Miscarriage Support

Melanie, we've been thinking about you and asking about you over in the checkin. I thought i'd pop in here and see if you were around. Im so sorry you have to go through this, but I am glad to hear that its finally happened and you have some closure. hang in there and know that people here care about you and are here anytime you need a cyber hug or an someone to listen. Be good to yourself.
 
Thanks again

Thank you again, I feel sooooooooo much better after the D&C. I don't think I could have emotionally waiting for a m/c---plus with the baby being gone so long.

My baby bump is already going down, and I"m fortuante not to have lactated--hopefully I won't.

I'm thinking of putting a small memorial in the woods by the house.

I did Cardio Coach this afternoon---it felt so good. I ran myself really hard. :)
 
Hi Melanie,
It's been a while since I posted so not sure if you remember me. I'm so sorry for your loss. It's so hard and I feel your pain. All 3 of my m/c ended around 8-10 weeks. The first two I never got a heartbeat and they died early on around 6 weeks. With both of those I started to spot and miscarried those naturally within days of the spotting starting. With this last one that happened in April I was about 10 weeks along and did have a heartbeat at 6 weeks. It too measured about a week behind though and that always worries me. They always say my days could be off, but when you're trying for 3 years, you know when you ovulate, so I always knew in the back of my mind there was something wrong when it wasn't measuring correctly. This last one I had to wait a week before getting a D&C, b/c they want to be sure so I actually had to have one last u/s to confirm things after a week. Then they scheduled me for the D&C. Both naturally and D&C for me were terrible. If I could imagine what labor was like, I'd say I had it with all 3 m/c. I had contractions for a day that came and went and ibuprofen did nothing for my pain. I bled for 2-3 weeks as well. Try not to overdue it after your D&C either. I felt great the day after as well, over did it and almost passed out in the gym with cramps, you need to take it easy and let your body heal. But I know how you feel in wanting to get the stress and pain out by a good workout.

Oh, I really didn't expect to read something like this being away so long. I'm so sorry for you Melanie. I just don't know what to say. I'm saying some prayers for you tonight and lighting a candle for you. Hang in there.

Also, I think planting something is really helpful. I planted a tree for all of my losses and it helped a lot.

Lastly, please don't ever think that stress or anything caused this. In most of the cases it's due to chromosomal abnormalities.

Anne
 
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Melanie,

It has been quite some time since I had my one miscarriage. I already had one son at the time, and while I was extremely ill for most of the pregnancy he was a healthy baby. I was roughly three months along, and everything seemed fine. The only difference was that I felt wonderful and was attending school and still able to work out. One morning I woke up with cramps and thought I needed to use the bathroom. When I did, I felt something awful happen, and couldn't bring myself to look. I thought I had miscarried and hollered for my son to bring me the phone (he was about 7 at the time). I called the sitter to come get him and then dialed 911. I sat there unwilling to look or move. When the ambulance came they said they saw nothing in the toilet. At the hospital though they said that they had to deliver the baby because it was still inside. He (I knew because I had asked if they could tell the sex of the baby) was stillborn. I asked to see him . . . it was amazing in itself. . . you could tell where all the appendages were and his eyes, it was heartbreaking to see. I felt the pain emotionally and physically, but there must have been something wrong as I felt so well the whole time I had been carrying him. I did go on to have another child after a year and a half, she is 6 years old now (almost 7, d.o.b. 9-11-01), and she is wonderful. So even though there are hard times, things usually work themselves out, but sometimes the wait can seem like forever. Hang in there. Hugs to you. Colleen
 
Melanie~I just now and finding out. I am so sorry.. : (

I too had a loss very similar to yours. I went for an u/s at 7 weeks and the baby measured 6 weeks.. went again 2 weeks later and the baby measured 6w1d.. no h/b I tried to wait for a natural m/c and ended up w/ the D&C at 10 weeks because it was making me sick to now the baby had passed. I had no complications at all from the prodecure and we started TTC again right after that. No cramping and very little bleeding. I pray that you heal emotionally and physically.. it's so hard to go through a loss like this.
 
