Need Help - How much do you spend on gifts?

Yup, what Ellie said. My account has my name, his has his, and the savings has both. That way if somthing goes kaplooie, its not as bad as it could be. That is also why the house is the only credit we hold together. If you're gonna tank, you're not taking me down, too! Now, with all that, if there was a time one of us couldn't pay the car, credit card, etc, the other would cover. But if you're going to deliberately not pay (DH wouldn't do this, but there are those that would) I'm NOT going down with the ship. My credit rating is very important to me, and I've worked very hard and keeping up there.

Nan
 
Fortunately, I have a very happy marriage to a great man.

My sister was married for 25 years. her husband hurt his back and was considered disabled. My sister a SAHM had to go back to school at night finish her Masters and get a good paying job to keep them afloat. Guess what?
It all backfired. HE divorced HER and now she is paying a shitload of alimony because she makes more than his disability!!!! And their children are over age for child support. What kind of shit is that??? But see she HAD to go back to work in order for them to eat. It's not like she left this poor little "Ouch my back hurts" for something better.

I am really a cynic when it comes to this as you can tell. No one would have thought this guy would have done this. And the alimony is LIFELONG!!!!

ellie
 
Wow, she's stuck paying him alimony forever?!

There are a few things I would have done different, which I will impress upon the girls as they mature, one being obtaining some kind of formal degree early on, before having children. I have less than 2 years of college under my belt, and if my husband decided to take off, the girls and I would be in trouble.
 
elliemom said:
I am really a cynic when it comes to this as you can tell. No one would have thought this guy would have done this. And the alimony is LIFELONG!!!!

ellie
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I thought alimony was for a certain amount of years? In our state, in the event DH and I divorced, my husband would have to pay me 5 years alimony. Because I stayed home to raise our children while he developed his career. He would have to pay for me to go back to school and earn a degree.
 
Not if someone is considered disabled. Although he can walk and talk and COULD have gotten some type of office job. Because disabilty income does not go up she is required to pay for LIFE!!! And her life insurance MUST be in his name . Trust me. All married people should have a full handle on their financial status at all times. And if you have a degree you CAN work after the marriage ends so your DH should not have to pay alimony at all. Those old alimony laws were designed for women who got married right out of school and never worked or got an education. After 25 years of marriage the husband would have to pay alimony.

NOTE: I am NOT a lawyer. But I have seen so many friends and collegues go thru some nasty stuff with divorce, I really think it is wise for every woman to know what is going on with their own finances.

My sister was a school teacher when this happened and she went back for an MBA. She was required to PAY HIM BACK for her education expenses.

After much researching with the county prosecuter (my BFF) and neighbor, I learned sooooo much about divorce laws. And how they differ from state to state. I have even seen cases where men will move in with a new woman, quit their job so they can't have their wages garnished for child support!!!

ellie
 
Shoegal

I'm so sorry I hijacked your thread!!!!

Good Luck with making the financial decisions with your hubby!!!

ellie
 
Holy moly girl 5k! You wanna be my friend?? All kidding aside I don't buy a whole lotta gifts for everyone. I just don't have the budget, and I hate worrying about if he/she will like what I've bought. I buy flowers as gifts and I like to make things, quilts, knit hats, and such for babies, . . . and weddings (wedding quilts). I take care of all the finances in my marrage it just works that way. If I buy anything expensive we talk about it first. I also have a pretty big family on my husband and my side but everyone pretty much has just accepted the fact that not getting a gift is no indication of how much I care about someone. When Christmas comes I just make cookies for everyone and give cards. I'm not shy about saying our family lives on a budget.
 
elliemom said:
My sister was a school teacher when this happened and she went back for an MBA. She was required to PAY HIM BACK for her education expenses.
ellie
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That just down right sucks! My little brother is getting a divorce is a cop and is freaking out that his ex will try to get support and his pension.
 
