Ms. Angry . . .

F

famousohara

Cathlete
Good morning and a great Wednesday to everyone!

So here's the scoop. I've been resolved to be a healthy more fit woman - and for the last 4 weeks am making important changes. I do cardio 5 mornings a week and weights 3 evenings a week. My diet has improved tremendously as well. I'm 5'2" and 115 lbs. The scale hasn't budged, but I truly don't expect it to. My goals are simple: increase muscle mass/definition, decrease body fat. At this point, I'm focused and committed - and it is starting to become habit, hooray!

Husband had planned on a get-away this weekend, but the plans fell through. He gets one Saturday off a month and I fully expected him to reschedule his Saturday for when we can go somewhere/do something. Come to find out, he is taking off on Saturday and expects me to do the same. I was actually angry - I'm talking, pit of my stomach, angry - because this is going to put a crimp in my exercise plans. I didn't even want to look at him!

Have any of you experienced these feelings? Is this a normal reaction at this point in my quest for fitness? He's good at sabatoge - he's not a healthy specimen himself. Any thoughts?

Ms. Angry (Mo)x(
 
Personally, I'd be more angry that he "expects" me to be around all day with him rather than asking you if it's okay just to hang together for the day. I don't like anyone assuming/expecting I'll do anything w/o asking.

As far as the exercise goes, I think it's normal to be a somewhat disappointed if you get an crimp in your plans, but not angry to that point. I think I would just move stuff around to spend a day w/ DH because I don't see him much all week due to work. If you are that bent on the your routine, can you just say you'll carve out an hour or so for that?

I honestly believe exercise/healthy living is a huge commitment but if you cancel other plans or get crazy emotional over skipping your workout, I think it's an issue. I don't think it's good to be that rigid about anything to the point excluding other activities. I think it is important to be flexible.


Debbie


My favorite color is chocolate.
--Homer Simpson
 
Been there..... I was told many moons ago by my Personal Trainer...
You work out to enjoy your life more NOT Live to workout more....
Working out is a lifestyle now for me but I would never give up valuable time with the people I love to workout... Plenty of hours in the day to do all.....
If you simply cannot change your rest day to accomodate your DH then why not just get up earlier and do oyur w/o then..... OR plan an activity with DH- exercise comes in many forms.
I understand your frustration- IMO you have to decide whats most important and fit the other stuff in around that... I try and put it all in perspective.... If I were on my deathbed in a week would my regret be not working out 1 day or would it be that I spent a day with my family angry & frustrated..... Thats just how I look at it.
 
Hi Mo--I go thru this at work all the time. Whenever I have to work more than 2 nights a week I get really annoyed at the people I work for & my attitude in the night mtgs gets really crappy. I do my best to just sit quietly & keep my mouth shut, b/c I'm afraid if I say what's on my mind (something like "will you people just shut the he!! up so I can get out of this place!) I'll cause much more trouble than it's worth.

You can do what I do, which is basically suck it up, internalize it & then get it all out when I'm pumping iron. ;-) You also have to go easy on yourself--one missed workout isn't gonna kibosh your routine, & you'll get back into it next week.
 
I have been there many times. I remember the first year in my fitness journey. I was doing so well but had to take numerous business trips that left me no time to exercise. I was convinced that because I was away and unable to exercise that I was going to gain all my weight back in 3 or 4 days. Crazy!!

I am still working on this but I've gotten better. Something that happened in my life recently put everything back in perspective. In June, my favorite aunt was diagnosed with cancer and I put many of my workouts on hold to help her, even canceling my fitness boot camp class, which I LOVE. Well, my aunt passed away on July 13 and I was so glad that I was able to spend the little time I had left with her. I didn't not gain any weight, even though after her death I ate like crap. I just got back to my routine as soon as I could. What I'm trying to say is that you need balance and to realize what is important in life. The workouts will always be there but your love one may not always be.
 
Thanks to all for putting good perspective on the situation. I guess I need to trust that one or two days is not going to undo the last 4 weeks - and that I'm a committed enough person to simply hop back on the horse, so to speak. This is really a supportive group and I can't tell you all how much I have enjoyed reading the entries and replies on this site. You can't put a price on the knowledge, insight and humor I see here every day. Wish I had such quality people in my day to day as I do online!


Mo
 
>Have any of you experienced these feelings? Is this a normal
>reaction at this point in my quest for fitness? He's good at
>sabatoge - he's not a healthy specimen himself. Any
>thoughts?

