Need some advice about BIL

kat31

kat31

Cathlete
I need some advice regarding my brother in law? Two years ago my BIL and SIL built a house about a hour away from the rest of the family mainly because they bought the property cheap. Anyway ever since they moved so far away it seem my BIL( who is a real family oriented person) does not seem to be the same happy/social person he was before they moved. The other day I was on myspace looking for my grown neice and nephews pages to shoot them off an email and came across my BIL myspace page. On his page he talks all about my 5 year old neice and how she is his world but does not even mention my SIL, actually in his profile he lists himself as single. At one point in time (before he got married- 4 years ago) we were close. Should I reach out to him to make sure he is alright or should I just leave it be? Thanks for any advice and listening. By the way I did ask my DH but he did not answer either way.
 
I see nothing wrong with reaching out to him and making sure he is ok. I wouldn't immediately mention what you found though (the being single part). Maybe he needs a friend. No harm in being there for him. My BIL seems miserable too, but we were never that close. I just make sure DH checks up on him and that we have him and his son over. My SIL is not bearable to be around. Luckily, she never wants to be around. I think that sometimes people are ashamed to reach out b/c they are embarrassed if their marriage isn't going well. Hope all turns out well for your BIL.
 
Joanne - Is this your DH's brother or a brother of someone married to one of your sisters or brothers? Just trying to sort out how he's related. It's definitely not a good sign that he's listing himself as single on myspace. Not sure how I would handle the situation though because I tend to try and stay out of other people's domestic issues. Have you requested him as a friend yet on MyFace? I would maybe do that first and see what happens. He will know then that you have seen his "single" profile and maybe it will open up a dialogue between you two? Again, not knowing how he's related to you, I'm not sure what the dynamic is and how well he would receive your concern. I would follow your gut feeling on that since you know your situation better.
 
Liann said:
Joanne - Is this your DH's brother or a brother of someone married to one of your sisters or brothers? Just trying to sort out how he's related. It's definitely not a good sign that he's listing himself as single on myspace. Not sure how I would handle the situation though because I tend to try and stay out of other people's domestic issues. Have you requested him as a friend yet on MyFace? I would maybe do that first and see what happens. He will know then that you have seen his "single" profile and maybe it will open up a dialogue between you two? Again, not knowing how he's related to you, I'm not sure what the dynamic is and how well he would receive your concern. I would follow your gut feeling on that since you know your situation better.
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He is my DH youngest brother. Things also didn't mention that might be in consideration is that at family events my BIL usually comes alone with my niece because it just happens to be that my SIL is always working even on holidays. I will give it to her that she manages an Equestrian barn and yes horses do not care if it is a holiday they want to eat. Also that my SIL lazy/self involved/bitchy mother (his words not mine) lives with them and my SIL usually sides with her mother and not him especially on how to raise my neice. I am just concerned that the tension in the house with his MIL being their has put a wedge in their marriage like my MIL and I were worried about from the beginning. Maybe I need to talk to my MIL and ask her if my BIL has opened up to her before I approach him. My MIL and I have a very close relationship but I have not said anything to her because this is touchy area. What to do What to do?
 
How often does he go on his myspace page? I know that for a while when my fiance and I were together his page still said single, because he wasn't on it that much, and didn't even think to change it (men don't over-analyze things like us women do:) I just casually mentioned it, and he felt terrible and immediately changed it. It really was just a small oversight. However, he does now mention me on his page and has pictures up of the two of us.

I think if you used to be close, I would just casually mention that you saw his page. It might give him the opportunity to open up to you if he wants. I don't see any harm in asking as long as it's not an accusatory thing.
 
Honestly if anyone should say anything it should be up to your man. If you involve yourself this could lead to an crusty relationship with your in laws and it is highly unlikely you will be able to change anything anyway.
 
If you say that you are close to him, I don't see why you can't speak to him to find out he it doing. I would not mention the page and I definitely would not speak to MIL about it. I think that should be up to your DH.

This is just what I would based on the information, I read. You really need to judge for yourself what is right for you.
 
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