I'm sorry that your disposable income has been cut, but it seems that if this has happened, that maybe you should rethink your gift budget. If you can't afford $5000 in gifts per year, then you shouldn't spend that much. It makes sense to me if your DH is getting miffed if you want to take money out of the joint/household account to support your $5000 worth of gifts per year.
 
Shoegal,

It dawned on me today as I was going about my business, I really should have told you that it is a really wonderful thing to be so generous with those you love! I really wish I could say I go all out and get that gift if I know someone would really love it, but I don't! You have probably blessed many family members and friends with your generousity!!!! That is awesome! :)
 
DH were engaged for 1.5 years and I have been married for 6. We merged our finances as soon as we got engaged. :)

He has a separate checking account with a mac card where a certain amount of money gets deposited every week and that is his spending money. If he wants to buy something that goes beyond what's in that account then he'll use the credit card and let me know to expect the bill. There is also a "house account" where all of the bills get paid from. I also take my spending money from there. The only reason he does not is because I learned early on that he is horrible at handing me receipts or letting me know how much he's withdrawn or spent so that I can keep track of it. That being said, I didn't want to come up short on bills because he forgot to tell me he took out X amount of cash! :eek: That is the ONLY reason we have this second checking account and yes, it has both of our names on it even though he is the only one who uses it.

We do not confer with one another about our spending unless it is an unusually large purchase. As I said before, he will just give me a heads up if he is using the credit card for something mostly so that I don't think it's fraud if I don't recognize the charge. Other then that we basically do what we want.

I take care of the banking and the bill paying, etc. but keep him informed. He is periodically updated on the status of our accounts and credit cards. This is fine with him. He gladly let me handle the bills, etc when we got married. He wanted nothing to do with it. :p

As for gifts? We spend quite a bit ourselves but it's mostly because we buy for a lot of people. When we got married we just continued to spend the same amounts on our family members as we always had. Ofcourse adjustments would be made if need be but otherwise we just left it alone. I would say we spend an average of $40 per gift for both Christmas and Birthday gifts and buy for a number of people. If one day we can't afford to do it anymore then we will cut back but otherwise, that's how it is.

That being said, I personally think you should be allowed to continue to spend the amount of money on gifts that you are accustomed to spending as long as it doesn't negatively affect the budget for bills, etc. Merging finances is fine but that doesn't mean that everything has to change. Was your DH aware of how much you spent on gifts prior to attempting to merge your monies? If so, then I think it's unfair of him to suddenly try to force you to change that now when he never cared before.

I think merging finances once you are married is great but if it's not going to work for you then just don't do it. There is no rule saying that you HAVE to. If you can't come up with an equitable compromise then just suggest that you leave things as they were and move on. :)

JMHO.
 
We don't buy for adults...We all agreed if we wnat something, we can get it ourselves. And like I tell everyone,I have enought "stuff" sitting around my house, I don't need anymore. We put a $20 limit at X-mas and birthdays fir the kids, it makes you get creative. I do give everyone an ornament at X-mas, But I always make it by hand and never spend over $10 for materials. But it is your $, spend it as you want
 
LaughingWater said:
Shoegal, 5K in gifts is quite a bit. I know you won't like it very much, but if you plan on pooling money with your husband, you'll have to compromise.

DH and I are similar to Michele and Sparrow. It's all "our" money, so we spend it as a team.

Because our two families are so different, we have a different set of gift-giving rules for each. I won't bore you with the details, but I will say the amount never goes over $25, and the kids get cut off at age 18. Siblings don't exchange gifts.

My side is multi-generational, which presents some problems. As the family gets bigger, you could end up buying gifts in 30 years for kids you hardly know! We have since taken steps to alleviate that burden somewhat.

I finally got so sick of the back and forth about gifts, I announced a few years ago that my children will be having Gift-Free birthdays from now on. Just come over and celebrate. :) At first my family was horrified, but with the economic slow down, I suspect a few are now relieved.
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We do the same w/ the kids Birthdays. I always say "no presents your presence is enough"
 
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