Miscarriage Support

One of the gals I worked with is due in Oct---she always went on and on as it was. It made me sick when I WAS pg! Anyway, with our store closing and all she is taking is opportunity to collect unemployement & I won't see her until after baby is born....so I should be okay there.

I went to visit a dear friend of mine yesterday. She in the midst of divorce & doesn't have custody of her kids. She's a clothes freak. When she was showing me her new appt we were in her baby's room and she opened up the closet and went one-by-one showing me all her darling baby girl outfits. I almost had to ask her to stop---it hurt, we we're hoping this might be a girl--I persistently tried to change the subject & then moved toward the exit of the room. She eventually followed me. She would never want to hurt me---but those situations are exactly why I don't feel well enough to mingle!

Thanks for listening.---in a way this has been my journeling.

Do you think 2 weeks will be long enough to be off of work? I"m "between" jobs---so I have some flexibility there---although I'm not getting paid for any time off----so my tugging (and empty) wallet needs me to go back!
 
Mel- I was away from the cathe board for awhile and only recently saw your post. I am so sorry for your loss. I would let your close friends know your feelings and hopefully they can understand that you are grieving. Please keep using this board for support and please realize it was not your fault.
 
Going back to work

Melanie,

Actually, getting back to me did help. I hated the thought of going back -- it was difficult seeing everyone at first. However, my job keeps me soooo busy that I didn't really have time to think about anything during the day. It was the quiet times and the drives that got me good. However, you'll know when you are ready to get back. Everyone is different.

You are in my thoughts,
aveggiegirl
 
I think it depends on how far along you were and if you had told people at work. For 3 of my m/c no one knew so it was a *nice* distraction being back at work and, as veggiegirl said, it kept me preoccupied.

When I lost my baby at 18 weeks everyone knew so going back to work was positively dreadful. I was out for a week and I suppose had gotten myself to a place where I felt I was at least beginning to move on and having to go back and have every last person tell me how *sorry* they were was extremely difficult. It's pretty much impossible to move forward when everyone you talk to is pulling you back into the past. I realize that people meant well and were trying to help but, honestly, it was the least helpful thing they could have done. I felt like I was reliving that horrible experience over and over every time someone came up to me.

This is of course a personal issue. Some people really appreciate having the opportunity to talk about it. I just didn't. I didn't enjoy breaking down every five minutes and being constantly reminded that there was something about me that people felt *sorry* about. But that's just me and, of course, if you don't work with a lot of people(which I unfortunately did) it may not be as bad.

Oh, and I guess I should add that I don't feel like it would have been better if I had stayed out of work longer. That would have only been postponing the inevitable in that respect. Although maybe I would have felt *stronger* had I stayed out longer.

Take care.
 
Last edited:
Pippa, EIGHTEEN weeks? Wow, that would have been tough.

I went to VBS today, and loads of people from my church were there---looking at me full of pitty & giving me hugs. It sucked. But, at least that's over with. I will need to eventually go back to work---which it looks like I'll have another 7 days off or so to get paperwork (red tape) together.

I cannot tell over emphasize to you how therapeutic your stories have been to me. Pippa, if you feel strong enough...I'd like to hear your story. It's okay if you don't. ;)
 
melanalyus said:
Pippa, if you feel strong enough...I'd like to hear your story. It's okay if you don't. ;)
Click to expand...

If you go back to page one of this thread I pretty much spelled out my whole long saga there. Of course if you have any other questions(any at all) I'd be happy to answer anything.:)

Take care.
 
melanalyus said:
Hi ladies.

I am wondering if anyone would like to share their miscarriage stories?

I am 35 year old, and we found out about 10 weeks ago that we were preganant with our 4th child. This was a suprise for us, and we are in the midst of some very stressful stuff---which I believe played a factor in our miscarraige.

About 10 days ago I had my 1st prenatal and there was no heartbeat. The pregnancy was confirmed by lab values about 14 days ago. We weren't concerned about the not finding the heartbeat b/c it was estimated that I was 12-14 weeks along & it's not always easy to find.

