Carol_is_fit
Cathlete
I have to agree with the others. And something else to consider ... if he believes physical contact is the way to discipline children or animals, he may be smacking you around one day as well.
Carol
Carol
My boyfriend smacked my kitten
- Thread starter Jasmin416
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Jaffas
Cathlete
I agree with the others about the boyfriend. This is a huge red flag. It would be a deal breaker as far as the relationship is concerned for me.
I've had many cats over the years. I have four now. Every single kitten grew out of the jumping on people by the time they became full grown cats. Every cat I've ever had just seemed to get it that their claws could hurt human skin. I never did anything special to train them they just figured it out on their own.
I've had many cats over the years. I have four now. Every single kitten grew out of the jumping on people by the time they became full grown cats. Every cat I've ever had just seemed to get it that their claws could hurt human skin. I never did anything special to train them they just figured it out on their own.
janiejoey
Cathlete
Get rid of your boyfriend! The size of your boyfriend and the size of the kitty....not right. The kitty as no chance! Besides if you continue with this relationship, it could be you one day being smacked around. I wouldn't want that for you. This is how it starts (abusive or domestic violence, really).
Janie
Janie
princessbear
Cathlete
I'm not going to give my advice on this - except to say I STRONGLY oppose any physical violence toward an animal (or toward any living creature for that matter). I don't even raise my voice to my Princess - but she came to me as an abandoned, abused cat and I promised her I would never hurt her physically or verbally (okay, so maybe she didn't understand WHAT I said, but I know she understands through my actions).
kathryn
Cathlete
I find kitten's claws to be especially sharp. But they are easy to trim. Get a people toenail clipper (bigger than a fingernail clipper) and just clip off the thin, sharp end of the nail (usually quite prominent and visible on kittens).
I just wonder where he "smacked" her? A little tap on the butt (like a spank) is much different from a heavy hit to the body or, even worse, head.
I would be more than pissed off at the boyfriend, and would reconsider my relationship with him.
kathryn
Cathlete
FYI (and for "boyfriend's" info): a better way to teach kitty not to scratch is to squeek like a hurt kitten when you are scratched. Kitty knows that this means "ouch" and will learn to not scratch (of course, trimming those claws so s/he can't scratch accidentally is important as well).
carres1973
Cathlete
I think you need to discuss your feelings with boyfriend. This seems to have really upset you (rightfully so). I also agree with Kathryn's suggestion to trim kitties claws...and to make noises like them when they scratch. I give a loud, hurt "MEOW" when my two new kittens climb up my leg
! Young animals are like children in that they don't know they can hurt when they are playing. They need to be taught with kindness. As someone else stated, you wouldn't spank a young child who, while playing, pulled your hair.
Carrie
At around 6 months old, your kitten doesn't really process information the same way she will as an adult animal. Training with animals, especially young animals, is always best when done in a process that rewards the behaviors you want and discourages the behaviors you don't want. Fear is not a good substitution. It may be a little troublesome for awhile, but you may want to always have a small spray bottle with you filled with room temperture water. When your kitten does something you don't like, give her a spritz with the water. It doesn't hurt, but she won't like the surprise and the wet. If you're consistent with your rewards and you're a good aim, she'll get the idea very quickly. Just remember, that kittens are still cats and they will do what comes naturally to them.
As for your boyfriend, this may be the perfect time to dicuss with him your expectations for his behavior. If he doesn't want to honor and respect what you want done concerning training the kitten, you may find he may not be the one you want standing beside you for the other things in life that are much harder.
Good luck!
As for your boyfriend, this may be the perfect time to dicuss with him your expectations for his behavior. If he doesn't want to honor and respect what you want done concerning training the kitten, you may find he may not be the one you want standing beside you for the other things in life that are much harder.
Good luck!
Christi24
Member
Hi Jasmin,
I first want to say that it can be jarring when you see something or someone you care about being disciplined. However, I have read the threads on the board that basically say that because your boyfriend smacked the kitten he will physically abuse you! I think that well meaning people have carried this way too far. I have several pets and occasionally they have received a smack. My pets love and adore me and I love and adore them. Me occasionally swatting them with the paper, doesn't mean, however, I'm a maniac that abuses my children nor do I have anger management problems. (Now if he does stuff to intentionally intimidate or hurt the cat that's another issue.)
Anybody that meets me can tell you I'm one of the most easy going people. As far as the cats go they do eventually learn not to jump on people, however, helping them learn a little faster whether its spraying them with water, or swatting them with a newspaper or whatever, will save them a lot of pain a lot sooner than waiting for them to grow out of it themselves. The quicker they learn the less likely the people you love will be hurt and the less likely people will have a reason to even try to swat at them. I definitely had to do this after my children had several scratches from the kittens. What's more important, afterall, my children being physically hurt and not trying to correct the kittens behavior, or slightly disciplining my pet? When we took our dog to obedience school, the trainer even showed us how to grab his mouth and shut it and speak in a disappointed tone so that they would know biting was not acceptable. I'm not blaming you for feeling hurt, even when my kid's get put on punishment I feel hurt, I'm only saying please don't let this get blown out of proportion. I'm sure your boyfriend loves you and was only shocked by the nails. And just a reminder many people mistake any animal discipline for animal cruelty. But according to the Humane Society, animal cruelty is:
What is animal cruelty?