Melanie-
I just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you and I am glad the d & c went well. Take it easy and know we are here!
 
Anne, of course I remember you, silly. You've been in my heart for YEARS!

It means so much to read your stories. I've never wanted to listen to anyone stories---they're just so sad & make me cry. Now thert are helping me heal.

I did workout yesterday. Pretty hard. It felt great. I"m trying to eat good, so I can lose my 10 or so lbs and wear my normal clothes when I start my new job in a couple of weeks. I almost cried a couple times yesterday, but didn't.

Our strorm seems to have brought DH & I closer for now. Which is always a bonus. :)
 
Oh, Melanie. I've never gone thru this so I have no advice and don't even really know what to say. You're in my thoughts....
 
Hey Melanie I am so sorry for your lose. I had a MC about 2 years ago. I had a D&C. The d&c made me feel much better. I really can't offer any wise words of wisdom each person has different emotions and handels everything differently. I can offer you thoughts and prayers though. And cyber hugs.

Farrah
 
Day by day

I was doing so well, and now not so well.

I know my hormones are all out of wack, I've spent alot of time crying tonight, alone. I don't want to burdeon my family, who has been through so much already. I feel empty, and uncomplete.

I know things will get better daily. I"m still nervous about being out in public, seeing co-workers, or other people in the community. I don't want to break down in front of others. I'm normally a very strong person.

I'm afraid of post-baby depression too. How long is it normal to grieve? I'm not ready to go back to work yet. Should I consider a preventative anti-depressant treatment for a couple of months?
 
i am positively RUSHING to get in my workout before i have to leave this morning but i saw this thread and wanted to post something. i have had two miscarriages and, while they were a while ago (january 2007, march 2007) and six of us from babycenter went on to form a yahoo group and remain close, things still come up and everyone from that group either is presently pregnant or has had another child. i would love to share my story and will do so when i have some time. i just wanted to post because, until i started talking about it, i felt so alone and didn't realize how many people went through the same thing.
 
Dear Melanie,

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I had a miscarriage 7 years ago and still get emotional on Nov. 3, the day it happened. I'm not going to share my story but I just wanted to tell you that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Sincerely,
aveggiegirl
 
Thanks to everyone again, for their support.

I'm getting stronger, but still not ready to leave the house yet. I won't have a choice soon!

My next goal (besides finding a job) will be to lose the 10-lbs I gained in the pregnancy. It just doesn't seem fair that I have to lose weight too! Boo hoo! Today I worked out twice, and I'm trying to watch what I eat. I know I have eat cleaner, but I need "comfort" food right now too. I don't have any clothes to wear to work until I lose about 5lbs, so......I'm determined!!

Please, keep the personal experiences coming. They are so therapeutic. It's amazing how people that I don't even know well have shared with me their stories. I'm thankful for all the prayers I've had too---I know this would be oodles harder without my faith & your prayers!
 
Hi Melanie,

I just wanted to share with you that my DIL went through a very similar experience, just this past month. She was in her 12th week or so of pregnancy, when she started seeing some brown spotting. She went to the emergency room, and an ultrasound confirmed, there was no heart-beat. They estimated her pregnancy to be somewhere around 6 weeks. They sent her back home with a follow-up apt. for the following week. The following week, they ran another Hormone test, and confirmed that her pregnancy homones had indeed dropped tremendously. Further confirming that she was in the midst of a miscarriage. She was devasted, and even more upset that nothing was being done. She felt terrified everytime she went to the bathroom. I guess the doctor was hoping she would abort naturally, so they scheduled her for a D&C a week later. I can sympathize with what you went through, because I know my DIL felt like she had no closure carrying the fetus still inside her. About 2 days after she saw the doctor, she started bleeding very heavily. Once again, she went back to the emergency room, and they ended up performing the D&C that same night.