Yesterday AM I began brown spotting. Very old, figured it was old blood. Last night I had more "mucosly" looking brown discharge, so decided to call into work & have my u/s today rather than scheduled Thursday appt

The regular u/s did not pick up a heartbeat and technician stated that I was not as far along as suspected---only 6 weeks along & I knew that was impossible. I've already started to show & have had lots of 1st trimester symptoms that have started to subside (consistent with being in early 2nd trimester).

She couldn't find a heartbeat, so did a transvaginal u/s. Still no heartbeat. DH did not come with me, but my eldest son was there. I"m glad I wasn't alone but sad that he had to witness the events.

My HCG levels were drawn.

I was told that I would probably spontaneously abort and it'll probably hurt quite a bit.

I cannot get in to see d/c dr until Wednesday AM, and then just a consult. The nurse said they could probably do procedure Thursday AM. I should go in tomorrow to confirm HCG level decrease.

It seems cruel to send someone home to just "wait". I still have brown discharge that might be a little darker. I have very slight cramps that might be in mind---not real. I"m so scared that I'm going to go thru pain. I just want it to be over.

Anyone else have a similiar story & or words of wisdom as to what to expect? I have the rest of week off of work b/c of labs and procedure. I have next week off for routine dr appts for family. In the midst of everything I am technically "jobless" and am looking for a new job!!! Urgh. Please advise!!

Thanks again, ladies for all your many years of support. I appreciate this forum so much!
Click to expand...


I'm so sorry you are going through this. Your story sounds so similar to mine. I also had a miscarriage back in November 2006. Actually there was no heartbeat when I went in for my 8 week appt. They said the baby was only measuring 5 or 6 weeks and I knew that was wrong because I was charting. I did not have the d&c until 2 weeks later. For 2 weeks I knew the baby inside me was not alive and it was devastating.

I found an old post about it where I was thanking everyone for their support.
http://www.thecathenation.com/forum/showthread.php?t=220089
 
Melanie,

I am so sorry you are going through this. I had a miscarriage at six weeks. I remember the cramping and bleeding, and I was depressed. My second pregnancy seemed so easy, but Amanda was 26 week, 1 lb. 5 oz. baby. Fast problems, Eclampsia with Hellp, but luckly in the end, she is an amazing 8 year old. I also have Christopher, who is six and Jennifer 4 months old.
I pray for you, pregnancy is an amazingly delicate experience.
Ann Marie
 
Pippa, I re-read all the posts----and thanks for sharing. Your story is heart wretching.

Today marks the one week post-D&C

Now, I've been having dreams--and semi-denial sort of thing. For example, last night I had vivid dreams of feeling the baby kick & move. It was so real, I "woke" up in my dream saying,...they were wrong....there's another one in there...it must have been twins....we're having a baby. Ouch.

I've been trying to watch my calories, but haven't really lost any weight. I've been working out really hard, hoping to get into my clothes. Today I start SouthBeach Diet. It worked so good for me after my last child was born.

I feel like I cannot move on completely until bleeding/cramping stop....and my weight is back to normal. I feel like my body has betrayed me & let me down.

So, this must be steps to recovery: denial & betrayed

I also feel like I"m NOT going to be the same. Noone goes through something like this and comes out exactly the same. I"m going to be different, right?

Pluggin away here...
 
Melanie, everyone is different and grieves different. In the beginning you will feel so sad and so miserable and so guilty. With time you will get back to your old self. it just takes time and working through feelings and allowing yourself to grieve and get over it. It is a very hard thing to go though. You do have support here and probably at home, adn you have three wonderful children. Just take care of yourself, dont push too hard with the workouts. Im sure your body will get back to normal soon. Dont be too hard on yourself and take care. You deserve it :)
 
Melanie,

You are right, you will not be the same, but you willtake this tragic experience, like all other experiences, and it will shape you in some way. It seems as if you have three beautiful children, and in time, you will heal. I will keep you in my prayers.
Ann Marie
 
So sorry

Melanie, your dream sounds awful. I wish that I could give you a hug right now and let you cry on my shoulder.
 