Animal cruelty encompasses a range of behaviors harmful to animals, from neglect to malicious killing. Most cruelty investigated by humane officers is unintentional neglect that can be resolved through education. Intentional cruelty, or abuse, is knowingly depriving an animal of food, water, shelter, socialization, or veterinary care or maliciously torturing, maiming, mutilating, or killing an animal.
http://www.hsus.org/hsus_field/firs...tly_asked_questions_about_animal_cruelty.html
It is not animal cruelty to swat the kitten. Please don't let anyone make you feel that way either. However, you could suggest that you'll handle all of the disciplining from this point forward. Just my two cent. Hope it helps a little.
I first want to say that it can be jarring when you see something or someone you care about being disciplined. However, I have read the threads on the board that basically say that because your boyfriend smacked the kitten he will physically abuse you! I think that well meaning people have carried this way too far. I have several pets and occasionally they have received a smack. My pets love and adore me and I love and adore them. Me occasionally swatting them with the paper, doesn't mean, however, I'm a maniac that abuses my children nor do I have anger management problems. (Now if he does stuff to intentionally intimidate or hurt the cat that's another issue.)
Anybody that meets me can tell you I'm one of the most easy going people. As far as the cats go they do eventually learn not to jump on people, however, helping them learn a little faster whether its spraying them with water, or swatting them with a newspaper or whatever, will save them a lot of pain a lot sooner than waiting for them to grow out of it themselves. The quicker they learn the less likely the people you love will be hurt and the less likely people will have a reason to even try to swat at them. I definitely had to do this after my children had several scratches from the kittens. What's more important, afterall, my children being physically hurt and not trying to correct the kittens behavior, or slightly disciplining my pet? When we took our dog to obedience school, the trainer even showed us how to grab his mouth and shut it and speak in a disappointed tone so that they would know biting was not acceptable. I'm not blaming you for feeling hurt, even when my kid's get put on punishment I feel hurt, I'm only saying please don't let this get blown out of proportion. I'm sure your boyfriend loves you and was only shocked by the nails. And just a reminder many people mistake any animal discipline for animal cruelty. But according to the Humane Society, animal cruelty is:
What is animal cruelty?
Animal cruelty encompasses a range of behaviors harmful to animals, from neglect to malicious killing. Most cruelty investigated by humane officers is unintentional neglect that can be resolved through education. Intentional cruelty, or abuse, is knowingly depriving an animal of food, water, shelter, socialization, or veterinary care or maliciously torturing, maiming, mutilating, or killing an animal.
http://www.hsus.org/hsus_field/firs...tly_asked_questions_about_animal_cruelty.html
It is not animal cruelty to swat the kitten. Please don't let anyone make you feel that way either. However, you could suggest that you'll handle all of the disciplining from this point forward.
Just my two cent. Hope it helps a little.
Hermia
Cathlete
I think the total situation should be evaluated, like how hard the smack was, etc. I've never swatted my furbaby, but in my family's house, animals have rec'd little pops on the nose before or squirts with the water bottle. The worst problem I have had with Hermia is she used to have a habit of going in my closet and chewing on my clothes, particularly ones with ties that hung down. I would tell her No! and clap my hands sharply, and she would know I was upset and stop doing it. I also started leaving the door shut. Now, though, I have taken to leaving the door open again because she likes to go in there to sleep sometimes, but she has not chewed on my clothes for a while. She seems to have gotten the point that chewing on my clothes is a no no.
The clawing thing is natural kitten playfullness. I've heard a good thing to do is to disengage with the kitten at that point; don't keep playing with the kitten. This replicates what the litter mates would do if they were displeased with her.
All that being said, if anyone were to swat my cat, they would meet with my immediate and unambiguous displeasure. If they were properly repentant, all could perhaps be well. It is very unlikely, however, that any man who insisted he would continue to discipline my cat that way, when I say otherwise, would remain my boyfriend. Actually...yeah, that would be a deal breaker.
The clawing thing is natural kitten playfullness. I've heard a good thing to do is to disengage with the kitten at that point; don't keep playing with the kitten. This replicates what the litter mates would do if they were displeased with her.
All that being said, if anyone were to swat my cat, they would meet with my immediate and unambiguous displeasure. If they were properly repentant, all could perhaps be well. It is very unlikely, however, that any man who insisted he would continue to discipline my cat that way, when I say otherwise, would remain my boyfriend. Actually...yeah, that would be a deal breaker.