Ooooooooooooh, my ex-bf and I went rounds on this topic! He’d get mad that my exercise would get in the way of plans, etc. and I used to be furious for that perspective because when you think about it, it was an hour. One hour. And most of the time, I got up early or did away with something that I wanted to fit it in so that it didn't effect our day together.

I think that you can still spend the day with your husband and accomplish your exercise goals, if you so choose. And if you don't, you will *not* un-do your hard work in a couple of days. After all, we all take days off, right!?
 
Wow, Mo, you've had some very wise responses. I've read a few of them several times already.

I don't have any OCD issues with exercise, but your feelings remind me of my relationship with food. When I'm under stress, I become strict with myself, and going out to a restaurant is out of the question. I've missed many dinners out with various people for that reason. Can you believe I recently realized that my co-workers have stopped asking me out to lunch because I never go?? :eek: I know it's irrational, but sometimes I just can't control my feelings. And I don't even need to lose any weight, so that makes it all the more bizarre when it happens.

I agree with the posters who stated that your reaction to losing a day of exercise was extreme, but I totally relate to how you feel, if that helps any.
 
I'm battling with myself on whether to losen up and eat some goodies at a birthday party on Friday - my usual "cheat day" is Saturday - and I really don't like to digress (spelling?) from my schedule. I know I won't croke if I eat cake on Friday, or hot dogs, but it's hard to let go and not be a party popper. It's a grandkids party, so it's a big deal party. No one will say anything to me if I don't eat some junk, it's just me and my ridgedness. Are we silly sometimes?!
 
Ahhh lovely sabatoge! I have dealt with this! My DH was so supportive of me moving my body...then I started to show some muscles and glowing with fresh confidence and it stopped. We use to go to the fitness areas in the stores and look around together then it went to- you don't need anymore..you are going to look freakish! Oh I must be looking good if he is that concerned, yet I feel alone now when I talk about fitness. So I took a full week off-rest week! no talk no moving still watching my diet and I am back full force and waiting to see more dramatic results from letting the body rest. I will look better from it! Hang in there Ms Angry I know how it feels but no one will take it from me....
 
Cakebaker,
I think there is a difference between being too strict and not wanting to eat "some junk". I really don't like to eat junk, and usually don't. I mean, if I'm at a restaurant that is famous for it's chocolate desserts, I'll eat a chocolate dessert, but some store-bought birthday cake at a kid's party? Why bother? Save yourself for Saturday and eat the stuff you really like. ;)
 
Two years ago I freaked out because my brother-in-law had a fire in his apt. and needed to stay with us for a few days. We have a one bedroom apt. and I work out in the living room. Well, he had to stay on our couch and I was a total nut job because I couldn't do my workouts in my "workout space." Can you imagine? THis poor guy just "lost" his apt. and all I could think about was missing some workouts. I think I'm more normal now and know that there will probably be a few weeks a year when I won't be able to do my normal workout. I think I used to be so worried that a week off would totally set me back, but now I know that I am totally committed to working out for life......so if I miss a few days (or even a week) here and there, it's not going to make any bit of difference.
 
I see no reason why you cant work out that morning and spend the rest of the day with him. You can do both! That is what I would do.
 
Ms. Angry, Why not work out 1st thing in the a.m. or even get up a bit earlier to get it in? Does he need you in his face the entire day off...the full 16 waking hours (or however many)???
 
I agree that you've gotten some great answers already. I think it's OK to feel angry and maybe it's a case of sabotage. On the other hand maybe he just wants some quality time with you and it doesn't occur to him that it's a problem. (Men do tend to be sort of self-centered, often without malice.) It's hard for me to judge the situation not knowing you or him, though.

I think the best thing to do is take a deep breath and then decide how you want to spend your Saturday. Is this really going to hamper your plans? I know that when my husband is home all day it can be hard to fit in my workout, so I either take that day of rest (usually needed) or I manage to fit in the workout while he's zoning out watching baseball or something. Of course, to do that I have to play the workout on my laptop and clear a space in the dining room instead of using the living room where he's sitting in front of the TV.

Anyway, not sure if I'm making a point here! I just wanted to say, I understand where you are coming from and I have felt that way, but it's not going to wreck your hard work to take an unscheduled rest day. I have faith in you that you can have a great weekend and work out extra hard next week!


***Lainie***

http://web.mac.com/lainiefig/iWeb/Site/Exercise/Exercise.html

"The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself." -- Mark Twain
 
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