My dream was awful, but I think in a strange way it was/is part of my healing. I wouldn't think it'd be unusual for mom's to feel in denial---even if they KNOW the truth.

I"m still so hormonal. It doesn't help that this "baby bump" hasn't seemed to go any where. I've dropped 6 out of my 10 lbs---but where? Urgh.

I think my hormones are coming back to normal (slowly). I don't feel sick when I smell strange things.

I also have seen many newborns in stores...and it hasn't bothered me at all. When I see pregnant women, I think to myself, "I wonder if they know how lucky they are?" But not in a jealous way. Just in a...you can't take anything for granite...way. You know?

Anyway, you've all been more supportive than I'd ever imagine.
 
melanalyus said:
My dream was awful, but I think in a strange way it was/is part of my healing. I wouldn't think it'd be unusual for mom's to feel in denial---even if they KNOW the truth.

I"m still so hormonal. It doesn't help that this "baby bump" hasn't seemed to go any where. I've dropped 6 out of my 10 lbs---but where? Urgh.

I think my hormones are coming back to normal (slowly). I don't feel sick when I smell strange things.

I also have seen many newborns in stores...and it hasn't bothered me at all. When I see pregnant women, I think to myself, "I wonder if they know how lucky they are?" But not in a jealous way. Just in a...you can't take anything for granite...way. You know?

Anyway, you've all been more supportive than I'd ever imagine.
Click to expand...

Huge hugs!!!
 
My miscarriage was at 11weeks and had no spotting, just cramps. I was able to get right into the Dr and an untrasound was done, and no heartbeat found. This was my second pregnancy and I did have a 2yr old. I wanted something to remember this child by, so my mother and I went and bought a "mothers" necklace, it is gold with an engraving of a mother and child on it, this just made me feel better and I cant explain why. I went on to get pregnant again 5 months later and had a boy, who is the biggest character of a child ever. We don't know why things happen, but God has a plan for each of us.
 
Today is another milestone in recovery, I got my first period. I suppose this means by body is back to "normal". I bleed for a little over 2 weeks---which was just awful---a continual reminder of what happened. Then stopped, and immediately had ovulating type of vaginal discharge, now 14 days to that date my AF arrives.

I'm disaapointed that AF is here, but also think it's too early to conceive. Although I have many more good days than bad, I'm still mourning. At this point I think I'd be terrified to be pregnant. How can you ever relax (and enjoy) another pregnancy after a m/c---especially a late miscarriage?

Thanks again for your support, it's nice to read other's stories & experiences. I know I"m not alone, it helps with recovery/healing.
 
Hi Melanie,
After having 2 m/c in a year I am really nervous about conceiving again, although I want it so badly. For some reason and I don't know if its normal I am just expecting to m/c again if I do become preg...I hate feeling like that. I have had 2 periods since my last m/c.
Hang in there.
 
Melanie, I am just now reading your story after noticing your sig yesterday. So sorry to hear about this. It sounds like you are healing as well as can be expected. Just wanted to send you some more ((((hugs)))). You are in our thoughts.

Jodi
 
Well, I thought I was doing okay. I cried for about an hour each day, for the first two days of my period. Urgh. I realize my periods will come on my D&C "anniversary" time every month. I would have been about 1/2 way (20 weeks) today.

I will do that, just start crying out of nowhere. I'll be fine for 5 days or so, then BANG! I just cannot imagine the pain of having a stillborn, or losing an infant/child. How does one even go on?

Anyways, I"m much better than I was at the beginning,...but not healed yet,...that'll take time.

Susan, I too, wonder if I'll be able to carry another child. I feel guilty for even wanting to have another one,...after having 3 wonderful & healthy children now. Am I being greedy? I don't think I would be able to handle TWO m/c in a year---maybe if they were earlier on. If I do become pg I think I will be worried the entire time---having m/c'd at 2nd trimester----I"m just not a worry-wart by nature.

Thanks for all your wisdome, kind words, prayers, and love. :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Our Newsletter

Get awesome content delivered straight to your inbox.

Top