Liann
Cathlete
Hi Jasmin,
I first want to say that it can be jarring when you see something or someone you care about being disciplined. However, I have read the threads on the board that basically say that because your boyfriend smacked the kitten he will physically abuse you! I think that well meaning people have carried this way too far. I have several pets and occasionally they have received a smack. My pets love and adore me and I love and adore them. Me occasionally swatting them with the paper, doesn't mean, however, I'm a maniac that abuses my children nor do I have anger management problems. (Now if he does stuff to intentionally intimidate or hurt the cat that's another issue.)
Anybody that meets me can tell you I'm one of the most easy going people. As far as the cats go they do eventually learn not to jump on people, however, helping them learn a little faster whether its spraying them with water, or swatting them with a newspaper or whatever, will save them a lot of pain a lot sooner than waiting for them to grow out of it themselves. The quicker they learn the less likely the people you love will be hurt and the less likely people will have a reason to even try to swat at them. I definitely had to do this after my children had several scratches from the kittens. What's more important, afterall, my children being physically hurt and not trying to correct the kittens behavior, or slightly disciplining my pet? When we took our dog to obedience school, the trainer even showed us how to grab his mouth and shut it and speak in a disappointed tone so that they would know biting was not acceptable. I'm not blaming you for feeling hurt, even when my kid's get put on punishment I feel hurt, I'm only saying please don't let this get blown out of proportion. I'm sure your boyfriend loves you and was only shocked by the nails. And just a reminder many people mistake any animal discipline for animal cruelty. But according to the Humane Society, animal cruelty is:
What is animal cruelty?
Animal cruelty encompasses a range of behaviors harmful to animals, from neglect to malicious killing. Most cruelty investigated by humane officers is unintentional neglect that can be resolved through education. Intentional cruelty, or abuse, is knowingly depriving an animal of food, water, shelter, socialization, or veterinary care or maliciously torturing, maiming, mutilating, or killing an animal.
http://www.hsus.org/hsus_field/firs...tly_asked_questions_about_animal_cruelty.html
It is not animal cruelty to swat the kitten. Please don't let anyone make you feel that way either. However, you could suggest that you'll handle all of the disciplining from this point forward.
ITA! This thread has become a "lynch" mob, with a bunch of very well meaning posters posting some pretty drastic advice based on a few vague details describing the alleged "incident". There isn't a wiener dog butt in my house that hasn't gotten a nice soft swat on the butt with a paper either. But I am hardly an animal abuser or future child abuser.
Not totally defending the guy, but what do ANY of us know about the situation? I'm sure I could post a few things on here that would have you all standing up and saying "ditch your husband", "run, don't walk honey", "you don't need that", etc... Things can always sound worse than they really are depending on how you post something. Oh, and my DH is the best DH in the world. 
horseshowmom
Cathlete
Jasmin,
I think you can see that this is an emotional topic for many of us. Regardless of what we *outsiders* think, you have to decide what is or isn't okay for you. Only YOU can make those decisions. You have gotten lots of advice on both sides of the issue that I think reflect individual opinions quite clearly, but YOU are the individual who has to live with whatever choices you make.
Good luck!
Becky
I think you can see that this is an emotional topic for many of us. Regardless of what we *outsiders* think, you have to decide what is or isn't okay for you. Only YOU can make those decisions. You have gotten lots of advice on both sides of the issue that I think reflect individual opinions quite clearly, but YOU are the individual who has to live with whatever choices you make.
Good luck!
Becky
Liann
Cathlete
I guess I just don't feel we should be telling her what to do when we weren't there and only know the details she has given us. And her smack, might be my "swat". I do know that if I was getting dressed and out of no where a cute little kitchen pounced on my arm and dug her nails in, she'd probably end up on the other side of the room more than a little dazed and confused. I have a bad automatic reflex for stuff like that. But of course, then I would feel bad, not say she deserved it. I should have stayed out of this thread.
I just feel relationships are a lot more complex than one post and none of us are really qualified upon reading one post to tell her to leave her SO. She needs to come to that realization herself.ETA: Very well said Becky!
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Jasmin416
Cathlete
Thanks for all the great posts and ideas here for discipline. My SO is in no way an abuser since he is very kind hearted. This was an incident I found shocking and upsetting to me. After a LONG talk last night about my feelings and what happened, he apologized again and asked me to forgive him explaining that he will never discipline her that way again and it was mostly a reflex action. Thanks all!
goldenpath
Cathlete
I agree relationships are very complex and we can’t just kick someone out on a whim. I think the most important thing in a relationship is "communication". A relationship without it is heading for disaster. Explain to him your feelings and listen to his. A discussion does not need to be just one day either but can be over a period of time. Sometimes when we talk, we need time to digest what the other was saying and sometimes viewpoints may change or other times they may not. My advice is keep talking and you will know what to do from there.