Although the past few weeks have been very difficult for her. She still feels very sad about losing the baby, I know she feels much better, to at least have closure.

My heart goes out to you, and I pray you have a speedy recovery, both physically and mentally :)
 
I think it's VERY normal to be sad right now and to be up and down. I don't think that means you need to think PPD just yet. I know personally for me the first thing i felt was relief because it was over. I was so upset for the week or so I know the baby was gone.. I just was terrified it would happen and I'd bleed heavy or be alone.. ect. After the D&C I felt relieved that I didn't have to worry.. then a few days later the sadness really hit. I started to think all the what ifs.. and you know even to this day (5 years and almost 3 kids later) I still remember and am upset sometimes. It is totally okay to be sad and to cry. You are mourning the loss of a child and of all the hopes/dreams you had for them. I think for me I was really really sad (cried at least once a day) for probably a month.. then shortly after that things got better.. we started ttc again and that helped to be focused on something else.
I also found great comfort in a pregnancy loss buddy group. I know my dh tried to understand, but he just didn't. He was ready to be over it and put it behind us long before I was. I just wanted to talk about it and not forget. That is where the buddy group really helped. ((hugs))
 
Iris, I sent you a private message...

Is it normal to not want to be alone? I have trouble going anywhere alone. I also talk non-stop to anyone who will listen. Even though I want to talk to people, I don't want to go out to places where people might "bombard" me--like work or church. Is this normal?

Oh, where do I find a "buddy" group?
 
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Hi Melanie,

My daughter in law got very quiet when she was going through the miscarriage. She wasn't in denial, she could talk about it, but it was hard for her. It seemed like before the D&C, she needed to be around people. After her D&C, we didn't see her for nearly 2 weeks, which was unusual for her. I guess it's going on 3 weeks or so since she had the D&C, and she is slowly coming around, but she is still far from being herself.
 
Iris, do you think that her and I might benefit by connecting?---help each other through it? I don't want to push anything,...her story is just chillingly close to mine. ;)
 
Hi Melanie,
It's going to take a while to feel 'normal' again. I still feel sadness for my 3 m/c from time to time. I had my most recent in April and it took me a good month to want to talk to anyone. I did take a week off of work to cry my eyes out and scream at the top of my lungs in the house alone. I did a lot of my grieving with DH out of the house. I think a lot had to do with my hormones too. They drop so drastically that you just can't help all the tears and emotions.

What helps me is knowing that God is taking care of the little one now. There are times that chromosomes just don't mesh right and I think God takes over to keep us from the pain of what might have been a tough life for you and the baby had it lived. Please don't take that the wrong way.

I guess, I've just come to terms that God will bless me with a baby when it's the right time for me and the baby is healthy. I pray you can find some peace soon. I can't say much about the anti-depressants, but I think it's still soon and fresh for you, so I suggest giving it some time before turning to AD's. IMHO, there are too many bad side effects to warrant taking them at this point.

Anne
 
How are you doing today?

Melanie,

I was just wondering how you are doing today? I've been thinking a lot about you since I read your post. I've been praying for you too. I know how hard it is to go out in public after having a miscarriage. People want to say something to comfort you but don't really know what to say. Sometimes people end up saying something really stupid that can hurt your feelings, but they didn't mean too. I hope you can find someone to talk too. I never really did, so I found journaling to be an outlet for me. I would write and then cry, cry, cry. Then I would feel a little better. One of the hardest parts for me was going to work where there were 3 other women expecting. They were all supportive of me but it was so hard to see them, especially since we were all due around the same time. I was happy for them, but sad for me. I remember one day I had to leave our lounge because one of the girls kept going on and on about the baby. I wasn't mad at her, but my loss was still so fresh I had to go find a place to cry. Melanie, my heart is breaking for you. Just take it one day at a time, maybe one moment at a time. I hope you find some peace.

Sincerely,
aveggiegirl
 
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