, he now has a spare tyre around his middle, breathes heavily, and is 100% sedentary. He has no muscle tone to speak of anymore. He wants us to go for a backpacking and hiking and climbing holiday again this summer. We always used to do a trip each year, some of them huge, like 6 weeks in the Cascades, for example. I am not keen to go. Last time we went, to the Colorado Rockies 5 years ago, he was tired, excessively sweaty, puce in the face, out of breath and unable to carry his backpack on a 4 day trip within hours of setting off on our first trail. I had to go on ahead on the trail, find a camp site, drop my pack off (40 pounds worth) and come back and ferry his leaving him to walk on. That was 5 years ago. And even while he got into shape real fast on that trip, which was really quite incredible, he is now 53 and more sedentary than ever. I refuse to go on a long trip where we head up to high altitude, with reasonably heavy packs and he gets sick or has a heart attack on the trail, as his own father did age 58 and then died on that trail.

I am not going to put myself in that situation. So, I guess, this will be the 6th year in a row that we do not take an annual vacation because he does not take his health and fitness seriously. I'm heading out the door daily, like Dirt Diva, all on my own.

Clare
 
DirtDiva said:
I don't have anymore sympathy left and I'm not going to lose my physicality because he wants to relax and watch television. My philosophy on this is "you will make time when you get sick" that's all I say now. Then I'm out the door.
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I relate to this above. I too reached the point when I no longer address anything regarding exercises. I am about to become heartless
and will no longer have any empathy for couch seating. Will eventually get selfish in the process but ;);) my health and wellbeing are important to me!!!.:)
 
Like everyone else, I just do my own thing, but it does limit other things we do together (like bike riding--we hardly do that at all anymore). And I mostly quit nagging except for stretching/therapy for his chronic back problems (as soon as his back is better, he quits doing them--I try to get him to do them consistently so it stops going out!). But like I said above, I think exercise slows/halts/cures just about every lifestyle induced disease out there (heart disease, type 2 diabetes, etc.) and if he would just do something then he will be around (with me) a lot longer. I don't want to be a widow because he has a heart attack in his 50s. But it does seem pointless to even try anymore. )o:
 
Wow, honestly was not expecting these kind of responses. Again, I'm glad I'm not in this alone. My husband gets frustrated with me because I don't know how to rest or relax. I do from time to time but when my body is telling me to. Otherwise I'd rather be doing stuff. My husband turned 55 this year and has always had a spare time, it's just gotten worse. He complains because he wishes he could get rid of his belly. Well coming home and sitting or lying down right away and then getting up to eat dinner and lie down again right after does not help the situation any. I only wish someday he wakes up and does something about it but I hate to say it, I'm not real hopeful. :(

I plan on living a long and healthy life!!

Lets keep doing what we're doing ladies!! :D
 
Many years ago when I got a gym membership, I was married at that time and my husband asked if he could also get one. Of course he never used it but luckily I could give it to one of my friends to use. They need to realize it should be part of your regular lifestyle and not a hobby to do whenever you have time.
 
I have been reading these post and I understand the frustration you ladies have with your significant others. I was diagnosed with a muscle wasting autoimmune disease almost 13 years ago. After being placed on immune suppressive drugs by my doctor, I wasn't making the kind of progress she had hoped for. I had talked to a periodontist that I frequently referred to and he had told me his story of low testosterone. He said he came home from work and couldn't get off the couch...just felt awful. I suggested to my doctor that she check my t levels and when she did I was 49!! Now, for those that don't have a reference, most of the ladies on these forums are higher than that! She put me on Androgel, I started lifting, and haven't stopped. I was always a good athlete, but prior to being diagnosed I couldn't get up from a chair without real effort and my assistants had to open jars for me! THAT SUCKED! Once taken away, I have been motivated to be as strong as possible and a missed day in the gym is a day I can never get back!! Some of your guys may be suffering from low testosterone but don't want to find out like it makes them feel less manly. It never hurts to know and if that's NOT their problem, then they are just lazy lol!
 
Wow I don't know if I would have it in me to stay with someone for years if my other half didn't put his health and fitness as an important priority. Kudos to all of you for managing to maintain a marriage under these circumstances. My partner and I are both into fitness although have different interests. I'm one to use my videos and home gym with a couple nights a week at orangetheory whereas he loves to bike ride and do outdoor activities. But we do find fun fitness things to do together like throwing a football, playing badminton/ ping pong etc. When it's not too cold out we go cross country skiing and skating but he's one to go out 2-3 times/ week in winter no matter what the weather is but knows i'm much to delicate for -30 Celcius outdoor activities lol! Glad you all maintain your fitness and health despite these scenarios - wonder how the hubbies would feel if you all took regular vacations without them and joined friends instead?
 
jengollf said:
Like everyone else, I just do my own thing, but it does limit other things we do together (like bike riding--we hardly do that at all anymore). And I mostly quit nagging except for stretching/therapy for his chronic back problems (as soon as his back is better, he quits doing them--I try to get him to do them consistently so it stops going out!). But like I said above, I think exercise slows/halts/cures just about every lifestyle induced disease out there (heart disease, type 2 diabetes, etc.) and if he would just do something then he will be around (with me) a lot longer. I don't want to be a widow because he has a heart attack in his 50s. But it does seem pointless to even try anymore. )o:
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Well, I am a widow. My husband was very active and not overweight. He smoked for about 35 years of his life though, and that's what ultimately did him in. I never had to worry that he wasn't working out because his job was very physical, so he was fit. One thing I did learn over the years though, was that I could not stop him from smoking. That was totally up to him. His choice to stop or continue. It's the same with working out and eating right. All you can do is be a good example, provide the opportunity if he chooses to take it, and continue to love them regardless.

And I have to say... I completely 100% agree with you about working out being the cure for so many ills. I like to think of it as my fountain of youth!
 
maddiesmum said:
This is the age when the natural arrogance and over self-confidence that men grow up with does them a terrific disservice.

My husband still thinks that secretly, he's still 32 and is slim and fit and healthy and has the metabolism of a cheetah and "will exercise when he retires and has time." In reality, he now has a spare tyre around his middle, breathes heavily, and is 100% sedentary. He has no muscle tone to speak of anymore.
Clare
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You nailed it !! This is something I have been keenly aware of as I grow older. I mostly ride with men, and the majority think they are just tasty muffins, perfection on the saddle and believe they can critique any woman that crosses their path. Do men own mirrors, or do they look at their reflection from a beer bottle? I have been privy to these guy conversations, and mostly astonished what they think about women in particular.

Men do get in shape fast if they want to (thanks to testosterone) and possibly believe they can do this anytime (maybe that's why they don't care). However, its insulting to me that I'm not worth it (now) and since we're married, I should be happy with the way he looks. Yet he tells me quick enough I have a wild hair on my chin, my arm pits are hairy, I have body odor, or horrors, you look *soft*. If you suggest that to a man, they shrivel up and feel unappreciated and then the veiled comment that someone else may be more grateful. My comment last time was, "better start looking, times a wasting". Truth, he has never said that again to me. He also knows I don't take to threats or conditions, and possibly women should learn that is a very good trait to have. I am a firm believer that you teach people how to treat you.

Clare, you should write a book, because I love reading your posts. And...that is incredibly eery that your husband's father died on that trail. I am a touch superstitious, ya.
 
jengollf said:
Like everyone else, I just do my own thing, but it does limit other things we do together (like bike riding--we hardly do that at all anymore). And I mostly quit nagging except for stretching/therapy for his chronic back problems (as soon as his back is better, he quits doing them--I try to get him to do them consistently so it stops going out!). But like I said above, I think exercise slows/halts/cures just about every lifestyle induced disease out there (heart disease, type 2 diabetes, etc.) and if he would just do something then he will be around (with me) a lot longer. I don't want to be a widow because he has a heart attack in his 50s. But it does seem pointless to even try anymore. )o:
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I feel you on this, really do.

I absolutely agree on the health aspect of exercise, and its always been my way of life. He knew this when we met and I'm a firm believer you can't change someone else, just lead by example and hope, I guess. He was never into sports or working out, so in truth its my problem and I shouldn't have married someone that likes to relax and stay home. I was so naive back in the day.
 
DirtDiva said:
I feel you on this, really do.

I absolutely agree on the health aspect of exercise, and its always been my way of life. He knew this when we met and I'm a firm believer you can't change someone else, just lead by example and hope, I guess. He was never into sports or working out, so in truth its my problem and I shouldn't have married someone that likes to relax and stay home. I was so naive back in the day.
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Dirt Diva:

we were all naive back in the day. Judging from the disrespect and contempt with which I have been treated recently by my dear husband, who prioritizes our 3 cats over me, I made the biggest mistake of my life when I married him. I should have just had the baby and stayed a single mother and forged my own path. Oh to be able to turn back the clock. Still: onwards we strive! And, I'm heading out the door!

Love ya Nita: I totally share your attitude. "Tasty muffins" pfft!

Clare
 
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I laugh at some of the things written here. I know it's not a laughing matter, and I am fortunate to have a husband that is active. We love to lift, bike, and ski. However, I have a sister that has been going the rounds with her husband about his inactivity. He was planning on being active after retirement. Unfortunately he had a heart attack a couple of months ago, and is now in cardio therapy. I think it snapped him to attention. He now has a full gym in the basement. Let's hope he uses it!
 
I, too, can to relate to y'all with my spouse of 15 years. I will ask him again this evening to join me for a walk and he will most certainly say no (with some pitiful excuse). I do not need him to get more active to be happy in our union, but I am very concerned as he has fatty liver disease (that is painful) and would rather spend 1.5 hours playing a video game than getting outside.:mad:
Like DirtDiva said, I've noticed that when he has had very brief bouts of trying to exercise (his doctors have recommended 25 minutes most days of heart pounding cardio to target visceral fat), he looks healthier and sheds fat far faster than women in his age group.
 
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